Blessed Are Those Who Mourn
by SeraphSiren
Summary: As she tries to come to terms with the loss of Shepard, how does Ashley find herself in the running to be a Spectre? What will she do when Shepard comes back? MShep/Ashley, w/ special guests Anderson, & the Illusive Man. OC(ish): Captain Hannah Shepard
1. Phoenix is Dead

** Greetings readers.**

_This isn't my first fanfiction, but I decided to actually post something, instead of keeping it for myself._

_For context, this is right after the events of the opening cinematic of Mass Effect 2, from Ashley Williams' point of view._

_For those who dig details, the Shepard in this fic is based off of the default (in terms of looks) male Shepard: Spacer kid and Akuze survivor._

_I love making cross-franchise references! But this is NOT a crossover! If you catch the references, put them in a comment so I can spot some fellow fans. This will include RL people who work at game studios, game/show/movie character names, sayings, etc._

_At the end of each chapter, I'll try to include the name of a song I listened to while writing. Songs are a lovely source of inspiration and energy when putting ideas into words!_

_With love,_

_The Seraph _

_P.S._

_I suppose I have to make that silly note about how all Mass Effect content in this belongs to Bioware. Well, duh.  
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**One.**

**~Phoenix is Dead~**

I was planetside again, back on Amaterasu with my mother, who had the demeanor of an over-enthusiastic Catholic New Jersey housewife.

I showed up on my family's doorstep on a snowy afternoon, with my duffel bag and tired eyes. It was a blooming spring, but a layer of snow had managed to cover everything. Amaterasu never ceased to surprise me. Our house was in a charming neighborhood of old colonist homes, mere miles away from the ultra-contemporary high-rise downtown part of the city, that so desperately wanted to mimic the horizons of Illium.

I straightened up my posture as I held in every broken piece of my being before ringing the bell. Mom's eyes lit up as she found her daughter at the door. I was greeted with overzealous hugs and kisses once it registered in Mom's head that it was me at her door.

"Ashley Madeline Williams!" she exclaimed. In my family, full names were used when we were in trouble, but I couldn't quite tell if Mom was mad or not. "You were in the vids! You were on the Citadel during the_...__thing_!"

"I know Mom, I was there," I mumbled with a meek smile, not quite sure if that was a suitable answer, as she locked me in a smothering hug. I looked behind her towards the house as Mom exclaimed how much she missed me. It was a typical overgrown old colonist home with a well-kept garden of exotic flowers and domestic vegetables, covered in an atypical layer of snow. It hadn't changed a bit since I'd left it years ago. She finally let go and held me by my shoulders at arm's-length to inspect me.

"Of course you'd forget to change out of your darn military garb before coming home," she complained as I looked down at the clothes I left the Normandy in-minus the armor. Mom squinted as she found a new scar along my collarbone. "How did this happen? Do your sisters know about this?" she began to rant as she touched it. "Your father always called to tell me how he was. Why haven't you sent me a thing? It's been two months! Where have you been? How have you been?" she rambled on. I stopped listening as her mouth ran at about a mile a minute through a vast array of emotions. One second she was on the brink of tears as she talked about how worried she was, then her eyes lit up with a sense of pride when she mentioned the interview of Shepard she saw with me in the background.

Shepard. Commander Jethro Lehto Shepard of the SSV Normandy. The thought of him was fresh and painful; my heart ached at his name.

"Oh, your father would be so proud!" Mom continued in a squeal. "The man who survived Akuze and saved the Citadel as the first human Spectre! My daughter fought alongside that Commander Shepard! I bet you saved his ass several times, too!" She talked with a grin from ear-to-ear and her hands up, as though she were making jazz-hands.

"Mom..." I tried meekly to interrupt.

"Did you know that your grandfather-"

"Mother, he's-" I tried again with crossed arms and an equally cross expression on my face.

She didn't notice. "-taught Hannah Shepard? She's an admiral, you know." At this point, I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and scream. Mother had a hard time shutting up sometimes. I wonder if I have the same problem. "Now don't think that just because I'm the head of the house now means that I don't keep up with Alliance news. I'm always looking out for you, darling."

"Mom, you don't-"

"You're right, I'm rambling!" she assumed. "Anyways, dear, isn't it just a small world, after all? I bet that Shepard boy talks to his mother more often! She must be worried sick."

_You __have __no __idea_, I retorted back in my mind. She started moving my head around, looking for more scars to freak out over as she continued to ramble on about Hannah Shepard and her son Jethro.

"Mom!" I shouted as I stomped my foot and dropped my bag to the snowy ground. Snow flew away from the ground as my bag landed, leaving us in a moment of muted snowfall.

"What, dear?" she gasped, holding up her hand to her heart in one elegant motion.

"Shepard is dead," I let out with tears welling up in my eyes. I hung my head, fighting back the tears in the quiet snowfall of Amaterasu. For a minute, we just stood silently. The only sounds emanating around us were cars flying past the rows of houses around us and accumulated piles of snow falling off the still-green vegetation.

My struggles proved futile when a tear slipped away from my tired eye, noiselessly falling into the snow below. She lifted my head up, framing my face with her hands, forcing me to face her.

"We've mourned before, and we'll have to mourn again, Ashley," she said, her voice low with a wise tone of understanding.

My mother was a devout military wife. Despite her worrisome, emotionally-charged rants about the military members of our extended family, she knew when to jump into action. She knew what to do when soldiers showed up at her door with bad news, and I suppose that this was no different. Her eyes turned into a soft expression of understanding, from the previous wide-eyed excitement, and ushered me into the house; out of the cold.

The cold bite that engrossed the air outside quickly changed to a soothing warmth that smelled of the synthetic pine candles that mom was so fond of. She kept everything immaculate after dad died; I assumed that it was a coping mechanism and, seeing how perfect the living room was, a sign that she still hadn't finished mourning. I hadn't either.

The decor was earthy and neutral with green accents everywhere. It was a place where you'd half-expect a bubbling fountain in the corner of the room and a gong on the wall. I landed on our old oversized sofa that was covered in green pillows. I hugged an armful of them and screamed between sobs.

In one fell swoop, I had lost so many people. Their names were written in stone on my heart: Corporal Lucia Stillman- she'd always turn our nasty military food into delicacies. She was the MacGyver of military food; Private 1st Class Dustin Echoes- he was kind of a nerd and hung out in engineering, even though he wasn't assigned there, and he always managed to fix everything that we couldn't. I thought of him as the human version of Tali; and then there was Service Chief Nathan Bitner- he was about as thick-headed and stubborn as I am, and we clicked immediately over a disturbing fascination with weapons.

I kept listing them off. One through twenty I eulogized them in my mind. I stopped before going on to twenty-one.

As I cried, I felt the sofa sink on the other side, indicating that Mom had sat down next to me, listening to every sob and cry that left me-taking it all to heart.

"We were attacked by-" I thought for a moment, trying to compile my memories into words. "-not the Geth. I don't know what it was." I sat up to continue debriefing my mother on my experience. "We were sitting in the garage."

"You and Shepard?" she inquired. I nodded. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue; if going through it again would help or hinder my mental state. Whether or not I even wanted to help myself at this point was a mystery. I wondered how easy it would be to just hide forever and never think of what happened ever again. I didn't want to accept it.

"Just chatting away as we cleaned out weapons and gear," I finished, leaving out the scandalous details. The knowing expression on my mother's face told me that she knew what I had left out.

I recalled how Shepard and I sat on the floor, like children in a sandbox, reminiscing over what we did over our month-long shore leave after we'd defeated Saren.

He was in and out of award ceremonies and conferences, while I opted to crash on couches throughout the galaxy. We ran into each other on occasion, and he asked me to keep him company during boring political events that the Alliance dragged him to. But not the kind of company we gave each other on the night before Ilos. We weren't stupid, after all.

As we sat, the awkward doe-eyed looks we gave each other became more frequent, and less subtle. Eventually, the garage cleared out as it was announced that it was chow time. Neither of us gave food any care, though.

The absence of others around us left us in dangerous waters, if you know what I mean. I looked up from the rifle I was cleaning with a smirk, finding him gaping at me with a devilish gleam in his eyes. I rolled my eyes, keeping my smirk, trying to keep us both from passing a point of no return. We both let out an uneasy laugh, wordlessly agreeing not to go any further with the flirtatious staring contest.

"We were interrupted by Joker over the comm. system," I recalled, letting my heart race the same way it did when I heard Joker's panicked voice.

"Joker?" Mom asked.

"The pilot," I smiled through the tears as I recalled Joker. "He preferred it to Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau. I don't blame him. The guy is rather... informal." She nodded in understanding, and I continued. "I've never heard Joker sound so afraid before," I added. Mom let her jaw drop a little, as though she wanted to say something, but decided against it at the last second.

"He shouted out, 'brace for evasive maneuvers!' after saying something about how our pursuers weren't the Geth." When I finished talking, I was gasping softly, staring at the floor and found my hands up in front of me, as if I were bracing myself for something headed my way. I paused to fight a sob for a moment, bringing back to mind how Shepard and I jumped up in alarm.

He wordlessly pulled me towards our armor lockers by my arm. Keeping our balance was getting harder to do as the ship's gravity systems were trying to cope with Joker's flying. Upon tearing open the lockers in a rush, we dressed faster than a minuteman, helping each other suit up at a lightning pace, and headed towards the elevator, our helmets still in hand.

As we waited for the elevator to move up, I stared up at his face, which was frozen in stoic thought; his eyes narrowing as we gathered in the sounds of collected panic emanating from the ship. Before he could put his helmet on, I left a brief kiss on his cheek, but neither of us smiled or felt the usual comforting warmth that came with such expressions of affection. A loud blast emanated from behind us; from, where we hoped, was the empty garage. He looked down at me, lacking any glimmer of comfort in his eyes, and returned a brief kiss to my cheek. We put on our helmets just as the elevator let us out, and we entered the chaos.

"Shepard ordered us to evacuate the ship. We'd already lost people from whatever hit us. I insisted that I stay to help Shepard get Joker off of the ship," I continued.

"He ushered me into one of the escape pods before he stuffed Joker into another."

The pod dethatched from the fiery _Normandy_as I kept my face glued to the window, scanning the devastation in front of me for any sign of survival. The last pod dethatched, leaving me with nothing left to do but hope that both Shepard and Joker escaped.

"I saw him, Mom," I choked out. She held me close, trying to protect me from the demons that spawned from what I'd seen. "Floating in space above the Normandy, writhing in pain as the air escaped..." I couldn't continue further. She cradled me for a long while until I couldn't cry anymore.

"We didn't even say good-bye..." I trailed on in a whisper. She put me at arms' length to send me a tired smile.

"Have we ever been given such a luxury?" she asked, referring to dad, the twin cousins who lost their lives in the Kepler Verge, and an aunt who is still considered missing in action.

"He stuffed me into an escape pod and left m- us," I quickly corrected.

"I caught that," Mom countered, with that motherly tone of humor in her voice. She quickly dropped my slip-up, though. "You know how it goes," she began.

Ever since Dad died, we'd always quote the poems that suckered him in. When we lost the twins and Aunt Halsey, we'd recite Ulysses.

"Yeah, I remember," I sighed, sinking into the pile of pillows even more.

Mom started, "Death closes all: but something ere the end..."

I closed my eyes tightly, praying that I could recite the poem aloud without erupting into tears again. "...Some work of noble note..."

A floodgate of memories opened, letting the last year flash past me. _The __Spectres, __Saren, __the __Citadel, __Akuze ,__Virmire..._ My memories started to scream as I continued to list his noble work. _He__ saved__ me,_as I thought of how he left Kaidan. _Ilos, __the__ conduit, __Sovereign. __**That**__** night.**_

"...may yet be done." I shut my eyes when the poem ended, forcing myself to watch him die in the cold vacuum of space as I screamed his name from the safety of the escape pod.

"And noble work was certainly something he managed to do before he... departed," she pointed out. "I hope that you opt to do the same, Ash." She stood and went into the study in silence. I completely buried myself in pillows, trying to mute my sobs again.

Tears eventually ceased. My head buzzed with such mental fatigue as I fought sleep, out of fear of what my dreams would have in store for me.

I lost the fight when I slipped under the siren's call of rest.

I woke up to the sound of a high-pitched squeal that followed the sound of the front door opening and a backpack hitting the floor.

_Sarah_, I thought, sitting up to greet her.

"Sis!" she screamed, hugging me while I was still sitting down. I returned the hug, legitimately happy to see her again. By now she was getting ready to finish high school within a month or two, and I ended up missing a good chunk of those years. Before I could dig deeper into my laundry list of regrets, Sarah interrupted my sorrowful train of thought.

"You look like hell," she said, as her expression dropped into a sincere look of empathy. I wasn't sure what to say to her. I was convinced that I'd start choking on my words through tears if I tried to explain the whole thing again. The idea of crying in front of my little sister was painful; better I tell her, though, than the news vids telling her first about what happened.

"Sit down, Sarah." I moved the pillows aside to make room for her. Sarah didn't relinquish her gaze towards me; her expression was painted with fear and wide-eyed dread.

I explained to her what happened, with as little detail as possible. She stayed quiet after I wiped away the only tear that escaped while I talked. I was unsure if Sarah realized what gravity this whole thing had over my heart. As far I could tell, Sarah understood this as being a close-call, and the commander that she oogled over in the news vids months earlier had died in the process. In essence, that's what happened.

However, this was so much more than a casualty count. I heard that reaper on Virmire had to say, and I knew what was coming. Nobody believed Shepard, thus absolutely nobody would heed _my_ warning.

Sarah and I sat on the sofa in silence, watching the news vids, waiting for the news to break. It didn't come. The Alliance managed to keep this quiet, surprisingly enough. It'll come out eventually. It's not like we could pretend this never happened, although I wish _**I**_ could.

The news vids dropped his name once in a while, as did my heart whenever they did.

I cried, "Shepard is dead," while the world was still chanting, "Long live Shepard."

**Writing Soundtrack:**

"Dust in the Wind" (Cover) by Melanie Safka

"Not Dark Yet" by Bob Dylan

"Mint" by Dunderpatrullen


	2. Please Send Help

_ Oh, look! Chapter two! This chapter contains bittersweet memories, pie, and minor Mako madness!_

_ R&R is appreciated, especially since I haven't written much in a while. I need help cleaning the rust off of my writing fingers!_

_With love,_

_The Seraph_

**Two.**

**~Please Send Help~**

Mom and Sarah had retired to their beds, but I stayed up. That nap from earlier wasn't helping me go back to sleep. I stared at the television with my knees to my chest, trying to pay attention to whatever was on. It was no use. The black and white film concerning two wealthy star-crossed lovers was bland and I just couldn't relate. The only thing star-crossed about my love life were the regulations and what the Alliance brass would think about it, and we didn't have a hard time evading those. Of course, it took a suicide mission into Ilos to push us anywhere. Well, there was the fact that my love interest was dead. That complicated things a little bit.

It stopped snowing outside, to my mother's relief, as she was fretting over the plants she transplanted from Earth earlier last year. I walked over to the window looking out into the back yard. We had a picturesque view of the city from here, situated on the edge of a hill. At the bottom of the hill, suburbia's lights glowed under the canopy of green trees, covered in just enough snow to allow light to shine through. It was like a million paper lanterns had been grounded in the valley below. Beyond the residential streets was the contemporary skyline of downtown. Spires shot up into the air, like sleek blades of grass reaching up towards the sun. The city was lit up to the point where the night's stars were replaced with a subtle glow above the city's residents.

The snow reminded me of Noveria... a warm Noveria... while the lights reminded me of the Citadel's wards. Both reminded me of him.

I tried to convince him to let me drive the Mako while we were in Noveria. Of course, being the stubborn man he was, Shepard set out to prove that letting him drive was an excellent idea. Liara and I screamed like little girls as he drove over several Geth and took several sharp turns in zero-visibility weather. Wrex sat between Liara and I with his arms crossed, acting as though the ride didn't faze him at all, while expressing that he clearly was not enjoying our loud commentary concerning Shepard's driving. When we finally arrived at Peak 15, Shepard had the biggest shit-eating grin I'd ever seen, looking quite proud of his reckless driving. I rolled my eyes at him, expressing how unimpressed I was. After much arguing post-mission, he let me drive us all back, as he playfully poked at how I drove like a grandmother. Wrex sided with him on the matter; probably just to see if I would lose my patience with them both and drive faster or off the cliff.

My mind moved back to the city lights. I momentarily contemplated going out for a drink, maybe calling up an old friend or two, but I quickly shot the idea down. Alcohol wasn't a particularly fantastic idea in this mental state, especially considering how I wasn't that good of a drinker- something I proved during a trip to Flux with the crew on the Citadel.

The Normandy was undergoing repairs and we had too much time to kill. The Normandy's crew had taken over several tables after we had all dropped our ranks at the door, leaving us with nothing to do but finally unwind. Kaidan and I carried Joker, who was kicking and screaming over leaving his ship, into the club. However, after a beer, several shots and a fruity drink (in that order), Joker was no longer concerned with the Normandy. Kaidan had managed to have a little too much within two hours of arriving at the club, but he was too nice of a guy to be a sloppy drunk. And when I say, "too nice," I mean that he was kindly offering to lift me up with his biotic, without an explanation for this odd offer. Maybe it's an L2 thing? No, I'm sure it was the beer speaking.

His biotic powers aside, Kaidan was cheerfully loud, and blended in with Flux's atmosphere pretty well. I, on the other hand, was quietly intoxicated that night. I did a mental check on everyone who went with us to the club, making sure nobody had overdone themselves, although I'm sure my judgment was too far gone for me to be able to make that call. Still, I felt like a hen, watching over her little chicks. After losing everyone in the 212, I quickly learned to cherish everyone I had met on the Normandy. Whatever I could to watch over my crewmates, I did it; even if it was being a silent drunk on the far end of our table.

Kaidan leaned back and around Garrus, who sat between us, and asked, "Have you seen the Commander?" I raised my eyebrows in the stark realization that I hadn't seen him all night; not like he actually said that he was going to join us. I shook my head as my answer, then got out my omni tool to drunk-text my commanding officer.

_** A.****Williams:** where are u?_

_ **J.****Shepard:** Working._

_**A. Williams:**_ dont_ be a prude skkiper. please come dirnk with yuor crew_

Luckily, I wasn't too drunk not to apologize.

_**A.****Williams:** sorrie. im drnk. please send help_

_**J. Shepard: **I can tell. And, no. I think you'll be fine._

_**A.****Williams:** pleeeeeease? joker is already the designated drinker and we need your words o wistom herrrrrre_

_**J.****Shepard:** This can't end well. At least you said "please." I'll be there in a few._

Back to the present, I looked over the conversation that I'd saved on my omni-tool, laughing at my horrible attempts at keeping the English language alive and well, while imagining Shepard replying from his desk, rolling his eyes at my slurred proposition.

The view out of the back window was getting more and more depressing as I kept replaying past experiences in my head. I shuffled into the kitchen to look for a sugary alternative to booze for me to drown my sorrows in.

I opened the fridge to find a cornucopia of delicious leftovers and handmade deserts, left by Mom and Sarah. Despite the many modern conveniences that filled a typical Amaterasu home, my mom insisted upon making things by hand, from scratch. Pie was no exception. As if it were a set-up, a slice of pecan pie sat on a small saucer, right under the refrigerator light, just at my eye-level. I took the slice back to the sofa, not even bothering to get a fork.

Eating the pie like a slice of pizza, I foolishly kept watching the news vids, looking any sign of public knowledge concerning the Normandy's fate. I knew what my reaction would be if I saw the news break, so why did I keep watching? Before I could muster an answer to myself, my omni tool chimed.

Anderson was calling. I ignored it while concentrating on my pie and how to make it last. First I picked off the pecans and ate them one by one, savoring the crunchy goodness. He called again; I rolled my eyes at his attempts at communication in a way that physically made my eyes hurt. I truly was not in the mood for heartfelt conversation.

After a few minutes of silence and pie, he left a message.

**_D._**_**Anderson:**__ I'm__ serious,__ Williams.__ Reply__ back. __At __least __assure __me __that __you're__ still __alive._

I sighed. Well, at least he cared enough for my wellbeing to check in. I sent back the most informative reply I could muster:

_**A.****Williams:** No._

_**D.****Anderson:** Fair enough. The news will be breaking soon. Avoid reporters at all costs._

_**A.****Williams:** Yes, Sir._

Anderson didn't reply after that, and that was fine by me. I went back to wallowing in grief. It was hard to keep my attention on the television. My eyes would jump from the family photos on the wall, to a framed presentation of my father's military medals, to the section of the living room wall reserved for diplomas, with a space intended for Sarah's diploma. I read over each of our names, starting with mine, then Abby, then Lynn. I traced over the pretty paper embroidering on the diplomas with my eyes until they hurt from squinting all the way from the sofa to the far wall that they hung from.

By now, I only had the pie crust left. I nibbled on it, counting the curves of its edge, tearing it apart piece by piece. Anything to distract me was welcome at this point, even an embarrassingly tearful conversation with Anderson sounded like a fantastic idea.

"Just in from the North American Earth Alliance base," the news program chimed, pulling my attention back in. With little time to react, I quickly changed the channel. To my misfortune, it was to another news channel that was far ahead of the one I was just watching. Hackett was being interviewed through an interstellar phone call.

"I can only confirm the number of casualties being twenty-one," Hackett answered in his deep, gravelly voice. The interviewer, a dark brunette man with a cold demeanor, pushed for details, but Hackett held his ground.

"Attempts to contact Council Spectre, Commander Shepard have failed," the man reported after Hackett's interview had ended.

"No shit," I retorted aloud to the television.

"ZNN will continue to report new developments on the SSV Normandy disaster, as they come in."

_Huh,_ I thought. _So __now __it's __the __'SSV__ Normandy __Disaster?'__ Catchy,_ I retorted back in thought. The reporters continued on, trying to keep their stoic faces on. But I could tell that they were scared. They had the lucky job of informing everyone, with a straight face, that the ship humanity's hero commanded was now in shreds, orbiting some planet in the terminus systems. And, as they would soon know, their hero was dead.

After shutting off the television, I stepped outside into the backyard. It wasn't all that cold, and I was wearing slippers in the shallow snow. I looked back to the lights that spread out before me. I gazed at the flashing lights of the spaceport, counting the ships that went in and out of the atmosphere.

Shepard and I stared out of the gargantuan window at Flux after we'd both grown tired of Joker's dirty punch lines at the crew's table. He had some Earth-brewed beer in hand, while I was holding on to a glass of water, worried sick that I'd had too much already. We pointed out the ships that flew passed us on the way to the docks, cracking jokes about how Joker would argue the Normandy's superiority. As we stood together, a reporter was eying us from the bar. I only caught a glimpse of her, but her frantic typing on her omni tool gave her away. Her presence annoyed me to no end and left me incredibly self-conscious as I imagined the headline: "_Command Shepard fraternizing with subordinates in Citadel club!_" I added a few inches of space between us and shifted my weight away from him and avoiding eye-contact whenever possible.

He caught on to how uncomfortable I was. Shepard spoke to me in a low voice, "She's been everywhere since we showed up to the Citadel for repairs. Pay the woman no mind, Chief." With a smile, I nodded, feeling the woman's dagger eyes prying at my back, but I managed to shake it off.

After another glass of water, and a long conversation about how I would kill for more gun storage in the Normandy's garage and how he would kill for a chair behind the galaxy map, I started to eye the dance-floor, wanting to burn off some steam. He noticed my split attention and looked back to it as well, then back to me with slight grin forming at the corners of his mouth and a raised eyebrow. I shrugged my shoulders and looked back out the window. He put his drink down on the nearest table, placed a hand on my shoulder and nodded towards the dance floor.

"Are you sure, Skipper?" I asked, wide-eyed and my heart fluttering with his hand still on me. He let out a soft chuckle as he smirked at the reporter who was still studying us and the crew.

"Ah, why the hell not? Let's go cause a PR disaster," he reasoned with a grin in my direction. I hesitated, too shy to accept the offer from someone I held in such high esteem. "Oh, come on, Ash," he began, trying to persuade me into a bit of fun. "Don't be a prude," he joked, leaving me to recall the message I had sent him earlier.

"You've got me there," I smiled back. "Consider this my apology for that." We laughed our way to the dance floor as the loud bass pulsed through our bodies with each heavy beat. The commander was an awful dancer, for the record. He waved his hands above his head while shuffling his feet in every direction and, embarrassingly enough, shaking his rump while making it clear that I was his dancing partner by twirling me around once or twice. The crew on the balcony above watched in fits of drunken laughter before they came down to join us.

I fell in love on the Citadel that night.

When the party was over, it was announced that we'd leave for Virmire the next day. I left the memory when I got to that point, before I could start thinking of Kaidan, too. When my train of thought arrived back to present day, I found my arm raised above my head, as though he were twirling me around again.

I blinked out the tears of my harsh memories as I let my arm fall to my side. A small flurry of snow blew passed me, as I exhaled loudly, trying to keep myself together. To the south of my hillside perch was the cemetery that sat on a plateau on the far side of the valley. Dad was resting there, and I'm sure that he was watching.

Where was Shepard watching from?

**Writing Soundrack:**

"Koko" by Goldfrapp

"Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac

"The House of the Rising Sun" by The Animals


	3. Graveside Poetry

_Hiya, folks._

_I'm still battling the site's formatting methods. Italics are clumping together and I end up messing up more things during my rage-filled editing. My apologies._

_And, if you haven't noticed yet, I clarified the direction of this story in the description._

_Read and review as though your life depends on it... please! Oh, and the soundtrack is going at the top now, should you like to read and listen to the themed music at the same time._

_Love,_

_The Seraph_

**Writing Soundtrack:**

"Adia" by Sarah McLachlan

"Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from _The__ Phantom __of __the__ Opera_

"Angel" by Sarah McLachlan

* * *

><p><strong>Three.<strong>

**~Graveside Poetry~**

The sunrays trickled through my bedroom's curtains onto my rested face. I sneered at the new day, wanting to hide away in my room for the rest of the sun's life-span instead of facing the world today. Upon sitting up, I continued to sneer at my surroundings as I reviewed what happened the previous day: I basically admitted to fraternization to my mother, I cried like a baby in front of my little sister, had a slice of pie for dinner, mouthed off to an Alliance Navy captain, watched the news, talked back to the television, stood outside in the snow at around midnight... crying... allowed myself a few too many flashbacks, and then cried some more. I'm not sure how I made it all the way to the safety of my bed in the state I was in. Now, I was the bedroom I had since I was a kid, self-loathing like a teenage girl. Sadly, that was the pep-talk I mentally gave myself.

Embarrassingly, I didn't have my own place, even though I was 25 with a decently paying career. Being gone so much didn't merit paying rent or a house payment, so my mom never bothered to renovate my room into something else, knowing that I'd come back to Amaterasu after each mission. The walls were just a little darker than baby blue, free of my old posters and other decor that I'd left behind when I enlisted at eighteen. My full-size bed was adorned with a minimalist comforter that matched the walls and a set of shelves sat empty above my bed, probably as a safety precaution. Next to the window was a small bookcase, full of the thick books of poetry that dad left for me. In the corner was a small vanity set with my things neatly set up on the surface; a favor from my mother before she left that morning, I guessed. I continued to study my dustless bedroom, realizing that Mom's obsessive cleaning had invaded the entire house.

By the time I woke up, Sarah had left for school and mom was out running errands. The snow had melted and the day was already in full-spin. I reluctantly left the safety of my childhood bed and shuffled over to my vanity mirror. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot, while my hair was stuck up in every direction like a cartoon character. I let a small smile out as I sighed out a laugh at my hair. My dry lips cracked under the stress of the small smile, leaving me to admit to myself that I was a wreck.

Even though I didn't have an agenda for the day, I retreated to the bathroom to put myself together. I washed up, brushed my hair, and attempted to put on my make-up one-handed while checking my omni tool. I scanned through nearly a hundred new messages, filled with sympathies and kind words. While I appreciated the kind gestures, my wounds were still too fresh to read through everyone asking about Shepard and how I survived. Instead, I just looked for the names of anyone who had something other than their sympathies to convey.

Anderson had left a note, following up on our conversation (if you could call it that) from last night.

_**D.**__**Anderson:**__If__ you __get __hounded, __the__ Alliance __has __a __place __for __you__ to __stay. __Joker __is __already__ packing __up __after __he __had__ to __start__ chasing __people __away__ from__ his __doorstep._

The picture he left in my head made me chuckle. I quickly retorted, though, inquiring upon how feasible that was for Joker.

_ **A.****Williams:** That sounds like quite the feat for the poor guy, considering his legs._

_ **D.****Anderson:** I think he used the crutches for mobility and weapons for that one._

I giggled at the idea of Joker fending off media hounds and Alliance Navy watchdogs on his doorstep with crutches. If there was anyone I really wanted to see right now, it was probably him. Despite his lack of inhibitions during conversation, I liked the guy. We'd crack jokes in the mess when our breaks lined up and move things around in Pressley's office just to mess with him. I missed Navigator Pressley, too.

He was one of the casualties. The man always looked like he was under a lot of stress, even before he became the XO. Ironically, the one time he seemed as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders was when we stole the Normandy to go to Ilos.

"_I__ know__ we'll __all __be __court-martialed __if __this __doesn't __work __out, __but __part __of__ me __loves __this!_" I remember him saying to Shepard as I was staring at the galaxy map with him. It's a shame Shepard never got his chair, now that I was thinking about the galaxy map again.

My attention was back to Anderson, when my mind clicked into reality once more; I left him a quick reply:

_ **A.****Williams:** No reporters yet. Keep your offer open, though._

_ **D.****Anderson:** I wouldn't consider closing it. Keep your head up, Gunnery Chief._

I kept scrolling through my messages. Chakwas said that she'd been promptly reassigned to the Naval Medical Center on Mars and Joker left an unreadable message filled with profanities; it was probably about the reporters and his dear Normandy.

After making myself look presentable, I went to stare at my closet. I wasn't sure what to wear. Maybe I'd wear something unassuming that didn't suggest that I was falling over myself with grief and a potential case of severe PTSD. Or I could wear all black like a grieving widow, giving any reporters that see me a field day. I settled on a black turtleneck, skinny jeans, my hair up in a military bun and a small silver cross that Dad gave me mere months before he passed. The ensemble was fitting, I thought.

Still without an agenda, I sat on the floor in front of the bookcase. I sifted through the rows of old English. The complete works of T.S. Eliot, a few books of Robert Frost, a copy of Beowulf, Edgar Allen Poe's _The__Raven_, and Tennyson, a personal favorite of mine. I wondered if Shepard had a bookshelf and what would be on it. Maybe he kept Whitman's works around, I pondered, recalling the poetry we recited on the night before Ilos. I pulled my copy of Whitman's writings from the case, reading over the nostalgic passages:

_O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done; _

_The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won; _

_The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,_

It was fitting, that poem, as I thought of our victory cries over Sovereign's defeat two months ago. Unfortunately, it was _too_ fitting, as I read over the rest of the passage:

_While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring: _

_But O heart! heart! heart!_

_O the bleeding drops of red, _

_Where on the deck my Captain lies, _

_Fallen cold and dead._

Promptly, I shut the book and put it back on the shelf, along with the painful thoughts that came with its contents. I looked over more books to find To Kill a Mockingbird, another one of Dad's favorite books. He read from it when I was promoted to Gunnery Chief during my ceremony. A brittle paper bookmark was still in the book that dad left. I don't think that I'd touched it since he passed on. I let the book fall open to the saved page and started reading.

"__I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.__"

I appreciated Atticus' words, especially since he sounded like my dad. It was feasible that this was what dad wanted me to learn before I joined the Alliance. He never showed me his weapons, never discussed the details of his missions (and not because they were classified), and never told me if he'd killed someone before. Reading the dialogue put his reasoning behind his silence into perspective. I followed suit with my sisters, though, never telling them about my weapons or confirmed kills, figuring that it was just something soldiers do.

Another chime from my omni tool sounded off. I was half-tempted not to even look at it, until I glanced at who the sender was.

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:**__ Miss__ Williams?_

_ **[SYSTEM ****MESSAGE]:** ERROR. UNABLE TO DECRYPT SENDER DATA._

Baffled, I stared at the message, wondering who would need to hide their identity to talk to little-old-me. Maybe it was a member of the Alliance brass? No; someone of that stature in the military wouldn't call me "Miss Williams." They'd call me by my rank and probably wouldn't be unsure of who they were messaging.

_**A.**__**Williams:**__ You've got the right person. Who is this?_

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:**___ I apologize, Ashley. I miss Jethro, too.__

_ **A.****Williams:** Who the hell are you? And yes, everyone misses Shepard. _

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:**__ _You more than most. I would like to know something.__

_ **A.****Williams:** Really? Because I've also got a few questions. You know, my mother told me not to talk to strangers who encrypt their sender data, demanding information._

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:**__ You're a lot like him, you know. Jethro also listened to his mother; he never missed the opportunity to call home during shore leave, either._

I was having none of this cowardly stranger, but I was too intrigued to ignore them. Maybe it was a trap set up by a media outlet, scraping together juicy information on the whole situation.

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:**__ Jethro's devotion aside, I'll make you a deal._

_ **A.****Williams:** At least tell me why you're hiding and I'll consider answering your question. Of course, that depends on the question; I'm not** that** stupid._

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]: **I actually take you for someone who's quite smart, my dear. Anyways, I'm hiding because I'd like to keep this conversation off the record._

_** A.****Williams:** Are you the brass?_

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:**__ _I'll tell you after you answer this question: Will you be reading poetry to the commander's grave, like how you read to your father's grave when you visit home?___  
><em>

I gleamed at the message, flabbergasted at the stranger's question. I didn't tell a lot of people about that, and the people who did know were dead, including Shepard and several members of the 212. Maybe my mom told someone and it circulated around to the wrong people? I didn't have too many options for figuring it out.

_ **A.****Williams:** I don't even know where the body is, let alone a grave._

I thought the retort was clever and would shut them up, but the stranger persisted.

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:**__ But if you did, would you go?_

_ **A.****Williams:** Any good soldier would after something like that. Now answer my question: are you with the brass?_

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:**__ I've been offered the opportunity several times over. Rumors of my promotion have been greatly exaggerated. But, no, I am not. Ashley, could you do yourself a favor?_

_ **A.****Williams:** That's an odd request._

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:**__ Understandably so. You're on Amaterasu. Take the opportunity to visit your father's grave. Read him some Whitman and Tennyson while you're there. Oh, and tell your grandfather that I said hello._

_ **A.****Williams:** WHO ARE YOU?_

There was no reply after that. I frantically did whatever I could to back trace the messages, but it was no good. As the overwhelming sense of a lack of security grew inside me, I ran to the window to see if I was being watched. This whole conversation had made me quite paranoid. Who the hell was this person and who are _they_ to casually mention these personal details?

"Do yourself a favor," I mimicked aloud in a snotty voice. "Yeah, I'll do myself a damn favor, you anonymous creep." But just like that, I had an agenda for the day. This person knew where I was, so maybe they were nearby.

I grabbed my military badge, dad's Tennyson collection and a sidearm to put under a light jacket... just in case I found who I was looking for. In a rush, I left the house and locked the door behind me.

Before I made my way to the rapid transit station, I let my hair down and pulled my hood up as a makeshift disguise that I had little confidence in.

In order to get the cemetery, I had to get on another transit route from the heart of the city. Call me paranoid, but I wasn't excited to jump into the middle of the public masses. I didn't want someone to point me out or dig at me for details. I pulled my hood further over my head. This attempt at evading attention was going to be futile.

Waiting for the light rail at the station, I stared down at the ground with my arms crossed, hoping that I was emanating an unapproachable feeling to everyone around me. I boarded the tram and found a small corner to hide in. Truly, I was not in a very good state of mind at this point. As the tram moved on, I read over the conversation again.

"__Take the opportunity to visit your father's grave. Read him some Whitman and Tennyson while you're there. Oh, and tell your grandfather that I said hello._"_

Who would speak so highly of my grandfather like that? Maybe they were just being a sarcastic ass. I never knew any of my grandfather's friends, so I was left with few leads. They weren't the brass, but probably still part of the Alliance; they may have known Shepard well, and obviously know me pretty well. And either they were connected enough to know of my movements on shore leave or they were here on Amaterasu... watching me.

Shuddering at the thought, I looked over my shoulder, trying to look as casual and calm as I could. Everyone looked like they were just carrying on with their daily lives. Nothing to see here.

_I'm__ going __insane_, I told myself, then kept reading over the correspondence.

"_Rumors__ of__ my __promotion __have __been __greatly __exaggerated."_

Maybe this person was just pulling my leg, but perhaps they were well enough known to have a bit of rumor surrounding them? But who would keep publicly declining a promotion over and over? Of course, I didn't keep up with the internal Alliance politics, so I wouldn't be aware of anyone who did.

It then dawned on me.

"_She's__ an __admiral, __you __know._" My mother's ramblings ran through my head. "_Isn't __it __just __a__ small __world, __after__ all?_" I nearly choked on my thoughts upon this revelation. "_Did__ you__ know __that__ your__ grandfather_-"

The text felt ominous as I read it over again, "_Oh, __and __tell__ your __grandfather __that__ I __said__ hello_."

"-_taught __Hannah__ Shepard?_" my mother's words chimed in my head. I gasped, clutching my stomach, glad that I was sitting down during this discovery. His mother. Dear God, _his__mother_ was trying to contact me.

_No, __no. __That __can't__ be __right. __This __is __all__ too __easy_, I told myself. The tram stopped in the city's center station. I was trembling with confusion and disbelief as I stepped onto the platform. News vids were running on the large screens near the benches; all were churning out recycled retellings of what the public knew of the Normandy's fate, which wasn't much at this point.

"Admiral Hackett has declined to make any further comments on the incident since last night's interview," one of the vids reported. "ZNN's attempts to contact the admiral have been intercepted by the Alliance Navy, claiming that the integrity of the investigation must be preserved."

"The Alliance Navy has already announced that all survivors of the Normandy disaster have been taken into protective custody," another station on the other side of the platform said. I rolled my eyes at the blatant lie. But I wasn't completely mad about it. At least it discouraged people from looking for me while I traversed through my hometown.

My next tram arrived as the newscast continued with a bit of unique information. "A vigil will be held outside the Shepard family home on Earth, near the United Kingdom Alliance Navy headquarters..."

The flow of information cut off when the tram's door shut and I was on my way to the other side of the valley, on the outskirts of down... to the cemetery.

* * *

><p>The cemetery didn't have a lot of trees, as it was situated on a windy plateau. The monuments clashed against each other with their contrasting themes. Some were made of beautifully carved stone depicting saints or scenes from beyond Amaterasu's orbit; others were sleek, contemporary headstones with screens that told of their tenant's lives. We opted for something a bit more vintage for Grandpa and Dad.<p>

Next to each other, two Williams men rested. Despite the Alliance bringing him home in shackles, Grandpa insisted that the Alliance insignia be carved into his tombstone as a final wish. We hesitantly agreed to honor his wishes. Dad left so suddenly, that we didn't even think to ask what he wanted. Because of a lack of his input, he was also buried him under the Alliance insignia. I sat down between them and pulled out my poetry.

"Hey Grandpa," I smiled at the grave to my left. "Some stranger says, 'hello.'" I turn to my right. "Hey, Dad. I found a guy who's also a Tennyson fan. I guess what they say about dating people like your parents is true." A chilly breeze swept around me, rustling the dead grass that was situated the new green blades. I took that as a soft chuckle from dad.

I brought out Ulysses to read to them.

"I'm only here for a little while, guys," I told them before I recited, "I cannot rest from travel: I will drink life to the lees: all times I have enjoyed greatly..."

I thought of Ilos and our time in Flux, even the awkward elevator rides on the Citadel.

"...have suffered greatly..." I gulped at the line, trying to suppress my returning sorrow. "... both with those that loved me, and alone." That part of the poem was getting to be a little too much as my eyes stung from trying to hold shut a floodgate of tears.

"Sorry," I told my loved ones. "I'm not quite myself today." As if to soothe my aching heart, the wind that presided over the plateau ceased and the warmth from the sun kissed my face as I leaned my head back, facing the sky with my eyes closed. "Mom's mad that I don't talk to her enough," I told Dad, avoiding the subject of Shepard. "I guess I don't blame her after what happened on the Citadel."

"_I bet that Shepard boy talks to his mother more often! She must be worried sick_," my mother's words ran through my head.

"__Jethro also listened to his mother; he never missed the opportunity to call home during shore leave, either._"_

"Was I really talking to Hannah?" I asked Grandpa. A woman about thirty-feet away from me started staring, so I lowered my voice down to a mumble. "I mean, Jethro didn't talk about her much. But that doesn't mean he didn't call her," I quietly reasoned aloud. "That sender spoke of him so highly," I paused to take in a deep breath. "...like a mother would."

The wind picked up again as random relatives continued to leave frantic messages on my omni tool.

"_I__ apologize,__ Ashley.__ I __miss __Jethro, __too."_The message ran through my head over and over. "_You__ more __than__ others_."

"Who am I kidding?" I cried out, facing the sky with my fists clenched and arms crossed over my chest. "He told her everything!" Tears rolled down my face, as my hood fell down, revealing my face in its tear stained glory.

Ashley Madeline Williams: Gunnery Chief of the Alliance Navy; service number 0414-819-177-2176; survivor of the "Normandy Disaster," was sitting in a graveyard sobbing into the sky. I didn't care if every camera in the traverse was pointed at me by now.

I sniffed to keep thinking aloud, "Like a good son should, he told his mother!" The wind turned the pages of my book that I'd left on the grass, as it whistled between the tombstones. Trembling, I fell back into the grass from where I sat, exhausted from crying and hiding. All the while my omni tool kept chirping at me, begging for attention. I paid it no mind as the sun kept beating down on my face.

* * *

><p>I took a few minutes to collect myself, then stood to leave. "Thank you," I whispered to my relatives and promptly left, filled with answers and a purpose.<p>

While walking down the rows of monuments, I brought up my omni tool again and brushed aside more new messages, going back to the only conversation that mattered right then. When I found the correspondence, I wasn't sure how to proceed. I decided upon defaulting back to a one-liner:

_**A.**__**Williams:**__ Hannah._

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]: **__Like__ I__ said, __you're__ smart._

_ **A.****Williams:** He told you everything. He must have told you about the Reapers. What we saw on Ilos. Please believe him._

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:** My son learned early on not to tell fibs to his mother; I'd always find out. The boy even tried to lie about what happened on Akuze to ease my worries. He was always a good son like that. Of course, I found out before the Alliance even gave me the full story._

_ **A.****Williams:** Then you realize what danger we're all in. Nobody believes him. Anderson told us that the V.I. on Ilos powered down when it was found again. The council is having none of it. They still think that it's just the Geth. Hannah, I don't know what to do. He's gone._

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:**__ We __still__ have __you,__ dear._

_**A.**__**Williams:**__ I'm__ not__ following. __What __do__ you __mean?_

As I exited the cemetery, I looked around for anyone who might be paying attention, while waiting for a reply from Hannah. I eyed anyone who was showing any signs of giving any attention to me, or even walking in the same general direction. Surely, I looked like some sort of paranoid maniac with my quick pace and hunched-over posture.

_**[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:**__ Pack __your __things,__ Ashley.__ Take __the __next__ shuttle __to __Earth; __I'll__ be __waiting._

_ **A.****Williams:** You're bad at answering questions, Hannah. Why am I meeting you on Earth?_

_ **[UNKNOWN/RESTRICTED]:** I'm going to raise another Spectre. _


	4. Terra Firma

_Yes, yes. This one took forever to put up! On top of finals, I had to rethink how pivotal this chapter would be after I decided to take this story in a direction different from what I originally planned (but everything previously written will remain quite relevant)._

_Interestingly enough, I can't find the exact location of Amaterasu, despite it being of at least some importance in the game's cannon. If anyone knows what system it's in, I'd actually love to know so I can change some of the narrative if needed. For now, it's near Illium._

_Love,_

_The Seraph_

"_Have__ You __Ever__ Seen__ the__ Rain?_" by Creedence Clearwater Revival

"_Collide_" by Howie Day

"_You're __So__ Vain_" by Carly Simon

**Four.**

**~Terra Firma~**

ETA to Earth was seven days. Unbeknownst to me, they would not be without incident.

Amaterasu sat in the Terminus systems on the Illium-Amaterasu shipping lane; five days from the Citadel; two days from the Citadel to Earth.

As I packed, my mom was fretting over the whole thing, as usual. She stood in front of my bedroom door with her hand under her chin in thought, her eyes narrowed towards my suitcase. I self-consciously packed under her judgmental gaze.

_Only__ the__ essentials_, I told myself. I gathered the usual toiletries, military garb, my fancy uniform for ceremonies, and my precious firearm. Seeing that my suitcase was only half-full, I sat down on my bed, scanning the room for anything I may have missed.

"So what's on Earth that you have to be there so soon?" my mother broke the silence as she moved from the door to the vanity to check her makeup. I sighed, unsure of confiding in my mother; she was never good with keeping secrets. Although, I haven't heard anything about Shepard being dead or what happened between he and I, so perhaps she'd learned to stay silent when needed. She didn't push for an answer when I didn't reply, but instead tidied up the room after I tore it apart looking for what I needed.

Mom moved around the room as though there were no unanswered questions between us. First she organized the bookcase, setting aside several books that caught her interest, then she took a rosary out of one of the vanity's drawers. She held it up in the light, examining it with narrowed eyes, indicating that she was deep in contemplation about the neckwear. It was an old piece of jewelry that my great-grandmother cherished; she took it with her on nearly every mission she went on. I, on the other hand, never wore it or took it anywhere with me, as I wasn't into ceremonial customs, especially when it came to jewelry. It sat for years in a heap in the far corner of my vanity's drawer. The beads were made of a dark blue glass, held together by a tarnished silver chain; it looked archaic and brittle as the light passed through it.

Noticing that I only had clothing that the military issued me, she hastily started to rummage through my closet. She was enveloped in my wardrobe for a few minutes, picking out random sets of attire and throwing them on to the bed. Half the things she picked out I didn't even realize I owned; I wondered if she'd been shopping for me while I was gone. An assortment of too many pink blouses and pinstripe trousers littered my bed; I scowled at the clothes, but Mom didn't notice. She continued browsing and throwing clothes my way then running over to the bed to match them up. My mother was an unstoppable force of clothing, so I didn't even try to object to a dress that was skin-tight and had an opening in the front just to show off the bellybutton. I pondered upon why something so awful was in my wardrobe, especially since it reminded me of that awful reporter, Al-Jilani, who cornered Shepard on the Citadel. I silently prayed that she didn't put the garment in my suitcase while she held it up for inspection.

When she was satisfied with her selection of off-duty clothes, that did not include that dreaded dress, she placed the books she'd previously set aside in the suitcase atop the clothes, and tucked the rosary in next to the books.

With a look of accomplishment on her face, Mom broke the silence again, "Or are you off to another classified mission?" I was still contemplating what I should tell her, because there's no not answering my mother. "Which rogue Spectre is it this time?" she continued, with her hands on her hips and nose pointed up, while she eyed me. I rolled my eyes at her verbal prodding, even though it was partly in jest.

"I'm not sure why I'm going," I sighed. It was partially in truth, but she wasn't buying it, as indicated by a raised eyebrow and folded arms. "Just following orders, Mom." She rolled her eyes in the same manner I did and sat down next to me to close up the suitcase.

"I should go," I said as I stood up, grabbed the suitcase, and headed for the door. I stopped to examine her, taken aback by her lack of verbal reaction. She remained seated on the bed, with one foot delicately tucked behind the other and her hands resting on her lap, palms up, as though she were reading a book. Mom didn't lecture me on a lack of "farewell" or even follow me out the door. "I'm sorry," I muttered. "You know I can never stay for long."

She let out a shaken sigh with a slight nod of her head, acknowledging my apology. Silently, teardrops fell into her hands. Mom didn't even bother to try and compose herself, as she usually did. Never would she cry in front of her children.

There's something uniquely terrifying about seeing one's mother cry. "_Mommy_" would make everything okay; a sense of impending doom looms over a child when they see their mother cry. It means that your shield has broken; the rock that held you up for so long had finally crumbled after the elements weathered it for so long. Something so horrible was coming that even your mother couldn't protect you.

But she was supposed to be a tough marine wife! I was leaving for a mission, nothing out of the ordinary, and she was crying over her daughter leaving for another assignment. But she knew better. She knew I was a bruised woman after Shepard's departure.

"Just don't do anything..." she started in a chopped up whisper, trying to withhold any sobs that dared leave her. "...rash." It was weird hearing Mom warning against going into danger. All she'd ever ask of me is that I keep her up to date, as she knew that asking a soldier to stay out of harm's way was a futile request. Getting hurt or going on a crazy mission never fazed her; she didn't even sound worried when I told her that I was going to face Saren and his army of Geth.

"Don't be a martyr, Ashley," she continued. "You're going to run around the galaxy searching for yourself in the commander's name." I dropped my head and frowned, annoyed by the truth in her words. "You'll try to fill the void he left, righting all the wrongs created by his absence."

I had heard this before. Déjà vu, as it were.

We sat in the CIC, where the saddened silence was nearly deafening. It was hard to get comfortable in my chair, between recovering from the hit that dented my armor during the mission and the grief over Kaidan's absence that was smothering me. Shepard hadn't even fully changed out of his armor yet; he had a shirt and shorts over the under-suit for his armor. He wasn't the only one out of uniform: Liara hadn't even bothered to get out of her armor and I was practically in pajamas after being checked out by Chakwas. Me, and my big mouth, broke the silence.

"I... I can't believe Kaidan didn't make it," I stuttered, staring down at my feet. I could still hear Kaidan's final words echoing through my very being. By the looks of everyone else, Kaidan had touched them too. Even Tali's usual posture of interest- her feet flat on the floor, hands on her knees, leaning forward and eager to take in everything her crewmates had to say- was noticeably absent. Wrex was harder to interpret; his eyes weren't in their usual narrowed glare, but drooped as he maintained his imposing posture.

"He knew the risks going in," Shepard countered in a slightly defensive tone. "Kaidan gave his life to save the rest of us." He lacked the usual spark of energy in his voice. Nobody replied for a few moments as I could see out of the corner of my eye, Shepard leaning back in his chair as he ran a hand over his short hair; something he did when he wasn't sure how to proceed.

The survivor's guilt was pumping so thickly through my veins that I couldn't bring myself to make eye contact with anyone, not even the man who ordered my salvation. I let out a deep breath as I felt my heart rattle around inside me.

"It should have been me," my voice was gravelly and argumentative.

Quickly, he snapped back, "I could never leave you." The confession felt profound, yet scary, coming from him. Scary, because Shepard, of all people, went the distance to save me; he left Kaidan with the bomb and went to the AA tower to rescue me. It felt weird to hear someone admitting that they valued me to that extent and now I felt the weight of Kaidan's life drop on to my shoulders, as though I had to make up for the part of his life that was cut off just to spare me.

Just as quickly, he added, "It wasn't your call," with his collected, authoritative voice, trying to hide the grief that was welling up in his throat. After so many long conversations with him in the garage, I could tell when he was trying to muffle his inner feelings.

I was so confused, grateful, and guilty... all at the same time. I wanted to argue my way back to the past and save Kaidan, but that certainly was not going to happen.

"I'm grateful for that," I said in a near whisper, holding back several choking tears. Upon gathering the strength to do so, I lifted my head, unsurprised to find Shepard staring back at me; his elbow on his knee, hand under his chin, looking intently upon me. His stare lacked his usual wide-eyed gleam. No amount of arguing would change what happened, but I did it anyway. "Alenko was a superior officer! I would have gladly stayed."

"Don't martyr yourself like this, Williams!" he retorted as he sat up, throwing his hands up in front of him. "How far are you going to drive yourself? Are you trying to redeem your grandfather's honor?" I narrowed my eyes in a deep glare at him, angry that he was verbally cornering me. Noticing my discontent, in a gentler tone he concluded, "It's not worth losing yourself."

"That's not fair, Jethro!" I nearly shouted as my sight began to blur a little from the tears welling up.

"What the public and the military did to him was unfair, Ash," he growled through clenched teeth with venom in his tone. The venom in his voice didn't seem directed towards me, but instead at the thought of what happened to General Williams; I always appreciated his sympathy. The venom in his voice left when he said, "I'm not going to lose you because of it. This isn't the way to search for yourself and your family's honor."

I gulped back a retort, staying silent throughout the rest of the debriefing, only looking up to watch Shepard and Liara meld. Even having someone join nervous systems with the man I love wasn't enough to fully take my attention away from my survivor's guilt.

Before the word "dismissed" left Shepard's lips, I was out of my chair for the door.

"It'll make sense later," I said to my mother, trying to avoid looking at her sad figure. "I always come back, Mom."

Before the whispered words, "Good-bye, Ash," left her mouth, I was out of sight.

* * *

><p>By the time I reached the Amaterasu spaceport, Anderson had caught wind of me departing for Earth. It's not like I was hiding from Anderson; I just didn't want him babying me throughout my travels. Ever since I was rescued from Eden Prime, he had always watched out for me. He even argued with Shepard about replacing Jenkins so soon, saying that I had already proved myself on the battlefield. As I eavesdropped on their conversation from around the corner, I was relieved to hear Shepard relenting in his argument as he compared me to him during his experience on Akuze. More than relieved, actually; I was flattered and fighting a burning blush. Ever since, I'd continue to have faith that Anderson would come through for me, backing me up despite my lineage.<p>

Today, he didn't disappoint. It turned out that my ticket to Earth was paid for, and I was given a seat in a more private section of the public transportation cruiser; anything to stay hidden, I suppose. Pleased at the news of a private trip to Earth, I walked away from the check-in terminal with my hood up and a gleeful smirk stretching my face.

I had an hour before I had to board and sitting around at the docking gate didn't sound like a very appealing way to pass the time. As I left the building, the loud bustle of people scurrying with luggage and hailing cabs gave me a welcome sense of invisibility. The last thing I needed to start off my trip was being pointed out.

The spaceport was on the same side of the valley as the cemetery, on the edge of a cliff, making for the perfect spot for ships to come and go. Several skybridges sat overhead with domesticated vines hanging from them as the decor, connecting to the parking garages and maintenance buildings on the other side of the wide street. I walked along the building to one of the public scenic viewpoints that sat on an odd edge of the cliff that the spaceport didn't cover already. My hopes of a few minutes to say goodbye to my hometown were shattered as a loud group of people occupied the balcony that looked over the valley. They were holding up holographic signs with their omni-tools, chanting something that I couldn't quite decipher at first. Some were handing out datapads with information on their crusade to pedestrians, enthusiastically explaining their demands to the government, by the looks of it.

As I neared, the signs became clearer. Cartoons depicting the three council members as the heads of a vicious three-headed dog and "humanity first" were written all over them. Immediately, I recognized the protestors as members of Terra Firma. If it was an extremist pro-humanity message, then it's likely Terra Firma. Their chants weren't all that coordinated, moving from slamming the council members to Anderson bowing to them as the new human council member, then on to Shepard sitting on the council's lap. I always expected backlash for Shepard saving the council, especially from the likes of Terra Firma.

Deciding that it wasn't worth my time to navigate though the crowd just for a view, I began to pivot in the opposite direction. Before I could scurry away, the angry chants became elated cheers. I turned my gaze back at them to see a well-dressed man grinning widely and shaking hands with the seemingly entranced protestors. He gave a brief speech to the crowd, but I was too far to hear the man calmly address them. When the pep-talk was done, he raised his fist in the air and cried out, "humanity first!" and the crowd echoed with great enthusiasm.

I narrowed my sight to get a better focus on the man. He had a thick well-maintained goatee, small green eyes and jet-black hair; the man seemed so familiar. The crowd dispersed as he turned towards the spaceport's departure entrance with several stragglers following him, either prying for information of fawning over him. He walked with the kind of poise and well-choreographed smile that only a politician could master. That's when it dawned on me.

"Son of a bitch," I muttered as I started towards the door at a quick pace, praying that he didn't recognize me. His name was Charles Saracino, leader of Terra Firma. While Saracino was running for a seat in the Alliance Parliament, he asked for Shepard's endorsement while we were on the Citadel. The meeting did not go all that well, especially since Garrus and Liara had accompanied us. They started volleying in debate when Saracino said that humanity had to stand firm against any alien influences, and Shepard had to intervene, also refusing to endorse the man's campaign. Saracino retorted, citing Shanxi, pissing off Garrus even more, and me, for that matter. I quickly consoled Garrus after giving Saracino the bird as our squad headed towards the elevator.

He never spoke a word to me, but I already hated the man and his xenophobic political party. Putting as much distance between us was my alternative to giving him a piece of my mind. For a minute, it seemed as though he were following me, when I couldn't shake the sound of him chatting away with his fans right behind me, then I realized that he was also headed to the VIP lounge, as a wealthy politician should. Before I scanned my ticket to get in, my blood ran cold as he finished a propaganda-filled conversation with a fellow party member.

"Shepard, in his infinite wisdom," he started out sarcastically. "Sacrificed hundreds of human lives just to save the three idiots that live in a tower and make a living telling us what to do." I entered the room with my arms folded and my head down, trying to hold the reins on my temper. "And now he won't even show his face in public after that damn ship he flew around in," I was now clenching my teeth with my nails digging into the palms of my hands. "...which, might I add, was designed by a bunch of Turians, has been blown up with half of his crew dead."

The anger pent up in my system was enough to nearly send me into a rage-induced blackout. I let out a loud huff and searched for the nearest wall to punch in private.

I found the restroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror. A single tear streaked down my face, the result of my opinion on Saracino's slander. I wiped the tear away and touched up my minimalist makeup. I hated not having the liberty of mouthing off to the guy or screaming to the world that Shepard was dead, to explain why everything in the world felt so wrong right now and why I wanted to cry at the sight of anything that reminded me of him.

I glared at my reflection in self-disappointment. People never got to me like this and I don't think that I've cried over anyone's death like this before. I think I handled Dad's death and the loss of the 212 better than this. Before I could wallow further in my self-judgment, I tore my eyes away from the mirror and my thoughts away from the dearly departed.

I made my way out of the lounge, quickly brushing passed a cheerful Saracino, who kept a frosty beverage in hand, making conversation with a pretty Marilyn Monroe look-alike. Sitting at the docking gate didn't sound like a bad idea at this point, mainly due to the fact that I didn't want to be within a reasonable radius of Saracino.

I found a seat at the gate and got out my omni-tool, looking out the large window that looked over the valley that sat behind the ship that was being prepped for take-off. It would be impolite to thank Anderson for the first class ticket, even if it did coincidentally put me in the same room as the Terra Firma eccentric.

_**A.****Williams:** Hey, Captain. Thanks for paying for my seat._

_**D.****Anderson:** Hannah told me that you were on your way. _

That caught me by surprise. I wasn't sure who Hannah had divulged her plans to but I was glad that Anderson was in on the whole thing. I wasn't actually sure what I was doing, though. Hannah had basically taken me in as her new kid, planning on regaining a paragon for humanity. I wasn't in on the whole "savior of humanity" title, but I would rather take up the title than watch the Reapers destroy the galaxy... Well, someone has to do it.

With my train of thought back to Anderson's message, I covered my surprise up with a bit of humor.

_**A.****Williams:** You're never in the dark, are you?_

_**D.****Anderson:** If only, Chief. Stay safe. Take no detours on your way._

_**A.****Williams:** Are you stuck on the Citadel?_

Shepard chose Anderson to be the human council member, but I insisted upon still referring to him as a captain. While I'm sure Anderson was honored to be chosen, he didn't seem like a man of politics, but I'm sure Shepard meant well when he appointed him. It was a hell of a lot better than Udina, though. I'm sure that pompous-ass of an ambassador was still fuming over the whole thing.

The chiming monotone voice over the station's comm. system announced that the cruiser was ready for boarding as Anderson responded.

_**D.****Anderson:** I won't be leaving for a while. I've got duties to attend to and a lot of building to oversee._

He was referring to the bits and pieces of Sovereign that littered the Wards. Shepard and I already visited a few times after Saren was defeated. I was unsurprised to find the Presidium seemingly unscathed while much of the damaged Wards were still compromised. Poor Anderson had a lot of damage control to oversee. I stood to board the cruiser, straightening out my jacket and pushing back the hair that had escaped the bun I put up earlier. As I promptly made my way to the priority line with my shoulders back and head high, acting as though I was the kind of person who was used to getting special treatment at a spaceport. While I didn't care for special treatment, playing up the part was fun and distracted me from swimming around in my volatile worries.

The little game I was playing out in my mind was halted when I spied my favorite politician standing in line with me. That bastard was headed to Earth.

"Of course," I groaned, rolling my eyes as I walked to the counter. He took notice of my thinking aloud and annoyed posture. I briefly glanced back at him, as he was looking my way with a look of recognition- a raised eyebrow and a small, surprised grin.

Pretending not to notice Saracino recognizing me and my temper, I ended my conversation with the captain.

_**A.****Williams:** I'll keep in touch._

I started into a small sprint down the boarding tunnel to the ship when I heard the one thing I'd been dreading to hear from anyone, let alone Saracino, since I arrived on Amaterasu.

"Chief Williams!" Saracino called out in a poised shout, as though we'd known each other for years on pleasant terms. I didn't respond as I tried to wish him out of existence, still in my unrelenting sprint to my cabin on the cruiser.

This was going to be a long trip.


	5. Keeper

_A lot of this chapter was written on Christmas Eve after too much coffee, candy, and gift wrapping! I hope you all had a lovely time. This was a difficult chapter to write. There are a bunch of different pieces to it, and the trick was having everything come full-circle._

_**WARNING:** A lot of this background on General Williams comes from Mass Effect: Evolution. If you're familiar with what happens in Evolution, then you'll have a quicker time putting two and two together from here on out. If you aren't familiar with what happens in Mass Effect: Evolution, don't worry! Everything comes full circle and you won't be missing out on the context to this little tale and it's not ruined if you've read the comics._

_With Love,_

_The Seraph_

"_Brown Eyed Girl_" by Van Morrison

"_Stand Back_" by Stevie Nicks

"_Fields of Gold_" by Eva Cassidy

"_Help I'm Alive_" by Metric

**Five.**

**~Keeper~**

Arcturus Station: capitol of the Systems Alliance and filled to the brim with military members, their families and a bunch of excited N7 trainees. Our parliament and N7 academy are located here, reeking of politics and military protocol. I never took my time on the station when I had business there.

Today, I had business there. Joker was to be given a medal for his actions during Sovereign's attack and I told him that I wouldn't miss it for the galaxy. As excited as I was to see Joker and Shepard, who also vowed to show up and cheer Joker on, I felt out of place on the station. I would never see the N7 program from the inside and the politics that stunk up the station's recycled air were just beyond my rank and realm of interest.

A lot of classified things happen within these walls; horror stories and dark secrets created by old men are what keep this thing in orbit. It was here where General Williams exchanged prisoners with turian General Desolas Arterius. It was painful to think about what my grandfather had to deal with after Shanxi, although it was comforting to know that he was at least given the duty of exchanging prisoners with a turian general.

Seldom did my grandfather talk about his military career with his family, but he felt obliged to explain himself when I enlisted at eighteen. Grandpa would tell me, with vague detail, about how the exchange on Arcturus Station played out.

After exchanging words with General Williams, Desolas released the prisoners, however, he'd explain how one of the freed prisoners attacked the turian general and his brother had to pull the woman off. The turians left the station on a sour note, needless to say.

Grandpa continued on about how he worried about what had become of the prisoners he had taken back that day: Jack and Eva. He said that Jack had a, "newfound darkness in his eyes," when he left the station for Illium. I never understood his reasoning behind telling me that particular story; the vagueness in his narrative told me that he was hiding something, but I never cared to know what it was.

Only after I'd had the time to sit and think after the mission against Saren did I realize that General Desolas' brother _was_ Saren. Fitting, I thought, how the drama surrounding General Williams' disgrace concludes with his granddaughter hunting down General Desolas' indoctrinated brother.

I walked through the maze of hallways, trying to find the auditorium, tracing my grandfather's steps as I played the scene between General Williams and General Desolas out in my head, pondering upon why he told me about it.

The station was confusing with nearly identical hallways at every turn; stainless steel and Alliance Navy insignias every twenty feet on the walls. The numbers on the doors were of no help, and there wasn't a sign in sight to point me in the right direction. Lost and annoyed, I nearly opted to give up and call someone for directions until I turned another corner to spot a smug figure leaning against the wall. He adjusted his blue uniform, the same color as his eyes, looking down at his shoes. For once, Shepard was cleanly shaven and in a full commander's regalia.

Grinning, I approached him and leaned against the wall next to him, mimicking his posture; his arms folded and gaze down to the floor. Shepard mirrored my wide grin, seemingly just as happy to see me as I was to see him. We stood gleefully silent for several moments, turning to eye the other on occasion, making flirtatious gestures with our expressions each time.

"You lost, Chief?" he finally asked. I turned to him, finding myself engrossed in lust at the sight of the commander. I traced his face, starting with the scar on his forehead, and worked my way down to his narrowed blue eyes, down to his roughened cheeks, to his sculpted lips... something I missed dearly.

"I was," I flirted back. He winked, I giggled.

We'd been restraining ourselves, like good soldiers should, every time we'd bump into each other. Our encounters were awkward; we'd salute and smile out of professionalism, unsure of where we stood as a couple. We were scared to death of being found out and wouldn't dare do anything that implied that we had something more than a friendship. Thankfully, a small peck on the cheek when we were alone earlier that month was the only indication that nothing had changed between us since the beginning of shore leave.

I stood up, breaking my gaze from him, and he followed suit.

"I hope you know your way around here, Commander," I commented. He let out a laugh as he ran his hand over his tidy short hair. I sharply inhaled when he bit his lip and put his hands in his pockets. I was in a mood where everything he did seemed provocative.

"Actually, getting lost doesn't seem to be a bad idea right now," he mused, rubbing his chin, grinning in such a way that implied that his thoughts weren't exactly pure. "We've got time." I blushed deeply, looking for anyone within earshot. Shepard began to head down the hall after he beckoned me to follow. Side-by-side, we briskly walked down the cold, militaristic corridors of the station. I couldn't make heads or tails as to where we were, but as he led me to our destination- something I also wasn't sure of- the look on Shepard's face was filled with fond memories. As he let a small grin escape his lips every once in a while when we passed landmarks that held no significance to me, I pictured a younger Shepard that roamed these hallways as an N7 trainee; something that I'd never be. I shook away my envy as he came to a halt in front of the auditorium's reception room.

Emanating from the other side of the door I could hear the dull roar of trifling conversation and glasses clinking.

"Can't we just skip the cocktail party?" I groaned. "We're here to watch Joker get a medal, not to shake hands and kiss babies." He shook his head with a sigh, clearly just as unenthused as I was. He was tired of his fifteen minutes of fame from the last mission and wasn't shy in communicating that to me.

"I warned Joker about accepting medals," he started as his eyes lit up at a fond memory. Shepard's smile fell when his mind seemed to go back to the people on the other side of the door. "This place is filled to the brim with members of the brass and politicians." A sneer marred his face, but it just made me want to laugh at the whole situation. We could face an army of geth and a reaper, then live to tell the tale, but we had an irrational fear of getting in too close a proximity to men with agendas; otherwise known as politicians.

"We need a plan of attack," I decided aloud in my "all business" voice, as though we were just about to jump into enemy territory.

"You'll never **not **be a soldier, Ash," he scoffed. While he teased the idea of approaching the party as a tactical encounter, I could see his gears turning- weighing the options and planning out an approach. He folded his arms and looked to me with a raised eyebrow. "Ideas?"

"Keep me away from anyone important and the free alcohol," I deadpanned; he needed to know I was serious in my suggestion, but he never would.

"You'll be fine, Chief," Shepard assured me. "Just stand around and look intimidating next to me so nobody with a camera asks for an interview." We also hated reporters.

"Good enough, I suppose," I shrugged. We looked at the doors with hesitance, then looked to each other, then shrugged with nothing else to add to the matter. I reached out to door's console to open it, but he caught my hand before I could.

We stood silently, looking at our hands for several sweet moments. His leathery and scarred hands dwarfed mine; his fingers interlaced with my slender chaliced fingers. I squeezed his hand and looked into his tired blue eyes.

"I know this is just a stupid party," he began in a dazed tone, staring deep into my eyes; I stared back. "I'm so tired, though." Shepard's eyes drooped, following suit with his confession. "You don't have to go in, but I have to." I stuck my tongue out, teasing him and his obligations. He smiled, unaffected by my mocking him. "Will you have my back?"

"Am I your keeper?" I rolled my eyes at him. It was such a ridiculously corny thing of him to say, second only to his line about how we're a matching set of baggage. He took his free hand to my cheek, softly stroking my goose bump-ridden skin. The both of us were incredibly stupid for getting this close in public, but we were too far gone to care about being reprimanded in this moment.

"No. Consider yourself my date," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. The smile he put on my face would be impossible to stifle, when he took my hand to his lips; lightly brushing over my skin until he pressed into a kiss. My cheeks burned at his touch as he laughed a little with his lips still on my hand.

The distant echo of footsteps prompted us to hastily let go of each other, trying to act as though nothing against our regulations had just transpired. My hands were back to my sides as I looked away from him, trying to stifle my grin.

I heard him open the door with the console as he gently led me though with a hand on my back. The reception room panned out on the other side of the doorway with its tenants donned in beautiful flowing garments and decorated Alliance Navy uniforms. I didn't recognize anyone. I could tell between civilians, members of the brass, and Joker's fellow pilots, but I didn't actually know any of them.

I briskly walked towards a table covered in glasses of champagne, disobeying my self-imposed orders of no alcohol. The moment I left a safe radius from Shepard, he was approached by several old uniformed men. As I picked up a glass for myself, I noticed how the men kept yammering on and on, practically gushing at Shepard, so I picked up a glass for him, too.

I caught bits and pieces of trifling conversation as I maneuvered my way back to Shepard through the elegantly-dressed crowd. Joker was nowhere in sight, but considering the loud hoots and hollers from a large group of pilots on the other side of the room, I assumed that he was lost somewhere within that crowd.

I approached a bored Shepard who now had a small crowd vying for his attention. As though he had eyes at the back of his head, Shepard turned around with a professional grin and ushered me to his side. I handed him his glass as he introduced me.

"Gentlemen, Gunnery Chief Williams of the Normandy," he announced. I quickly saluted with my free hand and they nodded with half-hearted salutes. They immediately turned their attention back to Shepard, unsurprisingly. Obviously, these men were not here to honor Joker. They were here to butter up Shepard. They often enjoyed talking about themselves and their agendas, poking at Shepard for his opinion on their matters and subtly asking for his public support. Clearly used to people like them, Shepard expertly declined and dodged any questions that would have cornered him otherwise.

I stared down at my glass, back to Shepard when I heard his voice, and then occasionally up at the crowd that had gathered so I could look as though I was just as engrossed in the conversation as they were.

"Now, Miss Williams," someone said. Caught by surprise, my gaze jumped up from my glass and back at the tiny crowd of brass members. The little champagne that was left in my glass jostled around at my sudden movement as I frantically looked for the person who addressed me. A heavy-set man with graying blonde hair was the only one who seemed intently focused on me. "If you're the Williams I think you are..." My forced smile disappeared when I realized where this conversation was going, but he didn't seem to notice my discontent for the subject, or didn't care. "... you most certainly have your grandfather's brown eyes."

_Who the hell is this guy?_ I thought with my grip tightening on the glass and my face turning red. The rank he wore was that of a major, with his medals weighing down his blue officer's jacket and a pin signifying that he was a former pilot.

"Williams is a common name, Major," I countered, trying to dodge his personal prodding.

The major persisted, "No, Ma'am. You've even got the same eyebrows as the man." I raised my eyebrows, trying to picture the similarities between mine and my grandfather's. "Let's give you a big ol' scar down your face and a few turians to beat up and we've got another General Williams!" I scowled as he chuckled light-heartedly with a number of his fellow brass members.

Shepard didn't find it funny and I could tell that he was having a hard time holding his tongue. A long time ago I told him that I didn't need his help clearing my family name or fighting my way through the ranks. But it was in Shepard's nature to be protective and I could tell that his resolve not to say anything was waning.

Before he could chime in on the issue, I spoke up, "Small world, isn't it? Major...?"

"Menethil," was his prideful answer as he pronounced his name with unneeded emphasis on the "_thil_"; it made me feel _ill_. I nodded my head acknowledging his introduction. I took another sip out of my glass as Shepard nervously cleared his throat. I blatantly ignored Shepard's unease as I dug back at Major Menethil.

"If you'd be so kind," I seductively said with a poised smile, fueled by my vitriol towards the major's attitude towards my family tree. "Tell me, did you know _**of**_ my grandfather, or did you _actually _get to know him personally?" The look he shot back at me said that he'd quickly caught on to the concealed venom in my question, but before he could answer, I continued on. "I'd assume the latter, considering your knowledge of the Williams family anatomy."

I finished my champagne as an uneasy silence ensued. Shepard, yet again unsure of how to proceed, ran a hand over his head. Menethil sent me a faint glare before turning to the person next to him and started up a new conversation.

"Let's go find Joker," Shepard concluded simply, glancing around the room with an uneasy aura in his posture. We gave a brief salute to the people still paying attention to Shepard and traversed through the crowd towards the gathering of pilots, who were still having a jolly time. I'm sure Shepard envied them in a way. They gave the brass members in the room no regard as they held on to their beers and glasses of champagne, making friendly slurred scoffs at each other.

"Hey, kids!" a familiar voice cheered as the pilots parted. Joker stood with his drink raised in the air and a gleeful expression on his face- his free hand held a crutch. We quickly paced over to Joker to exchange pats on the back, and an unexpected, yet quite gentle, one-armed hug from Joker to me. I delicately hugged him back, careful not to break anything; although he seemed to be in such a good mood that a broken bone wouldn't bother him one bit.

"Congratulations. We owe our asses to you, Joker," Shepard commented. The annoyance and boredom that previously engulfed his tone was gone. It seemed that tolerating the party was paying off now that we finally caught up with Joker.

"Damn right you do!" he cheered in good humor, putting his beer back to his lips. Smiling at Joker's jolly state of mind, I went to take a sip from my empty glass, promptly laughing at myself when I remembered that the contents of the glass were now gone. Shepard poured the rest of his drink into my glass, taking pity upon my severe lack of alcohol.

"You're such a kind soul," I thanked flatly and took a sip. Joker raised his eyebrows in a mischievous stare at the exchange between myself and the commander.

"Hey Commander," Joker started as he adjusted the weight he put on the crutch. "Aren't you supposed to be keeping the chief here out of trouble?" I defiantly stared into Joker's eyes and took another gulp.

"Am I her keeper?" he teased back, briefly glancing down at me then back at Joker as he let his shoulders relax and a relaxed smile consume his face. I consumed more champagne while giving Shepard a teasingly seductive look that said, "_No, actually. You're my date_."

Pointing to the both of us, Joker began, "Well, you've shared more than a drink with..."

Shepard and I promptly stopped Joker in unison, "Shut up, Joker."

Clearly aware that he'd pushed the wrong button with us, Joker gave a proud grin from ear-to-ear. If anyone could figure out what happened between Shepard and I, it would be the ever-observant and all-wise Joker. His smart-alack conversation was just to cloak his quiet and observant ways. That or he had access to the ship's security cameras from the helm. I wanted to bet on the former.

Behind me, I heard a bored woman in monotone announce quite loudly, "Our ETA to the Citadel is approximately twenty-four hours and thirty-eight minutes." I quickly turned around in a confused manner to look at the woman. She kept talking in her loud monotone. "Please confirm your credentials with the onboard immigration officers."

"What?" I gaped at her. Nobody looked at her as though she was out of the ordinary. As I examined the people around us, everyone had turned static; they held expressionless faces and stood like mannequins at attention. "Joker?" I frantically addressed him, waving my hand in front of his face. "Shepard!" I shouted when I grabbed him by the sleeve of his jacket. They didn't acknowledge me.

I looked up at the ceiling, the lights were blinding and I felt the champagne glass slip from my hand as Shepard's jacket disappeared from my grasp.

"Failure to provide authentic identification may result in criminal charges..."

The room turned chilly. _Where am I?_ I was falling. _Why am I falling?_ The elegant backdrop melted away as I couldn't focus anymore. I searched for my companions. _Help!_ I couldn't speak. _What's happening? Come back!_ Still, no words left my lips.

The woman was talking again, but I couldn't see her anymore. "Thank you for your patronage, on behalf of..."

I landed on my pillow; eyes wide open and short of breath. My surroundings were now a stale and cramped public transportation cabin. It would seem that I had just completed another night on my way to my first checkpoint to Earth, the Citadel. I sat up, rubbing my eyes, saddened that my dream had ended. I looked out the window to see the Serpent Nebula stretched out before me, still light years away. The sight of the nebula made me smile as I thought of seeing Anderson again. Rumor had it that Garrus had gone back to the Citadel, intending upon returning to C-Sec and I intended upon looking for him, too.

Annoyed by my rude awakening, I tossed my covers aside and stood to dress, deciding that avoiding Saracino wasn't worth another twenty-four hours in a small cruiser cabin. I'd managed to avoid him so far, as he usually stayed in his large suite or at the bar with the wealthy patrons that he clicked with so well.

As I dressed, the rest of my dream's memory played though my head. I remember the ceremony being quite light-hearted and going off without a hitch. Joker made a great speech, giving shout-outs to individual members of the Normandy's crew; Shepard and his ability to tolerate Joker's daily jabs, Garrus and his fascination with the Mako, Pressley's fatherly attitude towards the crewmembers he'd oversee, me and my fascination with weapons. He pointed and winked at me when he said it; a low rumble of laughter emitted from the audience when he did.

I left my room and went down a long, cramped corridor to the common area. It was a lounge-like all-purpose commons with a secluded bar area, eatery, and small corners to go and hide. There was no hiding for me, though, as I found myself making wary eye-contact with a shrewd politician the moment I entered the room. Just my luck.

Running into the man was inevitable, I reasoned. I watched him twirling a glass of brandy as he kept his sights on me, as if to dare me to approach him. Unwilling to accept his challenge, walked to the side of the room opposite of the bar, to check my full omni-tool inbox. I slid on to a large chair with my back on one armrest and my legs hanging over the other. On occasion I'd glance around to make sure Saracino was still holding his position. For a while, he did hold his ground while I sent out a bunch of one-word replies on my omni-tool. I finished my fiftieth message when I glanced around again. I frowned when I found that the man's chair was empty. Abruptly, I felt the sudden urge to check behind me.

The subtle rustle of clothing and sound of expensive shoes hitting the floor told me that I didn't need to.

"You're the scumbag everyone says you are and then some, Saracino," I said with annoyed undertones in my voice. I heard a brisk laugh behind me.

"I brought you something," he said as he held a bottle of beer in front of my face from behind. I'll be honest, the offer was tempting, but I resisted the siren's call. Noticing my blatant hesitance, he continued, "A peace offering, Miss Williams." I put my hand up in refusal and he took it back, then walked around the chair to sit across from me.

"What do you want?" I asked, watching him get comfortable in the chair across the coffee table from me.

"An official statement," he casually demanded. He sank back into his seat as he held on to his brandy and beer.

"Not happening," I quickly spat, looking down upon him with a condescending tone.

"Then a series of simple answers, perhaps?" he offered, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and a soft expression on his face, trying to look like a honest man.

"You won't be getting an honest answer from me," I said, not giving him the honor of my eye contact. "But I'm curious about what's got your panties in a bunch." I maneuvered from my previous position in the chair to sit up and cross my legs, looking upon him with hesitance and a touch of malice.

"It's been two weeks since the Normandy went down," he said, twirled his brandy then took a sip. To my surprise, the snide voice of a politician left him, and seemingly legitimate concern engulfed his tone, but I hated him too much to buy it. "Shepard's crew members are surfacing, you included." I gave a half-nod for him to continue. "But no Shepard." I wasn't surprised that he brought this up. Everyone wanted to know where their hero went. "It's been a fortnight and he hasn't shown his face or even released a statement."

"Neither have I," I argued, trying to conceal a secret that could easily be slipped.

"Nice try," he spat back with a knowing sneer. "But nobody wants to hear from a gunnery chief." I sent a sneer his way; it didn't bother him. "So, Miss Williams, where's Shepard?"

"Am I his keeper now?" My answer was quick; perhaps too quick, I thought, when Saracino let out a brief chuckle. As I would soon figure out, he didn't like snide retorts.

"No, you're not," he meekly answered. But the apologetic demeanor quickly disappeared. "I looked you up, my dear." I rolled my eyes, waiting for a venomous lecture on my family history. His voiced raised, "So let me tell you who the hell you are." I sighed, wondering why I didn't just up and leave. "You're the boneheaded granddaughter of General Williams. Shepard was the only commander you ever had that wasn't cautious enough to look up his crew." As he ranted I formulated comebacks with just as much vitriol as his words had. The personal attack didn't hurt me, but it _was _unnerving. He knew so much and he was obviously abusing his knowledge. "That's how the Normandy ended up with a former turian cop, the daughter of a treasonous matriarch, a krogan warlord for hire, and a naive little quarian."

At first I may not have trusted them, but Garrus, Liara, Wrex, and Tali had proven themselves to be capable people of integrity. People I cherished to no end, even if we didn't see eye-to-eye on more than one occasion. Hell, I was convinced that Wrex and Liara didn't exactly consider me their favorite person in the galaxy. Still, never mind Saracino slamming who I was; it was his blatant xenophobia that irked me. I slammed a fist onto the coffee table, keeping a glare deadlocked on him. Pleased with himself that he'd hit a nerve, Saracino kept a smirk on his face.

"On top of that, _sweetie_, he's too soft to put you in your place," he put simply with an irritating grin on his greasy face.

"Shepard," I huffed out with my eyes wide with rage. "Saved not only humanity, but the council, the people of the Citadel, and ultimately," I paused to catch my breath. "...and _unfortunately_, your sorry ass." He sat back with an excellent poker-face, concealing the fact that I'd struck a nerve or two, because I know I had. "He's the reason why we're getting a damn seat on the council. It's everything you and Terra Firma wanted! We now have power because of him and you're still bitching!"

"And that's who you are," he grumbled back. "A fangirl- enamored with the image of this perfect man. A man you may as well have used to redeem your family's honor."

"**Your** rejection doesn't do a damn thing, you swine," I growled back, insulted by the notion of me using someone like Shepard for my family's gain. "I took care of my family history on my own. I'm not giving you the answers you want, so you're going to start throwing shit at me like a little kid?"

"I was just making conversation, my dear," he calmly retorted. I had found what little inner peace I had left and calmed down from my previous rage-filled posture.

"Trying to sweet talk classified information out of me then throwing it back in my face is hardly trifling conversation."

He stood up, leaving the beer on the coffee table between us. "Your attitude aside, the knowledge the both of you now have is quite valuable." He folded his arms, staring down at me as though he were lecturing a troublesome child covered in mud.

"What are you talking about?" I tensed my shoulders and my hands were in fists.

"I'm more than a dirty politician, my dear," he stated coolly, careful that nobody else heard him. "You'd be careful not to cross my contacts. We'll find the commander that you're so infatuated with and then we'll clean up the mess he made, whether you give me the information I need or not." My heart twanged with fear at his ultimatum. "In the meantime, I'd suggest you learn your place before refusing to give up the information a well-connected man needs."

Saracino wordlessly left me for his suite. He walked with his shoulders relaxed and a near skip in his step. Telling people off apparently lifted his mood. I felt like an idiot. He sat calmly throughout almost the whole thing and I was the one growling out profanities. The man obviously knew something that I didn't and I was sure that if he were as informed as he implied, then he wouldn't need my answers about Shepard. His agenda had more than just information on Shepard in mind.

At the time, I assumed that he was bored and just wanted to intimidate me, but my gut screamed that there was something more. His contacts? Who were his contacts? It didn't matter, I concluded. He's a bastard and I'm better than him.

I looked at one of the holographic screens that conveyed flight information to the passengers. Twenty-three hours and eighteen minutes. I couldn't wait to be back on the Citadel, no matter how broken it was right now.

* * *

><p>"Captain Anderson!" I cried out to my old friend and captain. I hadn't been <em>this<em> happy as of late. Anderson briskly turned away from an asari that he was comparing notes with. I choked back tears as he opened his arms. He knew that there was no space for keeping up appearances right now. I ran up to him and he embraced me as I managed to not cry. I heard the asari leave as we stood stuck in our embrace, silent.

I felt as though I finally stood on stable ground after the Normandy went down. I thought of everything that had transpired between Shepard, Anderson, and I; how my heart perpetually ached; how we had lost the man who found the Protheans' warning and managed to do what Anderson couldn't. The idea of Shepard's passing that had churned inside of me for so long had passed. Momentarily, I had convinced myself that everything was going to be okay.

I let go of Anderson to look out beyond the dock to the wards. We stood in silence as we stared down the arms of the damaged station. There was a bittersweet beauty about the Citadel's damage. Bits and pieces of Sovereign littered the Citadel's long arms- glowing embers of destruction marred the impacted wards. The fires that still raged on were quickly cut off when the flames reached the end of the shallow atmosphere that the Citadel maintained. Ironically, I felt safe here and began to second guess moving on to Earth. In the wake of the station's previous calamity, it felt serene and familiar- something I so dearly needed right now.

"We're declaring him..." Anderson paused after breaking our silence. I gave him a knowing glance, telling him that I knew what and who he meant.

"When will they announce him KIA?" I asked in a near whisper, still not used to the sad reality. He waited for a crowd of workers to walk by, as I watched maintenance vehicles fly passed us from ward to ward, awaiting his reply.

"Within the hour," he answered. I hung my head as he put a hand on my shoulder, still looking out at the wards. "You showed up just in time," Anderson deadpanned.

"Oh, how fortunate," I mumbled.

"I'll keep you out of the line of fire, Chief," he assured me with a warmth in his voice. I believed him, even if I didn't need protecting.

"What do we do now?" I pondered aloud. It was a futile question. What could we do? Our citadel was crippled, we'd lost hundreds of ships to Sovereign, and I hadn't heard the word "reaper" out of anyone's mouth since Shepard left. I felt left at square one.

"We keep fighting," he said. "We may not have Shepard, but we have these bits and pieces of Sovereign..."

A deep feminine voice cut in to our conversation, "And we have _you_." Anderson and I turned to look behind us. He moved with no surprise in his posture, but I turned with bewildered haste.

A woman stood with a militaristic poise- shoulders back and arms held behind her as she proudly held up her head. Her burgundy hair was pulled back into a bun similar to the one I wore. The woman's oval face was middle-aged and wise with symmetrical crow's feet framing her eyes and worry lines across her forehead. I recognized her awkward grin as something she passed to her son, along with the blue eyes that had a welcoming aura of their own.

"Chief Williams," Anderson began to introduce us, but it wasn't needed. "This is Captain..."

"Hannah," I cut him off, sounding awestruck and faintly breathless, walking towards Jethro's mother. Her grin was wide with familiarity, as she didn't need an introduction, either.

"I thought I'd meet you halfway, kiddo," Hannah said when we arrived at arm's length.

"Consider the captain your mentor," Anderson added in. We shared a smile, already bonding. "Between my recommendation and the commander's praise, it was decided that you pick up where he left off." I know he didn't say it, but I heard that as me replacing him. Perhaps his death was still too fresh or I was just naturally laced with a sense of guilt, but I couldn't see it as anything other than replacing Jethro Shepard.

"But only if you're willing to do so, Ashley," Hannah countered as she saw the excitement on my face fall. Her tone remained professional, but I felt her motherly concern radiate to me.

I parted from our mutual gaze and looked back out to the wards, contemplating. I didn't want to move on like this- at the expense of Shepard's memory.

_Stupid girl_, I snapped back to myself. _The reapers are coming. This isn't about Shepard_. Picturing the battle that played out months before, I recalled watching Sovereign blow to pieces, nearly killing our squad in its death throes. Sovereign: the proclaimed vanguard of our destruction.

"_Reaper? A label created by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction_," I heard Sovereign's speech play out in my head. I shuddered at the thought of what I'd heard on Virmire, reminding myself why I had to do this, despite my sentiments towards Shepard and what his memory stood for. This was bigger than mourning him.

_"You are not Saren_,"

_And I am not Shepard_, I countered. _That doesn't matter. I am not Shepard, but I can do this. Ashley can pick up where he left off._

My reluctance began to break away as I heard Sovereign again.

_"You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it."_ In that moment I knew my mission.

_Take up this mantle, Ashley,_ I screamed inwardly. Whatever Shepard left behind, I'd use it to my advantage against the reapers, no matter how futile my effort may end up. This is how I wanted to honor him.

"_We are legion. The time of our return is coming._"

"I won't just lay down and die," I proclaimed, turning back towards Anderson and Hannah. My few moments of boldness started to wane, though, as fear attacked my resolve.

"But..." I looked to them both, pouring out my worries to the two people who had suddenly become my treasured confidants. "I only know how to shoot back and take orders. I'm not well spoken and I don't have the cipher or anything else to go on. The reapers are sitting in dark space and nobody will follow me there. I don't know what I'm doing or how to..."

Hannah raised her hand to stop me; I obeyed, straightening out my stressfully hunched posture, knowing that it was for my own good to stop doubting myself aloud.

"Before Jethro went back to the Normandy," she began lowly; though, before she finished, Hannah laughed at what she was getting ready to say. "The boy wouldn't shut up about you, Ashley!" Her eyes lit up, probably reminiscing about her son. "According to him, you've got a prowess that's saved him countless times over." Flattered, I couldn't help but smile widely in the same way that only Jethro could make me smile. "My son is a bad liar and I intend upon taking his word for you."

I brought myself back to the quiet hours before Ilos. How Shepard and I poured our hearts out with a mix of poorly summoned words and poetry.

"_I had to bury a lot of things._" I confessed to him. "_During that whole time, not even once, did I feel like I was worth what I was fighting for."_ Our hands met when we both realized that we were right where we needed to be. _"You make me feel good enough._" Our lips then met, with the rest of us soon following.

The recollection faded, and I was back to the burning wards. I shook my head as I tightly shut my eyes, still afraid of taking up such a mantle.

"Please, Williams," Anderson pleaded. "Whatever you need, it's at your disposal."

"Anderson will be your guide," Hannah promptly added. "And until the moment you're ready to carry out your mission, I'll be your keeper."

I gave my full attention to them again. They stood side-by-side with pleading expressions on their faces- my keeper and my confidants. They had faith in me- something I couldn't betray.

"_You make me feel good enough._"

Because _**I am**__ good enough._

I was no longer afraid. Perhaps I'd fall on my face or die in the process, but the whole galaxy was worth fighting for.

"I'm ready."

_I'm good enough_.


	6. Confound Delivery

_Please at least take a look at Mass Effect: Redemption's plot if you haven't already. The world will suck a lot less should you do. FYI, my headcanon is that Hannah has Jennifer Hale's (femShep) voice. I find it more fitting than the few lines we heard in ME1._

_Today's chapter includes massive amounts of air quotes. Ah yes, "reapers."_

_And I'm looking for a beta reader. If you PM me about it and I don't reply, it's probably due to my inability to reject people. /3_

**Writing Soundtrack:_  
><em>**

"_Paradise_" by Coldplay

"_Hide and Seek_" by Imogen Heap

"_Float On_" by Modest Mouse

**Six.**

**~Confound Delivery~**

Anderson wasted no time in putting me to work. The pieces of Sovereign were disappearing and it was my job to recover them.

After a week of braving airless corridors and utterly destroyed buildings, I watched the keepers go after pieces of Sovereign that I thought were unreachable. During my third day on the job, I was scouting out part of the Kithoi ward that was without gravity control and life-support. The water pipes had been broken open, letting blobs of water float in the huge airless plaza that I ended up in, reflecting my helmet's flashlight and the twinkling wards outside. Where there had once been a large window, there was now a makeshift kinetic barrier to prevent debris (and myself) from flying out into space. It was a humbling place to be. What was once a bustling trading floor had become an uninhabitable ruin in a matter of minutes.

On the other side of the plaza was my objective: the shattered tip of one of Sovereign's tendrils wedged into the back wall of one of the plaza's stores. I could see it clearly, since the front wall of the store was now gone. The piece sat eerily dormant with only about a foot of it sticking out of the wall and its inner workings exposed; the reflective inner hardware of the piece twinkled under the faint light. I had to have it.

If it weren't for the thirty-foot gash through the center of the plaza, getting to it wouldn't have been a big deal. I double-checked the magnets on my boots before I situated myself into a crouch at the edge of the fissure, calculating my zero-g leap to the other side. Just as I was scouting for a safe place to land, I spied something in the store make a sudden shift out of the corner of my eye. Without any sound to help indicate what was happening, I had to move quickly to investigate. I glanced over at the store again to watch the wall gradually rupture. With my knees bent, ready to lunge forward, I deactivated my boot's magnets just as I began to push off.

Not daring to look down, I kept my eyes ahead with my arms out in front of me, getting ready to grab at a beam hanging down from the ceiling on the other side. Water splashed off my helmet as I flew through the floating puddles that scattered away in slow-motion. I smiled briefly at how beautiful the twinkling water drops were as they floated around me, but then I realized how close I had become to my target and snapped back my attention.

Inertia kicked in as one hand grabbed the beam and the rest of me kept flying forward around it. My legs slowly made their way towards the floor after I turned the magnets back on. Upon my gentle landing, I looked back at the ruined store.

The tiles looked like they were shivering as dust began to emanate from them. I cautiously made my way to the wall, carefully stepping around mangled metal and shattered tile. One by one I watched tiles come loose and float away, as though the wall was shedding. Someone was digging.

I took my pistol off my back and held it up to lead the way towards the shedding wall. Mere feet to the side of the shard, the wall had given way to a little round opening that exposed the area behind it. What was on the other side came to me as a surprise.

Two black, beady eyes gave me a brief glance then moved out of the makeshift entrance. It was a keeper. I put away my gun, standing baffled at how it was surviving in this environment; nothing was protecting its body and it didn't seem to be carrying an oxygen supply. But I didn't have time to ponder upon the phenomenon for long, as it indifferently moved towards the object of my assignment.

"Oh, no no no, you don't!" I shouted, lunging towards the shard with my hands out, ready to grab at it. The keeper ignored me, thanks to the lack of sound, and started to poke and prod at the shard. I realized that I had overcompensated in my lunge and I was flying up towards the ceiling. With my hands held up to bounce me off the ceiling, I watched the keeper try to wiggle the shard out of the wall. It glanced back at me, now alarmed at my presence, and started to frantically work away at the shard. I pushed away from the ceiling and quickened my fall by turning up the magnet strength. Thanks to my launching angle, I landed right next to the frantic keeper. The progress it had made in such a short time was remarkable; the shard was hanging out, with only part of its pointed end still stuck in the wall. It had chipped away at the tile that encased the shard, as if it were an archeologist digging around a buried Prothean artifact with delicate care.

"Thanks for the help, buddy." My voice was confidently snarky when I addressed the creature, even though it couldn't hear me. "But this is mine." I grabbed the shard and began to pull with all my might; one foot pushing against the wall as I growled against the stubborn shard.

Unbeknownst to me, the keeper was in the middle of its self-destruct sequence. A sickening green mist entered my view, prompting me to relent in my efforts against the wall. I'd foolishly forgotten the one defense mechanism that the keepers had: should anyone get too close, they'd release a form of acid inside themselves and melt in less than a minute. And I was right next to one. Not wanting to risk coming into contact with the keeper's acid, I pushed away, flying back out of the store to watch from afar. In a matter of seconds, plumes of melted keeper floated in the airless space and began to stick to any surface it ran in to.

I frantically checked my armor for any of the acid. From what I could tell, I got out just in time, avoiding enough of the stuff, keeping my armor unscathed. Without the means to dig at the shard myself, it was clearly time for me to radio in.

"This is Williams to C-Sec recovery team." I waited for a reply while watching the green mist clear out. Now that I had the time to think things though, I was annoyed with myself for not just letting the keeper do its job and get the shard loose before I went in and tried to take it. That was my big problem. I react first and think later. Sure, I can think things through in the middle of a firefight, but that's because I'm completely in my element. But going on a treasure hunt that included no hostile contacts without mucking it up was seemingly beyond my abilities. I shook off my self-loathing thoughts when I got a reply.

"This is Chellick," a turian officer replied. "What's your situation, Williams?"

"I found the tip of the ship that flew into the trading floor." I moved back to the store, examining the piece for any keeper acid that may have stuck to it. It looked unscathed. Even the surface that should have been scratched up from going through the wall was seemingly flawless. It was a smooth onyx-looking material that was only slightly metallic. Even if it was part of a reaper, the material looked beautiful. Perhaps that was the point. "I'll need help getting it out of the wall. The damn thing won't budge."

"Good work, Williams. We've got a lock on your location and a recovery squad will be sent in."

"Acknowledged, Chellick. Williams out." I found a safe place to sit and wait for pick-up with a view of the shard. If any piece of Sovereign that I'd found so far could prove the existence of the reapers, this would be it. From eye-witness accounts, Sovereign attached itself to the citadel tower by the tips of its tendrils. Although I was no expert, I concluded that if anything had compelling evidence of hyper-advanced technology, it would be this shard that linked Sovereign into the Citadel's controls.

Well, I could only hope.

* * *

><p>"What the hell do you mean, 'no evidence'?" I growled at Udina as he defiantly stood his ground, arms crossed, and glaring down upon me. Udina and I had this unspoken agreement that I will always see him as a scumbag and he will always see me as an incompetent grunt.<p>

"The pieces of the ship you found have been determined to be geth technology," he explained with a severe lack of enthusiasm in his voice as he was checking his omni-tool.

It was nearing a whole month since the Normandy was attacked and a week since I'd arrived at the Citadel. I had been training under Hannah's wing while running errands for Anderson between the Presidium and C-Sec. As much as I wanted to jump back into the battlefield, there was nothing but geth to kill right now, and that wasn't going to help me find the reapers. Besides, the work served as a distraction from my grief. So, I opted to stay on the Citadel, helping Anderson settle in and rounding up evidence.

For a week, I'd been trying to beat scavengers and the keepers for the pieces of Sovereign that were left. Most of the pieces I found so far were nothing more than fancy scrap metal, other than the piece I found a few days ago in the ruined plaza. The C-Sec recovery team fawned over that piece, but wouldn't classify it as anything other than evidence of evolved geth technology. Thus, today's argument with Udina.

"But what about the one we picked up the other day?" Udina let out a loud, annoyed sigh, still trying to hold his attention to the omni-tool. "That should be enough, right?" I pleaded, hoping that my recovery efforts hadn't gone to waste.

"Allow me to repeat myself, Miss Williams," he began, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut. "The pieces we have suggest nothing but advanced geth technology."

"I was there! That was _not_ a geth ship." I could feel my temper's fuse shorten. Udina paused before replying, likely collecting his composure. He walked towards the balcony with tensed up shoulders. Leaning against the railing, he shook his head as he looked out at the restored presidium.

"We all saw it, Miss Williams," he countered, refusing to look at me. "It didn't have 'reaper...'" He put up his arms to make air quotes with his fingers. "...written on the side of it."

"What about the VI on Ilos? We can power it back on!" My reasoning was futile. I saw him tense up, getting angrier at my persistence.

"As many well-qualified engineers have already explained to me: no." He moved his arm out in front of him in a sharp motion, as if to figuratively cut off the conversation. "We can't and _won't_ waste precious time and resources on myth."

"But Shepard-" I began, only to get cut-off by Udina. He was good at that.

"...Is dead and provided no evidence himself, Miss Williams," he barked, turning around to glare at me with fired-up eyes. I returned the glare as he walked over to his desk. "Bring me the evidence and we shall talk further." He sat down after adjusting his shirt. I let out a frustrated breath, mentally retorting back, _I've been giving you evidence for a week now, you dimwit_.

"Now get out of my office," he demanded, waving me out of the room. I disregarded his demand and walked up to the desk and audaciously leaned against it, still glaring.

"This is the captain's office, Udina." I pointed at Anderson's large desk space on the far side of the room. "You can't kick me out."

Udina slowly began, "Miss Williams..." He motioned towards the console that summoned security officers, threateningly holding his finger over the call button, daring me to stay. I got the message.

"Fine. Whatever." I gave in, my hands up as I walked away. He grumbled something as I promptly left the office and headed out of the embassy. I gave his comments none of my attention.

On my way out I scanned my badge to check out of the building. Security was getting to the point of insanity because of the attack. I found it to be pointless, though. If a reaper or geth wanted to get in, I don't think that the lack of a security badge would stop it.

I caught Anderson walking down the corridor with a quiet posture, probably not in the mood to be bothered by official business for the day.

"Hey," I chimed at him. He acknowledged me with a nod and smile, and then stopped to converse with me. "Your politician isn't house-trained yet," I commented on my recent interaction with Udina. He let out a genuine laugh, not thinking much of how Udina had a hard time playing nice.

"Really?" he asked in an amused tone, holding a hand under his chin, not taking me seriously.

"Captain," I began to whine. "He kicked me out of your office." Anderson chuckled harder when I crossed my arms and gave him a pouting stare.

"To his credit, you're not housebroken either, Chief." He mirrored me by folding his arms and eyed me with a knowing smirk, lecturing me with his eyes. To Udina's credit, I'll admit to being just as stubborn. I'm not one to take "no" for an answer. But after all of the hassle he'd caused Shepard and I, it was hard to be so quick to cooperate with him, let alone take his word for something. Before I could muster a retort, Anderson changed the subject. "Are you headed to meet my contact?"

"Yep." I let my arms down and pursing my lips. It was a sign of a severe lack of enthusiasm on my part. Another errand. Another day of being stir-crazy.

We said our goodbyes, not in the mood to continue this battle over Udina's stubborn demeanor. Deciding to leave my frustrations at the embassy door, I headed to the wards to finish my assigned errand.

"Miss Ashley," the embassy secretary chimed at me, standing up from her desk and waving a hand at me.

"Hey, Korrana," I said awkwardly when I turned to face her. I was surprised that I even remembered her name. I liked Korrana, even if I seldom gave her my attention. She was a short and freckled asari that greeted and kept tabs on everyone who came through her sector of the embassies with perpetual enthusiasm. Although, I wasn't too sure about her calling me "Miss Ashley;" it made me feel like a pre-school teacher. Korrana jumped up from her chair, clearly more excited than usual.  
>"Miss Ashley!" she continued as she ran around from her desk to me, a datapad in hand. "I was instructed to give this to you." She excitedly offered the datapad to me and I cautiously took it. "Your eyes only."<p>

I examined the datapad, furrowing my eyebrows when I realized that getting to its contents had strings attached.

"Korrana..." I held the datapad up for her to see the locked up screen.

"Locked? Yes," she quickly chimed, fiercely nodding. "The lady who handed it to me said that it would be." I tapped at the screen, trying to punch in a passcode to no avail. "She said to give you the hint..." Korrana looked at me excitedly, neglecting to actually give me the hint I needed.

"Okay..." I looked to her expectantly. She still didn't get it. "What was the hint?"

"Oh, uhm," she began with a panicked expression. "I wrote it down! I swear!" Korrana ran back to her desk to rummage through her desk terminal. "Okay! Okay! Okay!" She again excitedly ran back to me. "The hint is..." Her voice's pace slowed down as she recited the information. "At what age do you want to look as good as me?"

"What?" I scrunched my face in confusion. "Who's age?"

"That's it, Miss Ashley." Korrana shrugged her shoulders, looking just as confused as I felt. "The lady didn't give a name."

"Well..." I sighed, taking another look at the locked datapad. "Thanks, Korrana."

She waved goodbye profusely as I left the embassies. I wasn't sure if I was annoyed with her or if I found her enthusiasm incredibly adorable. Considering how the day had gone so far, it was more on the annoying side.

The presidium was pristine by now. Every sense of normalcy that had been destroyed during the attack was now back in place. Walking through the presidium, I noticed that Sha'ira's chambers were almost back in business and Barla Von's office already had a line of people seeking "financial advice." I'm sure business was booming in the information trade right now.

Sadly, I couldn't say the same for the wards. Getting around was a pain with many of the main corridors still without life-support. I had to take a bunch of weird alleyways and stairs that I wasn't all too familiar with in order to get anywhere important. While I traversed though the crippled station, I noticed that most of the clinics started up again and there were several new makeshift shelters for the displaced.

After taking a few too many alternate routes, I arrived at C-Sec academy to meet the contact Anderson wanted me to find. He said that I'd know the guy when I saw him. Looking around, I was having a hard time finding a familiar face. There were so many people coming and going through the academy anyway; finding someone that I was supposed to recognize in this massive crowd was like playing _Where's Waldo?_ from hell.

Annoyed and confused, I sat on a bench under one of the half-destroyed trees, admiring how it still held on to its pink leaves after half of it was scorched. As I sat I recollected running up the stairs of the council chambers behind Shepard during the attacks. The alarms kept sounding off as fires raged here and there and the pink leaves gently fluttered through the air. I quickly became entrenched in the setting that panned out in my mind, no longer keeping an eye out for my contact.

"I hope they don't take that one down," a gravelly, metallic voice commented, breaking my daydream. I quickly turned my attention to my side to find a familiar face. Garrus was admiring the tree as he sat a few feet away from me on the bench. I gave him an once-over, grinning widely and pleasantly surprised.

"You my contact, Garrus?" I inquired, keeping my joy concealed under my professional tone. Garrus let out a little indifferent snort, seemingly amused at my question.

"That's not how your counselor put it," he said with humor in his tone. Garrus kept his gaze on the tree as he conversed with me. "But sure, we'll go with that." He shrugged his shoulders, content with his answer.

"So, why am I here? Anderson just gave me a nod and a wink and said that everything would be just swell." Garrus shifted in his seat, slowly scanned the passing crowd, and moved his gaze to me. It was this weird habit of his, to scan his surroundings before starting up a (even remotely) personal conversation, even if no one else was around. The both of us had spent a lot of time in the Normandy's garage and since Wrex was never too chatty, Garrus and I would talk about weapons and mods; on occasion, ourselves. As time went on, I concluded that everything about how he acted screamed "cop." Inwardly, I laughed at his habits, but appreciated them greatly, too.

"I see you got Liara's datapad." He motioned at what I kept clutched in my hand. I held up the datapad with wide eyes as everything culminated into something that made sense.

"You're kidding…" I deadpanned.

"Are you saying that you didn't unlock it yet?" He shook his head in disappointment. "What was the clue she left you?"

"I didn't even know it was her!" I quickly defended.

"She made it pretty obvious…"

"Well, I know that now." I glared at the keypad that popped up on the screen, reciting what Korrana told me, summoning my memories of Liara for guidance. "Dammit, Garrus!" I said in a frustrated huff. "How old is Liara?"

He sat still for a moment, looking out into space as he searched for the answers then answered, "One hundred and six." I punched in the number and the datapad unlocked. Garrus laughed when I furrowed my eyebrows at my poor memory. "You know, I remember a conversation you two had…"

"I know," I cut him off, lifting my free hand up to silence him. I began to examine the datapad's content. There wasn't much on it: a map of the wards with markers that held no significance to me and a small document file. He moved closer to read the datapad next to me, so I moved it between us when I opened the document.

_Gunnery Chief Williams,_

_I apologize for the mystery. I may only hope that the secretary was wise enough to follow my instructions._

_Since Shepard's disappearance I have been searching for pieces of Sovereign, much like you have. But there is a problem. Either the keepers have been cleaning up the wreckage or scavengers have been taking pieces as souvenirs._

_Despite this, I have discovered that there are parts of the Tayseri ward that remain largely untouched. Even the keepers have not touched these pieces. I am not sure if this is an encouraging development or something to be worried about._

_Find Garrus and meet me outside of Dilinaga Concert Hall. The concert hall is severely damaged and remains unable sustain life, so arrive prepared._

_-T'Soni_

"And what did she send you?" I asked Garrus. He leaned back, his arm draped over the back of the bench, trying to look like a smug badass. Although, I would argue that he indeed was one.

"She said that you'd hit a rough patch in your work for Anderson and that she needed firepower for a little mission of hers." He put more space between us and tilted his head back to gaze at the tree again. I was still getting used to reading alien faces, but I'm sure that he had a smile filled with giddy excitement. He was probably anticipating a chance to kick some bad-guy ass. The man was a natural paragon. "Liara told me about what I needed to do, but she apparently left out some details, put it on another datapad, then sent it to you."

I read over Liara's message once more, thrilled that I finally had a lead in my hands. But there was something ominous about her letter. Liara seemed surprised that the keepers hadn't gotten to these pieces of Sovereign yet. The more I thought about it, the more intrigued I got. The keepers had braved the airless ruined wards countless times; so what was so different about heading over to the Tayseri ward? Was the damage really that bad?

"Garrus," I began to inquire. "Why do we need firepower in an abandoned ward?" He turned back to me, tilting his head to the side in a look of equal curiosity. "I mean, sure, we might have to blast through something, but you're no demolition expert."

"Maybe Liara's just overcompensating to be safe." He furrowed his expression, calculating his next words. "It would be like you humans say…" He made airquotes. "Famous last words."

"It's not like I disapprove." I needlessly defended. "I don't know. Call me paranoid, but it just doesn't add up." Something in my gut told me that this was off somehow. Not necessarily about Liara bringing firepower, but the fact that we'd be going in to a place that even the keepers haven't set foot in. From the looks of Liara's letter, I'd say that she shared the same concerns. I settled on prancing into this mission anyway. Anderson assigned it to me and I'd rather have Garrus on my team while running around on the Tayseri ward than bringing along some C-Sec officer fresh out of the academy.

I sat twiddling my thumbs, waiting for Garrus to lead the way, but he just kept staring at that tree. The thing kept grabbing his attention, and I began to wonder if I was missing something, so I moved my attention back to it again.

"You, uhm," I began, not sure where my sentence was going. "…really like that tree?"

"I guess it's nothing special," Garrus replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I'd walk passed it every day and I'd sit under it when I needed to study during my C-Sec training. It's just weird seeing half of it blown to hell after years of taking the thing for granted." I wondered what meaning that tree truly held for him, since he spoke with a fondness in his tone that I hadn't heard before. His sentimental mood quickly changed, though. "Anyways, it's just a stupid tree that took a rocket in a firefight." I was half tempted to argue that it could have meant more to him than he was letting on, but Garrus quickly moved us along. "Grab your gear and I'll meet you at the opera house."

He hastily stood up and nodded his head goodbye at me. We parted ways and quickly disappeared into the crowd.

* * *

><p>I loved my armor. I never really had a thing for pink, but I really liked this armor. Through my helmet's visor, I examined my reflection in the mirror. On my left calf, a black blast mark discolored the white ceramic plating; a remnant of escaping the Normandy. My fingers ran along a deep scratch across my armor's breastplate; it was from tumbling through the ship on my way to the escape pod. I knew that dwelling on my armor's battle scars would eventually bring my thoughts back to the commander. To distract myself, I ran a few diagnostics on my armor, testing how air-tight it was, since the opera house was currently airless. It all checked out.<p>

I unfastened my helmet and stared at my messy hair, holding my shoulders back and my hands to my sides at attention. Despite still having a good bit of time to kill, I decided to find nothing better to do than just sit around in my quarters. My current residence had yet to feel like home. The only personalization I'd done so far was filling the closet, piling my books on a nightstand, and hanging my grandmother's blue rosary on the side of my mirror.

The rosary kept me grounded, reminding me of Mom and my sisters every time I'd glance at it. It was such a soft and sentimental thing of me to fawn over a piece of jewelry, but I needed something to hold on to. Whenever I'd come home in a bad mood, which was often, I'd hold it, staring at the glistening blue beads; listing everything that was blue. Blue was a color that had a tendency to follow me around. Explaining this whole sentimental ritual that I'd come up with over the course of a week would feel so silly. I wasn't good with words in the first place, so describing why I was counting off all of my blue things wouldn't sound all that poetic coming from me.

I reached out to grasp the rosary, holding it up to let the beads reflect the room's artificial light. _Blue_, I thought. I would be seeing Liara again, leading me to think of her blue skin. Garrus wore blue armor and a visor with blue decals. They reminded me of the glory days on the Normandy. We'd all hang out in the dark garage with only the blue LED lights providing much light, other than the work lamps we had at our stations. The garage's lighting wasn't that different from the rest of the ship. It felt dark and shadowy, but not in an ominous sense. The atmosphere that the cool lights provided calmed me after a mission.

Blue: the only color in the captain's quarters on one very specific night. It was the color of Shepard's eyes gleaming into mine; the blue uniform in a heap on the floor that he said he had lost the right to wear.

Just as I had feared: my thoughts were back to the commander. Dammit.

_Snap the hell out of it_, I ordered myself. I obeyed, trying to move my thoughts on to a new subject. From the other room, I heard the door slide open and someone walked in, but I paid my guest no mind, as they didn't even bother to announce themselves. It was to the point where I expected no privacy here. I went back to my reflection in the mirror to hang the rosary back up.

I watched a hand move into the mirror's view to rest on my shoulder. Hannah stepped behind me with a smirk and raised eyebrows, seemingly quite amused at how I kept procrastinating in front of the mirror.

"You look good, kid," she commented, patting me on the back then stepping to the side to examine me. I returned the gaze, realizing that she was also suited up. Hannah wore an intimidating heavy set of N7 armor with black plating and electric blue accents. She looked especially intimidating with the weapons attached to her back. I could only wish to grow up to be a fifty-something year-old badass like her.

"Going somewhere?" I asked. For weeks, Hannah had been making memorial arrangements. We'd been given quarters in the embassy dorms right next to each other. Every time I was in her quarters, I'd take a glance at the related paperwork sitting on her personal terminal. It must have been draining to try and deal with Jethro's death with such poise, and I didn't envy her. But Hannah was a trooper. You'd never guess that she'd just lost her child. I just assumed that she, too, was looking for something to move her mind away from Jethro.

"David bought me tickets to the opera," she deadpanned. In blatant surprise, upon immediately understanding what she was referring to, I raised my eyebrows in a wide gleam while Hannah let out a hearty laugh.

"You're going with?" I gasped with unnecessary concern.

"Ashley, please," she said, rolling her eyes, folding her arms and moving her weight to one leg. "I'm a soldier, not a housewife. Anderson said that your asari friend needed firepower, and I need something to do."

"Well, it's not like you need my permission, Hannah." Realizing that convincing her to stay at the embassy was futile, I just shrugged.

"Exactly." Hannah glared at me, probably a little offended by my doubting her choice to go along with me. "So…" She took a shotgun off her back. "What are you bringing?" I suspected that this was yet another one of Hannah's quizzes. Nearly every conversation we had did not end without some sort of tactical question from Hannah. There was most certainly a right answer and a wrong answer.

"Pistol and assault rifle."

"Good answer," she deadpanned in praise. It was a quiz. "Now explain why."

"You've got a shotgun and sniper rifle on your back," I began to point out. She nodded for me to continue, not satisfied with my answer. "Besides, Garrus already has a love affair with his sniper rifle..." Hannah snorted; her mind in the gutter. "No, not like that! I swear you're just like your son." I scoffed, returning a little laugh. "Anyways, he's also carrying an assault rifle."

"So you've got Garrus and I taking pretty good care of anything long range. What about Dr. T'Soni?"

"Liara's a damn good biotic." I praised Liara. "But other than serving under Jethro for the one mission against Saren… well…"

"No formal combat training?" Hannah guessed. Already, the woman was reading my mind. That or she'd just seen enough people like Liara to already guess what was going on.

"Bingo. But she can hold her own," I assured Hannah. "Besides, she can wield a sidearm pretty damn well. Not as good as me, of course," I playfully gloated.

"We'll see, kiddo," she challenged. With my hands on my hips, I leered at Hannah in a manner that silently said, _challenged accepted_. I was about to ask if she was ready to head out, but I could see that something had caught Hannah's attention in the mirror. I didn't have to ask what it was, though. "Do you bring that along, Ash?" She pointed at the rosary.

"I'm not partial to jewelry during Ops," I shrugged. "Or ever, really."

"Not for fashion," Hannah clarified. "You know, I've never met a captain that doesn't bring a little something along with them to wear under their armor."

"Like, for luck?"

"Some are for luck, sure. But most are just sentimental pieces used to keep your head on." She picked up the rosary and wrapped it around her hand as she examined the crucifix in her palm, unconcerned about having my permission. I didn't care, though.. "Like how David still wears his wedding ring, even after his wife ditched him."

"Really," I deadpanned in doubt.

"Yep. It's on the same chain as his dog tags. He hasn't taken those off, either."

"So, what do you carry?" She looked a little caught off guard when her body froze briefly at the question. But then her expression softened when she handed me the rosary and began to take her right glove off to reveal a strand of little round beads made out of beautifully carved wood. It hung around her hand on her palm, instead of her wrist.

"My husband's mother was quite the traditional Buddhist. She passed these prayer beads on to Eugene." I watched her expression fall as she bit her lip, focusing on counting the beads with her thumb. "He gave this to me after an op that… well, it didn't go bad." Hannah finished counting the beads, indicated by her putting the glove back on with little haste. "It just… didn't turn out how anyone thought it would." I watched her lips turn to a deep frown.

"I won't press for the details, Hannah," I assured her. Hannah shook her head with a shallow grin. She didn't seem like a woman who needed people to dance around her feelings on sensitive matters, but I tried to remain considerate about it anyway.

"Nah, I meant to tell you that bit. It keeps me in check to feel the beads press into my hand when I hold a gun." She squeezed her hand into a fist, relishing in a smile over the feeling it gave her. "It's hard to explain."

"No, I think I understand." I began to take off my glove as I explained to Hannah, "This was my great-grandmother's." I strategically placed the end of the chain on my hand and wrapped it around my palm, mimicking Hannah's prayer beads. "She wore it during all of her ops and grandpa wore it on Shanxi, but I never really appreciated the thing until now."

"At the risk of appearing nosy as hell, what changed?" I didn't really want to say that it was the same color as her son's eyes. I was afraid that telling her would lead to a heartfelt talk about the brief relationship I had with him. Hannah knew that there was something between Jethro and me, but I wasn't ready for the "I slept with your son" conversation.

"Well…" I turned my head to her, trying to compose a reason. "I like the blue." When I shrugged, Hannah laughed, but not in a way that made me feel as though she didn't take my response seriously.

"Well, it's a start," she said. I put my glove on over the rosary and beamed up at her. "Think of this as another little lesson of mine. Your homework isn't due until you become a captain."

"Heh," I snorted. "You think they'll let me get that far in the Alliance?"

"If the reapers don't get here first, sure." She shrugged off the gloomy reminder of the reapers, with her relaxed posture, better than I did, with my cringe. Despite the unwelcome reminder, I was glad that she expressed her faith in me. I hadn't given much thought about a promotion of any sort, even after helping complete the commander's mission against Saren. Hell, even Shepard hadn't received much other than a bunch of ceremonies to attend during shore leave. But we weren't complaining. There would be no convincing me to leave the Normandy and I don't believe that Shepard had a reason to leave, either. I was, for once, incredibly happy with my posting.

"Yeah, let's worry about those bastards first, then," I concluded, my expression was filled with malice towards our enemy. "Promotions later."

"Point taken. Let's head out, Ash," she casually ordered. "We've got a date at the opera."

* * *

><p>We met up with Garrus outside the airlock that led into the damaged Tayseri ward. I couldn't really see the damage that had been done to the ward, considering how it was completely dark by now. Even from the rapid transit car that flew between the Citadel's arms, it was hard to examine it. The only safe part for our car to land in was on the tip of the Tayseri ward's arm that didn't get hit by anything. It was a long walk to the entrance of the opera house. At first, you wouldn't really be able to guess that three-fourths of the ward was either charred up from the battle or simply without power. But as we ventured further, more and more corridors were sealed off with kinetic barriers and the life-support was getting very sketchy in some places.<p>

As we approached Garrus, I noticed that he was checking his sniper rifle while holding his helmet under his arm. On his back was a pleasant surprise: a rocket launcher and his assault rifle. Silently, I thanked my lucky-stars that he decided to overcompensate on this one.

Hannah didn't need me to introduce her to Garrus, apparently. "Hey, Vakarian," she authoritatively greeted. Garrus calmly looked up from his gun, his mandibles briefly twitching at the sight of us.

"I see you brought a friend, Williams." His metallic voice seemed intrigued, yet unsurprised as we stopped in front of him. I watched his eyes move between Hannah and I while he put his sniper rifle on his back.

"I see you brought a rocket launcher," I teasingly retorted, pointing at his arsenal of weapons strapped to his suit. He exhaled with a brief laugh. I motioned towards Hannah, nodding in her direction. "This here is Hannah."

"Captain Hannah, Ash," she corrected. Garrus gave her a casual salute and she returned it with a nod and smile. "Alright, we're here. Where's Dr. T'Soni?"

"Please," a soft voice greeted. "Call me Liara." She'd managed to silently approach us during our conversation, being quiet enough to stand mere feet away while we chatted. Hannah sized up Liara with curiosity in her narrowed eyes. She was fully suited in a set of grey light armor, with her helmet's visor lifted to show her freckled blue face. Liara also gave Hannah an once-over, with a sense of familiarity glazing over her eyes. "I…" Liara started, seemingly a little shaken in her tone. Hannah folded her arms and tilted her chin up, impatiently waiting for Liara to finish the sentence. "Forgive me, but you are incredibly familiar, Captain Hannah. I was simply taken aback."

I wasn't sure if Hannah was catching on to what was transpiring here, but I sure was. I had often wondered how much information Liara got from Jethro when they "embraced eternity" back on the ship. Something so close to oneself, like the memory of Jethro's mother, would probably be easily passed on to Liara… but it's not like I'm an expert.

"You're the one who did this mind thing where your eyes went black and swam around Jethro's head," Hannah bluntly answered. Hannah meant it when she said that Jethro couldn't get away with holding anything from her, I noted.

"I suppose that would be an acceptable way of putting it casually…" Liara wrung her hands, looking a little intimidated by Hannah. The captain, as I had learned over the short time I'd known her, was a naturally intimidating woman. She had her fair share of motherly and approachable gestures, but often came off as authoritative, straight to the point, and a little scary. Deciding that it would be a good idea to just get the ball rolling on this, I pushed the conversation along.

"Okay, now that we've introduced Mother Shepard…" Hannah glared at me when I gave her the nickname and I expertly pretended not to see it. "…can we get going?" Hastily, Liara nodded her head, ungracefully snapping out of her brief moment of fear towards Hannah and back to the mission she'd asked us here for.

"Beyond the airlock is the opera house district," she began in her meek voice. "I've been observing the site for several days at a distance, with no activity to be seen." She furrowed her brows and I could see the gears turning her head, trying to make sense of what data she had. "Just nothing. No keepers. No ships. Just silence."

"I'm not sure if that's good news or not, Liara," Garrus commented. Liara moved her gaze to the airlock doors and let out a deep sigh.

"That's the thing. I don't know if it's deserted because of the damage or…"

"The parts of Sovereign that crashed there," I ended her sentence. Liara gravely nodded. We'd both seen what happens if you get too close to a reaper for far too long. I'd finally pieced together what Liara had left out of her letter. The keepers had no reason not to go to the opera house, other than fearing the pieces of Sovereign. "Do you think that any of those pieces are still active?" She shrugged where I expected a long Liara-esque explanation.

Hannah cut in. "Catch me up to speed here, T'Soni. What are we avoiding, exactly?"

Garrus turned to me, "How much does the captain know, Williams?"

She answered for me. "I'm Jethro's mother, sweetie. I know more than you want to."

"Good enough for me," Garrus concluded. "But I'll guess that he didn't tell you about the indoctrination." She shook her head from side to side. "Long story short, stick around a reaper for too long and you end up like Saren…"

"Only a husk of your former self…" Liara added with a deep frown, wringing her hands again. I wondered if she was thinking about Benezia since we were on the subject of indoctrination.

"And we're going after potentially active reaper parts?" she inquired with a tone that said, _are you kidding me?_ and a raised eyebrow.

"Yes." Liara bowed her head. "But the evidence is only circumstantial."

"But if they are?" Hannah asked sounding irked.

"We move quickly, present the evidence, and find a way to deactivate the pieces," Garrus decided for us. "All before we risk indoctrination."

"I don't know…" I commented with uncertainty.

"The opera house is empty and it's not like these pieces are going to just get up and walk away," he argued. "It sounds easy enough."

"Don't say that," Hannah quickly deadpanned.

"Say what?"

"Famous last words, Vakarian." Hannah switched her tone of voice to quote him, making air quotes with her fingers, "'it sounds easy enough.'"

"Point taken." Garrus let out a low chuckle. "I like you, Captain."

We watched Liara bypass the security measures put on the airlock door by C-Sec in the name of public safety. Red lights started flashing, warning us that the door was seconds from opening. All three of us checked our suits and sealed our helmets' visors before stepping into the airlock, then stood in silence as the door shut behind us.

My mind started to race while the airlock was changing the pressure inside to match the opera house's pressure. I inwardly prayed that Liara's faith in these reaper parts were not misplaced; that we could change the council's stance. Sure, the entire galaxy was at stake here, but I kept Jethro's memory in my heart during the mission. He fought so damn hard to stop Saren and warn us about the reapers, only to have it all shot down after he went down with the Normandy.

I wanted to honor Jethro's memory by succeeding in this mission, finishing what he started.

Well, I could only hope.


	7. Try Again

_So, yeah. This one REALLY took forever. College and Mass Effect 3 happened (and the heartbreak that followed). I'm sure you all understand. I'm writing this from an airplane, by the way! You can't imagine the stuff I get done when confined to economy class._

_And my mother ended up as my beta reader. She found my fic documents and started reading through them. She's an English major, so hell yeah! Go mom!  
><em>

_Love,_

_The Seraph_

"_Another One Bites the Dust_" by Queen

**Seven**

**~Try Again~**

The ruined indoor neighborhood spread out before us under a blanket of darkness, highlighted only by the faintly glowing kinetic barrier acting as the makeshift ceiling. Through my visor's night-vision, I saw that getting around this place was going to be a challenge. Massive piles of rubble sat in place of apartment complexes and stores. Where there had once been corridors and public transit stations, there were now caved-in mixes of concrete and twisted metal. The entire neighborhood was built for the sake of acoustics. The vaulted ceiling had been scraped away by flying debris, leaving the neighborhood exposed to the vacuum of space between the station's long arms.

I turned on the comm. link. "How did you manage to keep an eye on this place, Liara?"

"I did so from a very safe distance and with a lot of delicate equipment," she explained. "Mainly with heat and motion detectors and scanners that could have picked up Geth movement." She shrugged, feeling proud of herself. "Truth be told, I have never set foot inside this place."

I could hear Garrus sigh over the comm. link. "That's an encouraging development, Liara."

"Would you still have joined me if I told you everything up front?" she argued. The question was met with silence from the three of us as we kept walking. "And I did _not_ want to enter this place alone."

"Fair enough," Garrus said with a shrug. We silently navigated the ruins behind Liara, who took no time to stop and check where we were on the ward. I just assumed that she had it all mapped out in her head before we got here. Most of the main corridors were collapsed, forcing us to meander through apartments and stores that were still standing. It was as though she knew this place like the back of her hand, leading the way between mountains of rubble and under toppled support beams that held up enough debris to allow us further towards the opera house, as if she'd made the trip a thousand times over.

We'd been climbing though the neighborhood for nearly an hour until she had finally stopped. She held up her hand, signaling for our silence. The place we'd stopped at had quite the view: Liara had led us to a large window that sat several stories high that looked down towards the opera house. While the entrance was intact, part of the curved roof had been smashed in; leaving a gaping hole that compromised the building's structural integrity. If it hadn't been for the kinetic walls that acted as makeshift support beams, parts of the opera house's roof would be flying amongst the wards right now.

"Look there," Liara pointed at five unmarked shuttles zooming towards the ward. They weren't doing a routine fly-by of the ward; they were flying right to the opera house.

"Those aren't tourists," Hannah commented as she observed them though her sniper's scope. "They're searching for something, too. They've got their spotlights out." We watched as they disappeared one-by-one through the gash in the roof.

"I guess someone had the same idea," Garrus added. "Hey, why didn't we bring a shuttle of our own?"

Liara snorted, "Anderson didn't have the authority to authorize one on the books yet. Long story."

"I bet," he snorted. Liara ignored him, seemingly quite annoyed by the topic.

"Let us get down there quickly, then," Liara instructed as we watched four of the shuttles fly back out. We quickly navigated back down the building and back to the ruined street.

"Do you think they're on our side?" I asked. Stupid question, I know. Not a lot of people had any real interest in going after the ship pieces other than myself and the council. But there really was no other point in romping around in the Tayseri ward in this state. Most sight-seers were too afraid to get too close to the unstable Tayseri ward, since much of the gas and power reserves weren't stabilized and there was already a huge explosion from a damaged reserve the week before.

"If C-Sec started up an op to go hunting here, I didn't ever hear a whisper about it," Garrus mused. "Of course, they don't tell me anything."

Hannah cut in, "Anderson would have given us the heads-up if he was expecting company during this little tour." We all stopped at once in front of the entrance to the opera house. "Do you have any enemies that we'd wanna know about, T'Soni?" Hannah turned to Liara, prompting her to reflexively step back defensively.

"Only former colleagues, Shepard. But there is nobody who would go through this kind of hassle to get back at me."

"Well, we caught _someone's_ attention," Hannah sighed. We watched while Liara ripped open the door's lifeless control panel so she could manually operate the door. She paused for a moment to look back at the door, then to us with a nod.

Garrus instructed us, "Take cover, I'm not betting on there being friendlies on the other side." I crouched next to Liara on one side of the door while Hannah and Garrus took the other side. "On my mark, open that door Liara," he continued. She nodded and used her omni-tool to unlock the door, holding it closed, waiting for his signal. We readied our weapons as he motioned out a countdown. "Go."

The door slid open to reveal the opera's darkened lobby and two startled armored men turning towards us. Deciding to be the one to shoot first, I opened fire on one man, while Garrus took down the other. Air hissed out of their suits as they fell to the ground; we waited to see if anyone was coming to their rescue. Sure that no one else was there; our little squad went over to examine the two men. Their armor was heavy-set, colored white with gold accents. Their weapons were military-grade. Clearly, whoever these guys worked for really meant business.

"Really glad I brought the rocket-launcher," Garrus commented as he examined the lobby. "They're not part of any merc group that I'd recognize…"

"Because they're not," Liara gasped, turning one of the bodies over to reveal the emblem painted on the man's armor: a gold hexagon, framed on the sides by two bent lines of the same color. My blood ran cold, forcing me to look away from the bodies in disgust.

"I wish that wasn't what I _know_ it is," Hannah started with a low growl in her voice, kneeling down next to the bodies to examine them further. "Because the last thing I wanted to ask today is: what the hell is Cerberus doing here?" Nobody had an answer.

While we were waiting for more intel from the Council, Shepard wanted to follow a lead on the deaths of several scientists that worked on Akuze. The subject of what happened on Akuze was, naturally, quite relevant to his interests. We'd arrived at the compound to find Corporal Toombs, a scared and crazed soldier, who had clearly been abused for a long time, finishing off any scientists that remained in the compound. For the first time, I'd witnessed Shepard's face fall in a way that broke my heart, when he breathlessly gasped at his former squadmate, who was still referring to him as Lieutenant Shepard. He'd been held by Cerberus for so long that so much had passed him by. Perhaps the reaction from Shepard is expected of someone when they see a dead man walking, let alone holding a gun at an unarmed scientist. Toombs revealed to us that Cerberus was behind Shepard's hell on Akuze; setting up his squad atop a thresher maw nest and capturing anyone who survived to live on as a Cerberus guinea pig. Toombs was the only one left of those captive soldiers.

"You appear well-informed, Shepard," Liara commented.

"Oh, you have no idea," Hannah snapped back, quickly turning to her. I couldn't see Hannah's eyes behind her helmet, but I could feel the daggers digging into anyone she looked at. "I know what those bastards did with the thresher maws on Akuze. I know what they did to my son." Hannah balled her hands into fists as she stood up. "I don't care what their mission is on this ward, we're kicking them the hell off of this station."

Garrus assured her, "I doubt that they're up to much good anyway. This just turned into a public service mission."

I picked up one of their rifles, examining it further. "From the looks of it, it's going to be one hell of a public service."

Hannah kept a flat and serious tone, channeling her hatred of Cerberus into her militaristic demeanor. "We've been sitting here for too long. Let's get into the main auditorium." We left the dead with their guns and entered the auditorium.

We stood on a balcony that ran the inner circumference of the auditorium, scouting out the damage. Inside, the auditorium was akin to an oval-shaped coliseum, with the far end of the ceiling fallen in. Whatever went through the domed ceiling had continued through the seats and floor. Even with the lights from outside beaming in to the opera house, it was too dark to make much out. We activated our night vision, staring at the hole in the floor for any sign of life. Only a faint glow emanated from the impact site, likely Cerberus' people.

"It must be lodged in one of the lower maintenance rooms," Liara reasoned.

"By the looks of it, so is Cerberus," Hannah observed. A bright light traced over the hole in the ceiling and we instinctively ducked behind the short wall that served as railing. The light disappeared momentarily, but we stayed put. From our covered position, we watched more beams of light dance over the walls. Garrus cautiously looked over the railing briefly, then ducked down again.

"Another of their shuttles," he reported.

Hannah wasted no time in jumping into action. "Garrus and I will go down one side." She motioned down the left side of the colossal room. "You," she addressed me. "Go with T'Soni down the other end. I'll need Garrus' rocket launcher on one end and the doctor's biotics on the other. They can only have so many people down there, so we'll take care of them before they take care of our objective."

"Understood," Liara nodded. We split up, keeping as low as possible as we ran along the length of the auditorium. There was no time to admire the eloquent tiers of seats on the main level or the balconies perched up along the upper floors, looking down upon the stage that sat in the center of the building.

Liara slowed her pace, wielding her firearm, and I followed suit, pulling out my assault rifle. As we paced along a dull pulsing gently resonated within me. I brushed the feeling aside, though, as a headache from the sketchy gravity control. We'd reached the end of the balcony's undamaged walkway, as the rest of it was destroyed by the falling bits of Sovereign. Beyond the broken walkway, a hillside composed of rubble led into a maintenance room below, just as Liara speculated. I moved down onto my belly to crawl to the edge so I could get a better look, wincing at the growing ache in my head.

The Cerberus workers had come across a huge piece of Sovereign. It looked like a jagged metal onion, at least ten feet across, which had been peeled away with a twinkling core exposed. They didn't seem to care about the material surrounding this core, as the men started connecting straps to it, trying to pull it away from the protective metal. These workers were unarmed, though; seemingly unaware that we'd just killed two of their guards, wearing unarmored suits that allowed for more flexibility. They weren't really expecting the likes of us showing up.

I looked next to me, finding that Liara was lying right next to me, with a posture that indicated her full attention being on that object. My gaze was drawn back to the dead reaper. Well, not completely dead.

"It is… blinking," she said in her scientifically curious tone; I cringed in disappointment and, in part, from the headache.

"I was really hoping that it was just reflecting those spotlights," I sighed as Liara shook her head. Our hopes and fears had come true: the reaper part was active. I scanned the other side of the impact site, hoping to spot Hannah and Garrus taking cover on the other side, but my efforts were moot.

"Hannah, Garrus, do you copy?" I radioed over to them with gritted teeth; the headache was getting worse. But it was unlike any headache I'd ever had. It was more of a dull lulling than a pain; a distraction from the mission at hand that was getting much more difficult to ignore. But I just couldn't put my finger on it. _Get over it_, I told myself.

"Lookin' right at you, Williams," Garrus replied. "Do you see what we see?"

Liara cut in, "The piece of Sovereign? Yes."

As I looked down my gun's scope, I asked, "Can you get a look into that shuttle? Is there anyone in there?"

"Nothin' I can see," Garrus reported back. "I'm guessing that all the other shuttles bailed. Let's count on them coming back." We halted our conversation to watch the workers pry the core out from its shell. It looked like a ball of mechanical crystal; a twinkling web of foreign circuits and lights. But its lights did not last, as they flickered momentarily then went dark, upon getting pulled out. The lulling in me ceased, letting me snap my attention back down my gun's scope.

Hannah started, "Garrus, on my mark, get the one on our left."

"They're unarmed, Shepard!" Liara argued. Hannah ignored her. Liara's heart was sometimes in the right place at the wrong time.

"I've got the one on the right." Liara sat up in panic, though still hidden from the workers' view. I briefly glanced over at her then grasped the back of her suit to pull her back down to the floor next to me.

"Hannah—" Liara started only to be interrupted by the woman herself.

"I'd need a week to list every goddamn reason to shoot these suckers, T'Soni," Hannah growled in annoyance.

Indifferently, Garrus reported, "Target acquired, Shepard."

She had no time to argue. "Now," Hannah confidently ordered.

The workers had no kinetic shields to protect them; proven when they fell to the floor. We sat for a moment to check for any backup to arrive and check on them. Hannah signaled for us to continue forward; I climbed off the balcony and onto the pile of rubble, sliding down towards the Cerberus workspace.

With the other three not far behind, I paced toward the quiet piece of reaper with a bit of hesitance in my approach; I wasn't keen on becoming Saren 2.0.

"Do we call it in?" I asked.

"T'Soni," Hannah addressed. "Call in for pickup and keep an eye on the site." Liara nodded and opened up her omni-tool, momentarily avoiding talking to Hannah like a scolded child. Hannah motioned towards the hallway on the other side of the door into the ruined room. "Ash will head down there to clear the area; Vakarian stays with T'Soni. We can't risk surprises." I moved out down the hallway, while Hannah took the opposite route. It was a boring and dark corridor with little to no outlets and no evidence of any occupants. Of course, this was all the more reason to keep my assault rifle readied ahead of me. Liara kept us updated as I walked.

"I'm going through the shuttle," she reported; I checked around a corner then into a small closet. Clear. "Nothing on their communication logs."

"That's odd," Garrus commented. "Maybe they cleared it?" I ducked under a set of busted pipes that hung from the ceiling. I was starting to get worried about how sturdy this corridor really was.

"If they didn't bother to bring more armed men, then I doubt that they'd be paranoid enough to clear the shuttle's data." I heard Liara sigh over the radio in frustration. It seems as though Cerberus was getting a little full of themselves.

Hannah echoed her with an annoyed huff. "This is too easy-"

Liara interrupted her. "Shit." I stopped dead in my tracks. Liara never really cursed unless something had _really _gone wrong. Usually it was her demure _by the goddess!_ when something had gone awry.

Garrus quickly replied in his raspy metallic voice, "What the hell did you do?"

"Cerberus backup is already on the way!" she cried out. I turned back to where I came from and started running.

Hannah's voice bounced as she ran. "What's their ETA?"

"I don't know!" She cried back defensively.

"I'm gonna bet that their backup comes with guns and ours won't," Garrus jokingly deadpanned.

"Not the time, Vakarian," Hannah scolded. "T'Soni, stay low in the shuttle. They won't be expecting you in there."

Garrus interjected, "I've got cover, ladies."

"Hold your position," Hannah ordered. "Take point, Ash." I approached the open doorway to peek around the corner then move back a bit along the wall, remaining hidden in the long shadow. "T'Soni, see if you can get that shuttle going, actually. We'll take care of any visitors."

I quickly announced, "Speaking of which!" Three heavily armored men jumped down through the hole in the roof with jetpacks breaking their falls, but I wasn't going to give them the chance to land. "Open fire!"

Our bullets bounced off of their kinetic shields as they frantically looked for the source of the attack. Hannah and I didn't relent in our barrage of bullets, weakening the barriers enough for Garrus to finish them off with his signature marksmanship. Liara was too preoccupied to send a singularity blast their way, though.

Garrus reported in. "They're coming through from where we did, Shepard."

"Dammit," she cursed. "Pick 'em off while you can. Ash, let's get that hunk of metal and head out."

I kept low as I ran back into the room next to Hannah. I kneeled down next to the reaper part, trying to move it on my own while the captain kept me covered. As I tugged and pulled against the straps wrapped around it, I quickly discovered how heavy this thing was. There was no way that I could move it and I was baffled as to how the workers could have lifted it themselves in the first place. "I've got a problem."

Hannah kept her attention down her scope. "Me too." She kept skillfully firing away.

"No way in hell we're moving this without help." Hannah sighed as she fired a few more times, stepping back for a better view of our attackers. The opera house's slope allowed us the angle with an advantage, thank goodness.

"We'll hold this position until our guys arrive," she instructed. I stood up and got out my rifle, watching and waiting for more Cerberus men to run along the balcony for me to gun down. I kept splitting my attention between not tripping over the dead reaper parts, looking out for more shuttles, and the firefight in front of me. It lasted for a few minutes and we'd piled up a dozen bodies, then the assault died down.

"Why haven't they called in?" I whined, resolving to radio in myself. "Williams to C-Sec." Nothing. Just our luck.

Hannah tried. "Captain Shepard to C-Sec control." She didn't get a response either. "That's more than a coincidence. Something's disabled our long distance radios."

"I've unlocked the shuttle," Liara said. "But I don't know how they were able to move the object."

"I was wondering the same thing," I remarked, leaning down to grab the straps again, attempting to hoist the piece up by myself once more. I quickly relented in my efforts. It was like trying to push a concrete wall out of the way. "What now?" I asked, short of breath.

"Shepard," Garrus began to plea. "That thing is not going to get moved by us four by any means." I watched her pace around with hunched shoulders. "Let's take this shuttle and get backup."

"Cerberus is going to take this before we come back!" Hannah argued, however futile it was. I'm sure she knew that we were cornered into this by now.

"And we're dead if we stay." Garrus pulled out the rocket launcher. "Even with this, we're goners if we stick around."

I watched a shadow run over us from above. We all turned to look up at the gash in the roof in unison, guns drawn… as if that would have done much good.

Hannah stepped back towards the shuttle as headlights started to peek into the opera house. "They made the decision for us."

Defeated, Hannah ordered, "T'Soni, start that thing up, we're moving out." But before I could even pivot towards the commandeered shuttle, our guests arrived. Two Cerberus shuttles skillfully barreled in through the roof and down towards us. "MOVE!" she yelled over the comm. I started to run the twenty feet it took to get there, but the doors had already opened and they started firing at us. I kept running while firing away in their direction, incredibly lucky that I hadn't been hit more than a few times, letting the rounds bounce off of my shields. Garrus had beaten me there, helping me into the shuttle as he kneeled down with his launcher ready. Liara was unscathed; I noticed when I glanced at her. Our attention turned to Hannah who had taken cover on the opposite side of the room.

"Vakarian," she demanded. "A little help here?"

"I'll distract 'em, you run," he planned. "Williams has you covered, too." I nodded to them both, confirming the plan. The shuttle's engine roared to life, further agitating our attackers and turning their attention away from Hannah. While they had our eyes on us, Garrus sent a rocket their way, right into their shuttle's open door. The explosion blinded everyone in the second shuttle, giving Hannah a window of opportunity to run like hell.

As Hannah ran amidst the fiery chaos of the ruined shuttle, she cheered, "Haha! Glad you're on my team!" She leaped into our shuttle, Garrus and I caught her and slid the door shut.

I turned to Liara with a grin that she couldn't see, "Drive!" I felt the shuttle lift, turn around hard, then back up and out of the opera house.

* * *

><p>We sat quietly on the floor, recovering from our adrenaline rush, not bothering to find a seat. The cabin had been pressurized by now and our helmets were off. I took my hair bun down and wiped my brow. Garrus sat against the wall, holding on to his gun like it was a teddy bear. Hannah was glaring out into the distance. If the expression on her face were any more blatant, the word "disappointed" would have been written out in plain English on her forehead.<p>

"Permission to speak freely?" I asked in a meek tone, not sure if she was in much of an approachable mood. She grinned a little, finding my courtesy funny.

"This wasn't exactly a military operation, Ash." She stood to check one of the screens on the wall, tapping the screen with little interest showing on her face. "And you never really pass up the opportunity to speak freely, anyway." Hannah turned around and landed her back against the wall, folding her arms and shutting her eyes. "Let me give you the usual post-mission pick-me-up."

"Don't sugar-coat this," I said, perhaps a little harshly. She rolled her eyes with a faint snort.

"Don't need to." Hannah sat back down with her legs crossed and looked me straight in the eyes. "Not your fault. Not Vakarian's fault and not T'Soni's fault." I looked over at Liara, who sat stiff as stone in front of the shuttle's controls. I'm going to bet that she was listening. "I shouldn't have jumped in there with you guys like a kid in a candy store."

Garrus' metallic voice cut in. "It sure as hell wasn't your fault, either, Shepard." With a look of someone who wasn't used to being defended like that, Hannah moved her gaze to him. "Not a single thing registered to them showed up on C-Sec's scans and none of their people went through immigration since before your son became a Spectre."

Hannah opened her mouth to argue, but Liara, to my surprise, cut her off. "Nobody was supposed to be there." In response, Hannah could only sigh. "I was watching that place for two weeks! There was nothing there. I don't know how they knew or why they showed up when we did."

"I'm just as angry as you are," I assured Hannah. "I wanted to take that shard back just as much as you did." I didn't quite believe what I said next. "We'll find another way."

"I think you're full of crap," she deadpanned, catching my unintended bluff. Sitting up, Hannah balled her hands into fists as she began to ramble in anger, "But I mean, what the hell did they want with it? If they went through the effort of taking that particular piece, then they must know that it's part of a reaper and not a geth ship!" Her rant ended without an answer.

Silence ensued. Nobody looked at each other. We just listened for the hail from C-Sec control. Soon enough, it would be back to reports and interviews. Everyone would want to know why we just flew up in a shuttle belonging to Cerberus. Why Anderson approved an off the record mission like this. Why we went in unprepared and how Cerberus managed to bring in a small army to the Citadel without anyone knowing.

Yeah. We did, too.


	8. Six Thousand Feet Under

_Massive amounts of stuff today! I decided to push this out to make up for taking FOREVER on chapter seven. This one is kind of "the moment you've been waiting for." You may be able to connect the dots, but Ashley can't. That's the best part!_

_Love,_

_The Seraph_

"_Hurt_" by Johnny Cash

"_California Dreamin'_" by The Mamas and the Papas

"_Impend_" by Martin O'Donnell & Michael Salvatori (Halo 2 Soundtrack vol. 1)

Eight

~**Six Thousand Feet Under**~

It was now a whole month since the Normandy went down. Work lost all meaning after that. No more ward raiding for reaper parts. No more C-Sec collaborations or operations for Hannah to help mentor me on. I sat in many offices, repeating myself time after time.

I'd be asked, "Now, tell me what happened."

"Cerberus showed up and compromised our objective." Same answer as before.

"Yes, I am aware of that."

"Then why am I here?"

Garrus and Liara also ended up leaving before Shepard's funeral. I couldn't blame them. It was going to be filled to the brim with political assholes claiming to have had a hand in making Shepard into the soldier he was.

"So," I started. Garrus and I sat under the half-burned tree outside of the academy once more. "Did you get your ass chewed out like I did?"

"You humans make the weirdest metaphors," he commented, leaning back in his typical "I'm a badass" fashion. "But yeah, I got a stern talking to. Anderson stepped in before I got officially reprimanded."

"He's a decent guy to keep around."

"True, but it wouldn't have mattered." I turned to him with a raised eyebrow. He caught on to my confusion. "I'm leaving C-Sec, Williams. Actually, I'm bailing on the entire Citadel. The red tape here is out of control."

"I can't say that I blame you." I sighed, wishing that I had the freedom to just up and leave like he did.

"Then don't." We sat quietly for a few moments. I leaned back, looking up at the canopy of branches. Even half-dead, I loved the sight of that tree. I wanted to tie some corny metaphor to it for the sake of putting some sort of significance on the tree—like how even though I felt half burned to death, I could still endure—but everything I came up with sounded stupid and desperate. Garrus started up again. "My first missing persons case after the academy, we got a report of a missing child." I sat up to look at him with my attention caught. "It was this little asari kid. I mean, she would have been young by even human standards_. Little_."

"What happened?" I pushed on. Garrus ran his hand over his head with a deep breath.

"She was last seen under this tree." He pointed to a spot in between two large roots that stuck out above the grass. "Sitting right there. Her matron left for a few minutes and came back to only find a hairpiece in the kid's place."

"I doubt that it was your only case like that."

"Oh, I've dealt with plenty of missing children cases. But I was young and naïve during this one. It got to me and I never got over it. Anything could have happened to her." It was true. Despite the advancement of civilization, there were still bastards and sickos in the galaxy ready to snatch up little children.

"Is that why you kept staring at that tree earlier?"

"Yeah. I'd always sit under it as a cadet and study. It's just weird when I found out that a little kid disappeared from a spot that I'd come to like." He stood up to get a better view of it; I remained seated with my shoulders turned to it. He began to rant, "Thousands of people walk past it every few hours. There's almost always someone sitting next to it. Nobody remembered seeing a little asari kid. Nobody came forward with a lick of information and it bugged a newbie like me to no end."

"Looks like the bad guy did a good job," I concluded.

"Yeah, unfortunately," he grumbled. "For a year or two I kept sitting under that tree during my downtime or when I had paperwork to do." I imagined a heartbroken Garrus sitting there. "It was stupid, but it gave me a little hope that maybe her abductor would return to the scene of the crime." Garrus moved back into a more comfortable position on the bench, composing himself. "The C-Sec station is stuffy as hell, anyway."

Deciding that it was best to move the subject along, "Where will you go?"

"Somewhere that needs me, I guess." That could have meant anything. "I don't wanna be a merc. Too many scumbags in that business."

"You know, we've got these things called superheroes," I started to suggest. "They'd run around righting wrongs and they'd never reveal who they were."

"Hmm, sounds like the Justicars. Maybe less of a code to live by, though," he pondered aloud. "The ultimate vigilante."

"Yeah! Basically." I could totally picture Garrus as a real life sniping superhero. He'd need something like the bat signal. Maybe I was thinking into this a bit much. "They were fictional for the most part, though. They would wear these crazy costumes and everyone knew who they were just by looking at their mask."

"Kinda defeats the purpose of a mask, you know?" I laughed at his reasoning. I suppose he did have a point, though. "I couldn't do a costume."

"It's more for the novelty, anyway, Garrus." I shrugged, laughing to myself a little bit. I wondered what the turians had for superheroes. "But, I really hope you find what you're looking for."

Garrus wordlessly stood up and I followed suit. He looked over to the tree and folded his arms, looking down. "I hope so, too." I followed Garrus over to the elevator that led to what was left of the main docking bay. He stopped in front of it to take one last look behind him, as though he were never expecting to come back. "Just to be safe, let's make this goodbye."

I was sick of people leaving me. Wrex high-tailed it off the Citadel after the mission was done, saying that he had business to attend to… whatever that meant in Wrex's world. Tali had what she needed for her pilgrimage and left us for the migrant fleet. And Shepard… he left, too.

"Don't get yourself into too much trouble, Garrus." I put a hand on his tall shoulder and looked into his alien eyes. I couldn't read them, but I could tell that Garrus had enough of this place, so I let him go. "Get out of here." I waved him away. He gave me a casual salute and went up the elevator.

Liara went next. Her departure was in just as much in character as Garrus' was. I didn't trust Liara at first… like, at all. It wasn't until I watched her during the mako drive back to the Normandy on Noveria did I realize that she was on our side. Between driving like a grandmother and listening to Shepard and Wrex mock my driving, I kept an eye on Liara. She kept an amazing poker face but there was no questioning how she was feeling. I can't believe that it took Liara killing her own mother for me to trust her. I still feel horrible.

"I am going to keep looking," Liara announced to me when the subject of reapers were brought up. We sat in my little apartment. Liara was ready to leave at any moment, but wanted to say farewell before she left. I was flattered. I walked over to my mirror to hang up the rosary, she stood in place and just traced my movement with her gaze—I saw her in the mirror.

"I wish I could help, Liara."

She raised her hand and shook her head. "Do not worry. I already have a lead. Boring archeology things," she insisted. I didn't believe her. "I wouldn't want to bore you."

"If it means stopping the reapers, I'd watch grass grow." Liara let out a genuine laugh. It was nice to see someone as quiet as her laugh during times like this.

"Sharpen your expertise under the captain's guidance, Ashley." She sounded matronly when she said it. I just nodded, thinking about Hannah. It would appear as though Hannah was going to be all I had left for company, aside from Anderson. She stood and I was getting ready to see her out of my apartment, but she paused, biting her lip, looking like she was contemplating a profound admission. "Before I go, I have something for you."

"No more sympathy cards, please," I joked, turning away from the mirror to go stand to face Liara.

"No, no!" she said, panicked, holding up her hands frantically. "I mean, unless you want one. I mean, that's not what I have." Her stuttering was always hilarious to me. Liara wasn't all that social of a person in the first place, making cross-species conversations more complicated.

"This sounds a little ominous." I crossed my arms and leaned back with a smirk.

"When Shepard allowed me to access his nervous system," she started. My interest in where this was going peaked. "I believe that I took more information from him than what he got from me." I could only imagine what she got out of his head. I almost envied her. Liara got to keep his very thoughts and memories with her. I just had a necklace that he never even knew about.

"Liara, I—"

Liara cut me off, speaking in a less demure tone than usual. "I could see what was developing between you two. I watched how he looked at you and how he talked you down after Kaidan died and…" She took in a deep breath. "I wanted to give you what little of him I have."

"You mean…" I tapped my forehead with my finger. She nodded. I kept still, only needing to contemplate it for a small moment. I was hurt and selfish enough that I wanted that piece of him with me. "Do it."

We stepped into arm's length and Liara lifted her arm up to me as I tried to control my nervous breathing. She delicately placed her fingertips on my face. I inhaled deeply, scared as hell of someone swimming around my head like this. "Relax," she cooed. My shoulders loosened and my posture slumped a little. "Embrace eternity!"

Joining minds is… weird. I wasn't sure if I was fading away into sleepiness or if someone had just dumped ice water on me. I couldn't see, and yet it was clear as day. I didn't open my eyes, but I could see everything. But that wasn't Liara in front of me, and this was not my little apartment. Looking behind me, the ground of the valley was torn up with the ruins of a military camp strewn across the ground below the side of a hill I clung to. It was a beautiful day on this alien landscape. Cloudless blue sky met grassy hills in the distant horizon, interrupted only by the occasional red rock cliff. I looked up into this blue sky, and, oh, how lovely it was. Another blue thing…

I felt the weight of my body drag itself forward, but this wasn't my body. It was Shepard. I pulled his body forward with his exhausted arms, pain screaming through his left leg. Labored breathing escaped his lips as his vision was blurring with tears. Blinded by pain, we crawled to the top of the edge of the valley, looking out towards a small plateau, perfect for an LZ. Exhausted, he pushed forward to the LZ. On occasion, he'd cry out in pain and rage to energize himself to move forward. There were times when he just squeezed his eyes shut and crawled forward out of pure survival instinct.

We made it, finally. He pulled a flare out and sent it up into the air. He clung to consciousness for as long as he could. He clung to every thought he could in order to keep himself awake: he thought of everyone in his unit who had just been killed. _What happened?_ he wondered. It must have been a trap, leading them to camp atop a thresher maw nest. _But what for? _

As to how long he had been laying there, I didn't know. I felt him fading, fighting the exhaustion and pain. He prayed that someone got the unit's distress call or caught sight of his flare. The sun was setting, and so was he. The whirring sound of a ship's thrusters filled the air. We didn't care who it was, but it was his cue to finally just let go. He'd be taken care of now. I felt relief wash over him.

Someone started shouting as his eyes closed. I tried to open his eyes once more, but it was no use. Hands lifted him up with care; I felt his clothes getting torn off in order to tend to his wounds. His heart was breaking for the people he just watched die. His body felt heavier and heavier as the survivor's guilt was settling in. Over and over, he'd replay the sight of thresher maws kill off his comrades, melting their bodies with their alien toxins. Medi-gel was slathered all over his leg and whatever medicine they'd just injected him with put him under. I wanted to stay. I mentally clawed at the memory, trying not to leave, but to no avail.

"It was the only one I could give away," I heard Liara say when I came back, keeping my eyes shut. I felt the weight of my own body once more and Liara's fingertips on my face. Only then did I truly appreciate Hannah's anger over Cerberus. I wasn't sure what to think between the fact that I just experienced one of Jethro's very own memories or how I'd ever be able to cope with the pain that it gave me. "This will hurt you."

"It already does," I choked as Liara lifted her hand away from me. "But thank you." I think that Liara was planning on staying, once she realized that I was about to cry, and put a hand on my shoulder. I walked away from her, letting her hand drop from me. "We've both got our jobs to do, now."

"Yes," she said gravely, holding her hands in front of her and looking down. "Farewell, Ashley." She went out of the door in silence. I sat down on my bed to cry.

It hurt, yes. But I needed that. "Thank you, Liara," I whispered to the shut door.

* * *

><p>"I hate ninety percent of these people," Hannah complained, downing another gulp of wine. The funeral for her son was packed. I didn't recognize the vast majority of these people, anyway. "And it's precisely ninety percent. I figured that out after I read over the guest list."<p>

"Then why did you let them in?" I quietly hissed to her. She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. We stood side-by-side with smug postures in the large reception room. The people here were, for the most part, solemn and low-key. Some would let out subtle bursts of joy upon seeing a friend or acquaintance, but that was it. Hannah may not have liked a lot of these people, but they were at least behaving.

"Believe it or not, I didn't have a lot of say on who got in." I shot a look of disbelief over to Hannah. She put her hand out to stop me. "Do _not_ ask." I didn't. Hannah offered her glass to me. I laughed a little and took the glass, thinking of how her son would do the same thing. Already we were drinking. Yikes.

We were all shuffled into an auditorium on Arcturus Station in a kind of silence that only several hundred military members could muster. There was an order to everything during the service. The people closest to him were seated in front and we all were shown our seats with military precision. Hannah insisted that the Normandy's crew sat in a place of honor, since Hannah was quite literally the only family Jethro had left. I sat with Joker and crew on my left, Hannah and Anderson to my right. Everybody with a medal took their turn to pay their respects with a speech. His old N7 instructors praised his tactical prowess or told us a story about the hilariously juvenile pranks he'd pull during training. Apparently, over the years Jethro had grown to reserve his humor for off duty hours or when he was in private.

It reminded me of a time when I nearly locked him in one of the armory closets after he filled all of my ammo boxes with confetti for my birthday. I took one of the boxes and went into his cabin. Jethro had an open door policy during the day, so he didn't even turn to see who had entered his cabin when I pranced in with confetti in hand and a devious grin on my face. He kept his eyes glued to his terminal while I stood behind him, holding the box over his head, threatening to dump the confetti on him. Of course, I got my revenge, but his only initial reaction was to just stiffen his shoulders as confetti got dumped all over him. I laughed and leaned over to hug him from behind and he joined in on the laughter, turning to kiss me on the forehead. "What I meant to say was," he laughed out. "Your duties are taken care of today." My day off didn't ring any alarms, though. Everybody got the day off for their birthday under Shepard's command, including the confetti. Not everybody got a kiss on the forehead.

Admiral Hackett talked about Jethro's experience on Akuze. It wasn't something that I wanted to pay much attention to, considering the fact that what Liara gave me trumps any speech Hackett could give on the subject. He lost fifty men and women that day, with only half of their bodies accounted for. Thanks to Toombs, Jethro now knew why. If mind-melding were to ever cause PTSD, this would be it. I briefly squeezed by eyes shut, trying to not think of the pain shooting through Jethro's broken leg or the faces of the people he'd lost. I heard the screeches of thresher maws quickly scream through my head. I opened my eyes with a brief gasp. Nobody paid much attention to me though, probably assuming that I was just trying not to cry.

Hackett bowed his head and left the podium. The colossal room remained silent. I turned to watch Hannah stand up, straighten out her officer's jacket, and walk over to the stage. I moved all of my attention to what she was doing. Her eyes never focused on one thing and she didn't have anything with her to read aloud. She stood in front of the podium for a few quiet moments then cleared her throat. I sat up in my chair with my hands on my lap, looking right at her, as if I were trying to send my strength over to her.

"Jethro was a soldier before he learned to write," she began, holding her emotions back with her militaristic tone. "I graduated the N7 program several years before I had Jethro. I never thought that I'd end up with a kid as great as him, let alone marrying his father." The audience let out a laugh and I joined in with a warm smile. "We'd shuttle him around from ship to ship, living in the tiny quarters reserved for families." Hannah paused for a moment taking in a deep, shaky breath. She looked over my way and I saw her reddening eyes. I made a single nod to her and she mirrored my soft grin. "After my shift one day, I found Jethro alone in our quarters. I was gonna kill Eugene for leaving for his shift early and leaving our kid alone, but I didn't care once I found him sitting on my bed with my N7 issued helmet over his head and a glove on his foot." She laughed, wiping away a tear. It wasn't often that I'd get to see a soft side to Hannah. "The man you knew as Commander Shepard was wearing armor by age three."

I thought of how Jethro and I tried to sneak away in between those stupid meetings. We ended up in his hotel room, sitting next to each other on the sofa like awkward teenagers during a school dance. In all honesty, we just wanted some peace and quiet away from the hounding reporters and brass members. The both of us just wanted to nurse away the headaches these politicians gave us. I noticed his packed up armor next to the wardrobe and asked why he had to take it with him. He said that it was because he didn't have the chance to send it back home. Jethro walked over to it and took the helmet out of the case and brought it back to me. I leaned into him once he sat down, as we both held the helmet. I wasn't sure why he brought it over to me, but I guess that since I spent so much time staring at it during ops, that it was probably appropriate for me to get to hold it.

At the time, it felt so meaningless and yet it meant so much to me and I couldn't figure out why. That happens a lot with me. His helmet was the result of years of training and experience and opportunity that I was denied. I ended that train of thought before I threw myself into a fit of jealously. Jethro told me to sit up and face him; I obeyed out of curiosity. With a wide grin, Jethro placed the helmet on me. It was way too big for me, rattling around on my head with all of the wiggle room. We both laughed at how silly I looked.

"I should have expected him to go out like this." She stopped again, reviewing what she'd said so far. "I guess that after he recovered from Akuze and survived the attack on the Citadel, we should have expected more of his routine missions to go to hell." Hannah was entirely correct on that one. It was supposed to be another mission to chase off some geth and go home. Boring as hell, nothing to see here. Next thing you know, a colossal laser beam went through our ship. Of course, my posting to Eden Prime and Shepard's shakedown run was presented as routine, too.

"I love my son and I'm so proud of him." Hannah stared everyone down, as though they didn't believe her and she was proving them wrong. "You should be, too." And with that, she left the podium and walked back to sit down next to me. We made eye contact, engaged in a silent conversation.

I asked if she was alright. Hannah said yes. I put a hand on her knee and she reached over to hold it. Anderson patted her knee as well, once he saw me do so. Squeezing my hand, Hannah silently told me, _I'm proud of you, too_.

* * *

><p>"You're being assigned to the Kilimanjaro," Anderson announced. It had been ten months since the funeral. I was running between brief special assignments from the Alliance and the Citadel. It was truly my home at this point. I sat in his office looking at a picture of Kaidan that sat on his desk next to a picture of Jethro in a hospital bed after he was almost smashed under Sovereign, with Anderson standing next to him. I took the picture. My attention immediately moved to Anderson's stoic face staring at me.<p>

"That's Hannah's ship," I said. He nodded with his hands folded on his desk.

"Training with an early N7 graduate like Hannah will give you the skills that the Spectres are looking for." I folded my arms and sneered.

"I don't think that they were impressed with that stunt I pulled on Tayseri."

He shrugged his shoulders, saying, "They're a forgiving group. And it's not like someone like Saren was around to smear you."

"Well, I think that I need to get the hell off of here anyway." I was starting to follow Garrus' attitude on this place. "The Citadel is a damn mess and nobody is really letting me help."

"The Kilimanjaro is docked on Zakera as we speak," he started, getting out datapads for me to review. "Hackett sent these over to me. You'll be leaving tomorrow." I read them over. I'd be part of the ground team and the ship was patrolling around the traverse, keeping an eye on our civilian ships and more remote colonies. It sounded simple enough. _Hah_, I thought, almost laughing aloud. _Simple enough. As if._

"Looks like this is goodbye," I concluded. He beamed at me, taking a datapad from my hand. Anderson was like a father to Shepard and me; always looking out for us and pulling us out of hot water when we'd screw up or had been screwed over. Everyone else from the Normandy had been shipped out elsewhere, and I was the only one left. Joker had been grounded, but was allowed to teach on Arcturus Station, and the surviving crew members were just dispersed to other postings.

"I wouldn't say so," he insisted. "I'll have you back here once your posting is over. Don't you worry." We saluted each other and I left for my quarters.

* * *

><p>I closed my locker and twirled around to lean against it, sliding down to the floor. I looked over my new home. The SSV Kilimanjaro was an incredibly huge ship and nowhere as cozy as the Normandy felt. But that didn't mean that I didn't like it. I had always wanted to serve in space; it's just that having the Normandy as my first space posting set a high precedent. My omni-tool chimed with a message from Hannah, or as I should be saying, Captain Shepard, my ship's current XO. I was needed in one of the briefing rooms.<p>

"Gunnery Chief Williams," Hannah greeted, dressed in her full officer's regalia. I saluted and walked up next to her in front of other members of the ground team. "This is Chief Williams." They nodded to acknowledge me. "We're on our way to a colony just inside of the terminus systems. It's several systems away from the veil."

One of the men cut in, "While the colony isn't under the Alliance's jurisdiction, we have an obligation to investigate the colony." He looked like your run of the mill lieutenant; tall, dark, and handsome with a darker complexion and dark, almond shaped eyes. "Several days ago, communication between the colony of Aldeen and their suppliers ceased. With nowhere else to turn, their suppliers contacted the Alliance to investigate.

"It just… stopped, sir?" I asked, baffled. He nodded. "No distress signal or anything?"

"Exactly why we're going in," he answered. "We're expecting geth retaliation against human colonies, since it was a human who led the fight against their attack on the Citadel."

Hannah stepped forward. "Williams has extensive experience with the geth, Lieutenant Cadence." He raised his chin up, expressing his curiosity with his hands behind his back and chest out. "She survived Eden Prime and went on to work with my son."

"How fortuitous to have you here, Gunnery Chief," he said in a faintly sarcastic tone. Hannah caught on to it immediately. Deciding not to take his shit, Hannah utilized her position as XO.

"Heed her advice, Cadence." She pointed an accusing finger at him. "When it comes to the geth, she's your superior."

He looked to the both of us with a closed smile, his chest still puffed out. "Yes, Ma'am. I don't foresee any issue on the matter anyway."

"Good." Hannah looked over everyone else. "I'll brief you all once we enter the system. Let's hope that we've got more intel by then. Dismissed." We all saluted and left the room. I retreated back to my bunk, since my duties were squared away for that day already, giving me time to think things over.

Sitting down in the safety of my barracks, I thought about the geth showing up again. I thought that maybe they would have waited longer to retaliate. It made sense for the geth to show up and disable a small colony's comm systems. They were masters of messing with us during our missions against Saren. But my thoughts meandered to the ground team that I was working with. There were six of us in all. Two lieutenants: Cadence and an N7 woman by the last name of Dmitri. Dmitri I liked, but Cadence rubbed me the wrong way. He was probably just a condescending ass that just didn't like being classified as second best to the likes of me. Understandable, I suppose. I didn't have a chance to meet the others.

I walked over to my locker to take out that rosary, feeling a little lonely. Examining it under the dim lighting of the barracks, I sat down and made myself sad again. The blanket atop the sheets was more turquoise than blue. Hannah was wearing her blue uniform today and my duffel bag was a dark navy blue. It wasn't really doing it for me today. It just reminded me of how far away I was from where I wanted to be: back on the Normandy with the people I loved.

Chakwas was no longer on Mars, from what I gathered. I tried to call her a couple months back, but the naval hospital that she worked at told me that she left the Alliance for a more enticing job. Joker up and left his teaching job on Arcturus once his last class ended. Worried for him, I reached out to his family on the farming colony of Tiptree to see if he just went home. Nope. He's off the grid or something, likely on a private job of sorts. I hoped that they at least gave him a nice ship to fly.

_Yikes_, I thought, wrapping the rosary around my hand. I put my glove back on and finished suiting up. _Everyone just fell apart, Ash_.

* * *

><p>We sat in the cargo bay, getting ready to board the shuttle down to the planet's surface. ETA to Aldeen was half an hour. All seven of us would be split into two squads: Dmitri took three people with her while Cadence and I would head out with a young corporal by the name of Hawkins. We'd approach Aldeen from two fronts: the main entrance, should there not be an actual emergency, and through a side entrance intended for interstellar deliveries. In the event of something really bad going down, the Kilimanjaro had plenty of marines to jump in and help us out. I was going to prance into the front entrance with Cadence and Hawkins.<p>

I was helping Hawkins calibrate a mod on his assault rifle when the shuttle pilot announced that he was ready. Hawkins was a nice enough kid, eager to see action but was level-headed enough to not run into it. That aside, he was a little inexperienced, but it didn't worry me all that much.

We latched our weapons to our backs and headed out. My little squad sat together, collaborating with Dmitri and Hannah over the comm as we flew down to the colony. Cadence was doing the bulk of the talking.

"Dmitri and her squad will get dropped off just outside the maintenance entrance." He pointed to a large map of the colony's main compound on a screen in the shuttle. "I'll take my squad to the main entrance and try to make contact." He started to draw out a route through the compound with his finger. "Dmitri, we'll give you the signal to enter the compound should we meet resistance or require further investigation."

"Any idea what caused this?" one of Dmitri's squadmates asked.

"Best case scenario? Communications are just down and we look good for showing up and helping out." I smirked under the cover of my helmet. Even though Cadence rubbed me the wrong way, he knew how things worked between the Alliance and human colonies in the Terminus systems. "If something is up, I'm going to bet on pirates. They cut off communications to silence their targets long enough to get in and out with their loot."

"That doesn't sound right," I cut in. Cadence turned to me with crossed arms and an unimpressed raised eyebrow. "The colony's silence would only be temporary. Someone should have gotten an SOS by now." He turned back to the screen, rubbing his chin slowly, gaping a little.

"Well, Gunnery Chief, that's just the magic of it all, isn't it?" I just rolled my eyes and dropped the subject. I watched him enjoy the sound of his own voice as he unnecessarily recycled what he just told us several times over to make a point. Thankfully, the shuttle was at the first drop zone. Dmitri left with her squad, just a click away from the compound. Five minutes later, the shuttle was ready to let me out. Cadence led the way, jumping to the grassy ground below. I examined the land around us when I got out of the shuttle. It wasn't completely unlike Eden Prime, but it had a lot less trees; more like the Great Plains on Earth. Fields of crops were unending in every direction, with the only unique landmark being the walled compound in front of us.

The colonists opted to build up for their more urbanized areas. There were five spires that were roughly twenty stories tall, with smaller buildings dotting the little town. No more than five thousand people could ever fit into this place at once, and seldom did colonies hit maximum occupancy before they built further. Speaking of five thousand people, I didn't see any.

"No welcoming committee?" I commented. "Someone would have popped up by now." Cadence signaled for silence and proceeded towards the main gate. The silence was eerie. The brushing of the wheat in the wind was the only background noise that the landscape could muster. Maybe the colonists had gone on lockdown or went into a self-imposed quarantine? We'd figure out soon enough.

The imposing gate into the colony wasn't so imposing once we discovered that it was left unlocked, letting us open it with just an omni tool. Hawkins and I entered first, with Cadence leading from behind, guns drawn. The scene before us may as well have been from one of those old western vids, with a tumbleweed rolling across the road. The colony looked undisturbed and pristine. Gardens were tended to and the pathways between the buildings were free of litter.

Cadence began to quietly give us orders. "Begin a sweep of the buildings." He pointed me in one direction and Hawkins in another. "Dmitri, come in." I couldn't hear her reply. "Same here. Sweep the buildings. We'll meet up eventually."

Some of the shops had lights on, and I could pick out the lit up rooms in the spires as the sun began to set on the other side of the spires. I took in a deep breath and opened up one of the shops. I quickly pointed my gun inside and scanned the room. Empty. I checked the back room and the closet. Nothing. Lowering my rifle, I inspected the store further. It wasn't closed down. There were datapads on the counter and the lights were all on. It was like the rapture had just occurred in this little colony; like everyone just up and left in the middle of their daily routine.

The next building was an all-purpose administration building for the colony. Same thing: enter with my rifle drawn to be met with nobody to yelp in surprise or relief. There wasn't even a sign of struggle or panic, omit only a few datapads on the floor. Out of curiosity I went over to one of the desks to check a terminal. Maybe someone left a note?

The desk's occupant was in the middle of writing an incident report, with the last sentence just cutting off in the middle of a word. This was getting more creepy than intriguing.

"Williams," Cadence started, startling me. I jumped in my seat, accidentally pushing a cup across the desk.

"Williams here." I stood up and began to leave the building.

"I'll just assume that you haven't found anyone."

"Affirmative."

"Disappointing, really. I was hoping to leave this mission a minor hero." This man made me roll my eyes in a way that made my head hurt. "What would the geth gain from…" He paused for the right words. "…this?" Close enough.

"I don't know, Sir." I stood outside, looking around in nervous awe. The sun was minutes from fully setting, but the lights left on didn't make that an issue.

"You're supposed to be the geth expert," he needlessly pointed out in an almost whiny tone.

I snapped back. "I can help you take down a geth, not help mediate on their philosophy." He didn't reply, so I took my chance to keep talking. "Besides, there's no sign of a struggle. Hell, there's no sign of a disaster that would force the colonists to evacuate."

Hawkins chimed in, sounding a little shaken over the creepy scene. "Same here, Sir. I've found set tables in houses left empty. It's like the colonists dropped everything and walked away."

Dmitri backed us up, apparently listening to our conversation. "I can confirm that, Sir. We ran quick diagnostics on all of the colony's utilities and systems. No leaks or recently issued alerts." I began to walk passed unoccupied buildings, checking for anything out of the ordinary… all things considered.

"And the spires?" he asked.

"We're doing a manual sweep of those, but it could take a while. No life signs, though."

"Don't bother. Take your team and meet us back at the front entrance." I headed back upon hearing the news. "We'll have the Kilimanjaro send down troops to cover more area. This place is clear."

I countered back in a matter-of-factly manner, "This place…" I paused to watch birds start to fly into the compound against the orange sky. "…is a ghost town."


	9. Charon Doesn't Make Change

_Wooo! 8.7k words. How about that? Special thanks to tumblr user goodbyetonight for reading this over! She's my Shepley waifu at this point, mkay?_

_So, yeah, this one is incredibly long, but for good reason. _

_Love,_

_The Seraph_

"_Float On_" by Modest Mouse

"_Hallelujah_" by Jeff Buckley

"_Boston_" by Augustana

"_Thank You_" by Dido

**Nine.**

**~Charon Doesn't Make Change~**

**Charon**

_-the ferryman of the dead. The souls of the deceased are brought to him by __Hermes__, and Charon ferries them across the river __Acheron__. He only accepts the dead which are buried or burned with the proper rites, and if they pay him an obolus (coin) for their passage._

Captain Pike and his XO Shepard wanted to meet with the ground team in person. We were taken to one of the meeting rooms before we had the chance to change out of our armor. Again, Cadence did a lot of the talking.

"Sir," he started, saluting Captain Pike and Hannah. I and the rest of the ground team saluted the two. Pike seemed to be a man of few words, simply returning a salute and nodding.

Hannah initiated the whole thing. "Your initial report is…" She looked down at the datapad in her hand. "…disturbing, Cadence."

Cadence moved his shoulders back and puffed his chest out a little. "Disturbing, but accurate, Captain."

Pike began, "No signs of an evacuation, let alone a struggle."

"Let alone an attack," Cadence added. Pike didn't reply and instead started to pace over a short distance. Not sure what to do with Pike's silence, Cadence continued. "My team checked everything we could omit the spires."

Dmitri cut in, "My team took on the spires. Everything was unlocked, but otherwise undisturbed." A baffled silence ensued, indicating that everyone was as at a loss for words as I was.

"Chief Williams," Pike started. I hastily moved my gaze to him, surprised that I was called upon. "I've heard a bit about your time fighting geth. Does this look like their work?"

I cleared my throat. "It would be an easy scapegoat, Sir. But if they say…" I picked out a scenario for what happened down in the colony. "…kidnapped a colony of five thousand, what would they do with them?" Nobody had an answer. "I doubt they have the means to keep them alive, if they were looking to use them for something." Pike furrowed his brows, digesting the information I fed him. Hannah stood still, her eyes shifting from person to person. "And if they wanted them dead, well, we'd find bodies. Besides, geth turn their prisoners into husks to do their bidding."

Cadence pondered aloud, "Are you sure that they don't have use for human slaves? Maybe they sold them?" I thought it was a stupid question, but I reminded myself that most weren't taught a lot on the geth, let alone fought one.

"If they wanted slaves, they'd make husks. Husks don't argue and seem a lot more cost efficient." He fell silent in defeat, but I kept going. "I don't think that the geth could get away with selling five thousand humans to slavers. And they're pretty self-sustaining, so they don't need anything that slavers could offer in return. No, definitely not the geth."

Dmitri raised the question, "Then what happened?" I watched Pike pace around the table, making glances at each of us in silence. Everybody else seemed used to him doing this, and paid him no mind.

"Humanity's stepped on more than a few toes… or tentacles." Hannah put her hands on her hips with furrowed brows.

"There's another possibility," I added. I almost didn't want to say anything since every time the subject was raised it would be shot down. Hannah glanced over at me, practically daring me to say it. "What about the Reapers?"

Cadence raised his arms up, rolling his eyes. "And here we go!" he said quite loudly. "How about an army of asari stripper pirates?"

"How about you kill a reaper first?" I snapped back. "Pirates are sloppy and the asari don't really give a damn." He shrugged and glared at me. "Seriously now, who could have done this good of a job?"

Hannah jumped in, "Maybe they weren't taken. We haven't exactly ruled out the possibility of an evacuation."

"All vehicles have been accounted for," Dmitri countered. "Better an evacuation than..." She paused. "…whatever Williams said." Cadence opened his mouth to argue, raising his hand in front of him in protest.

"Unfortunately," Pike started, cutting him off. "This colony isn't technically Alliance jurisdiction. We'll gather whatever intel we can on the place and leave before other Terminus settlements get antsy."

"Another reason we're high-tailing it out of here…" Hannah paused to look at her Captain. They exchanged silent words and she continued. "We've received reports of geth activity in the exodus cluster. We're assuming that they're going back to Eden Prime, probably for the ruins unearthed there. Maybe to finish a job."

"But they haven't actually arrived there yet?" I asked, almost frantically.

"No," Pike answered, shaking his head with arms folded. "They were just on the far edge of the exodus cluster. We're hoping to beat them to Eden Prime since they've been lollygagging around the nebula instead of going into any of the systems."

"If you don't mind my asking, Sir…" Captain Pike nodded for me to proceed. "What's the colony's current state? I haven't been there in a year and I left it in pretty bad shape." Pike smiled a little, seemingly quite glad that I asked.

"The Alliance swooped in after the Normandy left. We've since put more troops and defensive measures in for the colony."

"Good to hear."

"But I was hoping that you could put your prior experience with the area to good use." I smiled and nodded. "It'll be nice to have someone on our team who knows the area, instead of relying on some tour guide."

Oh, my, how I knew the area well. The day started out in an orange overcast, typical to Eden Prime. The trees still held on to most of their green leaves, but the area was already trying to turn to autumn. I gathered the 212 and we headed out for the day. Some of us had ATVs to patrol the perimeter of the dig site, while I was on foot, heading into the camp to escort an "object of interest" unearthed just a few days ago, which turned out to be this beautiful Prothean artifact. It was this short spire with sleek sides that were untarnished by time, unlike most of the stuff that was found at this dig site. It looked more like a sophisticated radio tower, but incredibly short for one. Our base radioed in to tell me that an Alliance frigate would be arriving soon to pick it up and to keep this whole thing low-key. I acknowledged my orders and situated my troops around the artifact, leaving Bhatia in charge of everyone nearest the precious cargo. I was taken back up the hill on an ATV to one of the watchtowers several miles away. By the time I reached the tower, the frigate designated to pick the artifact up wasn't due for several hours, but I had people in the tower that I needed down at the dig site and I wanted them there sooner than later.

I wasn't in the tower for more than two minutes before the communications operator started freaking out. I asked what was wrong and he said that all of our satellites were malfunctioning. I radioed over to Bhatia.

"Bhatia, you guys okay down there?"

"Negative, Chief!" she cried back. "Unidentified hostiles. They're synthetics but—" she was cut off by roar of static.

"Bhatia! Come in!" I called in to her as we began to leave the comm tower. I heard bits and pieces of what she was saying between static. "Double back to the base. I repeat, double back to the base." In no time at all, I took my two corporals with me on the ATV and began the six mile drive back to the dig site while I kept broadcasting my orders. I was going to meet them halfway. Of course, that didn't go as planned.

Something shot the ATV out from under us, tossing me and the corporals onto the ground twenty feet away. To my horror, something I'd only seen in my school textbooks poked its flashlight head out from behind a mix of shrubbery and boulders: a geth. I scrambled to my feet with my gun raised and started to fire once I got my regained my footing. The geth went down, but I spotted more down the way that were turning to face us. I ran over to my two men, one of which was bleeding from his shoulder, and ordered them to take cover behind our ruined ATV and a displaced boulder it landed against. The geth were moving quickly towards us, I noticed when I peeked my head out from cover for a quick moment. The uninjured corporal, Dean, followed my lead as I jumped up to open fire. I heard him cry out in pain and ordered, "Get down!" and I pulled him to the ground and stood back up to keep firing. They were still a decent distance away, with only two remaining at this point, so I took my chance to switch out my gun's heatsink. Dean cried out again just as I began to hear something akin to a rattling horn. I looked to where he was pointing to find this huge ship bearing down onto the planet. It was colossal with these appendages that looked like a cross between claws and tentacles, looking like a bug-like squid.

But I had to overcome my awe at the sight in order to jump back up and keep firing, but I overestimated how far away the geth were. I left the safety of my cover and fired nearly point blank into the geth, while my downed men assisted me and fired from their cover. But it was no use. One of the geth fell, but the other, in a last ditch effort, went to pick off my comrades, spraying plasma-laden bullets across their faces. This offered as a distraction, though, for me to quickly finish off that geth.

When I was sure that the geth was dead, I went over to my comrades' bodies, wincing at the damage done. Their faces were no more, since the plasma ate through their helmets like they were tissue paper. It wasn't safe to sit there, so I kept following the road from the cover of the vegetation that lined the sides of it. While I trekked down the road, I tested the comm system, but it was down by now and there was no sign of any of the 212. There weren't any life signs at this point along the road. The geth swarmed in and mowed down everything in the way. I winced at the sight of dead civilians lifelessly scattered on the road or hanging out of their vehicles after trying to flee. Next to them were soldiers, positioned in front of the civilians, likely acting as a shield for as long as they could. This is when members of my beloved 212 started to show up, bloodied and lifeless along the road. They got my orders, apparently. It looked like they were trying to move back to the base with civilians in tow. I kept my focus, though, moving ahead while fueled by vengeance.

I arrived at a crossroad just a couple miles away from the artifact. Deciding that it was best to gather my people before jumping in alone against a bunch of geth, I turned onto the road that went around the perimeter of the site, hoping to find a friendly face. This road twisted around hills and along the side of a gulley, perfect for an ambush. I stayed off the road and looked for any survivors from afar. Just a click down the road, I spotted an ATV that looked operable, but the body next to it blatantly wasn't. A quicker way around seemed a little too good to be true, so I stayed under cover on the side of the road, looking for any flashlight heads lying in wait for me to take the bait.

What absolutely sucks about fighting robots is that they can stand perfectly still for a long time, let alone not have to breathe. Should you start a staring contest with one of these suckers, you will always lose. It's just not fair. But I was stupid and impatient enough to go after that ATV. Besides, I was hoping that it would stir up any geth in the area and give me a chance to spot and take them out. I slid down the hill down into the road. To my disappointment, there weren't actually any geth around, convincing me that they were here for that artifact and already abandoned this road. Before I left on the ATV, I knelt down by the body. It was one of mine: Private James Keiv, with a fatal wound to the neck. I saluted to him before taking off back to the artifact.

As I drove I split my attention between my racing mind and trying not to get shot down. _Did someone send a distress call? Is that damn frigate here yet? What the hell do the geth need with this Prothean artifact?_ I just hoped to live long enough to find out.

I slowed down as I approached the crossroads, weary of the geth. Perhaps taking a road down there was a bad idea. Before I got to the crossroads, I turned the ATV off of the road to where I knew a clearing was. Realizing that the vegetation was going to be too thick for my vehicle, I ditched it and headed into the foliage on foot.

The artifact was unearthed at the flat bottom of two large converging hills, with no real roads leading to the site. I was going up the southern hill, and going down the other side involved navigating steep drops into small plateaus. Some were filled with water or just dropped off as even steeper cliffs. Fortunately, this gave me the high ground for a while, leaving me a clearer view of where the geth were. I reached the top of the hill on my stomach, since the vegetation had shortened and thinned out towards the top. With my gun's scope, I looked for anything looking my way. While I couldn't see the actual dig site, due to it being tucked behind boulders and vegetation, I saw the lights emanating from the geth moving down towards the site. Beyond the canopy of trees, the squid-like ship sat tucked behind another hill. It was colossal; nothing like I'd ever seen before. But there was little time to gawk. I moved down the steep side of the hill and pushed off into a controlled slide down to the plateau below me, leaving billowing dust clouds behind me. I landed and promptly scrambled behind a rock, instinctively pulling out my rifle.

I really wanted to cry by now. Everything went so wrong. We weren't prepared for a full on invasion, but it's still my fault for not being with my platoon. _Dammit, keep moving, soldier_, I snapped at myself. I shook my head and ran to the edge of the plateau and slid down once more. The trail I ended up landing on curved around a natural wall of rock, and on the edge of a cliff on the other side of the wall. There wasn't any other way down and no real sneaky way of going down the trail. I wasn't going to be able to see the other side of the wall from a safe vantage point, so I cautiously turned the corner, my finger on the trigger.

Thank goodness, too. A couple of their flying turrets were waiting for me. I kept moving and shooting, weaving and ducking and keeping my eye on the turrets. First one exploded after I stuffed enough bullets into it, damaging the one next to it, taking down its shields. I didn't wait for its shields to regenerate and took down the second turret. I started to sprint towards the grove of trees down the hill, taking notice of several charred bodies along the trail, turning my stomach. I forced my eyes away from the dead and scurried into the trees.

More geth waited for me, nearly getting the better of me before I shot them down first. Things were starting to melt together. I kept an eye on my remaining heatsinks while I started to gun down more geth. I gave credit to the vast amounts of adrenaline pumping through me for my survival at that point. This is where the bodies of the 212 really started to pile up. It would seem that they attempted to retreat into the grove, taking down enough geth for me to get by, but not enough that any of them lived. This grove was an obvious bottle-neck point, so I sprinted once more and got the hell out of the grove before any more geth showed up.

I had no plan for what I'd do once I made it to the artifact, but I may as well fight to the death to give the frigate time to pick up the artifact. _Just one last stretch_, I told myself. A downhill stretch of the hill with little to no strategic cover other than a boulder or two and grass was all that remained. I had two grenades left and just a few thermal clips on hand. I inhaled deeply, closed my eyes, exhaled, and opened them again. _Move out_, I told myself.

I left the safety of the thick vegetation and ran like hell, ready to die. First, I fired at the airborne turrets, eliminating the tactical advantage of their better view. I was getting better at this, since it didn't take as much effort for me to shoot them down this time. I ducked behind a huge rock before the geth got a good visual on me. I took a second to catch my breath, pushed away from the rock and turned to face three huge geth. I was screwed.

"Open fire!" someone shouted. There was no time to turn and see who it was. I started firing at the geth nearest me with all my might. When it started to lift into the air, I didn't stop. Whoever was behind me used their biotics to slam it back to the ground in front of me, as the other two were pulled into a biotic warp field, and then gunned down. I put my gun down, my jaw hanging open, and stepped back in shock and exhaust. I turned to back into the rock and nearly collapsed against it. There they were. A lieutenant, still glowing with a blue biotic corona of energy, and an N7 with a fainter corona that quickly faded.

"Is that okay with you, Williams?" Pike asked. I jumped out of my flashback and back to my ship's captain.

"Y-yes, Sir. It won't be a problem, Sir," I stuttered. Pike didn't seem to notice, while Cadence snickered and Hannah gave me her "_I totally caught that_" look.

"We're due to arrive on Eden Prime in forty hours," Hannah informed us, eying me from across the table.

"Dismissed," Pike said. We saluted and began to shuffle out of the room.

"Williams," Hannah said before I could leave. "I'll be seeing you in my office."

I almost didn't want to, certain that it was going to be a pep talk or a lecture about dealing with Cadence. But of course, I wasn't going to tell Hannah, of all people, that I didn't want to hear it.

I saluted once more. "Yes, Ma'am."

* * *

><p>"Captain Shepard?" I spoke into the door's console. She didn't reply and just opened the door. I casually stepped inside, as I'd done a dozen times before. It was nothing like the captain's cabin on the Normandy. It was much larger and had brighter lighting. But, much like Jethro's office, it was untidy and music was playing. Her terminal's desk was up against the wall and there was a table and chair set up on the other side of the room.<p>

"Going back to Eden Prime will spark a lot of memories, kid," Hannah started, massaging her temples. She was sitting at her terminal, leaning back in her chair with crossed legs. I stepped towards her and opted to slump against the wall. Hannah didn't really care about military posture in her office.

"It already has." I looked at Hannah's desk, as I'd done a dozen times since I'd boarded the Kilimanjaro. During the long trips between fuel stations and systems, she'd invite me up and check in on me or give me her versions of certain N7 lessons. I folded my arms and began to pour out my worries. "When Eden Prime was attacked, the reaper named Sovereign was there, too. Where you find geth, you're likely to find reapers." Hannah stopped looking at the terminal screen and turned in her seat to pay attention to me. I took my cue to continue. "Other than nobody being there, there's nothing to suggest that the colonists evacuated. They would have left something. Actually, they didn't bring anything with them. The food and water stores were practically untouched and the fuel reserves match up with the logs."

She sighed in agreement. "I told Pike the same thing, Ash. No evidence of a sudden mass exodus. He believes me, thank God."

"We would have seen spikes used to create husks left there, or evidence of a struggle if it were the geth," I needlessly argued. "Everyone thinks that I'm just as batshit as Jeth—"

"Don't say it." Hannah raised her hand up to stop me.

We both said it together. "Reapers."

I offered, "They've got the technology."

"They've got the motive," Hannah snorted, shaking her head. "What the hell they're doing it for is beyond me."

We weren't sure what to say after that. I started to inspect her desk out of boredom.

Her desk was littered with medal displays and photos of family and friends; superiors and subordinates. Stoic soldiers standing at attention and grinning friends holding glasses populated the picture frames. Right next to her terminal's monitor sat two scenes of her little family that was. The first showed a younger Hannah sitting next to a man that was clearly Eugene Shepard, with his smooth jaw and nose that he'd passed on to Jethro. Between them was a little boy with a big, toothy grin, who was no more than six or seven with bright blue eyes. His parents each held one of his hands, falling victim to the joy this little boy was radiating to them, with equal sets of gleeful expressions on their faces.

Next to it was a more sobering picture. It was Jethro embracing a woman, and it looked like he'd been crying. I walked over to her desk to get a better look.

"Do you mind?" I asked her permission to pick up the photo. She smiled and nodded, giving me the ok. Jethro was in sweats and a t-shirt, with his leg and face bandaged and a crutch at his side. The woman had cropped burgundy hair, whose I immediately recognized as Hannah's. I let out a quiet gasp and Hannah caught it.

"When I first saw him after Akuze," Hannah explained with a sad fondness in her voice. I stared at the image of Jethro, thinking of the mighty commander who'd eventually destroy a reaper and save the galaxy as just a son who couldn't be happier to see his mom and dad. "Eugene managed to take the picture before running over to hug him, too." She began to hesitantly laugh, looking almost guilty for doing so.

"Well, I'm glad he got the photo," I reasoned.

"Speak of the devil, I never told you why Eugene gave me his mother's prayer beads," Hannah started. She didn't seem all that excited about the subject. Her voice dragged in a way that made her sound like she felt obliged to talk about it, instead. Intrigued, I sat down at the table across from her as she instructed. Apparently, this was a story I needed to sit down for.

"I never really told you why I like this rosary so much," I countered, pulling the rosary out from under my shirt.

"You first."

"Yikes, well okay." I inhaled, readying myself to confess my sentiments over a rosary. "It's blue." I exhaled.

"Fascinating," she deadpanned, clapping her hands together, not satisfied.

I furrowed my brows, trying to turn my sentiments into comprehensible sentences. "When I'm frustrated or just pissed off in general, I count all of my blue things." I bit my lip, waiting for a sarcastic reply. Hannah just gave me a genuine smile and nodded for me to continue. "Like, how the lighting in the Normandy was always dark and blue or I'd think about Liara's blue skin or how Alenko would have a blue biotic glow in the middle of a fight. Just things that remind me of better days." A burden had been lifted off my shoulders as my confession escaped my lips. I had no choice but to continue. "Even if those days involved facing armies of geth or being forced to steal our own ship. It makes me think of my blue uniform and your blue armor." We laughed out loud at that last one. "I remember everything blue in my childhood bedroom and…" I hesitated.

"You need not tell me everything, Ash," she assured me. I raised my hand reflexively at what she said.

"No, I need to tell you this." She took my hand and moved it back down to the table, her eyes sincere with sympathy. "Most importantly, I think of Jethro's eyes. I see the color blue and I think of his eyes." I watched Hannah's expression fall into something of mournful pain. She'd never expressed much in the way of grief over her son's departure until now. She squeezed her eyes shut, letting one tear escape down her cheek. I was less discreet with my tears, as I choked out, "That's what I've been fighting for: his memory, Hannah. More than anything; the fight against the reapers, geth, Cerberus, whatever. More than them, I just think of him constantly."

"Ash, I…"

I interrupted her with loud tears, "And I feel so damn…" I wasn't sure what I was feeling, letting out a frustrated and shaken sigh.

"Now I have to tell you this," Hannah continued in a somber voice, unaffected by the tears she was holding back. I remained silent, waiting for what she had to say while breathing through my tears, eventually regaining composure. "Tell me what happened in the year 2176."

I thought for a brief moment. "The year I enlisted and when Elysium was attacked."

"Do you remember the name of the major who rallied the ground resistance while he was on shore leave?" I thought for a moment, trying to recall the countless news reports I'd watched about it at the time. Names were flown around everywhere during the Blitz; countless heroes were named. But then it dawned on me: Major Shepard.

"I didn't think that it was the same Shepard," I gasped. "Oh hell! It never actually crossed my mind. Jethro never really talked about you two."

"There's a reason for that." I saw Hannah almost cringe. "One year later, do you know what happened?"

"I was nineteen," I began, walking myself through the history of recent years. The events of 2177 weren't as difficult to recite, though. I looked back to the desk at the picture of Hannah and Jethro. "Akuze."

"He…" She took in a deep breath. "…wasn't all there for a while after that. Jethro even stayed with us for a few months to recover."

"You mentioned a mission that went wrong," I pushed.

"The mission was successful, let me tell you," she snorted. "But it came with consequences." She balled a fist up, smashing it on to the table. I flinched, suddenly afraid to make eye contact. "Two years after the Blitz, I was put on an assignment to root out the band of pirates that initially attacked us. It was a retaliation mission."

"Where were you sent, exactly?"

"Torfan." The silence that fell between us was thick enough to cut with a knife. The Alliance's raid on the moon of Torfan would go down in infamy. While the Alliance ended up victorious in the end, the casualties on both sides were extensive. The damage done was so deep that years later, Major Kyle, the man in charge of the whole mission, went insane out of grief for everyone he'd lost. Hackett had even asked Jethro to talk the major out of the biotic cult he'd created out of the insanity the whole thing caused him. I didn't think much of it at the time, but Jethro didn't approach me after that mission. He sat in his captain's cabin, saying that he had a few calls to make.

"We annihilated them." Hate and vitriol filled her throat. "Every goddamn batarian on that rock was dead by the end of it." She winced. "We all pranced in there with a chip off our shoulders, ready to kick some ass. It's like we were all on this victory-high from Elysium, even me."

"Hannah, I don't…"

"Don't know what to say?" She shook her head. "Neither did Eugene and Jethro. I had to explain to my heroic husband and son—who was still reeling from Akuze—that I'd sent all but a fourth of my men to their deaths. On top of that I ordered my men to kill off the rest of the mercs on that damn moon. Even the ones who surrendered."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, staring down at our hands that rested on the table.

"It's only fair, I suppose." She stood up and paced around for a few moments, then settled back down at the desk. "A lot of records were sealed over Torfan. The public didn't have a name for the 'monster…'" She made airquotes with her fingers. "…that they named the Butcher of Torfan. The Alliance didn't release my name while my husband was the hero of Elysium and my son was the sole survivor of Akuze. It'd be better to leave the Shepard family name untarnished." I had nothing to say. Even if I did, I was too stunned to form a cohesive sentence. She wouldn't look at me and instead just glared into space.

"I was angry, Ash," she began to explain. "I'd dealt with pirate raids before and I lost more than a few friends during the Blitz. And I had nobody to blame Akuze on, so those batarians served as excellent cannon fodder against my anger."

"You weren't reprimanded?"

"Nope." I saw a grin almost take form on her face until she turned her head away from my view. "On paper the mission was a success."

"This is why you gunned down the Cerberus operatives," I concluded. Hannah nodded. I recalled what happened with Major Kyle. "This explains more than just that."

"Do not," she started in a loud and commanding voice. "I repeat: do not end up like me." Hannah was now looking right at me, her shoulders hunched and hands flat on the table. "I am an emotional wreck. I am the best tactician in the Alliance that isn't yet an admiral, but I've paid the price for it. When you go to Eden Prime, make peace with what happened down there." Before I could assure her that I would, she continued. "And don't tell that you will; just do it. I saw it in that meeting in front of Pike. I know it hurts you. Just talking about Eden Prime hurts you."

"It's where Jethro saved me," I said, my voice breaking against a tide of emotion. "I was taking cover behind this rock just… ready to die and I went in to shoot them down but I knew that I wouldn't make it but…"

"The lieutenant and Jethro took them down before the geth got you," Hannah finished for me. Wide-eyed, I nodded in confirmation. "I forced it out of him." She shrugged with a thin smile.

"Oh my God," I gasped at the sight of the two soldiers. My mouth was dry and I was breathing heavily, adrenaline still pumping through me. Their blue coronas had faded and they approached me.

"Are you hurt, Ma'am?" the lieutenant asked in a lightly gravelly voice.

I profusely shook my head. "No, Sir." I crossed my arms and bowed my head. "Just a few scrapes and bruises." My eyes squeezed shut as I tried to figure out what exactly had just transpired. They must have been from the frigate that was on its way, since I was certain that there weren't any N7 operatives stationed on Eden Prime. Their skills weren't needed on farming colonies.

"What's your name?" the N7 commander asked as he walked up to me and offered his hand to help me up. Desperate for human contact, I took it and he pulled me up.

I gained my balance and saluted, "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212, Sir." My voice was no longer laced with fatigue. He took a step back and motioned to his lieutenant.

"This is Lieutenant Alenko." Alenko nodded as he was introduced. "I'm Commander Shepard." I nodded to the both of them. "What's the situation, Williams?"

"Oh man," I said, beginning to pace around. "We were told that you guys were on the way, but the geth showed up first. I set up my platoon around the dig site, but…" I swallowed painfully, taking in a deep breath. "…I ordered my men to double back to the base. I was going to meet them half way, but…" I furrowed my brows.

"Where's the rest of your platoon?" the commander asked, noticing my hesitance.

"I… I think I'm the only one left," I admitted, gritting my teeth in anger. "Sir."

He reached a hand out to my shoulder. His hold on me was firm and reassuring. "This isn't your fault, Williams." I moved my gaze from his arm up to his face. He was cleanly shaven and his eyes were no longer hidden behind a visor. They were, and would always be, a beautiful blue. I didn't care at the time about the color of his eyes or the lack of stubble on his chin, but I'd never forget them.

"That rock," Hannah began gravely. "…is the closest thing you're going to have to a tombstone for him." Out of habit, my hand moved to the rosary, trying to cope with the fact that his body was never found. It would be appropriate to pay my respects on Eden Prime, if the geth gave me the opportunity to do so.

"If I get a chance," I began. "I'll do it."

"Don't worry about that," Hannah assured me, pointing a finger at me. "I'll do what I can to make sure you get a moment."

"Does this mean that much to you, Hannah?" I asked. Hannah scowled at me, looking almost insulted. I almost took it back, but I still wanted to find out if my peace of mind meant that much to her.

Her expression softened into a collected and smooth smile. "I hope it means more to you than it does to me." I buried my head in my arms on the table. I couldn't cry if I tried and I couldn't talk even if I had the words. Hannah moved over to put a hand on my shoulder, rubbing her thumb against my shirt. "And if it's any encouragement at all," she began with her signature humor in her tone. "You're my favorite of his girlfriends." I couldn't help but laugh, finally letting tears fall from my eyes. Sitting up, I wiped the tears away, but kept a grin on my face.

"You bet it is," I assured her.

* * *

><p>Eden Prime was how I remembered it before the attack. Autumn had come and gone. We, the ground team and Captain Hannah, were greeted at the spaceport by the colony's military officials. We exchanged the usual formalities as everyone walked along the spaceport's metal walkways. There were still marks from the firefight that I took part in over a year ago along this walkway. Hell, I was wearing the same armor I wore when the geth hit.<p>

"Chief Williams," one of the Eden Prime navy majors addressed me. I held my hands behind my back as we walked, with my shoulders back in a poise that disguised my distracted train of thought. I tore my attention away from the marks on the floor and looked to the man I recognized as Major Roswell.

I sent a smile his way. "Good to see you again, Sir." Roswell was less of a jerk than the majority of my commanding officers. In fact, he would always approve my transfer requests. It's just the folks at the postings I wanted to go to that always denied the requests. And for that, he was always in my good graces… as if it would matter to him.

"We missed you, Chief," he said. "Ever think about going planetside again?"

I laughed a little. "Missed you, too. But not _that_ much."

"Ah, I don't blame you." He turned to Hannah. "We haven't picked up any more geth, but they've become pretty good at staying low-key."

She shrugged. "It might not be a full-on invasion like last time."

"That's what we were thinking." Roswell stopped us in front of the lifts and turned to face the small crowd. "We've played down the situation to the colonists. People are free to go about their business and the dig site is now open to the public." He looked at me as he specifically mentioned, "A memorial will be set up next year, actually." We shared a brief smile. I was happy to hear that my fallen 212 would be honored. "We've stationed troops around the area, assuming the dig site is the target."

"Not exactly my first choice," Hannah cut in. "Letting civilians climb around the place while geth may be going after it?"

"I didn't want to stir anything up, Captain," Roswell defended.

"Well," she dragged out the word, looking over to her ground team. Everyone just indifferently shrugged, with no objections to the situation. "We'll live, Major. Tell me what you need."

"We'll station your teams up on the hill south of the site and at what used to be the camp up on the other hill. This will give you quick access to the rest of the area should geth arrive, without bringing too much civilian attention to your presence."

"Major?" Hannah started, taking a step towards him with folded arms. He acknowledged her with a raised eyebrow, clearly not intimidated. "Are you more interested in keeping face or the colony's safety?"

"Shaking up an already shaken colony isn't ideal to colony safety," he argued.

"Point taken," she agreed. "But I'd like to send at least one of my people down to the dig site."

He nodded. "Of course, Captain." Roswell looked at me as he spoke. "Keeping a visual on the site is difficult in the first place. You may as well keep someone down there."

Hannah made a devious grin, dramatically inhaled and barked, "Lieutenant Cadence!"

Cadence jumped a little, as I made a thin smile. "Yes, Ma'am!"

"I want your team at the camp. I'll meet you there when I'm done here."

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"And send Williams down to the site," she ordered. Cadence shot a glare over at me. Her tone turned stern, "She was here first, Lieutenant."

"Understood, Ma'am." Cadence said, dropping the attitude. Our squads split up, with Dmitri's team headed to the transport station, and my squad walking over to the camp. It was a quiet walk with our guns holstered to not alarm anyone. It wasn't the smoking crater I left behind over a year ago. Everything had been cleaned up by now, and it was a blooming spring with cherry blossom petals gently fluttering through the air. We arrived at what used to be the camp. The temporary buildings were replaced with benches and pathways, with a spot in the center of the camp reserved for what I assumed would be the memorial. Several dozen civilians took advantage of the pretty afternoon, making use of the benches, sitting under the trees, and kids were trying to climb up the gargantuan rock faces that sheltered the park on one side, to the horror of their parents.

To my surprise, Cadence spoke to me. "I remember watching all of the vids in the wake of the attack." I looked to him as we continued to pace around the small park, curious, but silent. "It's hard to believe that this is where it all went down." I shakily nodded my head.

"I lost my entire unit," I admitted. "Some got funerals, others were converted to husks."

"I'm sorry," he said. I wasn't expecting that. With his stuck up attitude from before, I initially thought that it was Hawkins who expressed his condolences.

I wasn't sure what to do with his kindness, so I settled on, "Me too." My squadmates stopped in front of the beginning of the steep walkway that winded down to the dig site while I kept going. "See you on the other side. Radio in if there's anything; this site has poor visuals on anything." I didn't get a reply, so I quickened my pace down the pathway that went into the dug up ruin.

This place was less untouched and, to my surprise, had a lot less pedestrian traffic. How fortuitous. The ancient walls that protected the beacon were still standing, sheltering me further from view. The rocks that once served as cover for the geth and me were unmoved. I was glad that this part was untouched. With the sun behind me, I looked up to the top of the plateau above me for any movement; nothing but grass swaying in the breeze. My eyes followed my steps from a year ago, back up the southern hill that I ran from. The black marks that marred the ground were healed by now and a dirt trail up the hill had formed from high traffic. I followed it up the southern hill.

There it was: my rock. To anyone else, it was a piece of tactical cover used during the invasion... or just a rock. To me, well, it bought me enough time to change my life forever. It was smaller than I remember; perhaps because it looked like heaven when I was fighting for my life. I looked around to see if any pedestrians had meandered over here, but I was alone.

I stepped in front of the rock with my back to it, and fell back on to it, landing with an "unf." I squeezed my eyes shut as I slid down to the ground, my hands balled up into fists, feeling the rosary press into my hand. I slid my glove off, unwinding the rosary from my hand. I just listened to the swaying grass and the rustling trees as I imagined where I was a year ago.

The commander's reassurance was low and stoic, but everything about it felt genuine, too. "I need you to deal with it later, marine." His attitude struck a good chord with me, energizing my tactical spirit once more. I was elated to have such a stroke of luck in running into an N7. I exhaled in relief, ready to move ahead.

I straightened up when his arm left my shoulder, instinctively saluting. "Understood, Sir."

He nodded and motioned down the hill. "Move out," he ordered. I counted the beads situated on the chain. Kaidan's blue corona glowing against the orange autumn sky, compared to today's blue sky; the glow of a mass relay just before the jump; the blue lights of the captain's cabin on the Normandy. Blue eyes.

I realized that Cadence would have my head if he found me hunched up against a rock, but I took pleasure in the peaceful memory of our footsteps patting down the hill into the swarm of geth that awaited us. I opened my eyes, still listening to footsteps padding across the dirt path. There was no time to jump up and appear as though I was on the lookout, so I just waited to be found.

The footsteps ceased, but I didn't bother to look around. The potent smell of an expensive cigar filled my nostrils, making me instinctively wrinkle my nose.

A charming, smooth, and aged voice said to me, "The ancient Greeks would place a coin with their dead to ensure the passage of their loved ones to the afterlife." I finally turned to face a tall man in slacks and a dark shirt. His hair was greying and his face was wise with wrinkles. The most striking thing about him, though, was his eyes: they glowed with three blue dots in each eye. It wasn't unusual for people to get replacement pupils, but I'd never seen anyone with glowing eyes like that before. Modern medicine, I supposed.

It was an odd way for someone to start up a conversation, but perhaps appropriate since we sat on a battlefield.

The man took another drag from his cigar. "If a spirit didn't have the coin he wanted or weren't buried the way he liked," he continued. "they'd be doomed wander the earth as a lost soul."

I stayed seated, but looked up at him. "Are you looking for lost souls?" He exhaled in a half-laugh.

"I may as well just be looking at one," he retorted. I think he was on to something with that one. "We've got an armed soldier, suited up and ready to go." He kneeled down to my eye level, tapping his cigar. "Holding this…" He put his hand out to touch the rosary dangling from my hand, not worried about personal space. I was intrigued enough to not care. "A memento. But you don't seem like someone I could woo with jewelry." The man stood back up and straightened out his jacket. Once he was composed, the man offered me his hand. I opted to stand up on my own.

"I guess I'm making an odd scene," I said, looking down at the ground. I briefly shook my head from side to side then looked up to face the man. He held on to an indifferent facial expression. "I was stationed here when the geth attacked." He made a thin grin of understanding.

"It's no coincidence you of all people are here at this particular point in time, then," he mused. I was going to ask if he was making some philosophical observation, but he continued before I could think of a retort. "These people are resilient. Something most other species don't realize about us. They're ready for another geth arrival."

"Looks like intel isn't kept under lock and key here," I commented with a little humor in my voice.

"I'm just in the loop," he gloated. I raised an eyebrow at him and he just grinned. "My livelihood depends on a constant stream of information."

"You're an information broker," I concluded.

"That would be a reasonable assumption." Another drag. "For now."

He began to follow the dirt path up the hill and I hastily followed. "You like to dance around the subject, don't you?" I watched his shoulders rise and fall in a brief chuckle. "I don't even know your name."

Without skipping a beat, he replied, "Jack Harper." I stopped dead in my tracks. He took a few more steps and stopped to pivot around on his heel and look at me. "I worked with your grandfather—"

"During Shanxi," I gasped out. It felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me. I stood, gaping at Jack Harper. "How did you—"

"The rosary," he quickly explained. "General Williams wore it. I'd recognize it in a second." I looked down to the rosary I clutched, astonished that he recognized it. "And you've got his eyes." I let myself relished in a small smile.

I repeated him, "It's no coincidence that you're here." He nodded.

"I've been following the claims your former commander made," he began. I immediately knew who he was talking about. "I've got the time and money to go after leads." I kept quiet, digesting the news. "You've got an opportunity to prove him right about the reapers, Miss Williams. I'm presenting it at your feet." This sounded a little too good to be true. I hesitated, taking a step back from him.

"I'm not for hire," I answered. He remained unmoved by my reaction.

With his charming posture and professional voice, Jack assured me, "There's no deadline, Miss Williams." I turned away from him and began to walk back to my rock. "Should you come to consider my offer, I'll find you."

I muttered under my breath, "Not creepy at all."

"I'll be taking my leave now," he said. I took one last look at him. Jack was looking up at the horizon, and I followed suit. Nothing caught my attention. He casually strode back down the hill and gave me a little wave as he passed me. I watched him walk back to the camp; first behind the boulders, around the ancient Prothean walls and back up the path.

Meeting Jack Harper didn't go down as I ever imagined it could. I don't think I liked him, but I wanted to believe him.

The sun was maybe two hours away from setting. I began to pace a little, actually doing my job. Only a few pedestrians made their way through the dig site, pointing and studying the site for a few minutes, then going back to the park. For once, I wanted geth to show up. I was bored to tears at this point and opted to take a break at my rock.

Once more, I got out my rosary to contemplate the weirdness that just transpired. Jack Harper's eyes were blue. But I don't think that I wanted to include his glowing eyes in my blue ritual. I began to argue with myself.

He was a well-informed man who knew who I was. More importantly, he believed Shepard. Jack Harper was going after the reapers, it seemed. Part of me wanted to go with Jack. But I was military, through and through. I wasn't going to abandon everything I'd built with the Alliance to run off with a charming billionaire.

I ended my internal argument with a loud sigh, holding the rosary to my chest.

"Remember when you found me sitting on the table in the armory reading a bunch of old sonnets?" I asked into the sky. I wondered if Shepard was listening. "You had a few hours to yourself and we just sat on the table together reading the musings of a bunch of old men?" I tried not to tear up. "It was right before Virmire and the last one we read before I had to get back to work was this poem about death." Too late; I wiped away a tear. "Pretty fitting, don't you think?"

I recited, "Death be not proud, though some have called these mighty and dreadful." I put one hand on the rock, looking down at its weathered surface. "For, thou art not so." With my free hand I placed the rosary on top of the rock. "For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow." I stepped back to look at the rosary, with my hands on my hips and a proud smile on my face. "You explained it to me, remember?"

"Williams, come in," Hannah said over the comm link. I didn't reply to her.

"You said that death isn't that big of a deal when it's looking down the barrel of something worse than death."

"Gunnery Chief Williams, come in," she repeated, sounding a little annoyed.

"I'd say that this is almost worse than death," I concluded. I turned on my comm link to reply. "This is Williams."

"We've got a visual on a small squad of geth," she reported. My heart leapt. "Head up to the camp. Hawkins will meet you there. Cadence and I are keeping a visual."

"I'm on my way," I began to walk with a purpose towards the camp. Before I turned the corner around the ancient wall, I pivoted to take one last look at the rock. I saluted.

"Goodbye, Shepard."


	10. The Monsters in Dreams

_Hey, everyone! Sorry I went totally missing in action. I moved across the country and I needed time to get a hang of things here. But I'm back! _

_Love,_

_Seraph_

**Ten.**

**~The Monsters in Dreams~**

With my grandmother's rosary behind me, I promptly made my way up the hill with a dull pain in my heart over the whole thing. Hawkins was waiting at the top of the hill, looking a little scared. While I could relate to the kid, I wasn't going to baby him through this op.

"Hawkins," I said. He stood straight up at attention. "Let's head out." He wordlessly nodded and followed me out of the old camp. I kept looking ahead as Hawkins checked out the sides, as I ordered. We'd made it to the spaceport tram system that led into the colony, with no sign of the geth.

"Captain Shepard, come in," I said, my voice cold and demanding. I saw no signs of a ship or even the sound of a distant firefight.

"Chief..." her voice was interrupted by static. "...ams. Geth inb..." She didn't sound like she was in too much distress, but I was sure that the geth had something to do with my interrupted comm link.

"Captain Shepard, repeat that, Ma'am," I insisted, trying to keep my cool in front of the nervous corporal. Only static replied. I turned to Hawkins. "Where'd they go, Corporal?" Hawkins was feeling a little jumpy and barely stifled a small yelp when I addressed him.

"The eastern dig site, Ma'am." He clung to his rifle, his eyes darting around in search for geth. "I don't know where that is, though."

"I do." I pointed towards the road that led to the eastern dig site. "Let's move out."

Things were very quiet going out to the other dig site, just a couple clicks down the road. We didn't find any civilians walking around, but there were a few marines stationed along the road. All they did was salute and point down the road, knowing exactly who I was looking for. When I asked if their comm. links were up, they replied that everything was down, so they decided to hold their positions. I told them about the geth; they received the news with confidence, though; ready to kick some metal ass. They stayed, as I later instructed, to make sure that the geth didn't get the chance to get to the eastern dig site through that road and for the soldiers to watch out for stray civilians. I briefly allowed myself to wonder if Mr. Harper was still around. He seemed to see them coming before anyone did.

The eastern dig site sat on the edge of a quarry to the west, where prothean ruins were first unearthed on the colony. The quarry was abandoned for excavations the moment the ruins were discovered. Hanging off the edge of the quarry were homes for those who worked on the dig sites. Opposite the homes to the east, across a wide dirt road were the labs for the workers, blocking the view of the ruins below in a new hole dug into the plateau, even further east from the labs. The road ran north and south, stopping at a dead end on the southern end, which was populated by garages and maintenance buildings.

"The geth will likely focus on what's in the ruins," I said lowly to Hawkins. "The geth don't make any noise, Corporal. They don't even breathe." He profusely shook his head, looking even more afraid. How this kid made it this far as such a scardy-cat is beyond me. "Shit, okay. Just... we're going to split up around that lab building ahead." I pointed at the building fifty feet ahead. Deciding that it would be best to spell it out for him, I instructed, "You take the left, and I'll take the right. Our close-range comm. link should still be up, so you need to keep in contact."

"Yes, Chief Williams," he acknowledged.

"Move out." We quietly walked around the building, our weapons drawn. Before I cleared the shadow cast by the building, I crouched down and scanned the new area through my scope. The land sloped down into a dug out depression littered with ancient structures. The ruins themselves looked like a child's building blocks that had been knocked over. One could tell where once mighty structures had stood in most spots. The torn-up land stretched out for a few more miles across the large plateau beyond the ruins. There was no cover between the labs and the ruins, but there were plenty of hiding spots in them.

Hawkins hissed into his comm. link, "Hostiles at eleven o'clock!" Realizing that his eleven o'clock was different from mine, I moved my scope's view far to the left, just barely catching sight of the light of a geth behind a mix of concrete and vegetation. Then all movement halted. I assumed that they'd spotted us.

Right when I had thought that, though, gunfire rang out. I saw the flash of a grenade emanate from the vegetation that the geth had taken cover in.

"Open fire where that grenade went off!" I barked at the nervous corporal. He obeyed as I glanced around for more geth. What I found was Hannah's small squad popping up from the cover that the crumbling ruins provided, shooting down the geth that dotted the ruins around the squad. "Uhh, never mind," I quickly corrected. "Cover Shepard's squad!"

It was nearly a completely one-sided shootout. The geth weren't shooting back as much as we were, and they were only popping their heads out from cover for very brief moments. The whole thing felt like an arcade game. I waited until the geth numbers had thinned out before I felt it was safe enough to try and radio in, "Captain Shepard, come in."

"I'm lookin' right at you, Chief," Hannah's calm voice replied. I let out a sigh of relief. "We'll come to you."

I ordered Hawkins to keep them covered as they sprinted up the hill. Hannah had Cadence and several Eden Prime soldiers running in front of her. She wanted to make sure that everyone made it in one piece. I kept chasing off geth with my stream of bullets, making sure that no one shot the squad from behind.

Unfortunately, Hawkins wasn't doing as well of a job.

"Gahh!" Cadence yelled as he fell to the ground, his leg's armor smoking from the plasma that coated the geth's ammunition_. Of course someone gets shot in probably the easiest firefight of my career_, I thought. I cursed the jittery corporal under my breath. Hannah was just behind Cadence, shooting her way to him. There'd be no way she'd be able to drag Cadence from the hill on her own in a timely manner.

I had to think fast. "Cover me!" I yelled to the soldiers that had made it to cover. I sprinted out into the open towards Cadence just as Hannah reached him.

"God, Williams," she shouted, grabbing Cadence by the arm. I grabbed his other arm and we began to drag him up the hill. Her tone wasn't condescending when she said, "Just gotta be a hero." She covered her side and I the other, shooting away towards the geth; trying to not give them a chance to pop out and get us while we chugged up the hill. Finally, we made it. Dmitri and her soldiers took Cadence off our hands as we made it behind the row of buildings.

"Where the hell is everybody?" I asked Hannah. We stood in between the two rows of houses that were packed tightly together. The cover bought us time to recover.

"The geth attempted to disable the colony's weapon systems," she explained. "To the colony's forces, it was a bigger priority than a bunch of old rocks. We assumed that the attack on our systems was just a distraction from their target in the ruins. Before the long range communications went out, our scouts spotted a squad of five geth headed here."

Hawkins commented, "Feels like a lot more than five of 'em showed up, actually." I bit my tongue, still more than a little irked that Hawkins let Cadence get shot.

Cadence groaned out in a pained retort, "You're tellin' me!" He rested against a crate with medi-gel slathered all over his leg. I kneeled down to examine Cadence further, as Dmitri tended to him. I winced at his wound. It had turned into an oozing, charred mess; a mix of his armor material and flesh. The only reason why he wasn't screaming bloody murder was likely due to his body's natural endorphins blocking out the pain signals for the sake of survival. Good thing I had a strong stomach.

"We need to get out of this place," I concluded, standing up to look down the road. "There were soldiers along the road towards here. I told them to hold their position and they haven't shown up yet, despite the ruckus we just caused."

Hannah cut in, "Either they're following orders or the geth are approaching from that side, too."

"Soldier," I said to one of the Eden Prime marines. She obediently turned her attention to me. "Do the workers still keep those ATVs in that garage over there?"

"Yes, Gunnery Chief."

Hannah took over. "We'll take those, then. After that, we can take the trams anywhere." We began to move down the road, walking with our guns readied. I was more worried than relieved that the geth hadn't shown up yet. Maybe they only cared about the ruins behind us.

As if it were on cue, someone shouted, "Hostiles!" We turned our attention to the garage, just less than thirty feet away, to find a lone geth. It had stopped in between the garage and a workshop, without its weapon drawn, realizing that it had been spotted. Everybody stood still, weapons drawn and aimed on the geth. I glanced around for more of its comrades, expecting to be surrounded. None of them poked their flashlight heads out.

The geth tilted its head to the side, the gears surrounding its headlight spun. It was like it was thinking aloud; analyzing the people in front of it. As it inspected us, I spotted a fuel cell container sitting next to the garage door. There were enough spare pieces of machinery to do damage.

I looked over at Hannah, who turned to make eye-contact with me. I winked at her and she nodded.

"Move back," I began. "Slowly, everybody." They obeyed. The geth stood still, just staring at us.

A robotic, mechanical voice began to say, "Williams." It remained still as a statue.

I gaped, my eyes becoming saucers. "What the…"

"Gunnery Chief," it said. The geth was talking. To me. It said my name. I shook my head, trying to see if I was dreaming. Its head moved precisely in Hannah's direction. "Shepard, Hannah, Captain."

Everybody was too shocked to say anything. Well, except Hannah. "The fuck did it just say?" I almost felt bad for the geth that caught Hannah's attention. Almost.

"Locate," it indifferently continued. "Shepard, Commander." And then I realized why the geth were here; they were looking for the commander. Did they know he was dead? If they wanted Jethro, then why were they so passive during their search for him? Wouldn't they try to draw him out with dead civilians? I wasn't going to bother asking.

I saw more lights turn up in the near darkness. It brought friends. As each light popped into view, I had to think quickly. The geth that had the audacity to say something was standing just a few feet in front of a fuel cell that was just inside the garage.

I roared at the synthetic, "Locate this, you talking tincan!" I began to fire, not caring that I didn't have permission. "Hit the ground!" I shouted to my team. Just as everyone hit the dirt road, I only had to send a few bullets into the fuel cell before it exploded, sending the pieces of metal into the air. I dropped in time to not get hit by anything, but the geth and its friends weren't as lucky. They let out electric screeches that sounded like an old car suddenly hitting the breaks. From my vantage point on the ground, I looked up a little to see the geth strewn around on the ground. I jumped back up, ready to deal with their retaliation.

But they didn't retaliate. They were retreating.

The comm. system was back up, blaring through our helmets. "They're retreating! Repeat, the geth are retreating!" Roswell announced from miles away.

The ones that remained unscathed from the blast had already begun to make their way back behind the buildings. I saw the one that talked to me getting dragged away by its comrades; a gaping hole through its chest, with sparks jumping off of it and the arm just barely hanging on to the shoulder.

I don't believe that geth feel pain, but I doubt that losing half a torso wasn't a big deal for a synthetic. I went to look down my gun's scope but Hannah, right next to me, put a hand on my shoulder before I could finish it off.

"Let it go back to its buddies," she said. I didn't turn to face her, but I did keep it in my scope's sights. "Let us make an example out of that one." I nodded, agreeing that sending a half-dead geth back home would be a bit more satisfying than just killing it off. I watched the lights on the geth fade into the foliage behind the building.

Hannah began to bark orders over the reestablished comm. system, "Track the retreating geth, Roswell…" I began to boil in my own rage as I could now asses what just happened.

How dare it utter my name! My rank! Those things killed my precious 212 and took Kaidan away from me. And I'm sure that if it weren't for them, Shepard would still be with me. I wanted that damn thing to suffer. I hoped that it would limp around and never function normally again. I hoped that it would envy its unscathed comrades and never find peace. Every horrible thought and feeling the geth brought to me, I hoped fell upon that geth.

But it was just a robot and I didn't think that it could ever feel those things. But I wished that it would suffer just as I did.

* * *

><p><em>Williams, Gunnery Chief.<em>

Where was that damn geth? I could hear it, but it was nowhere to be seen. I trudged through my murky surroundings, darting my gaze every which way, desperately trying to find my way.

I tried to yell out, but I couldn't will my voice to work. So I kept walking. The ground below me began to get muddy, sticking to my bare feet, trying to hold me back. The mud gradually became submerged under clear blue water. I was lost, standing in shin-deep water that surrounded me from every side. The sky was filled with smoke, with no evidence of a sun anywhere.

_Williams. _There it was again. The voice came from my left. No, behind me. I twirled around in bewilderment, looking for that geth. _Gunnery Chief._ That voice; electronic and automated. I hated it. It was the culmination of everything I despised. How dare it say my name.

_Chief._ That wasn't a geth. No, no, no. This voice was low and raspy; almost gravelly; certainly human. _Williams._ I knew that voice.

"Kaidan?" I was finally able to yell out into the darkened smoky sky.

The geth's voice returned. _Locate._ I kept pivoting around in the water, looking for the source of the voices. _Shepard, Commander._

"He's dead!" I screamed back at the top of my lungs, my vocal cords rattling. I fell to my knees, water rippling from my fall. "Leave me alone!" My hands balled up into fists, holding them to my chest.

_Locate._ Kaidan's voice again, mimicking the geth. He was so close. I felt his chilly breath on my ear as he said, _Shepard, Commander_. His breath, filled with the cold embrace of death, made me shiver.

"Kaidan, no," I sobbed. A set of familiar arms wrapped around me, my breath hitching at his touch. My hands moved to meet his that rested on my chest.

_Locate Shepard, Commander_, he insisted. Waves lapped against me; I looked up to find the source of the waves. A geth stood in front of me, staring at Kaidan and me. The inner workings of the geth twinkled a soft blue, exposed thanks to a gaping hole that went completely through its torso.

It let out a loud electric screech as the light on its head turned red. It charged into a red laser beam, reaching out to me. I looked down at my bare belly as the beam hit it. There was no pain when my flesh burned under the beam's heat. Kaidan's arms tightened around me. I concentrated on his embrace, squeezing his hands with all my might.

_Find him_, Kaidan said. I felt myself falling from his embracing, going face-first into the water. Just as fast as my head went under, he pulled be back up as I gasped for air, clutching my stomach. The geth continued to scream, accompanied by a disembodied growl that filled the air.

The water I was looking down at faded into the blacked-out glass of my sleeper pod. I caught myself breathing heavily, with my hands on my stomach.

It was fine. I was fine. Just a dream. I was back on the Kilimanjaro, safe and sound.

I brought up the time and realized that I didn't need to be up for another two hours, but I didn't want to go back to sleep anyway. I left the room full of occupied sleeper pods for the med-bay. The ship was quiet, considering how two-thirds of the crew was asleep. Not everybody was on the same schedule in space. Humans slept, but space-faring enemies didn't heed to our self-imposed night and day. I nodded at the few on duty marines that sparsely populated the corridors. They'd greet me back and ask about the last mission down on Eden Prime. I said that it was good to be back on Eden Prime to protect it and that I was glad to kick some geth ass.

It was nice to wander my way to the med-bay through the gargantuan ship. The Kilimanjaro was large enough for all the on duty soldiers and even a good number of their families. I never had to stay on a ship like this with my family as a child for very long. It was usually in transit to my father's next posting. As large as the ship was, everything inside it felt quite small. The barracks were anything but spacious or private and the family quarters were about as practical as they'd come. This was, understandably, to make space for the garages and the CIC; basically, everything that made a military ship, a military ship took priority.

I didn't mind it, really. But the stark contrast to the ship I missed made things a little difficult. Back on the Normandy, Garrus and I would sprint from one end of the ship to the other during really boring trips. Here, that was a no-go. Well, at least they had treadmills on the Kilimanjaro.

When I arrived, I noticed that, unlike the Normandy, the med-bay was huge on this ship. While people would ultimately end up in a hospital on the nearest space station if they were injured while serving on the Normandy, such a trip was unnecessary here. It had the capacity to see people all the way through treatment. Of course, I told myself, they didn't have Chakwas.

Cadence was sitting up in his bed; his leg bandaged up after it was operated on. He paid me no attention as I walked up to the foot of his bed and examined him. I pulled up a chair and sat next to his bed, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. Still, he seemed to pay me no mind, not bothering to look up from his omni-tool.

Sure, he'd been a jackass to me before. But he was my lieutenant and I felt obliged to at least visit him. I always assumed that he thought that I had a chip off my shoulder from helping Shepard save the galaxy. Or maybe he didn't like that I was Hannah's apprentice. Hell, he may have even recognized me as General Williams' granddaughter. Whatever his qualm with me was, I decided to not think much of it. I'd dealt with judgmental superiors before anyway. Nothing new here.

"Thanks," he finally spoke. I looked up from his leg to his face, which was now paying attention to me. I didn't say anything. "For saving me, I mean," he clarified. I knew what he meant, but I still gaped a little, about to say something, but I forgot what it was. "The captain's good, but she wouldn't have been able to pull my ass out of there in time without your help." I replied to his compliment with a weak, confused smile.

"Thanks," I mustered humbly.

He quickly countered, "No! Really, like I said, thank you." I wasn't expecting this kindness. Quite frankly, I was expecting him to lecture me on letting Hawkins get him shot. "I was stupid to give you shit like that before." My interest piqued then. "You ran in there without a bit of hesitation. I understand why you were chosen to serve on the Normandy."

"I don't think you understand how I ended up there," I half-laughed to him, passing his observation off as flattery just to make up for his previous behavior.

"Actually, no. I do know."

"Oh?" I challenged.

He made a small grin that looked more like a wince. "I was working on Arctutus Station when Eden Prime was attacked."

"A comfortable posting," I commented.

"Comfortable, but not what I wanted." Personally, I would have taken that posting over Eden Prime in a heartbeat. "Corporal Jenkins died during that mission under Shepard's command." I never met Jenkins; I only ever saw his coffin. Captain Anderson transferred me to the Normandy since Jenkins' absence left a spot open on the ground team. "I was next in line for a posting on the Normandy."

I suddenly figured out what he was getting at. "Oh."

"Yeah." He shrugged his shoulders, looking away from me. "I was jealous, I guess. I saw you on the news vids right behind the commander and… damn." He shook his head, actually smiling this time. "I wanted to be there. Who was that girl in the pink and white phoenix armor kicking ass next to the commander?" I was trying not to blush. "Everybody on Arcturus was asking that."

"Were not!" I said, mirroring his smile. I couldn't believe that people were talking about anyone other than Shepard by then.

"Oh yeah!" he cheered back. "Everybody was cheering you on. You were living the dream, Chief." I felt my cheeks give in to a fiery blush.

"I never considered the idea…" I trailed off.

"Nobody really expects such sudden fame," he explained to me. "Besides, you probably convinced yourself that you'd never be able get that far." I raised an eyebrow. "I know about your grandfather."

"I don't think we need to elaborate that point," I deadpanned. He got the message.

"I'll drop it."

"Thanks." I moved us away from the subject. "How's the leg?"

He shrugged, looking at his wrapped up leg. "I'll be fine. Everything's burned to hell, but the skin is growing back and the bone was replaced last night."

"Fun stuff," I joked. "Never been burned like that, myself. That'll keep you off the field for a while."

"I'll be back in no time," he assured me. "Ever end up in the med-bay on the Normandy?"

"Several times over," I recalled to him. "I ended up calling the doctor on the Normandy 'mom' at one point, since I'd been in there so much." God, I missed Chakwas. "Usually wasn't serious. And when I did actually break a rib, I took my sweet time getting into the med-bay."

"Not a fantastic idea, Chief," he remarked.

"It was when we lost Alenko."

Cadence's demeanor darkened. "He was a good guy, Alenko. I'm sorry."

I inhaled sharply, looking up at the ceiling. "Soldiers die." I tried to act as though I'd moved on. Cadence saw right through it.

"This was no normal combat casualty," he guessed aloud.

"It was like… Sophie's choice."

"Never heard of it."

"Horrifyingly tragic novel. Don't ever read it," I began to explain. "It was about a mother named Sophie who was forced by the Nazis to choose between her two children." I sighed, remembering Kaidan's pleas to Shepard, telling him to go rescue me instead. "She had to decide which one would live in a concentration camp and which one would be killed immediately."

"The commander being Sophie in this case," he concluded.

"She ended up never forgiving herself; never accepting that she could never have saved them both." I remember everyone whispering the same thing about Shepard back on the Normandy. Everybody on the ship forgave Shepard. Well, except for himself.

"Do you ever blame yourself, Ash?" I didn't answer him at first; taken aback that he'd used my first name. I realized how much I liked hearing it. I felt like his equal… his friend.

I said matter-of-factly, "I did… at first. Shepard wasn't having any of it. He made it pretty clear that it was his decision." I could almost feel Kaidan's arms around me once more, just like my dream. "Of course, that's something I'll never shake off, no matter what Shepard said."

"Well, let me reiterate on his behalf," Cadence encouraged, a grin on his face and his arms crossed in a friendly manner. "Don't blame yourself. We need you around."

"Geesh, LT," I tried to deadpan. "You're quite the flatterer." I sounded much more flirty and a lot less sarcastic than I intended. Luckily, he didn't return the gesture.

"We're both off duty. Just call me Jeremy."

I nodded with a soft grin. "Jeremy," I repeated.

"Ash," he acknowledged, nodding at me. His words gave me a flooding sense of relief. Or drowsiness. Definitely drowsiness. All of that restless sleep was catching up to me quite quickly. I yawned, loud and shamelessly.

Jeremy took pity on me. "Go ahead and catch a few winks. I won't tell," he said. I chuckled softly, resting my head on his bed after I moved my chair closer. I wasted no time in dozing off again.

* * *

><p>I noticed Jeremy's absence from the bed upon waking up. The bed hadn't been made, so I figured he was giving walking around a go. I checked the time; only an hour had passed, but there was no sense in sticking around an empty hospital bed.<p>

I left the medical bay and made my way to where the duty roster was posted. The corridors were still quiet; empty, even. There were so many lonely corridors on the Kilimanjaro to get lost in, unlike the Normandy, where everything was basically in one place, with no room to spare for any empty corners to hide in.

The dull murmur of two voices in an argument softly echoed down the corridor. I didn't see anyone from where I stood, but there was another corridor that met the main one I'd been walking down at a T-intersection. Whoever was down the hallway must have been so entrenched in conversation that they didn't even notice my footsteps. I moved along with my back against the wall, not even daring to poke my head around the corner in fear of being discovered. One voice drowned out the other before silencing it completely.

"But what are you even looking for? Running from one end of the galaxy to another just for that?" a man demanded. The voice wasn't anyone I recognized. It wasn't any of my business, but I did the impolite thing and kept eavesdropping.

A woman argued, desperation in her voice, "But there was never a body! What about the unaccounted for escape pod?" I wondered what happened to the person she was looking for. Maybe she knew someone on one of the ships that I went looking for on the Normandy's last mission.

"He's dead. You need to accept that. Quit looking," the man ordered in a relentless tone. I wanted to turn the corner and tell the woman to not give up, but I resisted that urge.

"But, Lieutenant!" she cried.

He cut her off. "Go back to your bunk and I'll see you back on duty in half an hour."

I waited for the sound of footsteps, but they never came. No sounds of frustrated sighs or doors shutting. _Whatever_, I decided. I shouldn't be afraid to go down a corridor in my own ship. I pushed my shoulders back and stride around the corner with my chin up, prepared to pass right by the quarreling duo.

Instead, I was floored to find no one there. There were no doors for them to silently slip behind and there was no way they could have gone down the corridor far enough to turn the next corner. This wasn't right. I sprinted down the corridor, wanting desperately to find the man and woman that I knew I heard. This wasn't in my head. It couldn't have been.

Tears began to well up in my eyes as I began to doubt myself more and more with each step I took down the corridor. I couldn't even see anymore.

That's when I felt the wind get knocked out of me. I ran into something. Familiar arms were wrapped around me.

"Don't listen to him," cooed my gentle captor.

"Kaidan?" I sobbed into his chest. "What's happening to me?"

His voice, so soft and familiar, "Don't ever stop looking."

A metallic, automated voice interjected, "Locate." That damn geth again. "Shepard, Commander." I turned away from Kaidan to look upon the shredded up geth. It looked taller and more imposing than before, but its inner workings were still exposed. The laser charged up, with me in its sights. It made a loud beeping noise as the power of its weapon increased.

A disembodied growl filled the air as I screamed, "No!" The beeping was loud and unbearable as the geth shot me once again.

I sat in my seat when I woke up, breathing heavily with tears in my eyes. My omni-tool was beeping. Jeremy was there, still on the bed, looking like he had been woken up by the minor ruckus I'd caused. I looked away from him, hiding my face, and stood to leave.

"I think I'm back on duty," I commented, reading a message from Hannah.

"Sleep well?" he inquired sarcastically, already knowing the answer.

"No," I answered, looking away from him, wiping away tears that were running down my flushed face. "But thanks for asking. Get better, LT."

* * *

><p>Hannah's door was unlocked when I arrived, so I just pranced on in as usual, trying to act undisturbed by nightmares.<p>

An old and familiar raspy voice was speaking as I entered. "…After reading your report, I've found the situation to be quite unsettling."

Hannah replied to it, taking no heed to my presence. "You don't need to tell me twice. They knew my name; they knew the Chief's name."

"Then I think that we're both on the same page, Captain Shepard."

I decided to interject, "Excuse me?" Hannah turned around, her arms folded across her chest.

"Hackett and I are having a little heart-to-heart," she explained. I nodded to the hologram of Hackett in front of her. He returned the gesture. "Thought you'd wanna join."

"What's happening?" I asked.

Hackett answered, "We have reason to believe that the geth are searching for the commander's body. I've already sent my best frigates to go after them." I nodded, holding my hands behind my back, standing at attention. "But I won't let that be your concern, Chief Williams. It's taken care of."

"I'll take your word for it, Admiral."

He continued, "Last month I put you in the running for the N1 program." I gaped at him for a moment, not believing him at first. He said it so casually. Hannah began to laugh at me. I ignored her, trying to form a cohesive sentence.

Flabbergasted, I stuttered, "I… I, uhh… the N1 program? Sir?"

Hannah put a hand on my shoulder. "You've already done what most N7 graduates can do, and then some."

"In addition to your N1 training," he began to announce. "You're being promoted to Special Operations Chief." This was like Christmas. I stared blankly at the hologram in disbelief, my arms limp at my sides and my shoulders slumped, floored by the news.

Hannah leaned in close to me, saying lowly, "Congratulations, Ash."

Stifling the biggest smile I had in a while, I saluted, "It would be an honor, Sir!" Hackett's hologram saluted back, as did Hannah. "I never thought that I'd…"

"You earned it," Hannah assured me.

In his typical stoic manner, Hackett continued. "We will present you with your new rank and you'll start your N1 training in a matter of months."

"I'll start it now, if I could, Admiral," I insisted. "Skip the ceremony. Just send me the paperwork."

"It'll be sent over to you within the week. Your training schedule will remain the same, though. Until then, I would like to ask a favor of you."

"Anything, Sir." After the bombshell of good news he'd dropped on me, I was ready to kiss Hackett's feet.

I hung on to every word Hackett said, "Alliance intel has received word that a missing contact has shown up on Illium." Illium sounded like a decent place to do check in on someone. It wasn't some remote planet akin to the places we ended up visiting on the Normandy. Of course, the moment a mission was pinned as easy, it would always get complicated. I decided not to try my luck. "I need you to make contact with this person of interest and assure the Alliance that she's safe."

"Who am I looking for, Admiral?"

"Doctor Liara T'Soni."


	11. Philanthropy

_So, I had this chapter done for the most part for a while now. Thus, why it got uploaded so quickly after the last one. Thanks for everyone sticking around after my little hiatus!_

_Love,_

_Seraph_

**Eleven.**

**~Philanthropy~**

I'd never been to Nos Astra before, let alone Illium. Sure, Amaterasu was right along Illium's shipping lane, but I never had the occasion to go.

Upon arrival, I avoided the immigration line at the spaceport by prancing through the military line after I flashed my credentials to the officers. I pretty much pranced outside, feeling like a million credits.

The day's sky hung heavily with grey clouds, threatening to rain at any minute. I didn't mind it, though. After so much time on the Kilimanjaro and on a bunch of space stations over the past few months, it was nice to be under a real atmosphere. It had been one year and around nine

\ months since the Normandy went down. Only a couple months less than that since I'd last seen Liara. Yes, I was counting.

During the few months that I had to wait in order to be cleared to go to Illium, I'd been promoted, but skipped the ceremony. I just put my new patches on my uniform and called my mother. Between now and leaving for Nos Astra, I stayed on the Kilimanjaro for a bunch of little missions to smaller colonies within the Alliance's jurisdiction. Between the geth and nearly a dozen abandoned colonies in the Terminus systems, the military was keeping a closer eye on their smaller colonies.

Each colony we'd search was exactly the same: only scarce signs of a struggle and not a soul to be found; nothing damaged or even looted. But each time it just got eerier and eerier.

Cadence and I managed to get along a bit better. Regardless of the fact that we put our misunderstandings aside, Cadence still had a bit of an attitude. Usually, we were just trying to one-up each other. It was harmless competition between colleagues.

Before I could go to Illium, the Alliance wanted me to contact her first. I used the address for her that the Alliance found and told her that I had a lot of shore leave to kill. Liara responded enthusiastically, inviting me to visit.

And so, there I was.

Liara wanted to meet me at a bar—quite unlike Liara. But I thought nothing more of it and navigated through the maze of skyscrapers and markets that nearly made my head spin. I kept splitting my attention between the GPS on my omni-tool and trying not to walk into someone else or a wall—which I did several times over. At long last I was at the "eternity" bar. The name didn't surprise me much, since every other word I'd hear out of most asari was either "eternity" or "goddess." Maybe I was just being a pretentious jerk.

I found Liara sitting stiffly on one of the lounge chairs in a far corner of the room; a full glass in front of her. I walked over to the bar counter and ordered a drink before I went over to her. Wordlessly, I took my drink over and sat across from her, reclining casually; contrasting with her uptight posture. We made eye contact for a brief second, not quite sure how to greet one another.

Our silence was broken awkwardly as we both spoke at the same time.

"Hey—"

"—Hello."

We averted our gazes once more in another awkward silence.

"Liara," I began. Before I could muster my words, I exhaled loudly; my eyes focused on my hands on my lap. "I'm glad I found you."

"Yes. It is always good to see an old friend." Her voice was genuine, but I could tell that something was paining her. "And I had yet to congratulate you on your promotion, Special Operations Chief."

"Heh, yeahhh…" I dragged out. "Kinda came as a surprise. I think Anderson was behind all of it." I took a sip of my beer.

"You really do not give yourself enough credit." She shook her head softly, her lilac lips stretching into a wide grin. "Shepard was right about how you put yourself down."

"I what?" I blurted out a little too loudly. I saw the bartender look my way out of the corner of my eye.

"On occasion the commander and I would talk during his regular visits to the medical bay," she explained. I remembered how often he'd end up there after missions. Usually he'd just rattle his head or stand around leaking vents spilling a cornucopia of toxins for far too long. I was often the one to pester him into visiting Chakwas. "He would always ask about my people and was still trying to come to terms with our minds joining."

"I'm going through the same thing." I needlessly rubbed my head, thinking about Shepard's memories from Akuze.

"I would say that you are handling it much better than most, Ashley." I made a little grin at her compliment. "You experienced one of Shepard's most traumatizing moments. It was a memory of his that I had to push away."

"There are nights where I wish I had that luxury, Liara." I thought of my restless nights over the past year; crawling with Shepard out of the valley with the melted the remains of his squad mates behind us.

"Ah, yes. Nightmares. We have those, too." She finally picked up her drink to take a sip. "But you are correct. I don't have to endure such painful memories when they are not my own. When I searched his mind for the information that the beacon sent him, it was unavoidable that his memories from Akuze come along with it. Just as the scar across his head was such a prominent part of him, Akuze scarred his very being."

"So you couldn't take the beacon's information without that memory," I concluded. She nodded. "But, still, thank you. I needed that. Even if it hurts a lot, I still needed something of his to hold on to."

"I… I understand. I would feel guilty, though, to say, 'you're welcome' when I know that I may have damaged you."

"No," I insisted. "Don't worry about me." Liara still looked overburdened by guilt, so I changed the subject. "What did you really do when you left, Liara? Not that, 'I might go to Illium for some boring desk job' crap you fed me."

Liara didn't skip a beat with pouring out the truth. "I was following leads on who attacked the Normandy. As you can see, there aren't many archeological digs in Nos Astra." We let out an uneasy laugh together. I still found it difficult to totally let loose with Liara around. I still felt so damn guilty about how I'd treated her before. "I found myself on Omega at one point," she continued. Omega is not a place that I imagined the demure Liara running around on. Then again, I probably wasn't giving her enough credit.

Eagerly, I jumped to ask, "Did you find anything?" Liara put a hand to her chest and swallowed hard.

"Yes," she admitted hesitantly. I caught on to her hesitation.

"I guess this isn't the place to really talk about it."

"No." She stood up and straightened out her dress. "But I know where we can."

We left the bar and hailed a cab as it started to rain. I looked out the cab's passenger window with wide-eyes as the beautiful towers flew by. They reminded me of Amaterasu, with its skyline that desperately wanted to be as beautiful and grand as the urban jungles of Illium. The cab slowed and Liara paid the fee before leading me into the towering apartment complex. The building had gardens dotted along its sides, with long vines dangling down from them. Getting a place here required more than what an archeologist's budget could ever provide.

"Nice place," I commented with genuine enthusiasm as we walked down a spacious hallway. Liara stopped to swipe a card into a door console and led me inside. Her actual apartment was even more impressive. "No, really. This is awesome!"

It had yet to be fully furnished, and there were boxes everywhere, but it was still a beautiful place. To my left was a living room with a huge window looking out over a garden, which grew on a narrow ledge, and into the dense city. On the other side was a kitchen that my mother and Sarah would have envied. It had a long counter for several guests and an empty wine rack. Above the kitchen was a loft, which served as her bedroom that looked over the living room and out the window.

"I have not had the time to fully move in."

"I've got all the time in the world. Let me help you," I offered. She was walking into the kitchen to place her keycard on the counter. I followed her and leaned onto the counter, with my hands clasped together in front of me.

"Oh, don't worry about it," she chimed. "It'll take care of itself eventually."

"Come on!" I walked over to a pile of boxes in the living area, and then turned to face her with my hands out, becoming her over. "It's raining. A perfect opportunity to get this stuff done."

She gave in with a sigh, "Alright," and joined me at the pile of boxes. One by one we tackled each box. The majority of her stuff was old Prothean relics that she kept from her days in the dig sites. A lot of it looked like rubble to me, but I knew that it meant the world to Liara.

"Soooo…" I began as I put a statuette on a shelf. "If you don't mind my asking." Liara was walking over to the counter with a wooden box under her arm and pulling a crate behind her. I noticed that it was military grade and had large latches on the side. "What exactly do you do nowadays?"

She put the wooden box on the counter and left the crate on the floor. "Now that we're in private, I suppose you should know." Intrigued, I walked over to Liara once I emptied another box. "I have found myself tangled up in information trading."

"That sounds ominous, Liara," I cautioned. "Don't end up like that paranoid volus, Barla Von." Liara let out an uneasy laugh, walking back to the pile of boxes.

"I felt that I would be doing more good gathering intel…" She pulled another relic out of a box, holding it up to her eye level and frowned. "…instead of roaming Prothean ruins that the reapers staged for us."

"Point taken." I shrugged and sat down on one of the stools at the counter. "It looks like you're doing pretty well for yourself."

"Yes. For now, this is my base of operations." She stretched her arms out to her sides, as if to present her little domain to me. "I am no shadow broker, but it will serve me well. But I was hoping…" She fell silent, biting her tongue and squeezing her eyes shut.

"Hoping for what?" I pushed. She sighed and looked back up at me.

"I was hoping that you could help me with something."

"Is this something that will get me court marshaled?" I half-jokingly asked.

"No…" she answered. I gave her a look of smug doubt. "Yes."

"That's fine." I shrugged. "I'm kinda beyond caring about that at this point." She grinned at my response and quickly went over to a box containing her computer terminal. I helped her set it up. Her computer was quite impressive; everything was encrypted beyond my comprehension and was as sophisticated as they'd come.

We sat next to each other as she scrolled through an endless stream of information. She had five holo-screens set up on the counter, having me calling out bits of data to her from one screen, while she silently connected the informational dots. It was a ritual that I didn't understand.

"There!" she exclaimed out of nowhere. Her finger was pointing at a document she'd pulled up.

"I don't get it," I deadpanned.

"I apologize for the ambiguity," she excitedly began. "There is a prominent Terra Firma party member on Illium." My blood ran cold at the name.

"Not a lot of them in Nos Astra," I retorted, leaning towards the screen that had Liara's attention. "And they don't have much business here."

Her tone lowered, lightly laced with hatred. "This man's business here isn't exactly diplomatic." I began to look over the document; it was a list of purchases that spanned over the past few days.

"Who are we stalking, exactly?" I said after realizing that this purchase history had no name on it.

She turned to face me with a toothy grin. "Charles Saracino."

My enthusiasm piqued. "Okay, yeah. I am totally for fucking this guy up." Needless to say, I wasn't a fan of his. "What are we up to?"

"He arrived here earlier this week. I initially thought that he was going to campaign through the human embassy in Nos Astra."

"It _is_ an election year," I mentioned.

"Yes, but I don't think that gaining the support of his constituents is his main concern here." She highlighted the most recent transactions and pulled up a list of coordinates. "His transactions put him on the northern end of downtown, around the embassy. But these coordinates have him in Corporate Row." She pointed to a map. "It is a cluster of corporate towers. There is only one tower entirely owned by a human corporation."

"How do you know where he is, exactly?" I questioned. Liara just kept her eyes on the screen and smirked. "Whatever. So, basically, he's not where he wants people to believe he is."

"Precisely. And ExoGeni is the owner of the tower he's been visiting."

"What's ExoGeni doing on Illium?"

"Mainly biotic implants, but they've grown a hobby out of advanced cybernetics. Being on the edge of the Terminus systems gives them access to nearly anything they'd need."

"So why is he there?"

"I believe that he's purchasing equipment from ExoGeni on the behalf of somebody else," she explained. "He has publicly visited other research corporations, but he hasn't said a word about this trip. While it is not usually my business to intervene in matters like this, a terra firma figurehead in Nos Astra is not good news."

I added, "Especially if he's leaving behind a false paper trail."

"…And the added intel would not hurt, either. I need to make a living after all."

I looked back up at the purchase history. A new transaction had appeared while we were talking. "'The hell is 'Azure'?"

Liara brought the coordinate list back up and chuckled softly at what she found. "Azure is an… exotic hotel, named after a celebrated part of the asari anatomy." I knew exactly what she meant.

"That's…" I began, eyebrows raised. "…exactly where I'd expect a politician to be."

Liara brought up more windows, as I watched a wide grin grow on her face. "The transaction was made through a very private account of his. Saracino is at Azure." I made another attempt in deciphering what was on the screen. She continued, "I've entered the hotel's reservation database. He made a booking for later tonight."

I rolled my eyes. "Dear Lord, this guy's an idiot. For a xenophobe, he has no problem stepping into an asari pleasure hotel."

"If it is any consolation to you, all species find themselves with corrupted politicians," she said. "So, do you have a plan?"

"You don't?" I teased back.

She shook her head shyly. "No."

"Well, he's got a way with words, if you remember." She nodded, recalling the scene in the wards where he was rallying a crowd of humans. "Catch 'em in a place like that, threaten to expose him, and he won't be able to talk himself out of this one."

* * *

><p>"Okay, this was not my plan for shore leave," I said, adjusting Liara's dress that I borrowed. We were outside Azure acting as a couple looking for a weekend escape. We both agreed that this would be the ideal cover and quickest way to get into Azure.<p>

We walked briskly into the hotel, hand-in-hand with wide grins on our faces. The two of us were enjoying this, as Liara checked us in using the reservation she created while snooping in on the hotel's database. I'd never done something this devious and undercover before. Most, if not all, of my work never went beyond combat. Stealth and fun little sessions of espionage weren't really on the menu until now.

We modestly paraded our way up to the room, which, as I discovered upon our arrival, was certainly for a couple, but we didn't have time to fool around. As soon as the door shut behind us, we began to change into clothes more suited for confronting a politician, which turned out to be a tank top and sweat pants for the both of us.

"Sooo," I started. "How exactly is this going to work?" I sat down at a small table where Liara placed all over her equipment. She made her way over to the table and started to distribute devices between us.

"Saracino's room is right next to us," she began, pointing to the northern wall. I instinctively looked at the wall, eyebrows raised. "For now, we will remain here, recording whatever we need. But should we have to go into his room, I want to come prepared." She dug through her small dufflebag. "We'll wear recorders," she handed me a small device that I could clip to my bra under my tank top. "The microphones left in here might not do the job."

"I feel over equipped for this thing," I remarked. She made a brief laugh and handed me a small gun in a holster.

She explained, "Just in case he's got more than a few call girls with him." The holster was meant to go around the thigh, so I pulled my sweatpants down and strapped it on. Liara followed my lead. Our pants were baggy enough for no one to notice the guns unless they were really looking. Liara began to pull out an odd-looking datapad, which she explained was actually a heat sensor, or infrared, so we could determine when to go in and confront him. "Breaking in to his room will be a simple task. I can crack any door this place has to offer."

"I bet that comes in handy," I commented, thinking of a few devious things I could do with such a skill.

"Yes," she grinned. "In the meantime, I need you to mount these to the wall." Liara handed me four odd looking cone-shaped devices. "They're microphones that can listen through the thick walls here." I took them and began my work.

The room was quite nice, I noted, finally having a chance to look around after I secured the microphones to the wall, which conveniently just suctioned themselves to the smooth surface. Our suite mainly just looked like an insanely nice hotel room with a few touches for couples; a huge bed and bathtub, and a balcony just spacious enough for two, small enough to make it cozy. I guess we didn't get the honeymoon suite in time.

My heart ached a little. The sappy touches to a room in an Asari love hotel made me miss Shepard in that quiet moment.

I needed some fresh air, so I quietly paced across the room, out onto the balcony. Liara paid me no attention, entrenched in the information the device in her hands was giving her. The air was cool from the rain that had stopped no more than ten minutes ago. The sounds of the vast city echoed around me as I gazed into the urban jungle with the sun setting behind it.

I daydreamed of Shepard standing right next to me, his arms on the banister, a small smile on his face that no one would ever know was there but me. It was a smile that showed up when he was gazing at something that truly took him aback. At least, that's what I thought. I noticed that he didn't favor cities over quiet places, or vice versa. We could be on the Citadel and he'd sometimes just stop somewhere and stare at the long arms of the station for a while with that smile on his face. One time we were sent to take out a geth base on this remote desert planet. Shepard insisted that we stay an hour, since the Normandy was sitting on the planet, instead of in orbit, anyway. I don't remember his excuse, but I remember him looking out the open door of the Normandy's garage at the sunset while I was cleaning weapons. He invited me to watch with him. At the time I thought it was strange. I'd kill to do it again now.

He could find beauty in anything. Well, that's what I wanted to believe. For someone who had seen so much death and despair, he smiled a lot, at least.

Without even thinking, I turned my head to look at him, but was harshly reminded that no one was standing next to me. Suddenly quite sad, I went back inside and shut the door to the balcony behind me.

"Anything?" I asked Liara.

"It is just him so far." I moved next to her to look at the device. Only one man-sized blob of heat was on the screen. "He's been pacing for a bit."

"He seems nervous," I observed.

Liara provided some insight into the matter. "No one waiting for a high priced call girl is nervous about impressing her. He's paying to be impressed. I don't know why he would be nervous."

"Not everyone here showed up for the premium entertainment," I suggested. "I mean, we didn't. Maybe Saracino didn't either."

"Good point, Ashley." She put the infrared device next to me and adjusted the recorder on her bra. "Azure is a place with many uses. At first I just thought I'd blackmail him with something that would turn his party against him. But now I don't think that this is merely a case of a lustful man with too much power."

I looked at the blob of heat move in the direction of the hallway.

"He's going towards the door," I told her.

Liara ran over to the table that she'd set up a mobile terminal on. I sat down next to her and put on a pair of headphones, my eyes still on the feed from the infrared.

Saracino was speaking when I started listening. "I purchased the device as we agreed. Even took a few pictures for the campaign trail."

"And what did ExoGeni think of that?" A woman asked. It was a calm, but assertive voice; either a businesswoman who'd partake in questionable activity or another politician. Well, I considered those to be the same.

"They were more interested in who I was picking it up for and why." The mystery woman with Saracino laughed a little. "Don't worry, they stopped asking once I provided the credits they wanted."

"Well, let's see it, Mr. Saracino," the woman said, a little strain in her voice as she seemed to reach over to whatever Saracino had bought her. I tried to see what they were looking at by what was shown through the infrared, but it was of little use. Whatever it was, the object was probably still in a box and easily fit into the palm of a hand. But that's all I could figure out by their general movements.

"Gotta ask you, Miranda," Saracino began, shaking his head a little, and then combing his hair back with his hand. "What did I just buy?"

The mystery woman, now named Miranda, took the object from Saracino and lifted up to the light. "A blueprint, Charles." The lack of visual access into the room made this frustrating. I kept staring and hanging on to every word that came out of this woman's mouth. "ExoGeni is on the verge of figuring out how to create major cybernetic implants that meld with the body's genetic coding. Up until now, humanity still has to contend with the body rejecting foreign objects. Even organ transplants are difficult to live with. These would become partially organic and grow and replenish themselves, like actual parts of a human would."

Even Saracino seemed to take a genuine interest in it. "Like with basic biotic implants, right? People are still battling with those."

"Exactly," she said, her posture perking up. This was clearly a subject that she'd entrenched herself in. "ExoGeni and my employer want to create life-saving implants that don't get rejected by the human body's natural defenses." She put the device back down on to the table. "This device is actually a reject prototype of ExoGeni's. Through my contacts, I was able to arrange its purchase. They didn't realize how close they were with this one. I could finish their research in a matter of weeks."

"Just weeks?" Saracino asked, seemingly excited. I could see his figure lean closer to the woman. "I want in on this."

"It's not for a profit!" she snapped back at him. "Lives are at stake, Saracino. You'd be wise to keep your desire for more campaign funds out of this. Make no mistake; paying you to do this so I don't have to go to ExoGeni myself was more doing you a favor."

"I—I apologize."

"You know a bit too much already." She stood to leave, first gathering her things off the table.

Liara got up and put a hand on my shoulder. "Stay here. Do not follow me."

Confused, I hissed back, "…the hell are you doing?" Liara continued to the door, and I just shook my head and stayed seated, listening to Miranda's departure. I heard Liara close the door behind her.

Miranda continued, "The money has been transferred to the account you specified. Let's now hope that you're smart enough to just take that money and pretend that this never happened." Saracino didn't reply as Miranda strode out of the room.

_Oh shit_, I thought. _Liara's out there with Miranda_. I ran to the door, cracking it open a little, peeking out to see if anyone was there while I reached for my gun, tucking it under the tight elastic waistband for easy access. I couldn't really see anything from my vantage point, but I heard Liara's angry voice.

"I don't owe you any more favors!" Liara said angrily, but didn't yell. I opened the door all the way to find Liara a few doors down the hall with her back towards me, talking to a beautiful woman holding a metal suitcase. She had long dark hair and light olive skin, dressed in a tunic and leggings, with heels that made her legs go for miles. I'm pretty sure she could have kicked my ass, by the looks of her muscular, but sleek and agile, frame.

Miranda looked at me and nodded in my direction. "How much does she know?" I froze.

"Not enough." Liara's voice was grave. She turned to look at me, restraining how distraught she felt from showing on her face. Sometimes, Liara couldn't help but wear her heart on her sleeve. "Never enough."

"Who are you?" I said to Miranda, my voice cold and demanding, with one hand near my gun.

Her expression was not a proud one, but it felt honest when she looked me in the eyes and said, "A sick and twisted philanthropist." I didn't scare her. I probably just amused her.

Liara interjected, "We met on Omega nearly a month after the Normandy was destroyed." I remember Liara mentioning going there in passing conversation, but none of the details. "After discovering that we both had something that the other needed…"

"…we struck a trade," Miranda finished, her voice delicate now.

"I'm still waiting for you to fulfill your end of our bargain," Liara mentioned.

"Doctor T'Soni…" Miranda gulped. "I must ask another favor of you." Liara defiantly crossed her arms and glared at Miranda. "I know you were recording us. I know that you know what I'm searching for."

Liara dropped her arms to her sides, looking beyond annoyed with this woman. "I'll be on the lookout."

"Thank you," she said; a hand over her heart. She then looked around suspiciously, then to the door leading into Saracino's room. "We'd all better get outta here. I didn't plan on waiting for the entertainment he ordered to arrive."

I wanted to laugh, but what just transpired between Miranda and Liara had me far too confused to even remotely give a damn about blackmailing Saracino anymore.

"And you can't afford to get found out," Liara said. She turned around and started walking, not caring to even look at Miranda. "We'll keep in touch."

* * *

><p>"What the fuck was that?" I yelled. We were back in Liara's apartment. After parting ways with Miranda, Liara and I packed up and left the hotel in silence. Now that the door was shut behind us and we were alone, it felt safe to talk again.<p>

In my case, rant.

"That wasn't supposed to happen!" she cried back.

"Apparently, it was!" I argued. "She knew we were there! Whoever the fuck 'Miranda' is, she wanted us to hear her." I was so angry; no—infuriated. So much so that I felt light headed and went to sit down on a bar stool at the counter. Liara stood on the other side of the counter, her hands on the surface, looking down at them. I lowered my voice. "What's she got hanging over your head, Liara?" She wouldn't answer. "You destroyed everything we recorded! And what was that bullshit about some trade?"

Liara pulled her head up and looked at me square in the eyes. "You do _not_ understand." She was adamant about that point; her voice unwavering.

"Then make me," I challenged, my voice a bit more collected and snarky. Liara motioned towards the wooden box she'd left on the counter earlier. I picked it up and placed it between us.

"Miranda knew that I'd served on the Normandy," she began to explain as she slid the top off of the box and took out a smaller felt box. "I don't know how, but she found something." She opened it up, but I still couldn't see what was inside. "Something…" She fumbled with a chain that was spilling out of the little container. "Something that I thought was lost forever." I could hear her choking up when she used her free hand to take mine. Liara hand her hand clenched, hiding something inside, then dropped it into my palm.

I gasped. Knowing exactly what it was.

Dog tags. Not just any set of dog tags, though. The N7 emblem with its splash of crimson on one, the owner's name on the other.

"How did you find these?" I demanded, now much suspicious than amazed.

"She knew I wanted these and I gave her a…" She hesitated. "Just some stupid lead she needed for her… philanthropy." She sighed, looking frustrated that this was now out in the open. "It was the trade that launched my career in information trading."

"Liara…" I reached out to hold her hand. "This is what you meant when you said that you found something on Omega, wasn't it?"

She didn't reciprocate my grasp, but didn't pull away either. "I didn't want to get your hopes up with this. I am showing you this now because I feel I have to."

"But if these aren't floating through space—"

"He isn't alive, Ashley," she insisted. She wasn't lying, I could tell. Liara sounded as broken as I was.

But I still didn't want to believe her and argued, "You can't be sure of that."

"We both saw his final moments. I don't know how his tags ended up on Omega, but he isn't alive."

I relented. "Put his tags away. I don't wanna see them anymore." I handed the tags back to her and she obeyed.

When the dog tags were gone, Liara sat down next to me. We didn't look at each other; we just sat for a few quiet moments. It had been dark outside for a while, and the rain was reduced to a misty drizzle. Liara's apartment didn't have any lights on, but that wasn't an issue. The smaller droplets made everything glow so beautifully when they reflected off all of Illium's light. Everything was still and quiet. I think we both needed a few minutes of that.

But those few minutes passed, so Liara went back to setting up the little information center in her living room. I moved across the room to her, looking over her shoulder, trying to decipher all of the things on the screens that I couldn't understand for the life of me.

"What am I gonna tell Hackett?" I asked. Liara shrugged her shoulders. "'Can't tell him that we just tried to blackmail a politician and ran into the woman who had Shepard's dog tags."

"Tell him I'm fine. Tell him that I am not a reliable contact right now. That the Alliance has no use for me."

"Good enough for me."

Well, it wasn't. I didn't want to believe Liara. Maybe I didn't even want to know about what she's gotten herself into. And I certainly didn't believe that she was okay.

I wasn't okay. This just wasn't okay.

And so much was unanswered. Liara said that Miranda was still trying to fulfill her end of a bargain. But Liara said that all Miranda wanted was a lead on something for her work. And what if those weren't really Shepard's tags? Maybe Miranda lied to Liara.

Maybe Liara's lying to me.


	12. Special Forces Level One

_This is the chapter you've been waiting for. Trust me._

_Love,_

_Seraph_

**Twelve.**

**~Special Forces. Level One.~**

I reported back to Hackett before I departed Illium for Arcturus Station. I was sitting on a bench at the spaceport on my phone, having just left Liara's apartment an hour ago. The spaceport was crowded, but everyone managed to keep moving in the controlled chaos of the huge crowd. I kept my jacket's hood up and warily looked around while I conversed with the Admiral.

"How's our contact, Chief Williams?" he asked. "You got back to me quicker than I expected." His old and raspy voice was always a welcome thing, bringing back a nice sense of security.

"Liara is fine, Sir." I had to quickly sort out what was safe to say in public, should anyone be listening. "She's basically living off the grid. That's why your guys could only find that contact address and nothing else. But she's currently not a useful contact."

"What do you mean?" He sounded genuinely worried.

"She's not much of an archeologist anymore," I sighed, leaning back on the bench to get a better look at the crowd. "I'll tell you that much."

I could hear him let out a frustrated sigh. "A damn shame. She was helping us find any evidence of the reapers in old prothean ruins. We got worried when she dropped all communication with the Alliance."

"She didn't tell me about that," I pointed out. "But trust me, she's fine. There's more to it." My ship was starting to board. "I'll tell you more once I'm on Arcturus Station."

"Safe travels, Chief Williams."

"I'll see you soon, Sir."

* * *

><p>I made it to the station without incident, but things moved quite quickly once I got there. To start things off, Hackett requested a meeting with me.<p>

"I've got a lot to tell you, Admiral," I began once I sat at his desk.

"Everything is off the record right now, Williams," he assured me. As much as I trusted Hackett, I never believed that line. "What's happened to Doctor T'Soni?"

I inhaled deeply, not sure if I even wanted to tell him everything. The more I'd try to explain everything that happened with Liara, the shadier the whole thing sounded. So I started with the general stuff. "She went looking for whoever shot down the Normandy after she left me on the Citadel. Before she left, though, Liara said that she was going to Illium for some job, I think. But that obviously isn't what happened. Anyways, eventually she ended up on Omega."

Hackett furrowed his brow, digesting the information, and asked, "Did she find anything?"

I hesitated. I didn't know what would happen if I said that she had Shepard's dog tags. Then I'd have to explain that I even held them and willingly gave them back to Liara. Hannah would probably have my head for not returning them to the Alliance. "No, but…"

"Off the record," he reminded me.

"The trip to Omega ended with her getting into information trading," I said. Hackett leaned back in his chair and rubbed his chin. "She didn't really give me the story on how that panned out, though."

"That's a cause for concern," he announced.

"She seems to be safe enough, though," I assured him. "If anything, she was going after more people than there were people going after her."

"Did you find out anything else?"

I looked at him straight in the eyes. It took all my might. "No."

"Very well then." I wondered if he really believed me. He got out a datapad and handed it to me. "Our next order of business," he began, having dropped the subject of Liara. Was I that good a liar? "I've decided that you need to enter the ICT now." ICT stood for interplanetary combative training, otherwise known as the N7 program. Just being chosen to go was a badge of honor; there was no shame in failing to get N1 classification. The school was located at Vila Militar near Rio De Janiero back on Earth, nicknamed "the villa" or "N-school."

I'd heard stories about the place. Shepard told me about how students would train for 20 hours a day, going through hostile terrain with little food or water, forcing them to learn to get it themselves. And that was just to get N1 classification.

N2 through N6 training was held off planet, at whatever facility was relevant. Those students would learn parachuting and combat driving, even first aid for a multitude of species and basic alien languages for when translators weren't available. I was anxious to give it a shot.

"I thought that wasn't for another month or two."

"An alarming number of our most remote human colonies have been abducted, along with a dozen ships that go looking for them," he began to explain, although I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at. "It would be a waste to make you find the same thing over and over on these missions for the next two months." I had just realized in that moment that doing the same thing over and over was exactly what I'd been doing. As strange as it was to find ship after ship filled with absolutely no personnel, I really was just doing the same thing over and over. "Hannah and I agreed that you need to go to ICT now."

"I'm honored, Sir," I thanked him, not even wanting to argue. I was ready to go.

"You earned it, Chief," he assured me.

I stood to salute Hackett; he returned the gesture and saw me out the door.

* * *

><p>ICT was strangely liberating. But let me backtrack.<p>

Ever since basic training, I was never really just a number amongst my trainees. I was always "that Williams girl." You know—the granddaughter of General Williams. First, my superiors and teachers would treat me differently, and then my fellow recruits would find out. It'd go downhill from there. Any special promotions or training missions would never involve me, no matter how much I knew I deserved it. I hated that, but I endured.

But once the drama of basic was over, then I had to fight tooth and nail to crawl my way up the ranks and ultimately to a safe and boring posting on Eden Prime.

ICT was different. I was just another grunt. I wasn't special and it didn't matter who I was related to. I was my last name and a number. It was fantastic.

The Amazon jungle had long since been restored and was allowed to grow into a wild and untamed place once again. It was also where ICT took place. Myself and squad of five other students would get dropped in the middle of the rainforest with only a compass to help us navigate. The ICT instructors didn't need to put much effort into making the course so ruthless; the landscape did that for them.

The perpetual rain made it easy to collect water, but the unknown flora of the forest made determining what was safe to eat quite difficult. We were expected to endure this for a week.

But that was just the survival aspect of ICT. Back on the base, we'd be given small rations of food and water and would train for nearly 20 hours a day. It was supposed to teach us how to survive and fight on so little. The better we got, the smaller the rations. There was no time for our skills to plateau.

More than a few students had left early on. Some were injured during the missions into the jungle or simply gave up. To those who simply gave up, nobody held it against them. This was torture. It was an entire three months of not a single proper meal or more than five hours of sleep at one time. There wasn't even any time to get to know other students personally. I could tell you how each person held their gun or where I'd position them during a fight, but I didn't even know everyone's first names. Again, we were our last names and numbers.

During the entire program, nobody received any praise. I never knew where I stood or if I was doing something right. Those three months blurred into one big drill. There were no breaks other than visits to the base's medical facility for mandatory checkups. I had no choice but to keep fighting through each day.

I hated it and I relished in it all at the same time. I couldn't focus on anything other than survival and that was such a liberating aspect of the whole thing, oddly enough. During ICT, I didn't have time to worry about the reapers or what Saracino was doing for Liara's strange contact. Hell, I didn't even think about if Liara had gotten in over her head with information trading. There was just no room for that here.

Before I knew it, I was getting lined up with my fellow students to see who made the cut.

"Twenty of you remain out of the sixty that showed up here three months ago," they told us. Facing us, were our instructors with several dozen military personnel behind them. It was a very "no frills" event. "Out of this twenty, only five of you have passed." Suddenly, I was quite terrified. This program had consumed so much of me that it'd be heart wrenching to not pass. Sure, just attempting to get an N1 certification was a badge of honor, but I absolutely had to pass.

"If your name is called, step forward."

I felt my heart pounding inside my chest.

"Lieutenant Yesler, Tarrence."

_I could name more than five people who'd get picked over me._

"Gunnery Chief Hernandez, Alex."

_But I can't just go back without my N1 certification. And I have to make it to N7. I want this so badly._

"Corporal Anders, Daniel."

_And if I want to take my place at Hannah and Anderson's side in fighting the reapers, I need every bit of experience I can get to help me along the way._

"Special Operations Chief, Williams, Ashley."

_Oh thank God_. I looked up into the sky as I stepped forward; a weight lifted off my shoulders. I was in a state of pure bliss for the rest of the ceremony. They stamped "N1" onto my file and I was sent on my way.

N1 certification proved much more difficult than the N2-N5 courses. I went straight to N2 once I was handed an official invitation to attend, right after I was N1 certified. N2 was zero-G combat, which came naturally to me, since I was already zero-G certified. All I needed to do was add combat into the mix and all was well.

N3 was for planetside combat that wasn't on land. I was taught to parachute, an archaic technique still used when small teams needed to approach with as little disturbance as possible, since most enemies scan for ships instead of actual people. If I needed to stay airborne, I was taught how to operate a variety of jetpacks and how to not get killed while airborne. The N3 course even went so far as to teach combat diving. I was sure that I really wouldn't have to do these things, especially when I'd hardly hear of nautical battles in modern times, the program directors were quite adamant about the students learning these skills. But who was I to argue?

N4 was more academic than anything else. At first it was simply how to understand basic alien languages, which I didn't quite understand the need for. The course evolved into teaching a basic cultural understanding of each major species. It was explained to me that right after first contact, humanity didn't understand how to effectively communicate with other species.

Say, for instance, a salarian had been taken hostage by an asari. How would one appeal to the asari while keeping the salarian calm? Different things make different species tick.

N5 taught frontline trauma care for humans, turians, asari, and salarians. Humans and asari proved to be quite similar in biology, while taking care of a salarian proved difficult, since their insanely fast matabolisms can get in the way of taking care of wounds at times. Turians are dextro-based life forms, meaning that basically everything that humans can digest might just kill a turian. The main lesson there is that I'd probably just bring a second med kit with me if a turian was on my side since everything in a med kit for myself would kill my ally.

But N6 was a whole different beast. Students would be taken into actual combat zones throughout the galaxy. Not some sophisticated combat scenario set up by the program directors. No. Actual combat zones.

Surviving the multiple combat zones granted you N6 qualifications. Surviving in an "admirable and effective fashion" meant becoming an N7. But I had no idea what that meant, exactly.

I'd be taken to a minimum of three combat zones.

The first mission was in the Hades Gamma cluster, where a team of Alliance researchers went to the planet Klensal to research an abandoned geth base on the planet. The team was wiped out after they sent a distress call, claiming that the geth had returned to reclaim the base. But we weren't going in for revenge, but instead for a large underground prothean ruin that the team discovered under the base. The Alliance decided that it was worth going after. In short, the mission was a success. We only had a handful of casualties—nobody on my squad—and the geth were cleared out for good. The commander in charge gave me the seal of approval and sent me on my way.

Between systems in the Maroon Sea, I was assigned to stay on an Alliance ship that was looking for a batarian slaver ship that had gone into hiding after it was chased from system to system. The mission went fine. In hindsight, it was almost boring. We caught up to the ship, boarded it, and took down every last batarian there, leaving us to free the people that were going to be sold by the batarians.

But the mission that really mattered was the third.

* * *

><p>I was getting worried. While I performed quite well in the first two missions, there wasn't really anything special that I could have done. I knew my place during combat and I did my job the best I could. After I'd left the Maroon Sea, I was transferred to the cruiser, SSV Cairo. My job was to assist in patrolling around independent human colonies in the Terminus systems. The mission was politically and physically dangerous, considering how our ship belonged to the Alliance and that the colonies didn't exactly ask for our protection.<p>

The SSV Cairo was a newer ship, not having the dirt, grime, or personality even near that of the Kilimanjaro. But I felt welcomed there by everyone, even though I was going to be aboard for only one mission. I sat on my bed, since I had a few hours before I had to go on duty. With me was my copy of the Odyssey. I slowly turned the pages, not even reading the contents. The sound of rustling paper and the smell of an old book on a new ship was therapeutic for me. But my moment alone was cut short.

"Special Operations Chief Williams?" a woman asked. I looked up to see a commander at my bedside. She was really tall, like over six feet by a lot, and had cropped black hair with tanned skin. "I'm Commander Janet Liore." I hastily stood to salute her. "There's no need, Chief. I'm actually off duty."

"Well, that's a relief," I sighed. "Nice to meet you."

"And it's an honor to meet you, Chief," she was quick to add in an honest tone. "I've heard about your work on the Normandy and Kilimanjaro. We'll need your expertise with the geth for this mission into the Terminus systems."

"Thanks," I said, not used to the flattery. "Is there anything you need to know?"

"Yeah, actually. I've only been in a few fights with very small groups of geth. But I'd like to bring you up to date on what we're doing here." She motioned for me to walk with her down the hallway. We strode passed soldiers prepping the ship for the mass relay jump that was to happen in around an hour. Commander Liore began to explain, "As you're well aware, we've been losing ships, both military and civilian, by the dozens."

"Yes, I'm aware," I confirmed. "Nothing but empty ships once we find something. Hell, we generally don't get any distress calls, either."

"Exactly. On top of that, we've lost several small Alliance colonies, but many more on the edge of the Terminus systems. Our mission is to find out if the colonies inside the Terminus systems are being targeted as well."

"Any leads on what's behind it?" I asked, knowing Liore's answer.

"Nobody has the technology or resources to do so other than the geth." Called it.

"I don't think it's the geth," I said bluntly.

"Oh?" she asked, surprised enough that she stopped walking for a very brief moment.

"The geth don't need humans for anything. Unless this is a systematic mass genocide planned by the geth. But there aren't any bodies or even signs of a struggle."

"But surely, that doesn't rule them out, Chief Williams."

"No, it doesn't," I said coolly, not really wanting to get into a huge debate over it. Against my better judgement, I added, "The geth aren't the only scary things hiding in the galaxy that can cut our defenses like butter. Take for instance the unknown entity that shot down the Normandy."

"Fair point," she concluded, probably not wanting to get into a debate over it either. She took the chance to change the subject. "How long has it been since the Normandy went down?"

I didn't skip a beat. I had been counting since day one. "Two years and eight months."

"I see," she said. I could tell she felt awkward having asked that, but I wasn't mad. "I'm sorry, but I don't really know what I could say that would be tactful."

"At least you're trying," I assured her. We silently dropped the entire subject of what happened two years and eight months ago and Liore gave me a tour of the ship. I returned back to my barracks just before we took a relay jump into the heart of the Terminus systems.

* * *

><p>It only took a few days for a colony to go dark.<p>

I was on duty, maintaining guns in the Cairo's armory, when an announcement blared through the ship's comm. speakers. "All ground team members report to the main briefing room immediately." I asked the guy who was cleaning guns with me for directions and sprinted towards my destination.

I was the last one to arrive, but everyone was more concerned with why they were there instead of my tardiness.

The ship's captain, George Adama, started once I walked in. "Two hours ago, all communications with the independent colony, Freedom's Progress was lost. The suppliers that did business with the colony called it in to us." He pulled up a holomap of the planet that the tiny colony sat on, zooming in on the settlement itself. "Considering the patterns that have arisen over the last year and a half of disappearing colonies, we believe that Freedom's Progress is the next victim."

Commander Liore asked, "How far out are we?"

"Four hours, Commander," he said. "We don't know how long it takes for the people to go missing, but we don't have a lot of wiggle room with six hours."

"I'll have my team ready, Captain," she said.

"Thank you, Commander. I'll leave you and your team to plan your approach." He saluted and left.

"What's the plan, Commander?" I asked. We had four hours to make this work.

* * *

><p>It was softly snowing. The colony was eerily quiet once our shuttle's engines were turned off. I could see that someone definitely was here. Next to our shuttle's landing spot was evidence of snow getting blown away by another vehicle on the landing pad, with faded footsteps leading away.<p>

"Commander," I prompted Liore, pointing at the footsteps.

"Those are uncomfortably recent," she said. "We'll follow them." She ordered a couple of our squadmates to take an alternate route into the colony, with us still in sight, while we followed the footprints. They disappeared into the open door of a small home. Inside the little house, the lights were still on and a meal was on the counter. I'd seen this all before. On the other side of the house, the footprints turned into frantic dashes in the thin layer of snow; a destroyed mech at the bottom of the stairs that led down from the residence.

Liore led us through the smoking ruins of the colony's mechanized defenses. Turrets were in shambles and mechs were missing limbs or had exploded altogether. From studying a map of the colony for nearly three hours, I knew that we could find the colony's security controls on the other side of the wall we'd ended up at. The issue was, we weren't sure if there was something behind it. After all, there could be surviving mechs or turrets.

"That's the fastest way into the security controls, Commander," I mentioned to her, citing the map I studied earlier, as we cleared the area.

"I don't like playing chance with the little time we have, if we have any at all," she said to herself. "We're going in," she announced. We took cover on our side of the door while one of our squadmates overrode the large door's locks.

I steadied my breath and kept my gun readied as the door opened. What I saw on the other side was someone I never thought I'd see again.

"Hostile contacts!" someone in my squad shouted.

"Weapons free!" Liore ordered. I watched in fear as a squad of quarians jumped behind cover.

"NO!" I screamed. I stood up, holding my hands up, trying to get everyone's attention. "Stand down!" They ignored me.

"What are you doing, Williams?" Liore howled at me in anger. The quarians started to shoot back, forcing me to go back behind my cover.

"They're Quarians! Stand down!" I argued, even though they were shooting, too. I tried to remember anything Tali would say in her own language; something I could say to end the firefight.

"Keelah se'lai!" I screamed to them, not knowing what it meant.

Coming to her senses, Liore immediately withdrew her orders. "Stand down, everyone!"

I tried to appeal to the quarians again, "Keelah se'lai! We're not the enemy!" The firing stopped this time.

A familiar accented voiced demanded, "Who are you?" I knew exactly who I'd found.

"Tali?" I cried back.

"You're not Tali, you trigger happy bosh'tet," the voice snapped back. "_I'm_ Tali."

"I know!" I shouted back, almost laughing by now. "It's me, Ashley."

Liore interjected, "You know the quarians, Chief Williams?"

Tali answered for me, moving out from her cover, "Of course I know her!" She holstered her weapon. I moved out from my cover as well, motioning to the rest of my team that it was safe. "Oh Keelah," she exclaimed as we walked to each other. "This has got to be the weirdest day of my life!"

"I think I'm with you on that one," I said. We briefly embraced, then held on to each other's shoulders for a few moments, looking at each other in awe. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"You might want to sit down for this one, Chief Williams," she explained. We followed the quarians to the security room. It was cramped, but much warmer than outside. I sat down on a crate, looking at all of the blank screens from dead camera feeds. In the corner, two quarians were tending to a clearly ill and rambling man of their kind. He was muttering something, but barely audible.

I looked back to Tali. "What happened here?"

She was pacing, wringing her hands. "We were looking for Veetor," she began, pointing and the ill quarian. "He hadn't contacted the Migrant Fleet for some time, as he was on his pilgrimage, and we became concerned. Eventually, we tracked him here."

"Were the colonists still here when you arrived?" Liore asked.

She shook her head. "No. And this is where things get very weird."

I eyed her, a tad bit confused. "How weird?"

"I took my team into the colony, but Veetor locked himself in this room and locked us out of the inner part of the facility. We ended up sitting in an abandoned house trying to figure out how to get in."

Liore persisted, "So you don't know what happened to the colonists…"

"No…" She paused, but I think I was the only one to notice it. "I don't."

"And Veetor?" she asked, looking at him.

"Certainly not!" Tali snapped back. "He was injured before we got here. The injury was infected and now he is deliriously sick. We can't hold much of a conversation with him, let alone figure out how bad the injury is." Liore quieted down.

I moved the conversation along. "So how'd you get in?"

"A Cerberus—"

"A WHAT?" I blurted out.

"I wasn't done!" she scolded. "A Cerberus shuttle showed up with a squad of its own looking for what took the colonists."

I felt sick. "That's why you wanted me to sit down," I reasoned.

"No, actually," she said, a sense of gloom in her voice. "It's who was on the squad."

"Do I want to know?"

"Well… yes," she said, hesitating on the subject. "Well, maybe you don't. But I think you should know."

"Just tell me."

"I'm so sorry, Chief Williams," Tali announced. "It was Shepard."

I thought it was a bad joke. "That is the most insane fucking thing I have ever been told."

"You have to believe me!" she pleaded. I didn't. I couldn't if I tried. I watched him die—the air escaping from his suit after being thrown into space. I know I saw him die. He couldn't have been alive all this time. He would have found me. Shepard couldn't have left me. He couldn't have left Hannah.

"_The_ Commander Shepard?" Liore asked. "Surely, you can't prove it."

Tali pushed her shoulders back and puffed her chest out, her hands in fists. "I can." She sat down next to me on my crate. I didn't even look at her. "Listen to me," she insisted. I just nodded, feeling numb all over. "When we served together on the Normandy, we took out several geth bases in the Armstrong Nebula, eventually finding the last one on Solcrum." I nodded again, remembering that mission. "You were there when we found that geth terminal. The moment I overrode it, music started to play."

"I… I remember. Yes."

"I convinced the commander to let me take it back to the fleet for my pilgrimage."

"Did they like it?" I half joked.

"Yes. Very much. It's still being analyzed, too," she assured me. I smiled a little. "Shepard showed up and helped us fight through the mechs that Veetor sent after us. I didn't believe it was him, though."

"Can't say I blame you," I huffed.

"It's not just the fact that he was assumed dead," she added. "His skin looked like it was cracking open, with a red glow beneath it. They're implants, I'm sure."

"Or an impostor!" I argued, turning away from her in a loud shout.

"I told him to prove who he was!" she insisted, holding my arm as I looked away with my eyes shut. "He reminded me about how he gave me the data from that terminal. Completely against your military's expectations, might I add. Only he and I knew about it." Tali was right. I certainly didn't know and nobody asked for the data later, either.

I didn't like it, though. If Shepard really is alive, then this means he's also working for Cerberus. And then he was hiding for two years on top of that. But he wouldn't destroy his ship and kill twenty of his people just to go into hiding… would he?

"I saw him die, Tali."

"And I saw him alive."

* * *

><p>"Captain Adama," I said to him immediately upon my arrival. He was waiting for the away team to arrive. "I'm in no position to make demands, but we need Admiral Hackett on the horn. Like now, Sir." I strode passed him and took my helmet off and started to unfasten my weapons.<p>

"What is the meaning of this?" he boomed at Liore and me.

"She's right, Sir," Liore defended me. "I'll bring you up to speed while Williams talks to the Admiral."

"This had better be good, Commander," Adama grumbled as he walked out of the ship's garage with Liore. I was escorted to the comm. room.

I asked for the room to be cleared and began to call in Hackett. While I was at it, I called in Anderson as well.

Hackett's image popped up. "Chief Williams," he pleasantly greeted.

"Admiral," I said with less joy in my voice. "We have a problem."

Anderson picked up. "Ashley?" He realized that Hackett was with us. "Admiral? What's the meaning of this?"

"I'm wondering the same thing," Hackett said. "Chief Williams, you're supposed to be getting your N7 qualification, not taking over the Cairo's comm. room."

"Something happened on my last N6 mission, Sir," I began to explain. "Something that I have to tell you before anyone else." I could feel my heart beating faster, my breath shortening. "But you need to promise not to hang up on me when I tell the both of you this."

They nodded, looking quite concerned. Anderson asked in his calm and collected tone, "Ashley, we wouldn't doubt you."

"Okay," I said quietly, looking down and gathering my thoughts. "Tali Zorah, the quarian I worked with on the Normandy…" I gulped, looking up at the screens. "She found Commander Shepard."

"His remains, you mean?" Anderson asked.

"No, counselor," I answered, profusely shaking my head. I didn't have to specify further.

Hackett coughed a little, a sense of near anger in his tone when he said, "Chief Williams—"

"It's not some copy or hoax, Sir," I quickly and loudly countered. Hackett remained silent, deciding not to argue. "He provided information that only the two of them would know."

Anderson asked, "Which would be?"

"Shepard gave Tali data from a geth terminal that was supposed to go to the Alliance. He didn't tell anyone, out of fear of being reprimanded at the time."

"What was he doing when Tali'Zorah found him?" Hackett asked. I exhaled slowly, shutting my eyes, then opening them slowly as I inhaled again, trying to get myself together. I didn't want to utter the words. I didn't want to destroy the image of the man I loved, but I had to say it.

"He's working with Cerberus, Sir." I saw their eyes widen in shock, too taken aback to answer. "Commander Shepard is alive." I actually believed myself when I said it that time. Venom filled my words when my confusion over Shepard's return turned to hatred. I straightened up my posture and glared at the both of them. I wasn't angry at them, though. "He is alive and he is working with Cerberus."


	13. Feel the Noise

_So about the last chapter being the one you've waited for. I meant this one. _

_I really didn't like this part of the game, so I'm making it better._

_Now, there's going to be a part in here that may feel a little out of the blue. Take it as me experimenting with Ashley's character when she's in a bad place, emotionally._

_I'm extremely nervous about this chapter, and I'm willing to redo parts if need be._

_Love, _

_Seraph_

**Thirteen.**

**~Feel the Noise~**

They believed me. I sometimes wish they didn't. Maybe I could have just gone back to not believing myself or Tali about the whole thing. I'd just go back to finding empty ships until I disappeared like everyone else we couldn't find.

But that was never going to happen. I was whisked away back to the Kilimanjaro after I was quietly recognized as an N7. I didn't even care at that point. Hell, I didn't even put patches on my uniforms or get new armor with the N7 emblem. It was an empty achievement and not something I felt like flaunting around.

I sat in Hannah's darkened office. She was sleeping when I arrived on the ship, and didn't even bother to get dressed out of her pajamas when we met up. That was fine by me, since I wasn't in uniform, either.

"I don't even know what to say," she began, her back to me, looking at a screen littered with pictures of her son.

"Me either," I said, sitting across the desk from her. We both stared at the photos. By now I recognized most of the photos that she'd bring up, but they never got old. "I'm sorry, I guess."

"You don't have a damn reason in the world to be." She removed the pictures from the screen and turned to face me. "Two fucking years he's been hiding."

"I wanna find him," I announced, although I didn't sound so confident. "Find out why. Find out if he's really working for Cerberus."

"You're looking for him, hoping for a certain answer, Ash," Hannah pointed out. "What are you gonna do if you don't like the answer he gives you?" I didn't have an answer for that one, nor did I even try to make something up to sound smart. "That's what I thought."

Upon instinct, I began to argue, "Hannah I—"

She put her hand up to stop me. "Can it." I did. "The Alliance has a job for you."

"Better than sitting around here, moping my days away." She disregarded that part.

Hannah began to sound more professional when she started to brief me on the situation. "Jethro was spotted by our people on Omega, mere days after you left Freedom's Progress."

"That's gotta instill some confidence," I joked, making jazz hands as I leaned back into my chair. "Omega, fantastic place!"

"It gets better," she laughed, not actually looking mad about it. "He was talking with Aria T'Loak."  
>"Who's she?"<p>

Hannah indifferently shrugged. "She runs Omega and every nasty thing that goes on in it."

"Good to know," I deadpanned, imagining what Jethro was up to with the likes of Aria.

"That's not my point, though." She handed me a datapad. "There's a nice little colony barely inside the Terminus systems that's a sitting duck: limited defenses and hardly any relations with someone to protect them, let alone the Alliance."

I read over the datapad that had a brief description of my mission. "You want me to hang out there? As bait?"

"I never said that _I_ wanted you to," she defended. "This comes from the top."

I caught on, narrowing my eyes and crossing my arms. "You mean Hackett…"

"And Anderson," she chimed, grinning, clearly enjoying my squirming over the whole thing.

"Oh for fuck's sake, NO." I threw the datapad back towards her, landing on the desk.

It didn't faze her. She just sat with her arms crossed, an eyebrow raised at me. "For one, you don't have a choice. And you need to think about this." I rolled my eyes. She persisted, "Cerberus sent him to Freedom's Progress, a colony that had went silent, indicating some sort of attack. Let's say Horizon suddenly goes the same way…"

"Yeah, with me in it!" I was quick to add.

"But you're expecting something to happen. You're one step ahead of who's going after the colonies."

"Okay, so, we wait for a Cerberus attack on the colony and then we wait for Shepard to show up with them?"

"Yes." She snickered.

"How can we guarantee he shows up?"

"Well, you're also going to be of some incentive for him to make any special trips to some little colony in the middle of nowhere." Her grin was devious. I wasn't sure how I felt about Hannah being totally fine with manipulating her son.

"That's pretty underhanded," I commented.

"Yeah, but we're also dealing with Cerberus," she pointed out. "They're a bit more underhanded than you and I put together. Other than Jethro, this is to see if Cerberus is behind all of this." I wouldn't put it passed Cerberus to do something as weird as doing disappearing acts with entire colonies.

"Point taken."

She began to go over the finer points of my mission. I'd go to the colony, claiming to be part of an Alliance outreach program. While trying to figure out what may happen to the colony, I'd try to get an operational defense system going. If Shepard did show up for any reason, I had to find out what he was doing with Cerberus, and even go so far as to get him to defect back to the Alliance. It was a tall order, though.

"Am I going in alone?" I asked. Hannah leaned back in her chair, rubbing her chin as she looked over the datapad.

"There's nothing in here that says you have to," she reasoned, shrugging her shoulders. "Did you have anyone in mind?"

I didn't even have to think about it. "Cadence."

"Done." She snapped her fingers and wrote something on her terminal. "Glad to see you two getting along."

I stayed quiet for a few minutes, as Hannah and I just stared blankly at the datapad. I didn't like the sound of this whole thing and I wasn't feeling all that prepared for fooling an entire colony that I was there to help and nothing more.

"Do you think it'll work?" I asked.

"Jethro's smart. If he shows up, he'll be expecting a trap, especially if he knows that you're there."

I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes. "It just feels like such a long shot. He might not even show up." I began to panic a little. "What if I can't face him, Hannah?"

"Hey," she began to assure me, reaching across the desk to put a hand on my shoulder. "You can do this, kid. It's scary as hell, but think about all of the shit you've been through before." She was right. This shouldn't have felt as daunting as facing Saren or an entire geth army on my own.

"Thanks." I looked her in the eyes, realizing that she'd meant every word. Hannah could lie, sure. But I knew her well enough by now to see right through her, just like her son. "Like you said, though, I don't know if I'm going to like the answers I get."

* * *

><p>"I'd be honored," Cadence said, accepting my invitation for him to join me on my next mission. "Consider this payment for you saving my ass down on Eden Prime."<p>

"You don't owe me shit, Jeremy," I teased back, gently pushing him. I was feeling much more at ease with Cadence. He was a bit goofy off duty, especially if you're in his good graces. "That is assuming _you're_ not keeping score."

"I can if you're going to start asking for favors." We laughed together, walking down to the armory. I didn't even have the chance to settle back in to life on the Kilimanjaro, since I was going to have just a day to prepare for departure to Horizon. He stopped, suddenly, holding me back gently by my arm. "Hey, I forgot to congratulate you."

"On what?"

"What do you mean, 'what?' You're N7 now!" he exclaimed. I blushed a little, mainly because I realized that I had actually forgotten about becoming an N7. "Where are your badges?"

"I just…" I hesitated, not sure how to best explain my reservations about the whole thing. "I'm just not ready to wear them, I guess. I don't know." I switched subjects and started walking again. "Anyways, you being with me will help out a lot. I guess it'll look weird if I'm the only Alliance member on the colony."

"I've got your back," he assured me in a more serious tone of voice. Jeremy put his hands out, offering to take my hands. I accepted and he squeezed my hands reassuringly. The goofiness was gone and a more serious part of him emerged when he said, "And when Shepard shows up, I'll be there with you."

I stared at our hands, feeling a bit more confident over the whole thing. I looked up at him and smiled. "Thank you."

* * *

><p>Horizon was a lot like Eden Prime. There were endless forests in one direction, and rolling hills for farming in the other. It was a pleasantly normal colony. That is, if you're not an Alliance soldier there to bug everyone about updating the colony's defense systems.<p>

Culturally, Horizon had a lot of shady and marginal people, since it was a close refuge for people avoiding Citadel space restrictions. Despite more than a few seedy colonists, everyone took a great amount of pride in their little corner of the galaxy and certainly weren't thrilled with Cadence and I showing up. At the same time, there were people who didn't mind us and even went so far as to welcome the two seemingly random Alliance visitors.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by a woman named Lilith Morgan. She used to be the head of public relations for a big shipping company that operated within the Alliance colonies. Now, she wears more than a few hats in the colonies, running just about everything, including the welcoming committee, as it appeared.

"Sorry about the lack of fanfare," she deadpanned while giving us a brief tour of the facility we'd be working in.

"That's fine by me," I said, looking around the picturesque colony. "I was half expecting a mob."

"Well, at least you're not kidding yourself over what people think about the Alliance here." She led us into one of the homes. "This'll be your place during your stay." Cadence and I glanced at each other. He unprofessionally snickered at me. Lilith saw him. "Yeah, the both of you."

"Don't worry," Cadence began to joke. "I'm housetrained, Chief." I rolled my eyes.

Lilith continued, "Anyways, I'll have you two know that I'm actually happy to see someone bring a little firepower into the colony. Our defenses are practically nonexistent."

"Why is that?" Cadence asked.

"We've heard about other colonies getting gutted. We live in the Teminus, so we have to assume raiders are behind it. The vast majority of the other colonies had robust defense systems and stockpiles of valuable scrap and resources that enticed raiders. People here think that if we're armed to the teeth, then someone's going to think that we've got something to hide."

Cadence, in his professional military officer voice, asked Lilith, "Do you think it's worth it to cut your defenses just to look innocent?"

"Me? No." She laughed. "That's why I permitted you here. The map of the entire colony and everything you'll need to know about our crummy defenses will be in those datapads. Have at it." She left us in the small house without another word.

Cadence looked to me, "Let's get to work then."

And so we did.

Cadence moved over to the desk to pick a datapad off the pile. "These are the instruction manuals for all the equipment," he said.

I stood next to him and picked up another datapad. It was a brief list of everything that made up the defenses for the colony, which were anti-aircraft guns and a safe house. That was it.

The anti-aircraft guns were going to be my best bet at setting up a defense, but after nearly a decade of neglect they weren't looking too good and nobody remembered how to use them. At least I had all the relevant manuals to the system. I asked Lilith to send over any mechanics that might know their way around anti-aircraft guns. She sent a guy named Daylor. He didn't like me and made it quite clear, but he still managed to help out.

"I don't get you Alliance types," he grumbled. He sounded like he was from Brooklyn with his arms covered in tattoos and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. "Ya can't handle a breakup." I wasn't quite sure where he was getting at. "We all came here to get away from you control freaks, and now you show up with a bottle of wine and chocolates, sayin' that you wanna spend the night fixing up our guns." He laughed loudly at his own joke. I had to hand it to him though; that was an excellent metaphor paired with clever innuendo. But that didn't change my distaste for his attitude.

"Look, pal," I said as I was trying to bring the gun's ammunition counter back online. "I'm here to get these guns working and try not to leave a bad taste in everyone's mouth."

"Heh," he laughed, his cigarette nearly falling out. I rolled my eyes. He stood up, out from under one of the gun's control panels. "This one's got power now and will count its ammo. You've still got to calibrate 'em and there's five more of these suckers that still can't pivot, and two that won't target on a y-axis."

"Great," I deadpanned through clenched teeth.

"You'll figure it out, princess." He sarcastically patted me on the back. I wanted to rip his hand off, but I managed to resist the temptation. "I've got other shit I need to do." He walked away and flipped me the bird. "I'll see you tomorrow, same time."

I didn't give him the dignity of a farewell. As Daylor left, Jeremy passed by him, giving Daylor a judgmental glance, and approached me.

When Daylor was out of earshot, Jeremy said to me, "Hate that guy." I smiled and sealed up the gun's control panel. "Any progress?"

"Thanks to that asshole, yeah," I said, motioning for him to walk over to the next gun with me. "We've still got seven guns with severe issues, and the targeting on all the guns hasn't been calibrated." I kneeled down and pulled open the panel for the next gun. "But it's progress."

Jeremy kneeled down next to me, datapad in hand, his eyes darting between it and the screen on the control panel. "Can I ask you something?"

"I guess?" I reconnected a pair of wires and watched a few new lights turn on.

"You and Shepard," he began, but quickly corrected himself, "The commander, I mean." I wasn't sure if I liked where this was going. "He was more than your commander, wasn't he?"

"That sounded more like a statement than a question," I said coolly, not taking my eyes off my work. "What would it matter now? He's with Cerberus and I'm not going down that road with him."

"Yeah, but be honest here," he pushed. I was tempted to tell him to just shut up, but he didn't seem entirely malicious with his questions. "You don't want to believe that."

"I don't want to believe he was hiding from me for two damn years, either." I sharply exhaled and turned to face him. "What are you getting at?"

"Sources say you two were…" He paused to find a good way to word it. "…a thing."

"Between you and me? Yeah. We were." I hastily shut the control panel. "So what? It's not like I gave him a bunch of military secrets. I didn't have any."

"Yeah, but don't you feel a little exploited because of it?" he argued. I thought about that for a moment. I didn't get to where I am now because I slept with him. Okay, I was playing bait on a remote colony because of that, but I earned my N7 badge and I most certainly earned my promotion.

"A little, sure." I was quick to make the point, "But I agreed to it!"

"I suppose so," he relented. "I guess we can't go back now." His expression fell and he turned his attention back to the gun. I opened it back up, having realized that I foolishly closed the control panel in frustration.

For nearly an hour, we worked in silence, speaking only when needed. It was a productive session of work, considering how we managed to fix another gun entirely. Jeremy stood up and looked out at the setting sun.

"Let's call it a day," he said.

"If you say so," I shrugged, picking up my datapads. I paused a moment after standing up to look at the sunset with him. "You said you'd be there with me if Shepard shows up. I need you to be good on that promise, because I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do if he does."

"I won't leave you hanging, Chief," he promised. I smiled into the golden-orange light. He put a hand on my shoulder, gently rubbing his thumb across the fabric of my shirt. I took my free hand and held his there, not caring about the lack of appropriateness at the time. It was a reassuring gesture that I didn't know I needed. "We'll pick up on this tomorrow." His voice was professional again and he let go before walking back to our quarters.

* * *

><p>It had been a week later, just before dawn, when I woke up to the soft patter of rain outside. I could have slept another hour, but I didn't need it. Quietly, I stepped out of bed, dressed in an oversized t-shirt and sweat pants to combat the planet's autumn climate. I stepped into a pair of sneakers and grabbed my jacket. The rain wasn't a deterrent for me to take an early little stroll. I knew it would clear out by mid-morning anyway, so I decided to enjoy it while I could.<p>

I stepped outside to smell the fresh air under the low and clouded sky. I slowly made my way down the walkway towards a balcony that looked out beyond the confines of the colony. I leaned on the wet railing, letting the water soak through my jacket's sleeves, and watched the few lights that dotted the hills on the horizon. They were the farms and mines that sustained Horizon's economy. It wasn't all that remarkable in the pre-dawn darkness.

The sound of feet hitting the metal floor nearing me indicated that I wasn't alone. I suspected it was Jeremy, who was now right next to me. "Did I wake you?" I asked.

"No," he answered. But that wasn't Jeremy. I looked to my companion to find a terrifying man standing next to me. His body looked like it had been patched together, glowing red through the cracks in his skin. His eyes were glowing the same red and his face was expressionless.

I could only stutter. "I… you… Jethro…"

"I came to find you." He sounded almost robotic. Like every bit of humanity in the Commander Shepard I knew was sucked out of him. Even when I stepped back in horror, shaking my head with wide eyes and my mouth ajar, he didn't even show a hint of sadness or anger at my rejection. I began to quickly move backwards, afraid to look away. He followed me. "Come with me, Ash." He put his hand out for me to take it, but I refused. "Cerberus needs you."

"No!" I shouted. He narrowed his red eyes—every bit of blue in those eyes that I knew was gone now. I dared to turn around and run. I could hear him following. "You're a monster!"

"You don't get it!" he roared at me. "I need you, too!"

I began to cry as I ran, all the while blinded by my tears. Something bright was in my path all of a sudden, but I didn't have enough time to change my course. I went head on into what felt like a wall of metal, eventually landing on the ground.

"Shepard, Commander." That geth. I looked up in horror, my eyes clear of tears now, to see the light on its head glow the same red. Shepard was running after me, still.

I pleaded to the geth, "Help me!" I held onto its mechanical legs, squeezing my eyes shut, and cried out again, "Help! Stop him!"

A loud growl filled the air just as I opened my eyes again, clinging to my sheets, drenched in sweat and breathing heavily. It was raining outside. And that was just a dream. I heard a soft knock on the door, to which I answered, "I'm fine."

Jeremy's response was muffled by the door I wouldn't open for him. "Bullshit."

I sighed and got up to open the door. Jeremy was waiting on the other side with a look of concern on his face that made my heart melt. He tried to sound a little humorous when he said, "The walls are thin. I could hear everything." He grinned, trying to stifle a laugh.

"Oh, yay," I grumbled.

"Hey," his voice was soft, unlike his rough hand that delicately caressed my face. I didn't protest. "Don't go letting some bad dream ruin your day." Part of me wished I could explain to him the weird shit in my dreams. I wanted to tell him about the geth that was haunting me and how my guilt over Kaidan bled into my dreams, or about that growl I'd hear just as I'd wake up. Perhaps, if I was really feeling brave, I could even tell him about Shepard trying to recruit me into Cerberus, not taking "no" as an answer. But I didn't think I could. I didn't want to sound crazy and end up in some military counselor's office, being told that I was no longer fit for duty because a few bad dreams wrecked my ability to perform as a solder.

Although, letting my lieutenant caress my face wasn't exactly proving my ability as a soldier, either. But it would have been so easy right then to pull him into my room and see if he could make me forget all of my nightmares. I could just use him for a few moments and pretend nothing happened later. Besides, he touched me first. I reciprocated his touch, putting an arm around him, gathering his shirt in my hand. His hand on my face went behind my head, pulling me closer to him. I felt his breath on my face and it was getting more difficult to turn away.

I snapped back into my right mind. I turned away from him, cursing myself for almost going over the edge. He looked disappointed, but let go of me, nonetheless.

"I'm going to head out early today," I said, then shut the door on him.

* * *

><p>As it turned out for both Jeremy and I, it was easy to pretend nothing of note had happened that morning. We didn't say anything afterwards about the subject bad dreams and if anyone asked, I showered, put on my beloved Phoenix armor, downed a cup of crappy coffee, and went to work on calibrating the guns. Nothing else happened that morning.<p>

The rain was reduced to a soft mist by the time I got to the first gun. Daylor was supposed to be there, but I didn't really care if he was late. Calibrating targeting for the guns was something I thought I could do on my own. It was nine in the morning by the time I gave up on doing this alone. I was a little frustrated by both Daylor and Jeremy's absence, so I got out my phone and angrily tried to call Jeremy. To my surprise, though, it couldn't connect to anything. Annoyed, I left the gun and went back into town.

I found Lilith, who was looking about as frustrated as I felt.

"Don't tell me," she said, holding a hand up. "I know. The comm. systems are down."

"Glad it's not just me," I said.

"I just don't understand!" She threw her hands up as she ranted. "Something's wrong with our towers and I can't connect to the satellites."

I wasn't going to pretend to be of much use. "I'm afraid I'm not of much help…" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Don't worry. Lieutenant Cadence and Daylor are helping with the situation."

"So that's where they went," I concluded, suddenly not as angry. "I guess I'll go back to my guns for now."

"You just… do your thing," she trailed off, clearly more concerned with the comm. systems. Well, I'd be, too, if I were her.

Having realized that it'd piss off more people to take Daylor and Jeremy away from fixing the comm. systems, I went back to the guns alone.

Calibrating the targeting matrix for the guns shouldn't have been that difficult a job. Even I should have been able to do it. But there was always one gun that was off, like someone having a lazy eye. One minute, I'd have all but one gun target in tandem, the next time I'd try to aim them, none of the guns could track, let alone hit, something. It was around lunchtime when I managed to get them to start shooting in vaguely the same direction together.

I supposed it was time to report back to Lilith.

I went back into town again to find her. The colony was bustling that day, despite it being grey and overcast. People were outside enjoying the day, occupying themselves with lunch or games out in the grass. I guessed it was because all the comm. systems were down. Even the extranet wasn't working, leaving everyone with little to do.

I saw Lilith walking down the path into a cluster of homes. She still looked frustrated and I wondered if it was worth even telling her about the guns.

I whistled loudly to Lilith, waving her down so she'd wait for me. I ran down to her. "Lilith!" I said as we met and began to walk down the road in unison. "We've got a problem."

She sighed. "Still calibrating that targeting matrix?"

"Those defense towers are useless we figure it out." Maybe I was exaggerating a bit. We could still hit a really big target, but the guns weren't calibrated to get smaller ships.

"Sorry, Chief," she said. "Getting our comm. systems back online takes priority." She certainly wasn't exaggerating. I still wish I could have helped out with that.

"Yeah, okay," I relented, trying not to sound disappointed. We walked for just a minute or two; quickly bring each other up to speed on what's been going on.

A noise—a fluttering, buzzing sound—filled the air. We stopped to listen. I looked up to find a most peculiar swarm of these huge bugs, larger than basketballs, flying right over us. Smaller bugs tailed behind them, looking like oversized mosquitoes. I pulled out my rifle, not knowing if shooting at them would do anything.

Lilith gasped, "What is that?" I looked down my scope, up into the overcast sky. An unnatural blue lightning rippled through the clouds as a colossal ship appeared in the sky.

My voice was low and collected. I told Lilith, "Get everyone to the safehouse." The swarm began to get thicker and turned into clouds of these bugs headed straight towards us. "I'll cover you!" I shouted to Lilith and the colonists next to me. I fired at the clouds of bugs, but it didn't do much. I heard Lilith grunt as she fell. I turned around to help her up, but just as she got her footing I felt a sickening pinch on the back of my neck. I cried out and pulled the oversized mosquito thing off of me. I looked at it and squeezed it to death, cringing at the thing. As I moved to start shooting again… I couldn't.

I could hear everyone screaming, Lilith crying out then going silent just as fast. I could still see, but I couldn't close my eyes, but I could still look around. People kept falling to the ground and not moving an inch after. These _things_ had paralyzed us.

The cries of the colonists became more and more muffled, until the entire colony went silent. I could see the lightning fade to a twinkle around the colossal ship with only the sounds of swaying grass in the breeze and a few remaining bugs flying around. I panicked, but it didn't matter. I couldn't move; I couldn't fight back. Hell, I couldn't even feel the rifle in my hand. I wanted to cry but I couldn't will my body to do it.

I stared up at the ship that had by now landed vertically, its top touching the clouds. Everything and nothing made sense about this. It wasn't Cerberus—that was for sure. But I had never heard of a race of bugs that flew ships and paralyzed people.

Footsteps. I heard footsteps coming closer from behind me. _Help!_ I wanted to scream, but that wasn't happening.

"I've got you," a familiar voice whispered in my ear. Jeremy. I couldn't feel him or see him, but I knew he was moving me as my point of view started to turn. "I don't know if you can hear me, Ash. I'm putting you somewhere safe. You'll be right by the defense controls, but they won't find you, I swear." Good, that wasn't too far from here. "I'm going to bring everything online, even with the targeting matrix not at a hundred percent. It's gotta work." I watched the ground move under me with a view of the back of Jeremy's feet as he carried me over his shoulder. I watched the world rotate again as he sat me down in what appeared to be a crate. "Don't worry, I'll leave the crate cracked open for you. The controls are right outside." He cradled my face, staring into my frightened eyes. "I'll come back for you once I send these guys to hell." He tucked me into the crate, put my gun in with me, and put the top back on.

It was quiet for an incredibly long time. Well, it felt that way. My body started to tingle, with the slightest bit of feeling going back into my limbs, but I still couldn't will myself to move. Eventually, something passed right outside my little hiding place; dozens of feet slowly scraping across the metal floor, the clicking of little pieces of metal and more fluttering wings. More feeling was going back into my limbs; I could wiggle my toes and ball my hands into fists, but I didn't dare move any more. I didn't want to be discovered.

I soon started to hear gunfire, and lots of it. Was that shouting? Was it Jeremy? Well, I certainly couldn't make out what they were saying once the sound of the tower's guns started to sound off. They kept going off while I moved my limbs around more. The sound of someone's biotic warp field being sent out echoed into wherever I was. Did help arrive in time? The guns were unrelenting and I needed to get out and help; staying here was no longer an option. I didn't need Jeremy to come and rescue me.

I got a hold of my gun and pushed the lid off, my gun readied for anything waiting for me outside, but nobody was there. Jeremy had left me in a storage room, with the door left open to the walkway that would quickly bring me to the defense control center.

The deafening noise of the ship's engines firing up rattled the whole facility. I covered my ears, looking out the doorway and up at the departing ship. It looked like a twisted combination of rock and scrap metal. Our guns kept firing at the fleeing ship.

I looked away to run down the stairs into the courtyard, expecting to congratulate Jeremy on getting the defenses. I almost rounded the corner into the courtyard from behind a wall, but stopped when I heard a familiar, very grouchy, voice ranting.

"No! Don't let 'em get away!" Daylor shouted. I wasn't quite sure if I really wanted to approach the guy right now. My back was against the wall, ready to jump out at any time, though.

"There's nothing we could do. They're gone." That wasn't Jeremy talking. I felt sick to my stomach, realizing who it was.

"Half the colony's in there!" Daylor cried out. I could hear his tone turn to something more distraught. "They took Eagan and Sam… and Lilith!" he cried out. I frowned at the news. "Do something!"

It was Shepard who argued, "I didn't it want it to end this way!" He didn't sound like some reanimated monster. He sounded as sad and broken as he did when we lost Kaidan. His voice was cracking as he stated, "I did what I could."

"More than most, Shepard," a metallic voice assured him. I knew that voice. Garrus.

Daylor, in his moment of recognition, questioned, "Wait… Shepard, I know that name. Wait, yeah. I know that name." I wanted to run out and yell at them both. Well, I really wanted to hit Daylor over the head with a blunt object for being an ass, and I really wanted to slap Shepard across the face for ditching everyone for Cerberus. "Yeah, you're some big Alliance hero."

But, when I gathered the courage to leave my cover behind the wall, I was much more composed. "Commander Shepard," I said, revealing myself. I walked up to them, my shoulders back and looking proud. He looked right at me, his eyes twinkling with a little red around his blue irises. His blue eyes, like the blue things I'd list to myself in my quiet moments long ago: the blue lights in the captain's quarters and our blue uniforms; Liara's blue skin and Hannah's blue uniform.

His skin was glowing through a grid of cracks on his face. But I knew it was him despite how alien he looked. He looked at me with that grin nobody else would ever be able to see. You know, the one where he was looking at something that truly took him aback. "Captain of the Normandy." We neared each other, not once breaking out eye contact. "First human Spectre." He was so close. I could reach out and touch him. "You're in the presence of a god, Daylor."

He crossed his arms and turned his nose up. "All the good ones we lost and they leave you behind." He walked away, his arms up as he shouted. "Figures. Screw this! I'm done with you Alliance types." I saw him disappear into the clutter left behind by the invasion.

My attention was back to Shepard. My heart fluttered when I reached to touch his face—the cracks felt like nothing more than thick scars, but whatever was under his skin glowed in between my fingers. He opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't muster whatever he was going to say. That was fine by me right then.

I felt out of breath the longer I held his face. It didn't help when he caressed my cheek as gently as he had before, so long ago. We both took a step, bumping into each other, ending in a long awaited embrace that I thought could never happen again. Even his breath on my neck felt the same; his stubble briefly rubbing against my skin. We loosened our embrace to put our foreheads together, relishing in holding one another again.

"I thought you were dead, Jethro," I said in a near whisper. And with that simple admission, I remembered why I was angry. I let go of him and stepped back, narrowing my eyes, embarrassed with myself that I was in the arms of the potential enemy.

He was calm when he said, "You don't sound too happy to see me, Ash." I could tell he was hurt that I let go. "Something's bothering you."

"Yeah," I spat. "Something's bothering me." I crossed my arms. "I spent the last two years believing you were dead! I consoled your mother! I went to your fucking funeral." He looked uncomfortable hearing that, seeing as how he looked away from me and shifted in his stance. I wasn't done, though. "I went on to finish what you started, but I guess you didn't need me to do that, anyway."

"Ash, you don't understand," he tried to calmly reassure me, reaching a hand out towards me. "I was—"

"And I even went back to Eden Prime!" I was trying not to cry. "Trying to bury you there so I could just move the hell on in my life."

"I know!" He grabbed my arm, but he didn't seem to do it out of anger. "Ash, I went back to Eden Prime, too."

Shaking my head, I stammered, "You… you…"

"Right before I found out this place… When I found out _you_ were in trouble." He let go of me and took his glove off. "I went back to the ruins where you were trying to hold off an entire geth army on your own." The glove was off, revealing a silver chain with blue beads wrapped around his hand. "I found this there."

"That's mine," I practically hissed. I grabbed by the hand and unwrapped the rosary from his hand. I couldn't believe it… my rosary.

"I know," he answered while I held the rosary up in the light, my jaw hanging, too aghast to even ask how he knew it was mine. "That was the last place I heard reports of your presence. It wasn't for nothing going back, I suppose."

"That was a year and a half ago." My voice was shaky, full of confusion and disbelief. I clutched the rosary in anger, looking up at him with dagger eyes. "You had every means to find me." I started to yell. "You'll take a fun little trip to Eden Prime to get a fucking necklace but you won't even contact me? Were you having fun playing dead?"

He was fuming, "I wasn't… playing… DEAD!" I held my ground, glaring at him with my fists clenched.

"He's telling the truth," the woman next to him argued. She was in the middle of taking her helmet off, but I recognized her once the woman's long dark hair fell out of the helmet and her face was revealed. It was Miranda, the mystery woman at Azure.

"You," I spat. Miranda disregarded my hateful tone of voice.

"You know what kind of technology I was buying," she reminded me. She stood with her hands on her hips, not about to let me verbally rip Shepard to bits. "But you didn't know who I was buying it for."

"I do now."

"Or why," she added. "Recall the device you let me get away with. It's attached to Shepard's spine. I also made more like it, but for different body parts." I gawked at Shepard, imagining his broken body being held together by technology I couldn't entirely understand. "I rebuilt him."

"I don't understand." I kept looking at Shepard, who seemed around the edges, but not like Frankenstein's creation at all. Was it even possible to bring someone back from the dead like that?

"He was dead by all definitions," she said, walking up closer to us, examining her handiwork. "No brain activity, no heartbeat, nothing. But his tissues were preserved quite well, thanks to the cold of space and his armor. We revived the tissues, eventually bringing back brain activity. It improved from there."

I was dumbfounded. I'd never heard or seen of anything like this before. But I believed Jethro and Miranda, or maybe I just wanted to believe them.

"Okay," I said, gulping and wiping away a tear. "Jethro, you're still with Cerberus, though." The memories Liara gave to me were coming back. The screaming pain all through his body, the cries of his squadmates before they were melted into bubbling ooze. "Don't tell me you forgot what they did to you."

"Never," he assured me, taking my hands into his. Part of me didn't believe him. Just the memory of what happened was enough to make me doubt his motives for joining Cerberus. "I'm doing this because I have to. Those things that were just here, they're called the collectors. I'm going to stop them."

"Then stop them without Cerberus!" I insisted. "The whole of the Alliance will be at your back!"

"It's not that simple!"

"What? Don't do their bidding just because they brought you back!" I could see Miranda scowl at me out of the corner of my eye. "There will be strings attached and you know it."

"No, Ash. I'm gathering a team. The best of the best, and we're going to stop the collectors."

Garrus added, "This enemy might even be working with the reapers." Now that I had the chance to think about it, I was flabbergasted that Garrus was serving on a Cerberus ship, too.

"Don't get me started on you, Garrus," I lectured. "If they had their way, Cerberus would see the Turians, along with every other species, get thrown back to the stone age, or worse."

"You of all people would understand why we're doing this, Williams," Garrus argued. "The reapers will do a lot worse to all of us than Cerberus can ever dream of."

I didn't really have much of an argument against that and concluded, "So you're going after them to get to the reapers."

Shepard nodded. "That's more of a bonus to the whole thing, but yeah. I am." I sighed, realizing that he certainly wasn't going back to the Alliance with me. He looked excited, even joyful when he offered, "I want you to join me, Ash. It'll be just like old times!"

"It will never be like old times, Jethro." I watched his expression fall. "You're making a mistake. You're nothing but a little experiment for Cerberus, just like your squad was. The moment you're no longer useful to them, they'll put you down like the rest of them."

He looked down at his hands when he put the glove back on, avoiding my gaze. "I'm sorry," he muttered. I was still holding the rosary, counting each bead along the chain in my head.

I was angry and I didn't understand. I was selfish and I wanted him to never leave me alone like that ever again. "Take the rosary," I said. He looked up at me and I placed it around his neck. "Wear it every damn day." I held his face in my hands. "Remember what I said and don't get yourself killed again before I can rescue your ass from Cerberus screwing you over."

His voice became husky and a little choked up, "Yes, ma'am." Shepard sounded like a child who had just been scolded. I pulled him closer and we kissed, softly, but hesitantly. I felt his gentle hand on the back of my head when our armor tapped against one another.

"The Alliance will be here soon," I told him when we parted lips, our arms still around each other. "They won't understand. You need to leave."

"I'll find you, Ash," he promised. To hear a man like him sound so desperate in a promise was sobering.

I answered with a challenge, lightening the mood. "Not if I find you first." His grin was infectious, and I started to laugh, despite the ominous situation we were in. My laughter soon ceased, when I realized he couldn't stay any longer. "Goodbye," I said.

One last kiss and he let go of me entirely. "Goodbye, Ash."

My smile faded when he turned his back to me and followed Garrus and Miranda into the Cerberus shuttle. The shuttle's engines fired up and it flew away, disappearing into the clouds just like Jeremy and half the colony of Horizon.


	14. Meet Me at the Bar

****_Hey everyone!_

_This chapter was ridiculously fun to write. That's probably why it's so long!  
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_And thank you to everyone who's been reviewing and giving me lovely words of encouragement. You make it worth it!  
><em>

_Love,  
><em>

_Seraph_

**Fourteen.**

**~Meet Me at the Bar~**

The Alliance listed Lieutenant Jeremy Cadence as missing in action, but I knew he wasn't ever going to be found. He didn't even make it to the gun controls; it was Shepard who got them online. All that was left of Jeremy was his rifle on the walkway, mere feet away from the yard holding the gun controls.

I blamed myself for his disappearance. But soldiers die, I had to tell myself.I buried the memory of Jeremy there on Horizon, not wanting to dwell on what could have been.

I left Horizon as soon as the Alliance showed up with my ticket off the damned planet. They took samples of my blood, when I explained that a big nasty bug paralyzed me then let me go. I refused to speak to anyone about the matter during my trip back to the Citadel. I didn't think that it was going to be all that of an issue to tell anyone what happened; it's just that I didn't want to relive it until I absolutely had to.

It was déjà vu, seeing Anderson waiting for me at the docks on the Citadel. He was the first person I saw when the doors to my shuttle's airlock opened. His face was grim, giving me a glaring look, as he held his hands behind his back. Anderson was dressed in fine civilian clothes, fitting for a councilman.

I straightened up and saluted, "Captain Anderson."

"We've done this dance before, Ashley," he said, not sounding as mad as his face looked. "I'm not military anymore."

"Well, I'm not all that sure how to greet a council member," I meekly explained. Anderson let out an uneasy laugh, rubbing the back of his head and looked down.

"I'm just 'David' to you," he said. I smiled, glad that I was still on first-name terms with him, as he looked up to pat me on the shoulder. "You're the one who deserves the titles, N7 Williams."

"Yeah, maybe," I hesitantly said, almost cringing. "Just call me Ash, right now. That whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth."

"While I'd love to drop the subject of what happened on Freedom's Progress and the events after," he began carefully, probably looking for the most sensitive way to bring up why I was back on the Citadel with him. He looked around and motioned for me to walk with him towards the elevator. I picked up my bags and walked alongside him. "I need your report on your last mission."

We entered the elevator and I turned to look out at the station. "You don't already know?"

"I know what little bit you told the responding Alliance officers and the terrifying stories of the surviving colonists." We both looked ahead as we spoke on the elevator.

"That's the jist of it," I said, shrugging my shoulders and looking out into the arms of the Citadel as the elevator moved. It was an oddly comforting sight. It was familiar and felt safe, despite the fact that it was a back door for the reapers into the galaxy. "Well, omitting a few details."

"I'll take those details in my office," he said. The elevator ride ended and our walk to the embassies ensued in silence. Security on the Citadel was even more insane than when I left. There were full body scans and I was checked for ID twice at just one desk. Even Anderson was subject to searches. But we finally arrived at the embassies. I looked around Anderson's spacious office, looking over the lake. I liked the room much more now that it was Anderson's office, and not Udina's.

"So… what's new around here?" I asked, placing my bags against the wall next to the door then walking over to his desk. Anderson was at the balcony, looking out at the presidium.

"The repairs are almost done," he said. But he spoke quite frankly when he added, "…and everyone is still breathing down my neck."

I continued to inspect his desk. I liked looking at all the pictures he kept. "Tell me about it." I picked up a picture of Kaidan in the Normandy's mess hall, eating to his heart's content, and smiled softly, my back to Anderson as he began to rant.

"The council is getting nervous about Shepard being back," he said.

"Heh," I said, putting the picture back onto the desk. "I'll bet." I looked back to him; he was still looking out onto the lake.

"The thing is," he said as I walked to the balcony. "When a Spectre dies, their status as a Spectre is revoked."

"I suppose that's not an unreasonable policy," I commented once I stopped to rest my arms on the railing like he was.

"Yes," he nodded, turning to face me. "He visited me before going after you on Horizon."

I gaped a little then managed to say, "Oh."

"He was looking for you."

"Uhm…" I was so confused. I couldn't have been that unreachable. I mean, he had my number. Why didn't he just ask?

"And specifically you," he added, his voice stern. I felt like I was in trouble or something. "Now would be a good time to tell me about what happened on Horizon, Ashley."

"Oh man," I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. "This'll be a long story."

His voice returned to the wise and reassuring tone I knew. "I've got time." I meekly smiled and stared down at my hands.

I explained to Anderson what happened when I visited Liara on Illium; how I met Miranda and found out that she was using Saracino to buy cybernetics through ExoGeni, but that she didn't ever mention Cerberus, and that Liara just let her go.

"When I accused Shepard of becoming a traitor and defecting to Cerberus, she jumped to his defense. She reminded me of what she purchased on Illium, claiming that she used the devices to repair his body."

"So Cerberus rescued him?"

"I don't know," I said, closing my eyes in frustration. "Well I do, but…" I pushed away from the balcony railing, wrestling with the idea in my head. I took a deep breath. "Cerberus found him dead." I began to pace around the room as I talked. "From what I gather, Jethro was a pile of meat when he was found. Miranda supposedly spent two years reviving him, piece by piece with a lot of help from every bit of cybernetic technology Cerberus could buy."

"Do you believe him?" Anderson asked. I stopped pacing.

"I want to."

"So do I, but that doesn't answ—"

His terminal started pinging. Anderson went to his desk to receive the call. "Councilor Anderson," a woman said. "This is Officer Tanner at immigration."

He held down the button to talk, looking to me as he spoke. "Yes, what is it?"

"As per your request, I am notifying you that Spectre Shepard is now on the Citadel. He arrived twenty minutes ago." Anderson momentarily scowled before locking eyes with me. "He said he was visiting you."

"Thank you," he deadpanned, and immediately closed the link. Anderson looked at me, "I didn't get the chance to tell you, Ashley, that your interactions with Shepard were limited because I closed all of your information."

"What do you mean?" I hissed, suddenly a little panicked that Shepard was going to be here.

"While you were in ICT training, we put you into hiding, essentially, by burying all of your information and filtering all attempted communications with you."

"Filtering communications?" I felt violated by the idea alone. "But why?"

"Cerberus activity on Eden Prime was reported during your last visit there. Considering your ties to Shepard and his experience with Cerberus on Akuze, the admiral and I feared for your life. If Cerberus attempted to contact you, and they did, we'd intercept the message or call and it would return to them as a nonexistent address. When reports of Shepard being alive surfaced, we intercepted his messages, too."

"I guess I should thank you," I said numbly, although glad that I was being protected from Ceberus' prodding. I felt so horrible for verbally ripping Shepard apart on that one. Even after he came back, Jethro couldn't have found me.

"He may not really be a part of Cerberus, but the Council and Alliance won't see it that way. And I can't have you running around with him, either. You could fall out of the running for Spectre status and even worse…"

"He already tried to recruit me," I said, agreeing with Anderson. He didn't seem surprised. "But Cerberus will use him to get me, if I'm something they're after." Anderson silently nodded, folding his arms. "I want to know what Shepard will say when he thinks I'm not around." My request was more of a soft demand, as I was sure Anderson wouldn't turn me down, "Let me stay while he's here." That sounded overly suspicious of me. It felt like an underhanded move, but I think it was just a way for me to become even more convinced that it was Shepard I found on Horizon, not something corrupted for Cerberus' use. I continued, "He'll be here within minutes. I don't have a lot of space to sneak out anyway."

The door chimed. Simultaneously, we looked at the door, then at each other.

Anderson countered, "Or seconds." He didn't respond to the door's chime. "Hide under my desk. Quickly, now." I scurried around the large desk and ducked under it, finding a comfortable position, trying to calm down so I wouldn't reveal myself by accident.

"I'm ready," I told Anderson. I hear him start to walk, when I suddenly remembered, "Wait! My duffel bags!"

Anderson quieted me with a quick, "Shhh!" and I immediately quieted down. I heard him press a button on the door terminal to let our guest in.

The sound of the door sliding open was quickly followed with an angry, "You lied to me, Anderson." Shepard didn't shout, but the rumble in his voice conveyed all the anger inside him.

"And I had little choice," Anderson calmly replied. "I still didn't know if it was Cerberus behind the abductions or not. Freedom's Progress could have been a setup." I heard Shepard sigh, relenting his argument. The door shut and the two men walked across the room.

Shepard sounded a bit calmer by now. "Now you have your answer. So, can I have mine? Am I still a traitor?"

"The report Special Operations Chief Williams turned in to me confirms your story about the Collectors," Anderson said. I smiled a little at that, happy to have made a difference. "But she couldn't find any evidence of the Reapers, if that's what you wanted to know." Shepard didn't respond to that, though. I knew it disappointed him. "But make no mistake, reapers or not, Jethro, the Illusive Man is a master manipulator."

Shepard commented, sounding a bit tired of the subject, "I've been hearing that a lot."

"Then you should take it to heart," he said, quite frankly. Shepard fell silent for a few moments, probably second guessing who he was affiliating himself with… Well, I hoped he was. Anderson changed the subject, "It's none of my business, Shepard, but I was wondering what you were doing on Omega."

He didn't skip a beat. "Recruiting for my mission." I was still listening intently, despite now feeling uncomfortable after not moving for a while. "I'm looking for the best of the best to stop the Collectors from abducting humans."

"A noble cause," Anderson simply commented. I resisted the urge to put in my two cents from my hiding place.

"Which is why I'm asking you to let me see Chief Williams," Shepard stated. I shut my eyes, unsure of whether or not I wanted to even talk to him. "I couldn't ask for anyone better."

"The Alliance and the Council need her, too, Shepard," Anderson began to argue. "Williams isn't someone I'd let Cerberus touch. She even recently completed ICT training." Anderson paused before adding, "...in its entirety." Shepard knew that that meant.

"She's… Ash is N7 now?" he gasped, sounding happy, though. I grinned with pride. But his joy faded quickly, when he realized, "She didn't even tell me when I saw her on Horizon." My grin faded, realizing that our reunion left us little space to catch up, let alone time for us to explain what had happened.

Anderson concluded, "All of that lost time, I suppose."

"Yeah," Shepard said, sounding a little heartbroken. I could hear him turn around and walk again, but I couldn't tell where. "Are these…" Shepard began. "These are her duffel bags, aren't they?"

_Oh shit_, I cursed inwardly. I thought I heard Anderson scurry over to Shepard.

To my surprise, Anderson spilled the beans. "They belong to Chief Williams, yes."

"So she's here?" he asked, a hint of excitement in his voice.

I heard Anderson lie through his teeth. "She just arrived, but received an emergency call." I think Shepard knew it, too. "I don't think that it would be wise for either of you to speak to each other right now." More footsteps going towards the balcony. They were slow and dragged with defeat. I pictured a frustrated Shepard, pacing around. "You're adamant about seeing her again, aren't you?" Anderson asked. Shepard's footsteps stopped.

"I… I need her on my team," Shepard answered insistently, his voice cracking a little when he stuttered. It wasn't even a subtle lie. That wasn't why he wanted me there, I was sure of it. If it was, he wouldn't have stuttered when he said it. I was going to bet that Shepard didn't even look Anderson directly in the eye when he said it. If he didn't want me there for my skills, then he wanted me to keep him company, which broke my heart. It meant that he felt alone, even with a friend like Garrus around, probably trying to wrestle with the idea of being dead to everyone that mattered to him.

Anderson knew it, too. "It's more than that, Commander," Anderson said. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest, realizing that Anderson was accusing Shepard of not having the most professional of motives for wanting to see me. "Hannah told me about what happened between you and Williams." I kept my eyes shut, my fists clenched, trying to just stay hidden. Part of me just wanted to jump out and say something, but I wasn't sure what I even wanted to say. I guess I really wanted to see Shepard, too. "You should know quite well that the Illusive Man is going to use that to his advantage." Shepard didn't muster a retort to that. "Chief Williams went to Horizon because we knew that you would show up."

Shepard angrily shouted, "You set her up as bait!" I was biting my tongue, literally, at this point. "Dangled her in front of me and she could have been killed!"

"And it worked!" Anderson said, trumping everything Shepard had just said. I felt bad, but I agreed with Anderson. "We leaked her location and it worked like a charm on you. Even _she_ knew it would work. If we can do that to you, then imagine what Cerberus is going to do."

Shepard's voice was hoarse. "You're right." I could hear the chime of someone's omni-tool and a few moments of uncomfortable silence. He picked the conversation up again, "But I still have a mission, Anderson."

"I understand." Anderson opened the door, but quickly asked, "Where are you headed to? I can send aid your way. I've suddenly got contacts everywhere." I think Anderson meant me.

"Illium," Shepard said. "To recruit a couple more people, maybe see an old friend."

"I'll see what I can do for you, then." I heard the door slide shut and Anderson waited a few moments, probably making sure that Shepard was gone. I remained under the desk, even if I was free to move.

"I do have contacts on Illium," Anderson said to me. "But you also have a friend there."

I crawled out of my hiding place, intrigued by what Anderson was getting at. I stood up and straightened out my jacket. "Do you have a mission for me, David?"

"Listen well, Special Operations Chief," Anderson said, his voice was almost devious. "You're needed on Illium."

* * *

><p>I wondered how weird my visit to Illium would end this time. I wasn't going on any more pretend dates with Liara and I certainly wasn't going to Azure during this trip. But I still needed to see her—confront her about all the things she didn't tell me last time.<p>

I strode into Nos Astra, fully suited in my new heavy set of Colossus armor. The heavy ceramic plating was a matte onyx with the thick flexible fabric being a bright crimson. The plating was a bit thin, but very dense, making it a bit heavier to wear, but easier to move once I got the hang of it. My rifle and pistol were locked away in the case I was carrying on one arm, my duffel bags on the other. Immigration let me bring my guns with me once it was confirmed that I was on official council business.

There were plenty of armed people walking around Nos Astra. Most were hired guns or mercenaries, so I didn't look completely out of place. The only thing that really would have given me away was the subtle N7 emblem on my breastplate. Apparently, Hannah had sent a message to include it on my armor right after I put a request in for it. It would grow on me, I knew.

Even then, the armor helped me achieve an aura of badassery as I walked on to the Nos Astra trading floor. The merchants were hesitant to hassle me to look at their wares and group of three mercenaries gave me their nods of approval. I nodded back out of respect, not used to the attention.

Before I arrived, I told Liara that I'd be showing up. She said that she now had an office and sent me the coordinates before wishing me a safe trip. I kept meandering through the trading floor, following her directions, until I found a staircase, with a sign pointing towards the administration office. I double checked the coordinates; it was definitely the place, but it wasn't all that subtle for an information broker. Perhaps it was her cover, I reasoned, and made my way up the stairs.

On the staircase landing was a small lobby, where the asari secretary immediately stood to greet me.

"Miss Williams," she said, her voice was a little bored. "I am Nyxeris, assistant to Dr. T'Soni." I shook the woman's hand. "She will be excited to see you, I am sure."

"What exactly," I began to ask, looking around the lavish room. It was clean and professional, with monitors all over the place, perpetually updating on the trading floor's activity. "…is Liara's… uhm… reputation around here?"

Nyxeris enthusiastically replied, "She is greatly respected. In just a couple of years she's managed to amass a sizeable network of connections."

"I see…" Well, I didn't. It was weird to think of Liara as a social butterfly, eventually gaining a huge following.

"She could wield much more political power if she wasn't so focused on her personal goals." Nyxeris sat back down. "But that's something she should be telling you about. Not me."

"Thanks," I muttered, a little weirded out by my friend's sudden rise to power. "Can you buzz me in?"

"I've given you access to her office, upon Dr. T'Soni's request from earlier," she chimed, not looking up from her terminal. I went to the door and placed my hand on the console and it opened right up for me. The office walls were covered in more monitors, and behind the desk was a huge window, looking down at the trading floor, and out into the city of Nos Astra. Standing by the desk was an elegantly-dressed Liara, talking to a hologram of a nervous man with a bad goatee.

"Have you ever faced an asari commando unit before?" Liara asked. I recognized the line. Her mother said it, minutes before Liara killed her. Liara said it in such a way that was perfectly intimidating; her demure voice suddenly deep and demanding.

The man desperately tried to plea to her. "T'Soni, I—"

"I'll make it simple," she sharply interrupted. "Either you pay me, or I flay you alive." I was right behind her now, clearly enjoying the whole scene, by the look of my smile. "…with my mind." She cut off the link to the man and the hologram sputtered into nothing. She turned around suddenly, her eyes filled with surprise as we came face-to-face. "Ashley!" she cheered, her voice closer to the demure Liara that I knew. "Nyxeris, hold my calls." The door slid shut just as Nyxeris acknowledged her.

"Is this how you're making a living now, Liara?" I half-joked.

She quickly defended, "It comes with the business. I do what I have to stay a step ahead of my sources."

"No, I'm not mad or anything!" I assured her, putting down my things. "And you delivered that line so well!" We both laughed together as we embraced. As crazy as this whole setting felt, I felt at home with her. We parted and I asked, "And you have sources now?"

She sighed, but with a smile, and moved around behind her desk. "A few. Sources, contacts, even a little hired muscle." Liara had a proud expression on her face.

"Looks like the information trade is booming for you." I took a gander at the office again, acting quite impressed.

"It's been paying the bills." She had her back to me, looking out the large window onto the trading floor, her arms folded. "But at this point, that's just the bonus."

"What do you mean?" I probably could have guessed at this point, actually. The power, sense of control and insight into the workings of the civilized galaxy was probably what really made it worth it for her.

She pivoted to look at me. "The information, obviously, has proved priceless in many cases," she explained. We sat down at the desk as she continued. "But I believe that there is something I must confess to you."

"Try me," I challenged her, holding my arms out at my sides. "Nothing surprises me anymore."

"When I was on Omega, well, I…" she began to stutter. I remained silent, giving her time to compose her admission. She looked at a picture frame that only faced her; I glanced over at the back of it, wondering what had got her choked up. "I did actually find something."

"I figured as much," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"Well, it's not that simple, Ashley." She put her elbows on the desk and held her face up. "I was looking for who attacked the Normandy, like I told you previously." She clenched her teeth and straightened up, slamming a fist onto the desk. I jumped a little in surprise, not worried at her sudden outburst. "I found Shepard's body, Ashley."

"Yo…you?" I stammered, shaking my head from side to side.

"The Shadow Broker had found it," she explained. "He was going to be sold to the Collectors. I had to stop them!"

"Then how did Cerberus—"

"I gave Shepard to them!" she cried, her eyes watering up. "It was either let the Shadow Broker sell the body to the Collectors or Cerberus take the body and try to play as the maker. Cerberus said that they'd at least try to bring him back!" She didn't have to defend herself to me at this point, but I didn't stop her. "We both saw Akuze and I know you must hate me for letting Cerberus get their way but I couldn't just—"

"Hey," I softly calmed her. "I get it." She wiped away her tears with one hand, and I went to take the other. "But he's back." I squeezed her hand, looking into her blue eyes. "At least he's back, regardless of how many strings attached. I'm not mad at you."

She exhaled loudly. "Thank you." She let go of my hand and picked up the picture frame. "There's something I wanted to give you the last time you were here." She handed me the picture frame, flipping it around so I could see what it contained. It was Shepard's dog tags, now safely preserved in the display. "You didn't want to look at them when I showed them to you, but things have changed. I don't know if he's the person we knew, but these tags belonged to the Commander Shepard that we both had."

It was my turn to cry. When she first handed the tags to me, I was someone in mourning, wanting to forget Shepard and move on. Liara was right; things had changed and now, more than ever, I want to remember the person that died on the Normandy.

"Th… thank… thank you," I said as I tried to resist sobbing. Liara took the frame and unfastened it, letting the commander's tags fall out. I let her place them in my hand, closing my fingers around them.

"I'd hate to move our conversation back to business," she said, her voice apologetic as she moved her attention to a terminal on the desk. "But I know you're here on council business. I want to see your mission turn out successful.

I finished wiping away my tears and taking a few deep breaths. "Yeah. I'm supposed to monitor Shepard, actually." I hesitated, but decided that withholding information from Liara would turn out futile. "Off the record, though, I'm going to help him."

"That's a dangerous path to tread, Ashley," Liara warned. I took the dog tags and put them around my neck.

"I won't defect to Cerberus or anything like that!" I quickly added. "I just… I'll have to keep him at arms' length, I guess."

"Easier said than done," Liara remarked. I nodded and shrugged my shoulders. "I can notify you if and when his ship arrives."

"That would be great, actually. He said that he'd be here."

I watched Liara type something into the terminal. "I'm clearing him so he doesn't wait at immigration. If Shepard shows up, I'll see to it that he finds me."

"That makes things a bit easier." I thought for a moment, though, deciding that I wanted to meet with Shepard on my own terms. "Just don't let him know I'm here, okay? I want to find him, not for him to go looking for me."

"Of course." Her face suddenly turned grim with a frown. "I know this is sudden, but I need to ask a favor of you."

Recalling my last visit, I was adamant to tell her, "I'm not going back to Azure. That was a little too weird for me."

"By the goddess, no," she laughed a little. But her demeanor simmered back down to something more professional. "I believe I'm being watched."

"Uh-oh," was all I could muster. In this line of business, the implications of someone watching you could be deadly.

"The information seems to be getting transferred through a series of terminals, in an effort to scatter the data," she explained, although I didn't really understand much of it. "Take this." Liara handed me a small scanner that could also be inserted into any basic terminal port. "I'll guide you on a private comm. link through your suit."

I stood to leave, device in hand. "Got it. And, don't worry, I promise not to get caught."

"I wouldn't dream of it," she chuckled. I quickly made my way out of the room and down the stairs, passed Liara's confused assistant.

Liara's voice came through my comm. link. "The terminals are to the south. Go down the corridor just to your right." I obeyed, walking with a purpose around a bunch of businesspeople and wide-eyed tourists, ignoring the loud vendors and news feeds that I went by. I eventually entered an open plaza, filled with more booths and a dock for taxis.

"What am I looking for, Liara?" I said lowly, looking around the room.

I could hear her exhale in frustration. "Whoever is using the terminals to send the data must have marked them. I'm detecting three terminals. It could be anything."

"Great," I deadpanned, rolling my eyes. I slowly strode around the plaza, looking for something that could be easily exploited. I saw a blonde human run up to a public extranet terminal, and then it dawned on me. "Can you check the extranet terminals in here? Just the public ones, though."

"Good idea." She was silent for a moment. "Yes, there are exactly three!"

"Score." I moved over to an open terminal and plugged the device in. The screen of the terminal changed from a menu meant for public users, to fast moving lines of data. It was only scrolling that for around a minute, but the lines of text started to blink yellow. "Uhm, do you see this?"

She sounded a little under stress. "Yes." I looked around for another terminal, seeing that the blonde human was still at the first one, but a turian had just vacated the other.

I offered, "I can try another."

"Do it," she said. I yanked the device out of the terminal and ran to the next and plugged it in. The text on this one did the same thing. "Ashley, you have sixty seconds to get to the next one."

"Shit, shit, shit!" I hissed under my breath. "Some guy's using the last one."

"Improvise!" she hurriedly ordered.

I walked up and tapped the guy on the shoulder. My voice was hurried and a bit over sincere, "Excuse me, look, I'm so sorry, but I've got to use this terminal. The others aren't working and…" I stopped talking when I saw the man's awestruck face.

"I remember you!" the man said, his eyes lit up with excitement. Of all the people for me to run into in the galaxy, it had to be Conrad Verner. I cringed, remembering him looking like a teenaged girl who'd just been kissed by her celebrity crush on the Citadel. He was a combination of enthusiasm and obsession that was a bit too much for me. I about died of embarrassment on his behalf, making such a scene. "You're the gunnery chief who worked with Shepard!"

"Yeaaahh…" I said, trying really hard to be polite. But I didn't have time to dance around this crazy's feelings. "Look, great to see you, but I really need—"

"Yes! Go right ahead!" he said, stepping aside. I plugged the device into the last terminal, letting the data start scrolling again. Just my luck, though, it was lasing more than just under a minute.

I acted like I was busy, typing away, but Conrad didn't think much of my personal space, let alone work. "Oh, wow! I just can't believe I ran into you. What are the chances, right?" I forced a smile and just nodded, hoping that he wouldn't notice Shepard's dogtags hanging from my neck. "And you have such cool armor now! Ooh! Is that an N7 thing?" I kept nodding, trying to look as busy as possible, and he still didn't get the hint. Listening to him was like hearing nails on a chalk board. "Just like Commander Shepard! I wanted to be a hero, just like him! Is that why you got that patch, too?"

_Oh my God, I'm going to throw this guy off the plaza balcony_, I said to myself. The terminal chimed at me and everything showed up as green. _Oh thank God_. I took the device and turned to Conrad. Through clenched teeth I said, "Look, Conrad, that's just fantastic, but I've _really_ got to run."

"Oh, yeah!" he smiled. "Super-secret Alliance stuff, right?"

"Uhh, yes!" I profusely nodded, with my wide and horrendously forced smile. "_Very_. Sooo… I'll be going now." I side-stepped away from the terminal, getting ready to turn and run.

"It was good seeing you!" he said, waving as I was walking off. "I'll catch you later!" I hoped not. I turned the corner into the corridor and started to run.

Liara came though on the comm. link again. "Not so fast!" I stopped in my tracks. "He's landed."

"Oh, God," I gasped. "So soon?"

"Yes. Now go find some place to stay while I talk to him. Perhaps the Eternity lounge? It's to the east of my office, remember?"

"Yeah, I'll wait there. Just please hide my stuff," I requested.

"I'll have your things sent to my place. Now go!" she closed the link and I headed to the lounge, trying to not look hurried or like I was avoiding someone. It was best not to attract attention. The Eternity lounge was spacious with a high-end clientele that matched the hotel it ran out of. Business people were everywhere, schmoozing each other over drinks. It was a lot like I remembered. I sat at the bar counter and slumped over a little, waving down the asari bartender.

"What can I get ya, honey?" she asked. The woman sounded like an aunt of mine from California, who was not at all like a graceful asari. I looked up at her in surprise. The asari had a wise aura about her, with no markings on her lilac face. She let out a hearty laugh. "Man, that look on your face tells me that you need something on the house."

I snorted, "Yeah, you could say that." I took out my credit chit from my utility holster and put it on the counter. "Give me the shittiest beer you have." She went and got me a cold beer, not even charging me.

She talked while I took a sip. "Tell me, what's a suited up Alliance girl like you sulking around for?"

I put the glass on the counter and licked my lips. "Long story short, I'm looking for my ex. Well, actually, avoiding him at the moment. But whatever."

"Bad breakup? Did he keep some of your shit when you moved out or something?" she asked, sounding a bit protective. "If he's a regular, I'll charge him gratuity for being an asshole." I laughed pretty hard at that one, wishing it were that simple.

"It's a bit more complicated than that." I shrugged, taking another swig. She looked at me intently, prompting me to go on. "We didn't exactly break up, I suppose. He just… disappeared for a while and now, well, I guess we've got a lot of talking to do." I sighed, shaking my head. "But I'm sure you've heard shit like mine before."

"You know it, sister," she said, leaning over with her elbows on the counter, looking at me. "Nearly nine centuries of the same shit. But don't feel bad."

"Nine?" I asked, squinting my eyes, not believing the bartender by the looks of her youthful skin. She wasn't shiny and pristine like younger asari I'd seen, but she didn't look 900. "So… you're in a bar…"

"Yeah, yeah," she mocked. "Why am I a matriarch in a bar?" She rolled her eyes and moved to put her hands on her hips. "The others didn't like my words of wisdom, so they just about laughed the blue off my ass any time I opened my mouth. Now I'm here."

"I guess I kinda know that feeling," I sympathized, remembering how nobody believed us about the reapers, or even Saren. Well, a lot of people still didn't. "But I'm not going to try and go head to head with your 900 years of experience with that kind of bullshit."

"At least you've got tact about it, honey," she concluded. She went to help another patron, but immediately walked back to me. "Name's Aethyta, by the way."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Ash."

"Well, Ash," she began while drying out glasses. "If you need any more boyfriend advice, I've got centuries of experience."

Liara's voice entered my comm. link again. "He's gone." I didn't reply to Liara and stood to leave.

"I'll bet I'm going to be back," I said with a weak smile, a little sad to leave the intriguing matriarch, and swiped my credit chit to tip her. "But I've got to get going. Thanks for the beer." I gave her a casual salute and walked out of the lounge.

I joined the flurry of people on the crowded trading floor, finally replying to Liara. "What's going on?"

"He went to look for a Justicar that he wants on his team," she said.

"A what?"

"Asari who have forgone all worldly things," she began to explain. "Travelling only with their armor and weapons, they right wrongs throughout the galaxy."

"That's… kinda awesome, actually." Justicars reminded me of the superheroes in the comic books I'd read as a kid. "Anyways, where'd he go?"

"A commercial spaceport to retrieve the Justicar. According to my intel, the place is on lockdown due to a recent murder." She said that part so casually, I noted. "He'll be able to get in as a Spectre, but you won't."

I sighed, realizing that it wasn't worth chasing him when I could just wait for him to come back. "I'm really not in the mood for that. Do you think he'll visit you once he's done?"

"He seemed intent upon doing so, yes. Come back to my office, I have an update on that data."

Someone was, in fact, following Liara. The stream of data I intercepted was scattered, indeed, but we managed to piece enough together to be concerned. Someone, codenamed "the Observer," was giving out orders from a distance. Liara didn't seem all that distraught at the news, though.

"If the Observer is trying to monitor me, then he's likely here in Nos Astra." Liara was actually quite enthusiastic at that possibility. It worried me.

"And if he is?" I asked. "What would you do?"

"I need to find and kill the Observer," she said shortly, unapologetic in her tone. "I want to weaken the Shadow Broker's reach into Illium. Well, I really want to take him out entirely."

"Why?" I asked. "Is it because he wanted to sell Shepard to the Collectors?"

She narrowed her eyes and huffed. "That is a vital part of it, yes." I saw her make fists, trying to quell her anger. "The Shadow Broker has a friend of mine. A friend who gave his life by helping me escape the Collectors and the Broker's men with Shepard's body."

I blinked, looking at her hands, still. My voice was stoic. "You want revenge." She nodded. "What do you need me to do?"

* * *

><p>Liara sent me back to the trading floor to look for notes the Observer may have left for his agents. According to Nyxeris, who was going through the data while I was gone, said that she suspected the Observer to be a turian, salarian, krogan, batarian, or vorcha; all of which Nyxeris identified in the data I gathered. But she couldn't determine if any were the Observer. As Liara explained to me, sometimes sending messages isn't always secure, so the Observer may leave little messages on news terminals or information boards. She showed me how to scan something for a hidden message on any basic terminal screen with my omni-tool.<p>

As I tried to subtly walk around and scan damn near everything, I noticed that the sun was beginning to set, but the floor's activity didn't slow down a bit. This was convenient, since a crowd was easier to disappear in and I didn't have to worry about standing out too much.

On the western side of the trading floor, there was a map terminal next to an asari and volus chatting about their business with a few human colonies. I pretended to look at the map for directions, and scanned it with my omni-tool. To my luck, a faint message appeared in the corner of the screen.

… _trader tried to kill the batarian. Claims it was because he hates slavers, but the men were more likely fighting over money. Watch for now…_

I sent it to Liara, unsure if it was relevant to us.

I meandered my way around the floor, unsurprised each time nothing would show up after my scans. Somehow, I ended up at the Eternity lounge again. Aethyta wasn't there anymore, but the new bartender caught my attention.

The turian bartender greeted me in a friendly metallic voice, "Hey, N7." I made eye-contact with him, an eyebrow raised. "Saw a buddy of yours."

I casually walked up to the counter, trying not to look too intrigued. "Oh yeah?" I glanced over at the payment terminal. I pretended to respond to a message on my omni-tool, and covertly scanned the terminal.

"Yeah," he said while he tended to a drink. "Scary lookin' human, if I might add. Looked like lava was gonna ooze out of his face." I smirked a little. Less than four hours on a planet and Shepard goes to a bar. I was surprised we didn't bump into each other. "You know him?"

"Yup," I said. A message appeared on the terminal and I saved it to my omni-tool. I kept my cool expression.

_Smuggler and assassin have refused to work with vorcha due to lack of trust. Odd to see scruples from the men at this point._

I was wondering if the messages I'd found were even from the Observer. They didn't feel relevant.

I jokingly asked the bartender, "Did he tip well?"

"Yeah, actually," he happily said. "He tipped, but left his tab open. Said that the likes of you would show up."

So he knew I was here. Figured. Shepard made it clear that he was looking for me, after all.

I was clearly getting better at this covert thing, having not gaped or looked surprised when I asked, "He left it open for me?" I even managed to make a believable laugh, when I was really just freaking out inside.

"He said he'd pick it up when he got back," the bartender said.

I swiped my credit chit and said, "Just in case he isn't good on his word." He nodded and smiled. Well, I think he smiled. I still wasn't good with turian body language. I decided that this little game of hide and seek needed to be done, but not before I had a bit of fun. "Do me a favor?" He nodded. "If he does pick it up, add a 25% gratuity. Tell 'em that Ash told you to." The turian chuckled loudly and agreed. I left the lounge to keep looking for notes.

I went to scan an information board I missed at the entrance with success.

_The turian's asking too many questions. Observer recommends terminating him and framing assassin or salarian contact._

Okay, so the observer certainly isn't the turian, then. Nor was it the salarian, but I wasn't sure on who the assassin and smuggler were. It certainly wasn't the vorcha, since it would have been difficult for a vorcha to stay low in a place as pristine as Illium.

Giving up on trying solving this mystery on my own, I just sent it to Liara, so she could figure it out. I was fine with just doing the grunt work at this point. Still on the floor, a kiosk caught my eye. I started to scroll through their wares on the kiosk terminal, forgetting to scan the thing. It had a module I could have used to bypass basic door security measures, but decided that I didn't need it upon looking at the price. But I noted the fact that something for bypassing door security was on sale on a public floor, then Illium may have been a bit more treacherous than I thought. That or it was a scam. I remembered to scan the terminal, relieved that I did, upon finding a message.

Turian contact working well with trader. Observer has rescinded kill order against him, given difficulty in securing contact with the trader through other methods.

I gave up and headed back to Liara's office to see if she figured it out. Just for kicks before I went up the stairs, I scanned the sign that pointed to administration. I was about to completely have walked past the sign when I saw a message appear.

"What the shit?" I muttered, backing up to read the message.

_Vorcha trader has requested no further contact with the salarian. Salarian is becoming more trouble than he is worth. Observer recommends a kill, but she may have a grudge._

"She," I said to myself. "She… oh shit!" I bolted up the stairs to Liara's office, running past Nyxeris, who didn't even look up from her work when I ran into the office, making sure the door was sealed behind me when I got in.

Liara looked up from her desk expectantly. "By the urgent look on your face, I expect you found something?"

"The Observer is a woman," I panted to her. Liara's eyes narrowed, her expression sour. "Something's not right. You said Nyxeris gave you this lead?"

Liara's voice was filled with venom. "Nyxeris…" She held down a button and calmly said, "Nyxeris, would you come here for a moment?"

The door opened and the assistant was smiling as she entered, looking eager to please. Nyxeris didn't see the door's terminal turn red, locking her inside with a pissed off Liara. "Yes, ma'am?" she innocently asked, seemingly unaware of Liara's anger.

"I'd like to thank you for the lead you provided me," Liara said pleasantly. "I have identified the Observer. You have proved invaluable to me, and for that I thank you."

"Dr. T'Soni," she said, holding a hand over her heart. "It has been an honor." I turned to look at Liara, a confused expression on my face, wondering why the sudden influx of compliments. Liara stood up from her desk suddenly, wielding a handgun.

Liara fired with precision only twice just as fast as she stood up. I gaped, looking at Nyxeris who only made a shocked croak and fell to the floor.

"What the FUCK?" I yelled.

"She was the Observer," Liara said, not even moving from her desk. "We all knew what would happen if I found the Observer."

"Yeah," I loudly scoffed, pacing around the body. "And now there's a murdered secretary in your office."

"I'll take care of it," she assured me. I rolled my eyes and put my hands on my hips, really starting to lose my cool, if I hadn't lost it already.

Liara's terminal started to chime. "I can't believe this," I complained.

Liara answered her terminal, acting like nothing had happened. "Shepard," she greeted. I stayed quiet, but folded my arms, listening intently.

"I've got something for you," I heard Shepard say. His voice was its usual deep and collected sound. "I just got intel on the Shadow Broker that might interest you."

"Send it over now, Shepard," she instructed.

"Liara," he said. She paused to let him finish. "I think Feron's alive." Her pupils widened instantly as she gulped. "Liara?" Shepard sounded worried. As was I.

"Go pick up that drell you were looking for, Shepard," she said, not addressing Shepard's concern.

"I'm on my way to Dantius Towers now."

"Call me when you're done." The call ended and we stared at each other.

"Well," I said with a huff, blinking a few times, feeling quite numb to the madness by then. "Today escalated quickly." I tapped a finger on my armored arm, taking a gander at the room. Nyxeris' dead eyes were staring at us, making the whole thing just _that_ much more unsettling.

Liara walked up to me, reaching out to put a hand on me. I brushed her away, glaring. She looked down, seemingly quite ashamed, perhaps a little embarrassed, too. "Forget that this…" she looked over at Nyxeris. "…ever happened."

"And when I'm tried for murder, Liara?" I angrily questioned, my brows furrowed. "Should I forget about it then, too?"

She looked me dead in the eyes. "You won't, Ashley, trust me." Liara moved to the closet by the door and opened it up, picking up what turned out to be my rifle and pistol. "The rest of your things are at my apartment." I took them from her and latched them to my back. "Meet me there in a few hours."

I left without a word.

* * *

><p>It's difficult to kill time after witnessing your friend kill her secretary. I mean, we both knew that Nyxeris was a double crossing bitch, but the authorities didn't. Still, Liara wasn't scared a bit. It made me wonder if she'd done this sort of thing before.<p>

But I managed. I went back to the bar, realizing that nobody was alerted to anything of note in Liara's office, so I figured it was safe to stick around, since I didn't know my way around the rest of Nos Astra.

Aethyta was back. "Heard your boyfriend dropped by," she said when I walked in. "Saw the tab, added that gratuity."

I laughed and sat down at the counter .

"I'll have whatever's good," I told Aethyta. Her smile was devious when she returned with a drink for me. I picked it up and scrunched my nose. "It's… uhh… it's green."

"And you wanted something good," she scoffed. I shrugged and took a fearful swig. It was like a spicy tonic and gin. I eyed her with a grin. She gloated, "Told ya."

"Alright," I said, setting the drink down. "I've got a lot of time to kill. What's your story?"

"You first," she said. "Mine might take a little longer, 900 years and all."

I sighed. "Alrighty then." I told her damn near everything. I wasn't one to spill everything to a bartender, but she sat through all of it. Aethyta sat through my childhood and when my dad died; how I found out the hard way that my family name was blacklisted when I joined the military. We talked about Shepard and how he lived, but she always pushed the subject back to me, seeming more interested in my time with the 212, rather than the hero I worked with. She was good at making me feel important. The conversation moved to why I was on Illium, in a bar, trying to decide if I was going to avoid or track down Shepard.

"Hiding from the guy seems a little childish, if you ask me," Aethyta said. "The guy wants to see you, we both know that."

"I guess part of me doesn't trust him still, you know?"

She frowned with a look of thought on her face. "It's not him that you don't trust, it's his…" She made air quotes. "…new employer." I liked that approach. For a while, I guess I was running between hating Cerberus and not being able to understand Shepard's motives. I ended up not trusting him until now. Aethyta continued. "Besides, the guy comes back from the dead and goes looking for you. That's gotta say _something_."

"You're right." I looked at my empty glass. I was so entrenched in conversation that I forgot to get another. Aethyta got the hint and quickly brought me another. "Thanks. I'm not paying for it anyway." We laughed. "It's your turn."

"You learn to skip a lot of stupid details after centuries of living. It wouldn't take long to summarize me."

I insisted. "You say that, but I'll bet you've got an interesting story or two."

She tidied up a row of liquor along the back wall and talked at the same time. "So, you're… what? Twenty-seven?"

"Yup."

"In that small amount of time you helped save the Citadel and had the chance to bed the first human Spectre…"

My face felt hot under a burning blush. "Not so loud!" I giggled, looking around to see if any of the other patrons heard her. I like how she put it, though.

"And then you basically watched him come back to life." I liked Aethyta's humor, and it usually came with a really good point. "I can't beat that."

"I still wanna hear it, but I've gotta run," I said, looking at the time. I'd been there for three hours. I didn't notice the time flying by.

"Beat it," she said, looking away from her liquor to me, waving me out. "And if you find 'em, tell that boy that I'm now taking interest on his tab."

I wished her well and left. It was raining outside the lounge, making me wish that I didn't leave my helmet in my duffel bag. The rain wasn't an issue once I caught a taxi to Liara's place. What was an issue, though, was what I found at her apartment.

Cop cars, around five of them, were on the building's landing pad. At first, I thought that maybe what happened in the office got leaked out and going in would be a terrible idea on my part. But there'd be more chaos and the cars wouldn't be empty if that were the case. I entered the building and made my way to Liara's apartment.

I heard low voices coming from the direction in which I was headed. The sound of several pairs of feet and parts of intense phone calls echoed from down the hallway. The door into Liara's place was ajar with several people standing outside of it, police lines keeping the unauthorized out.

I strode towards the door, demanding an explanation. "Where's Liara?" I bellowed to the first police officer I saw. "What happened?"

"Ma'am, please don't go any further," the asari officer instructed.

"Where's my friend?" I cried at her, trying to force my way into the apartment. I didn't put in much effort though, and several officers restrained me.

One of the officers said, "Seal off those trace samples and send them to the lab," to the people behind her as she approached me. The officer looked at me once I relented and the other officers let me go. "Did you know Dr. T'Soni? What is your name?"

"Chief Williams, Systems Alliance," I quickly said, trying to stand up straight and compose myself. "I served with Liara," I quickly corrected, "Dr. T'Soni during our mission against Saren Arterius. She's my friend."

Another asari, armored for combat like I was, walked down the stairs towards me. She was a deep blue with violet streaks on her face. Her armor was an even darker blue, bearing the Spectre emblem.

She said to me, "Someone tried to kill your friend, Chief Williams." That was apparent once I stepped across the police line, looking into the apartment. The window had a streak of bullet holes across it.

"What happened?" I asked in a daze, walking up to the ruined window.

The woman turned to the officers and said, "Your people are dismissed."

"You can't do that!" the detective argued.

"I just did," she said, and nobody argued further. She turned to me and introduced herself. "Tela Vasir, Special Tactics and Recon."

"A Spectre, right," I said as I kept moving around the apartment. That made sense, since the police left at her command.

She talked while I walked. "About half an hour ago, someone took a shot at your friend." That was apparent, by the window's condition. "She stuck around for about four minutes before leaving. Whatever she was doing was important."

At the sound of someone running in the hallway outside, Vasir and I turned to look for the source of the noise. A familiar armored man, followed by a turian I knew well, sprinted into the room.

"Shepard! Garrus!" I said. Garrus had a bandage on his face, something I was too angry to take note of on Horizon, but seemed the same nonetheless. Shepard, though, looked a bit more red. The cracks on his face were more intense and a thin crescent of the same red glow was around his iris. He was an unsettling sight for an old friend to see.

Shepard took a moment to catch his breath. "What happened?" I walked up to him, placing a hand on his arm to try and calm him. "Where's Liara?"

Vasir continued her explanation to me. "The sniper didn't count on her kinetic barrier. Clever girl." She made eye contact with Shepard as her way of greeting him. "Paranoid, but clever."

I told her, "And with good reason, Vasir." I took Shepard by the arm, turning him to look at me. "Jethro," I began, my voice now fearful. He resisted my grasp. But instead of pulling away, he moved his hand to mine. "Liara's in trouble." He looked past me into the ravaged apartment, jaw clenched. "I think…" I took in a deep breath. "I _know_ the Shadow Broker is after her."

Vasir cut in, "The Shadow Broker is a powerful enemy to have. Tell me everything."


	15. A Beautiful Blue

_Hey everyone!_

_Thank you for the continuous feedback and support! This chapter is where I really get to have fun with the ME2 plot. I've always had issues with combat scenes, so any tips would be appreciated!_

_Love,_

_Seraph_

**Fifteen.**

**~A Beautiful Blue~**

I didn't feel entirely comfortable with Shepard right next to me. I suddenly began to regret holding his hand, but I was too polite to let go. I kept trying to make eye contact, but those new eyes of his made me cringe. His eyes narrowed in pain when I told him that Liara was in trouble. Even then, he seemed resolute about the whole thing, not about to give up on helping her. Neither was I.

It was exactly how Shepard would have reacted. It seemed almost too perfect. Everything he did, even the way he strode into the apartment rang true to the man I knew. But his face, dear lord, his face was just too much to look past. I didn't want to get hung up on looks, but Shepard was supposed to have died, after all.

Garrus piped in, "Never thought I'd see Liara living in the middle of a town like this… living like this." He went towards the kitchen, looking all of the Prothean relics Liara had kept along the way.

"She never was the social type," I reasoned. I looked to Vasir, taking the chance to let go of Shepard. "You said she stuck around?"

Vasir was pacing around, reviewing the evidence around her. "Yeah."

"Long enough to leave a note," I muttered to myself, loud enough for Shepard to hear. I moved away from him, but he followed. I tried not to let it annoy me, especially since I couldn't pin why it was it irked me. Vasir went back upstairs and I walked up to one of Liara's display cases. It was a set of battered armor. Well, it was part of a chest plate and arm plate with a red and white stripe down the side.

Shepard stood next to me, looking at his old armor. He cracked a joke. "Someone must have hated that guy." That bothered me. I wondered if he realized the gravity of what happened to him. He kept a straight face, managing a smile, but his glowing eyes said that he was sad. I would have been worried if he didn't.

I blurted out a snide remark, "Looks like Cerberus at least let you keep a sense of humor." Part of me regretted saying that, almost enough to apologize. But not enough. He didn't say anything anyway. Instinctively, my hand moved up to the dog tags around my neck. Nobody had noticed them yet, not even Shepard. I wanted to tell him that I had them. I just about did, "That armor's not the only—"

Vasir shouted from the bedroom, "These yours, Williams?" I ceased what I was going to say and promptly made my way upstairs to find my duffel bags and weapon cases on Liara's bed.

I heard Shepard climb up the stairs and enter the room just as I said, "She said she'd bring them here." I began to open them up.

Shepard added, "Might be a note for you somewhere in there." He sounded sincere, acting like the bigger person against my sudden attitude. I shouldn't have been acting like this—suddenly rude and outwardly untrusting. I shrugged and took my helmet out of one of the bags, putting it aside and searching for anything that didn't belong there. To our disappointment, my stuff was untouched.

Shepard sighed and began to look around the bedroom. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something flash. It wasn't really a flash, but a sudden change. I couldn't figure out what it was at the time. I blinked in confusion, looking towards the nightstand where a picture of the Normandy sat.

Garrus was in the room with us by now and noticed my sudden interest in the picture. "Find something?"

I shook my head. "No… I just…" I reached out to pick up the picture, but before I even touched it, the picture changed. It was now the scene of a Prothean dig site. It could have been any dig site, but that didn't matter.

Vasir noted, "It wasn't doing that when I walked by it." I moved back away from the picture, and it changed back to the Normandy. "It must be keyed to your ID."

"I think that's our message," Garrus said. "There are more than a few Prothean pieces in this place. Maybe she left something with one of them." I wordlessly left the bedroom, everyone else in tow. We looked over every relic in the apartment, with nothing to suggest a message from Liara. I was getting frustrated, pacing between each relic.

"I just don't know," I sighed, standing in front of the largest relic in the room. I started to tap my fingers on the glass as I tried to brainstorm, looking at the Prothean relic. I felt something bump into my abdomen. I looked down, to see that a disc ejected out of the relic's pedestal. "Scratch that," I said loudly. Everyone neared me, looking at the little disc in my hand.

Shepard suggested, "Try it on her terminal." I ran back upstairs and inserted the disc in to her terminal. On the screen appeared a Salarian.

"It looks like she recorded a call," Vasir said. We kept watching.

"_What have you got for me, Sekat?"_ Liara's disembodied voice said in the recording.

The salarian sounded confident. "_It was tricky, but you paid for the best. I can narrow it down to a cluster, maybe even a system_."

Liara was hasty in asking, "_How soon can you have it?_"

"_Shouldn't take long. Come to my office, Baria Frontiers, in the Dracon Trade Center._" Sekat's big eyes narrowed a bit in worried suspicion. "_Gotta say, though, T'Soni—you're making me a little nervous._" He crossed his arms."_How big is the trouble that could come out of this?_"

"_Relax, Sekat_," Liara insisted, not sounding all that relaxed herself. "_I'll see you in a few hours._" The call ended there.

"So she did find something," Shepard said.

I looked to him. "The Shadow Broker's people already tried to kill her once."

Vasir announced, "I know where the trade center is. My car's outside." Shepard and I nodded and followed Vasir to her car.

* * *

><p>Vasir landed her car outside the Dracon Trade Center and we all hopped out. It was quite a bit later in the night by now and the rain had let up a little, but the activity around the building didn't cease.<p>

As we walked up the stairs towards the building, Vasir explained to us, "The Barrier Frontiers office is located on the third floor." I looked up at the building, hoping that Liara was still there, when a bright flash suddenly appeared. I couldn't see for a moment and my ears were ringing. I stepped back, trying to regain my footing. I looked back up to see the building on fire.

Someone bombed it.

"Liara's in there!" Shepard boomed. We looked up in horror, but another set of blasts went off across the building, the energy from the blasts pushing us over. Being the lightest of the group, I went rolling down the stairs.

Garrus was standing back up when he muttered, "That's not good."

Vasir brushed herself off and shouted to us over the commotion, "They just took out three floors to make sure she's dead!" Garrus was helping me up when Vasir began to go back to her car. "I'll seal the place off from the top with my car."

Shepard said, "I'll start down here and work my way up."

"Just leave some for me!" she shouted and took off in her skycar.

He motioned for us to go inside. Bloodied and bruised civilians were strewn everywhere, even outside the building. I pulled out my rifle, following Shepard's lead, pushing my distrust aside for the moment. Inside, beams and glass were shattered; wires were sparking and the emergency sprinklers were going off. The intercom kept telling everyone to remain calm and evacuate. Once we found the stairwell, Garrus pointed out that one of the bodies was a Barrier Frontiers employee.

Shepard said, "Must have got caught in the blast."

"I'm not confident about Liara's informant surviving that blast," I said. We kept going, ending up in an open air commons after we cleared the first floor. Leaning up against the wall next to the elevator door was an injured man, still breathing.

He coughed loudly, his head bleeding profusely. I made my way over to him, kneeling down to his eye-level. "Can you tell me what happened?" His eyes were closed, but he was still conscious, I could tell.

"Mercs," he weakly said. "Came from the smoke… set the bombs…" I didn't need to hear much more. His chest stopped shakily rising and falling, only to stay still. I stood up, and looked to my companions.

"Vasir," Shepard radioed in. "Looks like a professional job. A bunch of mercs set up the bombs after using smoke grenades, it seems."

"I think so, too," I heard her reply. "The elevators and security are down, too. No alarms, no police. Very professional." We left the man and started up the second flight of stairs.

At the landing, the bodies weren't just blast victims. "Bullet wounds," I said, pointing to several bodies. Shepard narrowed his eyes, cringing a little.

"Watch yourself, Vasir," Shepard cautioned her. "We've got bullet wounds on the casualties. These guys have military-grade hardware."

"Bullet wounds?" she said, not sounding too surprised, though. "Guess this was more than just an explosion." I wanted to retort back, saying that we were dealing with the Shadow Broker, after all, but I held my tongue. We went down a battered hallway towards the office until we stopped in another commons, trying to figure out which way to go.

"There," I said. But I wasn't pointing to the office, but to a device sitting on a bench. It was another bomb. "I don't think it's armed." Shepard approached it, briefly examining it.

"No, you're right. It's not," he said after a brief glance with his trained eyes. I trusted his judgment on that one. "Vasir, Williams found a military-grade explosive device. It hasn't been armed."

Vasir sounded snarky when she said, "Sloppy work. You use that kind of hardware when you don't have time to plan."

I finally spoke up. "I thought this was a professional job." She didn't reply. "Military-grade is military-grade." Shepard and I looked at each other, muting my comm. link. "Something's not adding up."

He gave me a look of recognition, but didn't say anything. Shepard shared my sentiments. The office was right next to the bomb and we entered. Garrus looked at the guest list right outside the lobby and told everyone, "We're here, Vasir. Liara just signed in."

"Understood," was her only reply. We cautiously entered the offices. I was praying to at least not find anything than all instead of a body. Guns readied, we went looking for Sekat's office. Our backs against the wall, Shepard peeked around the corner. I heard a dull _pop!_ and Shepard instinctively stepped back.

"Flash bang!" I shouted to Garrus, realizing that it had blinded Shepard. I grabbed him by the shoulder and dragged him back behind me. In the chaos, our enemy started to fire. Without any grenades of my own, I took one off his belt and pulled it, letting it cook for a second, then threw it in hopes that it wouldn't bounce back and get us. The gunfire stopped for a moment and I heard the groan of a man from around the corner.

Shepard groaned, "I'm good now." He stood up, looking a little ticked, his blue biotic corona lighting up around him. With one wave of his arm, he sent a shockwave down the hallway of cubicles. I moved out of my cover to finish off the men who were knocked over.

"This hallway's clear," I reported.

"Not for long!" Garrus said and began to fire at another merc that popped out. We began to run down the hallway together, gunning down a couple more men.

I took a second to get a good look at them. These guys were insanely well armored. Better than most mercs I'd seen running around on the streets. They didn't wear any insignia, but it was apparent that their employer went all out with arming them. I was certain that they were fighting for none other than the Shadow Broker.

We rounded the corner to find the room exposed to the outside, thanks to the bomb that took out the entire wall. Across the room poured out more mercs from another room. Shepard ordered us to funnel them towards the gaping hole in the building. Garrus pushed them in one direction with a grenade and I chased them into a corner with my stream of bullets. When they were at the perfect angle, Shepard sent out another shockwave, knocking them out of the building.

It was raining again, screwing up our visibility in addition to the smoke and fire that showed up in force inside the office. Just our luck, we had to keep running alongside where the missing wall would have been. The mercs were getting smarter, making sure we couldn't knock all of them off the side. I was beginning to wonder how many there were, but their resistance finally ceased. We were clear to finally get to Liara.

We rounded the corner , finally with two walls on either side of us, but a busted gas pipe had caught fire, spewing flames across our path to the office. "Shit," I heard Shepard curse. I looked around, quickly spotting a maintenance room back behind us.

"One second," I said, running into the room, fiddling with the utility controls. I shut off all of the gas and quickly looked back down the hallway to see that the flames had ceased. "Vasir," I began as we continued down the hallway and up a set of stairs. "We should be clear now."

"Good," she radioed back. "I'm on my way down." We cleared the stairs, only to find a few more of the mercs waiting for us. It must have been the last of them, having holed-up there after we took out their buddies. At the landing after the stairs was only one door. It had to be it.

Before we could open it, though, a single gunshot could be heard coming from the other side. My heart sank. We rushed in just after another gunshot rang out. Vasir was standing over a merc's body, with a salarian, which I recognized as Sekat, slumped up against the wall, dead.

"Damn," she said. Her lack of apathy in her voice concerned me. I tried not to give her a doubtful look. "If I'd had been a few damn seconds faster, I could have stopped 'em."

"This has to be Sekat," I said as we scoured the room for the data that Liara wanted from him.

"No sign of that data," Shepard said, frowning. "A dead end." He pinched the bridge of his nose. Vasir was looking out the window, into the rain.

"Speaking of which," she began, not turning to even look at us. "Did you find your friend's body?" I was insulted by the idea.

Before I could call her out on it, I heard the click of a weapon coming off safety. I turned towards the noise. "You mean this body?" It was Liara, pointing her gun at Vasir. I grinned at the sight, even if she was about to kill an ally. She looked unscathed by the blast, but was soaked by the sprinklers like we were.

Shepard was quick to jump between them. "Liara, no," he said. "This is Vasir. She's a Spectre." Vasir glared at Liara, not even looking surprised to see her alive.

Liara's voice was filled with venom. "This is the woman who tried to kill me." She moved past Shepard, forcing Vasir to back up.

"You've had a rough day, so I'll let that slide," Vasir said, sounding not at all sincere. I believed Liara. "How about you put that gun down?" I raised my gun at Vasir, proclaiming my allegiance. Shepard, realizing that he'd failed to keep the peace, raised his gun like I did, with Garrus following suit.

"I saw you!" Liara accused. "I double-backed after I left. I watched you break into my apartment!" We all kept our guns pointed at her. Vasir started to look a little panicked, realizing that there was no going back.

"You didn't know where she went because she hid the message," Shepard realized.

I spat at Vasir, "You needed us to find it for you."

She smirked, shedding her nervous look. "Thanks for the help."

"You signaled the Shadow Broker's forces the moment you found out," I continued. "You bombed the building to take her out." I don't know what was stopping me from shooting her on the spot. Vasir folded her arms and rolled her eyes at me. _Oh man_, I thought. _She's going to fucking have it_.

Liara continued, "She found Sekat, took his data, and killed him. I'll bet she still has the disc on her."

Vasir laughed, holding the disc out for us to see; her other hand behind her back. "Good guess," she condescendingly congratulated. "Too bad you'll never get to see what's on it…" She threw her hand out in front of her, using her biotics to throw shattered glass at us. "…You pure-blooded BITCH!" A few shards scraped my face before Liara got a shield up, but I was too mad to care. I watched Shepard run out from Liara's shield to tackle Vasir. He got a hold of her, but they both rolled through the air and out the window. Liara and I ran up to the balcony as Garrus got out his beloved sniper, keeping an eye on the duo below.

"Take my hand!" Liara said to me. I did and we ran out of the window. As I was falling, Vasir wrangled free of Shepard, pushing him into the wall with her biotic force; Liara softened our fall as I used my free hand to shoot at Vasir. Liara let go of me when we landed, telling me to get Shepard and she pursued Vasir.

"Hey!" I shouted to him. He began to wearily stand up and shook his head a little. "You've fallen harder before. Get your ass up!" I took him by the arm and we started to catch up with Liara. Vasir ran back into the building, leaving a couple of mercs behind to slow us down. In a fit of rage, Liara threw the both of them into the side of the building. She kept going after Vasir, but another set of mercs came in from another door. I threw in a grenade and Garrus picked them off.

Liara radioed in, "She's getting away!" We sprinted to find her, following Liara's wake of carnage through the building, picking off the mercs she managed to evade along the way. We were outside again, where Liara had taken cover behind a traffic barrier. Vasir was shooting blindly behind her before ducking behind a car. She was hidden for only a few moments, but I saw her yellow skycar make its way around to her position. I started shooting at the car, in hopes of disabling it, but I couldn't do enough damage. The car ducked to the side of the building, making it impossible for me to shoot it. Vasir jumped off the side of the building, into the car and flew off.

"Dammit!" Liara screamed. I ran to one of the cars and opened it up, jumping in, beaconing the others to follow.

"Garrus," Shepard addressed. "Get back to the Normandy. We may need backup." Garrus made his casual salute and started to run. Shepard got into the back seat of the car and I started to drive. "You sure you don't want me to drive?" he asked, seemingly innocently.

At the same time, recalling his past driving endeavors, Liara and I both snapped back, "No!"

I could still see Vasir's bright yellow car and floored it. Liara insisted, "Come on! She's getting away!"

"Fuck, I know!" I said, going as fast as I could. She drove down the side of the tower in her car then swooped back up into the traffic. I was right on her. Vasir swung down in between a couple of rows of skyscrapers then started to hang right into a crowded traffic lane.

"Take a left!" Liara commanded. I gritted my teeth, ignoring her passenger seat driving. "No, veer right!"

"I'm on it," I snapped back to her.

"She's around the corner!" Liara said after Vasir made a quick turn. We ended up ducking under a series of skybridges, my heart skipping a beat or two each time we narrowly cleared one. Liara, actually knowing where we were, worriedly said, "She's not taking us into the construction site, is…" She angrily gasped. "She is—oh goddess." I followed Vasir into an unfinished tunnel that went through a building. Liara grabbed my arm. "I am NOT letting her escape with that data!"

"Neither am I!" I yelled back. We cleared the construction site, Vasir taking anther dive into traffic, dragging us into a long tunnel, opposite the traffic flow.

Now Shepard started to join in. "Traffic! Oncoming traffic!"

"We'll be fine!" I insisted, not at all hiding my annoyance.

"Truck!" she screamed. Luckily, I saw it coming.

"I can see that!" I sharply avoided a collision with a large truck. We left the traffic lanes once more as she sent us through twists and turns around dozens of skyscrapers. I saw something fly out from her car suddenly.

Shepard grabbed my shoulder from the back seat and yelled in my ear, "She's dropping proximity charges!"

I roared at him, "For fuck's sake, Jethro!" I pushed him back with my right arm, quickly to put it back to use driving again. "I noticed." I cleared the first two, but couldn't completely clear the second. I felt the blast of the third charge behind me, pushing the car forward. Two cars whizzed past us. Those weren't normal commuters.

"She's got backup," I reported.

Shepard asked Liara, "What kind of guns does this thing have?"

She roared back at him, "It's a taxi! It's got a fare meter!"

Shepard deadpanned, "Wonderful." Shepard huffed and rolled down the back window.

"The fuck are you doing?" I shouted over the loud air rushing into the car.

"Just drive!" he hollered back.

"Oh," I sassed back. "Now you'll let me fucking drive." He began to shoot at our pursuers. I really couldn't tell how much help it was, though.

Another goddamn tunnel. In Vasir's wake, a truck had lost control and was going to slide into several more cars.

Liara needlessly reminded me, "Truck!"

"I know!" The cars collided and a wall of fire ensued. Shepard relented in his shooting and sat back down. The truck was speeding toward us.

"Truck!" she repeated, much more frantically.

"I KNOW!" I braked and turned hard to avoid it, turning hard again in the other direction to avoid slamming in to the tunnel wall.

Shepard said, "That takes care of her reinforcements!" The truck took out our pursuers. I took a very brief sigh of relief. Our car was low to the tunnel floor, putting me closer to downed vehicles.

"Yaaah!" Liara squealed when I quickly avoided a car on the floor in flames.

"There we go," Shepard said, sounding a bit more collected now.

She scorned, "You're enjoying this!"

I could see the smile on his face with my rear view mirror. He chimed, "I am now!"

We exited the tunnel, back into the fray. Liara, in an effort to freak herself out even more, said, "A head on collision at this speed…"

"Yeah," Shepard retorted. "I hear those can be bad for you!"

"You're not…" I began, ducking our car under a car that was spinning through the air. "Fucking helping!" I sped up, following Vasir into open airspace, clear of too many towers. I finally caught up to Vasir, flying right next to her. I looked right at her though the window and she looked straight back at me. With a wild look in her eye, Vasir took a dive into the side of my car, making me almost lose control.

"Oh fuck you," I yelled. To the horror of my passengers, I went right back at her. _Slam!_ right into her car. "This is for being a manipulative bitch…" _Slam!_ "And for trying to kill me…" _Slam!_ "And my friend!" _Slam!_ I could see the horror grow on Vasir's face each time I hit her. Now I was having fun. It didn't even matter that she couldn't hear me. "And you make a really shitty Spectre!" I roared with one final hit to her car. I saw sparks and flames come out of her car as she drifted her wounded vehicle onto the top of a building.

"We need that disc!" Liara reminded me. I followed Vasir's limping car to the top of the building. Before I could land, I watched Vasir crawl out of her wrecked car and limp away. She'd disappeared into the building by the time I landed next to her car.

We got out, quickly spotting the trail of blood that led into the building. Liara ran ahead of us, "Come on! She couldn't have gone far." We followed right behind her. Vasir's blood trail faded once we got inside. I looked around at the building we'd landed on. It was an expensive hotel; the room we entered through was filled with images of nude asari and rest of the décor being quite sensual. I couldn't help but feel like I'd been here before.

"Liara?" I asked from behind her.

"What?" she replied as we entered the building. Immediately, I knew where we were.

"You know the one place that I really didn't want to visit ever again?"

Walking with purpose, Liara retorted back, "Next time we get into a car chase, I'll make sure we crash somewhere else."

Shepard, looking around, asked, "Where are we?"

I groaned, "Azure."

"Which is…?"

Liara said, "A luxury resort with an… exotic twist. It's slang for a part of the asari body in parts of Illium."

"Where?" he asked. I tried not to laugh, knowing the answer.

"Mainly in the lower reaches, near the bottom," she said.

Shepard, still not quite getting it, asked, "No. I meant, 'Where on the asari body?'"

Giggling, I answered, "So did she." Shepard kept quiet for a few minutes after that, while I tried to stifle my laughter at how flustered he looked. The mood wasn't as light hearted when Vasir's blood trail showed up again, paired with bodies of innocents alongside it. "She got injured in the crash," I said. "She's lost a lot of blood. That should slow her down."

"She's tough," Shepard said. "I'll give her that."

"Yeah, well, she's a Spectre," I said, looking over to Shepard, who happened to be staring at me—that grin on his face. We quickly looked away and kept walking. Despite my passive-aggressive bullshit earlier, he still managed to smile at me. God, I felt bad. Shepard and I followed Liara, who led us through the hotel into an open-air corridor that connected all the rooms.

I wasn't surprised to find Vasir's cronies waiting for us, trying to trap us in the corridor. But we made quick work of them—Liara throwing out a singularity so Shepard and I could open fire without worrying about a lack of cover. The droplets of blue blood turned into bloodied footsteps as we cleared the corridor. We ran, first through a lobby, and then on the other side was a large patio. When the doors opened for us, I saw Vasir, limping through a crowd of people blissfully eating and drinking in the night—not a single one paying heed to her, let alone us, having stepped out onto the patio in our armor.

"It's over, Vasir!" Liara hollered to the injured Spectre. Everyone suddenly went quiet, looking at Liara. We all pointed our weapons at Vasir, the crowd frozen in shock. Vasir stopped, holding her side, taking a few haggard breaths.

Vasir turned to a blonde woman near her, raggedly shouting, "Hey! Hey you!" The woman stared at her, wide-eyed and dumbfounded. "Come here." Vasir dragged the woman over with her biotic force, putting an arm around her neck, pointing a gun at us. The woman started to cry. Vasir said into her ear, "What's your name?"

"M—Mariana," she stuttered.

"Mariana," Vasir evilly cooed. "You want to live, don't you?" I kept my gun pointed at Vasir, not thinking for a moment to back down. "Tell these people that you want to live." I could see Shepard cringe in my peripheral.

"Please," Mariana pleaded. Vasir was grinning, holding Mariana tightly to her. Mariana's teeth began to chatter as her panicked state worsened. This couldn't end well.

"Mariana," I began, trying to sound as assuring as I could. "We'll get you out of here."

Vasir snorted, "That's good to hear." I wanted shoot her on the spot for that one. "All you had to do was walk away." Vasir moved the gun to Mariana's head. I started to calculate in my head how much of a chance I had at landing one between Vasir's eyes. I was disappointed when I quickly concluded that I didn't have the angle. "Now this gets ugly."

"P-please!" she wailed. "I have a son!"

_God dammit_, I cursed inwardly. That would only fuel Vasir's fire.

"A son?" she said, still grinning at us. "I hope he gets to see you again. I heard that losing a parent is horrific for children." I'm pretty sure I could feel Liara's rage radiate on me. "Scars them for life."

"I'm going to end you, Vasir," Liara vowed. I could hear her biotic aura charge up with her anger.

"It's okay, Liara," I heard Shepard say next to me. "We'll handle it…" I glanced at him, as he readjusted his aim to get a better shot at vasir. "…the usual way."

"You want Mariana's little boy to grow up without a mommy, Shepard?" Vasir threatened. She started making demands. She pointed her gun at the ground in front of us. "Thermal clips on the ground. Power cells, too." The gun was back at Mariana's head.

I didn't know what to do. I could easily wound the hostage, maybe take her ear off, and get Vasir. Then again, she might have shields up that I couldn't spot, making my bullets bounce off, creating a big mess. But I wasn't about to let her get away with this. I wondered how long we could stand here until someone got shot.

"Is that it?" Shepard said. Surprised, I looked at him. He had a confident grin, leaning back with his chin up, which threw Vasir off completely.

Her stance faltered, moving her gun away from Mariana's head, as she stammered, "What?"

"I sacrificed hundreds of _human_ lives to save the Destiny Ascension," he bragged. I watched Vasir's eyes widen in horror. But he wasn't done. "I released the rachni on the galaxy." I made a devious grin, realizing what he was getting at.

I confidently chimed in, "For your sake, Vasir…" She glared at me, her teeth clenched. "…I hope your escape plan doesn't count on us hesitating to shoot a damn hostage!"

"You're bluffing," she said, taking a few steps back with her gun at us, still clinging to Mariana. Behind her, I could see a table beginning to rise into the air, surrounded by a biotic-blue aura.

"And you're about to get fucked," I retorted back at her. "Now, Liara!" The table flew up behind Vasir, hitting her hard enough to free Mariana, leaving Vasir to go flying across the patio, into a fountain below. I ran over to Mariana, helping her up.

"Go!" I told her. "You're fine, now run!" She gaped at me for a second then went off running. I looked to the fountain.

"Aaargh!" I heard Vasir cry out, jumping out of the fountain, her biotic corona blazing around her, rifle in hand. I shot a round at her, but it didn't do a damn thing. My bullets just jumped off her shield.

"It's no use!" I said to Shepard. Vasir began to sprint away, but Shepard sent a shockwave right into her path, tripping up Vasir, letting her shields weaken just enough. I began to fire endlessly with Liara's help while Shepard recovered from letting out all that energy. The blue around her began to flicker and fade, but our bullets were still bouncing off of the shield.

Before they went out completely, Vasir let out a loud roar, pushing herself off the ground and to the other side of the patio in an instant. I did a double take at where she was supposed to be. Liara was way ahead of me though, not letting Vasir out of her sight. Liara tried to pull Vasir into the air, but she managed to stay grounded, getting far enough away from Liara's biotic energy. In an attempt to keep Vasir distracted, I reloaded and sent a stream of bullets her way. I bought enough time for Shepard to recover so he could throw her into the air like a rag doll. Under the stress of our combined firepower, her shields flickered into nothingness, my bullets riddling her chest plate, one of my bullets penetrating her armor.

She fell to the ground, crawling on her hands and knees, somehow still holding herself up after the hurt I put her through. "Argh! Dammit!" We ran over to her, my weapon still drawn, but Liara holstered her gun to grab Vasir by the collar, forcing Vasir to face her.

Liara said nothing, but instead took the disc off of Vasir's person, dropping her to the ground. She put the disc into her omni tool and said, "Sekat's personal datapad." She took no heed to the dying woman next to her. I relinquished Vasir of her weapons and held a gun to her. I didn't care if it wasn't necessary by now. "This has what we need to find the Shadow Broker."

Vasir, in her dying moments, croaked to Liara, "You're dead!" We all looked at her. "The Shadow Broker has been in power for years." Shepard began to pace, looking at the damage around him, acting as though he didn't give a damn about what she was saying. "He's stronger than anything you've ever faced!"

He turned his head to ask, "Is that why you sold out the Council to work for him?" She'd managed to sit up. She _was_ tough.

"You think I betrayed the Council?" she spat, blood spatter in her saliva staining her lips. "Like Saren? Go to hell!" Shepard shook his head, finally walking back to the rambling asari to look down at her. "The Shadow Broker's given me damn good intel over the years. Intel that's saved lives and kept the Citadel safe!" I almost believed her. Almost. "So if the Shadow Broker wants a few people to disappear, then I'll pay that price without hesitation!"

I knew better. "Spectres don't blow up buildings filled with innocent people," I scolded. She didn't even give me a dirty look. Vasir just looked down at her bleeding abdomen.

Her voice was lower and breathless. "Sure we do. We get our hands dirty so the Council doesn't have to." I wanted to counter that, but I knew that some of the things Shepard and I pulled on the Normandy during missions would have usually landed us with a court martial. But I soon reminded myself that we weren't working for a bad guy in the meantime. Vasir's breathing was labored, but she was determined to make her point. "The councilors may complain about our methods to soothe their consciences, but they've never looked too closely." I just glared. She looked up at Shepard. "Besides, Shepard." She practically spat out his name. "You're with Cerberus. Do you have any idea what your terrorist friends have done?"

I wondered that, too. I looked to him expectantly, wanting to know the answer to that much more than Vasir did. He glanced at me, his eyes pained—the red around his eyes a bit more intense. It was like he now wore his heart in his eyes. His emotions were showcased so much more blatantly, making it easier for me to read him than ever before. Shepard used to be able to hide his feelings. It was a special talent of his, I thought. But I knew in that moment that she'd touched a nerve.

He kneeled down to look Vasir in the eyes. His voice was stern—a mix of regret and hate and pain. "I know who they are and what they've done." Vasir narrowed her eyes at him, looking confused. "It doesn't matter."

With the little bit of strength she had left, Vasir tried to yell, "I think it does! Who are you to judge me? Look in the mirror!" I gulped, trying to make up my mind. Why didn't it matter to him? Why disregard all of Cerberus' reputation? I knew the answer. "Kidnapping kids for biotic death camps!" Her meek yelling finally turned into a roar, "Hell, your own unit on Akuze!"

I shut my eyes, knowing that no one would see me do so. I could feel the memory of Akuze churn inside of me. The sickening smell of Shepard's burned squad mates, the feeling of a large gash across his body as he crawled out of the valley that he was supposed to die in.

But then I remembered being trapped in my own body by the Collectors, having to be dragged to safety by a friend who I'd never see again. There was an evil out there bigger than my grudges and Shepard's trauma. If anything, they could be put aside for a little while to defeat that evil.

"And you're with them!" Her yelling was too taxing on her dying body. Vasir began to wheeze. "Don't you dare… judge me. Don't you…" Her eyes rolled back as she went completely limp. Shepard stood up and began to walk away. Liara stayed, staring at the dead Vasir.

I holstered my gun and chased after him. "Jethro," I said, catching up to him. Shepard had stopped at a balcony that looked out from the patio into the city. I stood next to him, several feet between us, looking at him—his eyes narrowed and a frown marred his cracked face. I thought of my alone time in a room elsewhere in Azure months ago. I remember how I imagined Shepard's smiling face when he was gleaming at something that truly made him happy. I remember how I turned to look for someone that wasn't standing next to me at the time—how sad and stupid I felt when I turned to grin at empty space.

Now I did have someone standing next to me, leaning against the banister, looking out at the city. But there was no smile on either of our faces. I bit my lip, unsure of how to start up the conversation. I didn't even know what to say or how to console him.

Shepard loudly exhaled. He wouldn't even look me in the eyes. "This hasn't been easy, in case you haven't noticed." He sounded snide and bitter, not even bothering to turn my way.

I didn't know what I could say that was tactful. I could try to tell him that I wasn't on a pleasure ride, either, but I didn't want to sound like I was trying to belittle coming back from the dead. But somehow, I felt like I could relate. I had to say something.

"Don't take what she said to heart," I finally said. While unconvinced, he turned to look at me, and I to him. I put my hand over the dogtags that hung from my neck, walking closer to close the space between us. "On Akuze," I began, sounding shaky and nervous. "You managed to crawl out of the valley, a gaping wound in your leg." I watched him uncomfortably adjust his stance, taking weight off his left leg. "The smell of acid and charred flesh forever in your mind while you kept crawling away, not even being able to see. All you could feel was your leg and the rocks scraping beneath your stomach as you left them behind." He took a few fast loud breaths, conjuring up the memory he wanted to keep buried. I put my free hand on his arm, trying to keep him together. "I saw it. I felt it." He glared at me, looking insulted at the notion. "She," I said, nodding towards Liara. "She… she gave me the memory you left with her when you joined minds. I haven't slept well since."

He was choked up, his voice suddenly husky. "Why?" It was all he could muster.

I gulped, trying to hold back tears. "You were dead. I needed something." Shepard closed his hands around my hand that was holding his tags. I began to sob between my words. "The Collectors were going to take me. I… My friend is gone because he saved me. I knew what we're up against and I still didn't trust you. I wanted to hear you out and I said I'd help you on Horizon, but this doubt kept eating away at me." I moved his hands off of mine, revealing his dog tags. He held them gently, his jaw hanging. I stared at his large hands, covered by his gloves, hoping that he was still keeping that rosary around his hand. "I don't trust Cerberus, and I know what they did to you, but I do also trust you." We looked into each other's eyes, pleading to each other to not move away.

"Come with me, Ash," he softly begged, still holding the tags. I put my hand on his cheek, watching as the red around his irises faded, ever so slightly, back to a beautiful blue.


	16. Where Some Rarely Go

_I felt like I needed this chapter for the sake of looking back on earlier parts of the fic. It's come a long way and there are a ton of things to look back at. _

_Love, _

_Seraph_

_The writing playlist is back, by the way!_

"_Summertime Sadness_" by Lana Del Rey

"_Cosmic Love_" by Florence + The Machine

"_Blue Jeans_" by Lana Del Rey

(Yes, I totally got hooked!)

**Sixteen.**

**~Where Some Rarely Go~**

I woke with a start in the most comfortable bed I'd been in for a while. My eyes shot open and I gasped a little when I looked up at the stars speeding into my view then out just as fast. I was dazed and confused when I breathed in the familiar smell of sweat and the smoke of a freshly-fired gun. I shut my eyes, tightly wrapping the scent-laden sheets around me, savoring every bit of the smell.

As I lay there, I recalled having the most outlandish dream.

Liara was going after the Shadow Broker with Shepard and I said I'd go with. That alone just sounded a bit crazy.

He said that his ship was docked in Nos Astra, adding that we'd take it to go find the Shadow Broker. He told me to meet him at the docks. After I gathered my things from Liara's apartment, I went to find the ship that Cerberus dropped Shepard with.

I wasn't sure what to expect. After bringing a guy back to life, Cerberus probably wasn't going to leave him with a flimsy tin can to fly through space in, I was sure. It was mere hours before dawn and I hadn't slept in a really long time. My bags felt heavy and the armored boots I wore were scraping against the ground. I walked on by a dozen military vessels and space yachts, all either colossal and looming or flashy and ugly. It made me miss the Normandy. She was small and nimble, long and sleek with the thrusters on both sides, reaching out like the wings of an angel.

My destination was tucked behind a blocky cargo ship. The bright white exterior of a slender frigate softly reflected the city's lights. My heart felt torn in two at the sight. It was a beautiful ship—the Normandy SR2, daughter of the frigate I held so dear. She was much longer and several stories taller than the SR1. Black and gold stripes ran down the sides, with big white letters spelling out her name atop the black. Close to the narrow bow of the ship was the Cerberus emblem, in the same black and gold decorating the rest of the ship.

It was a stark reminder of who Shepard was working for. No, sorry… "working with," as Shepard insisted. Despite wholeheartedly telling Shepard that I trusted him, bitterness started to brew in me once more. This wasn't the Normandy I knew; it was a Cerberus ship built to house a man that Cerberus invested so much in. I suspected that it was to also contain him.

I made my way along the platform to the ship's airlock, gaping at the enormity of the ship. Dozens of small illuminated windows ran along the side, making me wonder how many people Shepard had on that ship at his disposal. I walked up to the airlock's open doors, staring for a moment. Inside the airlock was a short-haired red-headed man with a goatee, slouching over a control panel that he'd been tinkering with. He heard me approaching and looked up from his work, straightening up and stepping forward to greet me.

He had a genuine smile, looking as though he hadn't a clue as to what Cerberus was about. "Miss Williams!" he greeted, his Scottish accent quite apparent. He offered me his hand and I shook it. "I'm Kenneth Donnelly, engineer on the Normandy. Shepard said to expect you."

"Thanks," I said, letting go of his hand and looking around uncomfortably. "I… uh… Where's Shepard?"

"Right on inside," he chimed, opening the door. "Someone will send you his way." I nodded to him and stepped inside. To my right was the CIC, a long line of people at their workstations and I could see the galaxy map at the wall.

Before I could even look to my right I heard a smug, "Heyyy."

I turned to look at whoever greeted me. In a large leather chair, looking quite comfortable and in his element was none other than, "Jo… Joker?" I stammered. He made a hearty laugh, patting his armrest while doing so.

"Didn't think you were gonna see me again, huh?" He sounded excited to show off his new baby. He looked like a king in that chair. It turned on his command and the ship's controls were set up perfectly for him. I was sure this entire space was made with Joker in mind. Anyone else would have looked so out of place in that chair.

I shook my head, grinning, though. "Well, I can't say I'd trust anyone but you with the Normandy, Joker." He made a prideful grin.

"The Alliance grounded me after we were attacked," he explained, turning his eyes back to his controls. "Cerberus showed up with a ship and a chance to fly again." I knew how much getting grounded hurt Joker. I can't say I blamed him for joining up with nothing to lose.

"An offer you just couldn't refuse," I concluded.

He adjusted his hat and hit a few buttons. "Yeah." His voice wasn't upbeat anymore. "They got me a ship, brought back Shepard. Cerberus can't be all that bad." He didn't seem convinced by his own words. He changed the subject. "You here for keeps?"

I shrugged. "Not sure." I looked back down to the galaxy map to find Miranda walking towards us. I looked at her as I disconnectedly told him, "I'll catch you later, Joker."

He waved me off. "See ya, Ash."

Miranda and I stopped to converse. "Welcome, Chief Williams." Her expression was professional and stoic. Her stance was poised, with her hands behind her back, looking down at me, with her beautifully accented cheekbones and dark hair falling gracefully at her shoulders. She was intimidatingly beautiful, but I don't think she ever meant to be intimidating. I gaped a little, trying to think of what to say. "As you might not be aware, I am the executive officer of this ship. My office is located on deck three." I acknowledged her with a brief nod. "Crew quarters are on the same deck. While I'm at it, you will be staying on deck one."

"Got it," I quickly said, moving past her to find an elevator.

"Oh, and Chief Williams," she called to me. "If you go to deck four, please be wary of Jack. She is… not acclimated to social interaction."

That whole side note of hers wanted me to actually go find whoever Jack was, but I just said, "Gotcha."

She strode away, leaving the CIC, as I slowly walked down past the crew members working away on their terminals. Some saw me and turned to make a friendly nod. I'd nod back, uncomfortably trying to not cringe at the Cerberus emblems on their uniforms. The room opened up into the proper part of the CIC. It was brightly lit with subtle decoration that paid homage to the Cerberus emblem and colors. Despite that, it felt like almost a cheerful place. A curved counter covered in more terminals ran around the galaxy map. I walked along the counter, my hand hovering over the unoccupied terminals, smiling, as it reminded me of the setup on the original Normandy. I noticed the platform that allowed Shepard to use the map and put my bags down to walk up it. I gazed at the beautiful hologram made up of clouds of stars, brushing my hand over the projection. As I zoomed in and out of the map I watched the beautiful nebulas and stars fly under my fingers. Within seconds I could visit places I'd already been or had never seen. I looked at Earth and Eden Prime; the Citadel and Arcturus Station; Feros and Virmire.

"Uhm, ma'am?" a meek voice inquired. I jumped a little and looked to find a woman at a set of terminals next to the galaxy map. She had bright green eyes and short bright red hair that framed her freckled face. "You're Ashley Williams, yes?" She sounded a little awestruck. I nodded. "I'm Kelly Sanders," she explained. "Shepard's yeoman and the ship's psychologist."

"Fancy," I commented, not trying to hide the sarcasm in my voice, and stepped down and went to pick up my bags.

"No! I… I'll take care of them!" She beat me to my bags, picking them up. She bit her lip, looking a little intimidated, not looking me in the eye. "Go ahead and get yourself acquainted with the ship while I bring these to your room."

"Thanks," I muttered. Feeling bad about giving the poor girl a cold shoulder when she was clearly trying to be welcoming, I added, "Nice to meet you, Chambers." She made a thin smile then disappeared into a room behind the CIC. I looked to my left, a sign pointing towards the labs, a new addition to the ship that Chambers disappeared into. On my right was an armory, which suited my fancy a bit more. I walked over there and entered a room that put my little work desk and storage room on the old Normandy to shame. One wall was covered in a display of assault rifles; another displayed pistols, and on the far end was for shotguns and snipers. Grenades were stored on shelves, neatly organized like the rest of the room. I went to gaze at the assault rifles, going over the labels for each weapon.

A friendly voice from behind said to me, "I see you've found my little sanctuary." I turned to face a tall man, dressed in the black and gold Cerberus uniform, with dark skin and a genuine smile. "Name's Jacob."

"Ash," I replied. Actually interested in what was in here, I asked, "This room your handiwork?" He folded his arms and nodded, still smiling. "It's fantastic. I wish we had it on the original ship."

"Better late than never," he reasoned. I went back to looking over the guns, my gaze stopping at one I didn't recognize. He noticed. "That's the Mattock. It's got a lot more firepower than the new Avenger series, that's for sure. But you can't fire for as long."

"That's fine. I'm a good shot," I gloated.

Jacob laughed. "If we find the time, we'll have to see you live up to that claim." He reached up to the rifle and offered it to me. "Here."

I playfully punched him in the shoulder. "Bring it." He didn't seem to mind and I took the rifle from him, trying it out for size. "Anything I should know about this ship that Miranda won't tell me?"

His brows were furrowed for a moment, then Jacob said, "The salarian in the lab is a little crazy, but harmless if you don't mess with him or his stuff."

"I'm going to assume that's the same story with you and the armory?" I joked as I brought the gun's sights up to my eye.

"Well, that's a given," he laughed. "Anyways, the turian down in the battery room won't stop messing with the gun controls and will shoo everyone away who tries to talk to him. 'Calibrations,' he tells me. The captain insisted that we just leave 'em be."

I was pretty sure I knew who that was. "Is this the same turian who has half his face blown off?"

"You got it," he confirmed, crossing his arms and stifling a laugh.

"Yeah, I know Garrus." I began to take the gun apart, looking through the chambers and at the heat sink. Jacob could tell that I knew what I was doing and didn't protest. "Go on, then."

He leaned against the work table behind him before he explained, "Samara, the asari, keeps to herself in the observation room. There's a drell in the life support control room… something about moisture and his illness." I'd never seen a drell in person, only in my textbooks in high school and during a workshop for the military. "Kasumi's room, in port observation, is awesome. Bar and everything. But I think she stole it all. Not sure."

"Uhh, okay?" I said—confused from the lack of context to everything he was saying.

"You'll see what I mean when you find 'em," he assured me. I smiled and nodded, putting the gun back together. "There's a baby krogan on deck four, along with Zaeed, the nicest damn mercenary you'll ever meet." I suddenly wanted to know where the ammo was after hearing about the baby Krogan. Don't get me wrong, I love Wrex, but an immature and high energy version of him—which was what I was imagining—was a bit much for me to handle.

Brushing that worry aside, I handed him the gun, since I was done looking at it. "Miranda said something about someone named 'Jack?'" I added.

"Oh!" He was wide-eyed, looking surprised with himself for forgetting about Jack. "Just stay clear of Jack for now."

"I really want to see Jack now," I teased. He walked up to the display and put the gun back.

"No." He inhaled loudly. "Just, don't." He was completely serious and I decided to take heed to his reaction.

"Noted." I went to look at a set of snipers. "So what about Miranda?"

Jacob, contemplating how to say it, ran a hand over his head then pinched the bridge of his nose. "Miranda's scary at first." I knew that much just having talked to her briefly. "But she's not all bad by any means. She's gone through all her life being used and now she goes the extra mile or two just to prove to herself that she's earned her keep."

"I can't relate all that much," I said. Well, I guess I could relate. I'd been going through my life trying to prove myself because of something that wasn't my fault. But I didn't want to go into that with someone I'd just met. "But she doesn't seem to need to prove anything, from what I've seen."

"I've tried to tell her that before." He shrugged. There was something about his fallen face that there was more of a story to that than he was letting on. "I'll let you go now that you've got the jist of things here."

"I like the gun, by the way," I grinned, walking to the door that led somewhere new.

"One more thing!" he said before I left the armory. "EDI will get mad if you go into the wrong restroom."

"EDI?" I asked, tilting my head to the side, not taking heed of the humorous advice.

Realizing that I didn't have any context, Jacob started, "She's, uhh…"

A feminine voice, not quite automated and not quite natural, interrupted, "I am the enhanced defense intelligence for the Normandy. You may call me EDI."

I looked around for the source of the voice, but quickly realized that was coming from the room itself. "Which is…?" I kept suspiciously eyeing the room's walls.

Jacob cut back in, "Long story short, yes, she's an AI."

"That's unsettling on so many levels," I said, feeling quite uncomfortable all of a sudden, now realizing that I was probably being watched wherever I went.

The AI continued, "Do not be alarmed, Miss Williams. My job is to monitor the Normandy's functions and to protect it during combat from cyber-attacks. All other operations rely on the crew."

"Right," I deadpanned, turning back to the door. "I'll catch you later, Jacob." He bid me farewell and moved over to a wall of pistols. I was in a short hallway with one door to my right and the elevator to my left. I walked up to the door and pressed the button to get inside. The door's terminal flashed red, to my disappointment.

I jumped at the AI's quick explanation. "This door leads to the conference room," EDI said. I held my hand over my heart, feeling my momentarily sped up pulse, not expecting EDI to follow me into the next room. "The conference room doubles as a means to speak with the Illusive Man."

"Why can't I go in?" I didn't really care about a stupid conference room, but I was curious about the Illusive Man.

"Shepard is currently in a meeting with the Illusive Man." I felt a little ill at the idea. The door down the hall, as I noticed when I turned away from the conference room, was to the lab. I didn't feel like dealing with an overzealous salarian and suddenly felt my lack of sleep catch up to me.

"Miranda said that my quarters were on deck one," I said to the room, not sure if the AI was still listening.

Of course, it was. "Yes, that is correct, Miss Williams. Commander Shepard offered his quarters to accommodate you."

I playfully rolled my eyes, actually looking forward to it. "Of course he did," I said softly to myself. "Thanks… uhh… EDI."

"Anytime, Miss Williams." If it weren't for the actual sound of her voice, EDI wouldn't have given herself away as a computer by the way she talked. If anything, she was just professional. It still unnerved me.

I took the elevator up to deck one. The door opened into a small room, a large door in front of me, the faint sound of booming music emanating from it. I reached out to the door's terminal and it flashed green, displaying my name briefly, and then opened.

Civilian life was treating Shepard well, it seemed. I stepped into an office space with a large desk that looked into a glass display case holding several ship models. One of which being the Normandy SR1. I turned my attention to the desk. There was a half-empty cup of cold coffee sitting in between a stack of datapads and his terminal. I almost went to look through it until I spotted a picture frame on the far end of the desk.

It was of Shepard and me during shore leave long ago. We were sitting around, waiting to go to a press conference, when we'd gotten bored and started taking pictures. He had an arm wrapped around my middle, holding me close with his face next to mine. We were both grinning with nothing but hope in our eyes. It was a bittersweet reminder of what our circumstances once were.

I left the picture behind and moved down a set of steps, past a large and empty fish tank into his bedroom. It all felt a bit excessive, and not just the fish tank. Everything was beautiful and clean and polished, unlike the cramped and dark captain's quarters on the SR1. I wasn't sure if I could really bring myself to hate it, though. It had its charm. His bed was huge and he had a lounging area and even another desk. On the desk sat a damaged helmet. I recognized it in an instant.

It was Jethro's helmet from his old N7 Onyx armor. During ops, it was his face for me. I'd recognize him in his helmet a mile away. I went to pick it up. The helmet was severely damaged; parts were charred and the computer parts inside had shattered (I could hear them rattling around inside the helmet's inner workings). The visor was shattered, only a bit of it holding on. This helmet was the last I saw of him before he died.

Gently, I placed the helmet on the desk, careful to preserve it in its damaged state.

Again feeling sleepiness wash over me, I started to shed my armor, looking for a comfy spot to pass out. I think I ended up on the long sofa, or maybe I really did go for the bed. I was just happy to sleep.

So it wasn't a dream.

I rubbed my eyes and looked down to find that I at least kept my bra and underwear on. I heard the annoying chirp of my omni-tool on the nightstand. I sighed, grabbing a pillow to hide my face, despite the room's lighting not being as bright as I remembered. My omni-tool continued to chirp at me and I groaned at it, now realizing that everyone would be freaking out at recent events and the fact that I probably just disappeared, by the way I left things.

I didn't even tell Anderson what had happened with Vasir, let alone the fact that I was on a Cerberus ship. Well, actually, I hadn't spoken to him at all. I was going to get so much shit for this. But at the moment, I just needed to make sense of the weirdness of the whole thing.

"Sleep well?" I heard a lovely deep voice ask. I sat up to see Shepard sitting on the sofa with a datapad. He was in shorts and a grey hoodie. I smiled, fondly gazing at him. "Found you passed out on the couch. You were really out. Didn't even wake up when I moved you."

"I appreciate it," I said, still shamelessly gazing at him. I crawled out from under the sheets to the side of the bed and wearily stood up, not quite ready to face the day. "How long was I out?"

He thought for a moment, checking the time on his datapad. "Only six hours." I rubbed my bare arms, suddenly feeling cold. Shepard motioned towards the closet next to me. "Yeomen Chambers put your stuff in there. Your armor's to the left of it with mine." I went and found a pair of sweatpants and long-sleeve shirt.

I pulled the shirt on then put on my sweatpants. "And you didn't sleep after that adventure?" I asked when I was done dressing.

"'Course I did." I watched his eyes look me over, even though I was clothed now. He was trying to be subtle about it, but I knew what was going through his head. That was fine with me, though. "I slept on the couch. I just had to move you first."

"Such a gentleman," I said, leaning against the closet door across the room from him with my arms crossed. He unconvincingly looked back to his datapad, acting like he was trying to work. The small grin on his face gave him away.

I pushed away from the closet and padded across the room toward him. He watched me walk over to him.

"What did Anderson say about this?" he asked in his professionally concerned voice, putting the datapad aside. I sat down next to him, pulling my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs.

"Nothing," I said simply, feeling quite sullen. "He doesn't know anything about what happened. At least not from me." I sighed, looking up into the skylight, thinking about how much shit I might be in for staying with Shepard. "I don't know what's going to happen, though. You're not exactly the Alliance's pet anymore, but you're not on everyone's shit list quite yet."

"Good to know," he deadpanned. I looked to him. He was also looking up at the stars, frowning a little. I knew how much the Alliance meant to him and I could see the pain on his face from having to leave it behind on bad terms.

"But you'll be leaving Cerberus once this whole thing is over, right?" I pleaded. He looked me in the eyes, his face still glowing, with a conflicted frown. I placed a hand on his chest, but my eyes were mean and narrowed, wordlessly telling him what I wanted to hear.

"I was never with them, Ash," he insisted, placing a hand on my cheek. It felt like we'd been through this a hundred times or more. I didn't argue this time, but instead reciprocated his touch, pulling his face to mine.

Before our lips could touch I pushed him up against the back of the sofa, maneuvering myself around him to straddle his lap. He held me by my hips with his big hands and I cradled his cracked face. His grin was charming and devious, the cracks on his cheek moving up with his smile just a little. Only a faint remnant of red was left in his eyes. I loved them all the same.

I closed my eyes and our lips gently pressed together. His were rough and slightly chapped, just as I remembered them before. I moved my hands down to his shoulders, gathering his hoodie in between my fingers. Shepard relinquished his grasp on me to let me pull the hoodie over his head and I tossed it to the side. To my joy he wasn't wearing anything under it.

I ran my hands down the length of his scars. Some of them I remembered and some were no longer there. There were new ones, though. On his bare shoulder were glowing crisscrossed cracks, like the ones on his face. I gently pressed my lips to the cracks on his skin. His breath hitched a little at my touch. I smiled with my lips still to him, leaving a warm exhale roll over his skin.

I felt an arm reach under me, as I watched him push up from the sofa with his free hand, quickly standing up with me in his arms. With my legs wrapped around him, he left a string of kisses on my neck, remembering that I was ticklish there. I giggled at his touch, running a hand over his short hair. He effortlessly walked me to the empty fish tank, holding me against it. Our lips met once more, not gentle, but passionate and fiery mashing together.

As if on cue, we were interrupted. "Hey Commander," Joker said, sounding bored. We both made a frustrated groan, rolling our eyes. Shepard let me down to stand. "I've got a council rep on the horn. Said that Anderson needs to talk to you."

"I'll take it in my room, Joker," he said, concealing his annoyance. I held my head in my hands, mentally preparing for the verbal lashing that I was expecting. There was no lie I could tell that would ultimately get me out of this.

"What do we tell them?" I hissed to Shepard, who was getting a more professional looking shirt on. I sarcastically acted out, "Oh, hey Anderson! I helped Shepard and Liara piss off the Shadow Broker so I decided to tag along to go kill him. Oh, and I'm staying on a Cerberus ship in the meantime. Miss you bunches and I'll talk to you later."

Shepard laughed at me, not looking concerned. "Tell him that," he said simply. I scowled, not finding it funny at all. "You think you're doing the right thing, right?"

Without hesitation, I confidently said, "Yeah. Of course. I know what I'm doing."

"So don't worry about justifying it to the Council or even Anderson." He sat down at his desk and I stood to the side, just out of the camera's sights. He cleared his throat and I could hear him pick up the call. "Councilor Anderson," he greeted.

"Shepard!" Anderson sounded relieved, if not surprised, to be talking to him. "I'd like to know what the hell is going on. There's a mess up on Illium and a Spectre is dead. The reports coming in say that you were more than just involved." I tensed up a little when Shepard started to look a little uncomfortable. "And I wouldn't neglect to mention the fact that Liara T'Soni and Chief Williams are unaccounted for."

Shepard was quick to explain, "Williams and T'Soni are in my care." Anderson coughed a little in surprise. Before Anderson could demand an explanation, Shepard continued, "Vasir was working for the Shadow Broker and leaving either T'Soni or Williams behind would have been unsafe, since the Shadow Broker will want to retaliate."

"I need Williams back, Shepard," Anderson scolded. "You can't hide her forever."

"We're going to find the Shadow Broker and take care of that," Shepard vowed. "Where she goes after that her choice."

"Did you give _her _a choice when she was brought to your ship?" Anderson accusingly retorted. Shepard was hesitant to answer, only gaping a little and nervously glancing in my direction.

I stepped into view. "Yes. He did." I saw the image of Anderson eye me suspiciously. My heart ached a little at his new distrust in me. "I'm doing what you asked, Sir. Things just…" Shepard and I shared a weary glance. "…they took an unexpected turn."

"It's not like I can make you turn around and come back, Ashley," Anderson said. He sounded less angry, but more defeated and sad. "To have the both of you in the arms of Cerberus is unnerving to say in the least." I looked away from the screen, suddenly understanding that Anderson's disappointment in the whole thing. "Shepard, Williams," he began, drawing our utmost attention with his grave voice. "I want the both of you back in one piece."

We both said, "Yes, Sir." Anderson immediately ended the call and the screen went blank. The both of us just stared at it for a few quiet moments. I walked away from the terminal with my arms folded, looking down at the floor. Shepard stayed seated, staring at the blank screen. It went better than I thought it would, at least.

I ended the silence. "I want to say that ended well, but—"

"It left a bad taste in my mouth," Shepard said. I agreed. But Anderson had a point, leaving a path of destruction in our wake on Illium wasn't going to bode well. I was sure that could be taken care of if we found the Shadow Broker, though. Easier said than done.

I looked at the back of his head when I asked him, "How far out are we?"

He leaned back in his chair, his fingers interlaced behind his head. "Several hours, actually. We're just going to Sowilo, but we're taking a very non direct route. Lawson's afraid that we might be followed or ambushed." I grabbed him by the arm and spun him in his chair to look at me. He raised an eyebrow, a crooked smile on his face. "Did you have something in mind for the meantime?"

I took his hand, pulling him away from the chair. He briskly stood, putting an arm around me to hold me close. I kissed his jaw, working my way up to whisper in his ear, "You've been gone two years." I felt his hand move up my back, lightly caressing the back of my neck. "You've missed so much." I relished in the feeling that his fingers through my hair gave me—a shiver running down my spine. "Give me a few hours to get you caught up."

Without a word, we parted in our embrace and he led me to the bed, holding my hand. He sat down on the bed, patting the space next to him for me to sit.

I briefly licked my dry lips, suddenly feeling at a loss for words. Where could I start? I guess it seemed obvious. "We were sitting in the garage," I began; my voice feeling like it might break. I paused for a moment, watching as Shepard's brow furrowed. "Do you… remember? What happened?" He nodded, frowning. I put a hand on his cheek and he softly leaned into it, closing his eyes. "I can skip ahead, if you want."

"We were cleaning guns," he said quietly, staying in my hand. "Well, you were. I was staring for most of it." We shared a laugh and he sat up, holding my hand to his cheek. We gazed into each other's eyes, not with desire, but sadness. I was thinking of what could have been—what could have happened if this whole thing hadn't gone the way it did.

"I don't like thinking about the attack," I admitted before he could continue recalling what happened for me.

"Ash," he pleaded. "I remember you and the attack, but I'm almost just as unconvinced as you are about this." I let go of him, running my fingers through my hair, inhaling deeply and squeezing my eyes shut, trying to keep myself composed. "Tell me how I went. I need to know that we saw the same thing."

I made a loud exhale and cleared my throat. "You… you pushed me into an escape pod and sent me away." I felt myself begin to tremble, remembering how I kept hitting my fist against the sealed door of the escape pod, screaming for him to come back. "The next thing I know you were flying away from the ship…" My breathing was labored as tears started to roll down my face. "You were violently thrashing around in the vacuum of space." I grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing me to look him in the eyes. He was a dead man and it was so difficult to get past. "I saw the air escape your suit. You were grabbing at the damaged part of your suit, trying to contain the leak." He looked unsettled and afraid as I retold his death. "Then the escape pod moved and I never saw you again."

"I'm sorry," he whimpered.

"Don't be," I told him, meaning it, not trying to just make him feel better. "We looked for you. Relentlessly. If you hadn't come back, we'd still be looking for you." Shepard moved further on to the bed and I followed him. In an attempt to comfort me from my painful memories, he held me in his arms as we continued to talk. It was working. "I got sent home after handing in my statement and reciting it a million times."

"So you went planetside for a while?" he asked as he opted to lie down on his back.

"Yeah" I lay down next to him, placing a hand on his chest. His face softened at my touch. I liked seeing him at ease; it felt like a rare thing, oftentimes. "Back on Amaterasu with my mother."

"She's still there?" he asked.

"You know it." I smiled when he invited me to come closer.

"I'd love to meet her someday," he warmly said. I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "Go on."

We talked for eons, it seemed. I told him about Hannah's message, about trying to become a Spectre, and about Saracino trying to figure out where Shepard was by threatening me. He seemed happy to know that his mother was still jumping into fights, when I told him about how she, Liara, Garrus, and I ended up finding Cerberus on the dead parts of the Citadel. We talked about how we now knew that I found the first abducted colony, going on to fruitlessly investigate a dozen more.

He told me about going to Eden Prime after Cerberus said I'd been there recently. The term "recently" refers to a year and a half for Cerberus, apparently. I recalled to him how my mission unfolded, ending with me leaving a geth that was asking for Shepard nearly without a limb. I told him that I left the rosary on the rock after meeting Jack Harper. Shepard said that he didn't know of such a man, but he must have worked for Cerberus, saying that he'd seen other Cerberus operatives with glowing blue eyes.

"But they told you on purpose," I said. "I mean, they must have wanted you to go back to Eden Prime and get it."

"They might just be trying to get in my good graces," he shrugged. "It was a year and half ago that they got brain activity going again; same time you were there."

That was a little too convenient. "Coincidence?"

He sneered at the idea. "When it comes to Cerberus, I don't believe in those."

I was glad to hear that.

I told him about finding Tali during my N7 mission. The two of us were sad to realize that we'd barely missed each other and wondered aloud what would have been different if my ship had shown up in time.

We talked about Horizon; about how the Alliance leaked my location, making sure that Cerberus found out. I told him that the Alliance had boxed me in, blocking all communications with anyone suspected to be Cerberus or Shepard. He seemed to understand, while I was still a bit unsettled by being controlled like that.

But I continued on, recalling my time on Horizon. I told him about Jeremy and the invasion and how I managed to survive thanks to him.

"And there you were," I concluded. "Standing there like…" I exhaled in a pleasant sense of relief. "Well, I wouldn't want to say 'angel' but…"

He gently held my chin, turning my head to look at him. His smile was slight, but not lacking in fondness. "I'd thank that lieutenant a thousand times over for saving you if I could," he said. I gulped, a bittersweet smile on my lips, thinking of Jeremy. "Ash, finding you alive was heaven. Believe me." I bit my lip, blushing at his admission.

"Oh my god," I laughed, putting my hand on my forehead. "That is ridiculously corny." I sighed, closing my eyes, feeling him press his lips to my forehead. I let my thoughts flow right out of my mouth. "If Jeremy hadn't put me into that crate… If I hadn't gotten paralyzed…"

"Hey," he cooed, cradling my face. "Don't dwell on it."

"I'm not dwelling," I argued softly. "Just realizing a few things. I mean, if I didn't leave early that morning, Jeremy and I wouldn't have gone our separate ways." If I hadn't stopped myself that morning and if I hadn't cried out from that nightmare I might not have been alive to tell about it.

"Why'd you leave early that morning?" he asked. I pushed away from him, sitting up on the bed. He rolled to his side to look at me, a concerned look on this glowing face. He looked nothing like the monster in my dream.  
>"I…" I gulped, feeling silly for getting nervous about talking about a bad dream. We were both adults about this, after all. "I got woken up by my own nightmare." I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. "It was about you." I kept my eyes shut to not see his reaction. "You chased me around Horizon. You looked like you'd been patched together by some madman. I ran away when you said that Cerberus needed me. I kept running until I ran into that damn geth."<p>

"The one that said my name before you took its arm off," Shepard concluded.

"Yeah," I said hoarsely. "It's not the first of these dreams." I began to speak quickly, frantically cramming in every horrid detail. "That thing is everywhere in my dreams. I saw Kaidan and you, but that geth is still always there, asking for you by name." Shepard sat up, his brows furrowed in concern, a hand under his chin. The energy in my frightened voice moved to my hands as I started to throw them up in front of me, moving them along with my words. "Sometimes I'm on some world without a sun and the waters of Virmire and sometimes I get duped by my own dreams—everything is normal in a dream until that geth shows up." I thought of the damaged geth rearing its head to me, its laser charging up to melt my insides. "He kept telling me to look for you," I explained. "But I'd always wake up just after I'd hear this low growl and…"

"Hey," he said, putting a finger to my lips. I caught my breath, glad that he stopped me. "I'm here now. I won't be in any more of your nightmares."

"I'll hold you to it," I grinned. I leaned in towards him, planting a seductive kiss on his lips, done with talking. I let him grab me by the sides of my ribcage, feeling the tips of his fingers dig into my skin. The kiss he returned was rough and almost frantic. I ran my hands across his military-cut hair, feeling my way to his shirt once more. His hands closed with the fabric of my top captured. I lifted my arms into the air, letting him pull the hoodie off of me. The both of us had moved to stand on our knees, our chests against each other's. I put an arm around him, letting the tips of my fingers slide beneath the elastic waistband of his shorts. I muffled his longing sighs with kisses, turning my hand to hook the waistband on my finger, sliding it down. He moved his kisses from my mouth to my neck, tickling me in the most fantastic way. I gasped at his touch, somehow managing to pull hit shorts down to his knees.

Our sighs of pleasure immediately turned to annoyed groans. The communication terminal in his office blared out, "XO Lawson to Shepard." His kisses ceased and Miranda, unaware of how Shepard and I were trying to catch up with each other, continued her message. "We've arrived in the Sowilo system. ETA is two hours to Hagalaz."

I fell forward into his embrace, cursing out, "God fucking dammit!" We'd _really_ lost track of time. Shepard said nothing and clumsily tried to crawl off the bed with his shorts around his ankles, turning to roll his eyes at me when I laughed at him.

He walked to his desk, returning Miranda's message. "Tell Liara to meet me in the CIC in an hour." I walked up to him and he shut off the terminal. "We must be cursed," he joked to me, leaning back against the desk, rubbing a hand over his head.

"We've got an hour to try our luck," I teased back, caressing his arm. He snatched my hand, eyeing me with a toothy grin.

"And we'll have even more time after this," he flirtatiously countered. I smirked, my head down a bit, my eyes looking up to him, as I stepped away from him. "Come on, we've got work to do."

"I'll get go get my gear on," I said, walking off.

He chased after me. "I'll help."

I laughed, "Like hell you will!"

* * *

><p>The shuttle gracefully flew out from the Normandy's underbelly, down into Hagalaz's atmosphere. The planet was shrouded in half-darkness; one side extremely hot during the nearly 100 hour long day and the other side was frozen in nighttime. A violent storm was brewing where dawn met night.<p>

We sat in the shuttle, Shepard, Liara and I.

I sat next to Liara as she explained, "The oceans boil during the day then snap-freeze ten minutes after sundown." We looked out the window at the wild storm clouds and blue lightning within them. It was hard to imagine someone surviving for centuries in this.

"The Shadow Broker lives here?" Shepard asked, raising an eyebrow at the storm. I could feel our shuttle get tossed around by the violent storm.

"His ship follows the sunset. Completely undetectable in the storm," she said. A ship—well, it kind of looked like a mini space station—came into view. It was a long and narrow ship with a tall and wide shield on one end. It seemed colossal. The clouds it hid in were surreal. I could see where day met night—warm and golden clouds were being attacked by dark and monstrous storm clouds, laden with lightning.

Done with Hagalaz trivia, I asked, "How do we get inside?"

She looked to Shepard when she answered, "The shuttle bay is locked down. We'll need to land on the ship and hunt for a hatch." The shuttle was close enough to the ship to be a bit sheltered by the storm, so I could stand up and get a better look outside. Liara joined me, folding her arms and glared at the outside. "But we can't stay outside for long. There's a constant lightning storm where the hot and cold air collide."

"That's comforting," I snorted, rolling my eyes. Our shuttle neared the only LZ atop the ship that our pilot could find. Shepard stood up with us, ready to jump out. The wind screamed against the door as I put on my helmet. I braced myself against the wind as the shuttle doors opened. The air catching in the opened shuttle was making life difficult for our pilot. All three of us jumped out, onto the ship, and the shuttle let the wind carry it away from the colossal ship.

I readied my weapon, looking down the long hull of the ship. There was little space to actually walk between the solar panels that were perpetually moving. The wind was too loud for us to hear each other, so we had to use the comm. link.

While we walked down the hull, trying not to get blown away, Liara said, "It's hard to pick up in the lightning, but I'm picking up signals from a communications array near the back of the ship."

Every part of this ship seemed to move. The solar panels were lurching in the wind while trying to face the sun, and I could see what looked like propellers under the grating I stood on. In an effort to keep control of the ship, flaps would move up and down as needed. The walkway ended at a hatch that went into the ship, but Liara stopped us.

"There's nothing but maintenance equipment down here," she explained. "We have to find an entrance near the back shielding." I groaned, not wanting to stay in the storm, but we pushed forward, sliding down a flap that was dormant for the moment, onto a new makeshift walkway that went towards the back of the ship.

Navigating the hull of this ship was a nightmare. It was a mess of shapes; long slopes and sudden drops to go with the moving parts. The ship's inhabitants had caught wind of our presence, sending out the Shadow Broker's thugs to come get us. There were around fifteen of them and three of us. All of the doors that they'd come through were tucked away on parts of the hull that were below us, leaving us with the high ground.

They weren't difficult to overcome. We kept moving across the hull. I think that trying to stay on my own two feet against the storm's strength was much more difficult than whatever those mercenaries could throw at me.

Liara pointed to our right and cried out, "Maintenance drones!" Three holographic orange orbs flew out of a small opening in the hull and charged towards us.

"Why are they attacking us?" I asked while I fired at them.

"They must think we're debris from the storm!" she said, throwing them off the ship with black of biotic energy. Several more of them followed, but we easily shot them down and continued up a ramp onto a plateau. Up there were four rectangular beams situated at a slant, laden with electricity dancing around on their surfaces.

"Careful," Liara warned. "Those capacitors discharge built-up lightning." I saw several mercenaries who had spotted us, running down the ramp that went in between the capacitors.

Shepard replied, "Thanks for the tip," and started to fire at the capacitors. Electricity sprang from the capacitors, catching the mercenaries in between them. They dropped their weapons and writhed out in pain before falling to the ground. The capacitors went dark and we had no choice but to run through. On the other side, though, was an open door.

We charged inside, closing the door behind us. Inside it still felt windy, but it was an improvement. I let my guard down for a moment to admire the ship's inner workings. Hundreds of blades on either side of the walkway spun in tandem with the storm outside, electricity dancing between them. On the sides of the blades were panels storing gathered electricity. This was part of the engine and power source all at the same time.

Liara shared my awe. "This ship is incredible," she said. "It must have taken decades to build in secret."

Shepard joked, "Wonder what happened to the contractors."

I concluded, "I think we can guess."

"Navigating this storm is brutal," Liara said while we walked. "If the ship's engines stop for even a moment…" She paused, making all three of us feel uncomfortable at the implications. "Well, at least the Shadow Broker would go down with us."

"How about we make sure the engines are still running and find another way to take care of him?" I insisted. She nodded and we headed deeper into the ship. There weren't any more of the Shadow Broker's men following us, but that didn't put me at ease. The only things that went after us were more drones that popped out of their hiding places, convinced that something had flown into their home.

The deeper we went, the less I could hear the storm. It didn't take long at all before the howling wind was muted entirely. We were still walking down a maintenance corridor—the only corridor we could go down. No longer were we on a walkway with the blades and open space around us. This was a just a corridor that gave us no sense of direction and I was starting to get antsy in the small space.

Just around a corner, the hallway went on for maybe ten yards then turned again. Before the corner, though, was a new corridor that split off from the one we were headed down. We peeked down the new corridor. It was really more of a small room, with only a large door on the other side. It looked like it belonged to a ship's airlock; lights and holograms danced across it, a control panel nowhere to be seen. Liara walked up to it, tracing the seams between the plates of metal on the door, her fingers dancing over the holograms.

"This should be it," Liara said calmly, taking a little silver spherical device from her belt and mounted it to the door. "This is no ordinary door. The Shadow Broker spared no expense in his security measures. Luckily, nor did I with anti-security." Liara began to toggle the device she took out. "I obtained this door hacker for an occasion such as this."

"A souvenir from Omega?" I asked.

"Yes," she said, to my surprise. I was joking. I looked back down the hallway from where we came, then down the other way. The lights were a little dim and the celling was much lower compared to the room with the spinning blades. The corridor itself was maybe five feet wide. It was making me nervous.

"Nobody's here," I finally said. Shepard walked up next to me, looking down the corridor like I did. "I'm sure this guy's got more mercs on this ship."

Before Shepard could ease my worries, the sound of metal slamming against the ground echoed down the corridor. Startled, we all looked around, not finding the source of the noise. Footsteps, from around the corners of the corridor. It was a trap.

"Open that thing up!" I yelled to Liara while I took cover in the small room, peeking around the corner for anyone approaching. Shepard took the other side, his biotic corona a blazing blue. Liara kneeled down next to me, her gun drawn.

"I've got it working on that," she explained. "In the meantime…"

The mercs were fast approaching, and we dared not peek out heads out more. "Got a plan?" I shouted to Shepard.

"Got a grenade?" he asked.

"More than a few."

"Liara, follow my lead," he ordered, standing up with blue biotic energy building in his palms. "Ash, you know what to do." I nodded and stood up. Liara's corona built up as she watched Shepard jump out from cover, sending a shockwave down the corridor at the unsuspecting mercs. Just as Shepard jumped back, the mercs coming from the other end of the corridor opened fire. Liara sent a singularity down their way while I jumped out to toss a grenade into the pile of people that Shepard knocked over. Quickly, I pivoted to send one down the other way.

It seemed to take care of them. We all stepped back into cover, waiting for reinforcements. But instead of more mercs, the sickening sound of an alarm went off. It wasn't an intruder alarm. Warnings popped up along the walls, flashing red, telling us that the corridor was being decompressed. The door that Liara's device was working flashed red several times, then went dark. Liara, in a panicked frustration, slammed a fist against the dormant door.

Out of bleak hope that there might be another way out, I charged back down the corridor, leaping over the bodies of the mercs we'd just took out, finding the doors to be sealed shut entirely with a metal wall that was dropped down to seal us in. I ran back as the meters began to drop.

"They've locked us in!" I reported to Shepard and Liara. Shepard and I helplessly looked to our friend. The pressure was dropping, she had no suit to protect her, and we all had no way out.


End file.
